Come Undone
by gooseles
Summary: Claudia Mizanin is a wife desperately trying to hold onto her dream life. When it becomes a nightmare, the sanctuary of the WWE is all she has left. What do you hold onto when everything falls apart?
1. Reunited And It Feels So Bad

I checked the clock again. Only three minutes had passed from the last time I had looked at it but it literally felt like an eternity between the stolen glances. It was almost midnight and my husband's flight was supposed to land at nine. He was late…again. I was tempted to call his cell phone to see where he was, to see if his flight was delayed but I knew it was no use. Mike didn't like to be checked up on. It was a major annoyance for him and after all those years being together, I'd learned to pick and choose my battles.

This year will mark two milestones…Mike and I will both turn 30 years old and it will also be our fifth wedding anniversary. It feels like we've been together forever and in a way that's true. We grew up together in Parma, Ohio, a suburban city that surrounds Cleveland. Mike and I grew up two streets away from each other. All our lives we attended the same schools and our parents went to the same dinner parties and social events. It was a common story that happens every day in most middle class neighborhoods. Mike was popular and funny, good looking but a tad obnoxious at times. I'd had a crush on him ever since I could remember.

For years when he wasn't ignoring me, he was teasing me and treating me like a little sister. It took a while for me to grow into my boobs and hips and by the time we got to Normandy High School, he finally began to take notice. We both ran cross country and he was captain of the basketball team. One day we had an away meet and sat next to each other on the bus. That was the first time he kissed me and it was a kiss that sent little electric shocks from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.

We dated on and off all throughout high school. It was a classic tale of suburban puppy love. We were the couple everybody envied and Mike was the guy everyone wanted to know. In my grandmother's cookbooks I would scrawl his name in big block letters on every page. I loved him and knew I wanted to marry him ever since sophomore year. I naively thought we'd be together forever and when he took my virginity on the night of our senior prom, I realized I loved him more than ever.

The summer after high school we were closer than ever. Then August came and it was time to go our separate ways. He went off to Miami University and I moved to California to study film at UCLA. At first we e-mailed each other and talked on the phone every day until the conversations gradually dwindled away. We broke up and moved on and eventually I forgot about the time we shared together. My memory was jarred when three years later he appeared on the MTV reality series, The Real World. I admit I never missed an episode.

What the viewers saw was what they got. He was caring and funny, juvenile and cocky, a consummate party animal who often put his foot in his mouth and was sometimes misunderstood. At times I cheered for him while other times I wanted to throw my shoe at the television set. But reconnecting with him via the tube made me realize just how much I missed him. I secretly wondered if we would ever be in each other's lives again.

After the show, he relocated to L.A. to study acting. After I graduated college, I moved into a tiny studio apartment and waited tables while I developed a plan to become the next Sofia Coppola. One weekend it just so happened that both our mothers were in town visiting us. Still neighbors in Parma, they made plans to get together and Mike and I ended up reconnecting. We exchanged phone numbers and never stopped talking it seemed. That was in 2003. Within three months, we were back together. Six months after that, we were living together. He proposed the next year just around the time he was realizing his dream to become a wrestling Superstar.

He auditioned and made it on the fourth installment of Tough Enough and was later selected to train at developmental camps in Georgia and Kentucky. Despite the physical separation and the constant demands of his new career, we were married in 2005 in a small ceremony at the church our families attended in Parma. Our wedding night was spent at the Renaissance Hotel in Cleveland, the place where our folks threw us a wedding reception. There was no time for a honeymoon because Mike had a show two days later. The Miz had been born and thus began my life as the wife of a WWE wrestler.

It got better. Life was different though. The money started to pour in and for me it was nice planning our dinners around something else other than Hamburger Helper. We moved from a one bedroom apartment in Studio City to a condo near the valley. Just three months ago, we bought our dream house. 2700 square feet of four bedrooms and three and a half baths in the Hollywood Hills. It was a foreclosure that we got at the bargain price of two million dollars. Even as I say that now it kind of makes me choke on the words. That's a lot of money, especially for two small town kids from Ohio.

Mike is gone a lot. I miss him. We used to fight about it a lot until he finally caved and got me a job as a production assistant for the company. At first it was just something to shut me up and the powers that be shuffled me around to be on whatever brand the Miz was on at the time. Then they realized how good I was. I love my job and take pride in it. I studied production at one of the best schools in the country. After that, they put me on a schedule more conducive to the needs of the company than those of my husband. We still see each other pretty often. On the weeks we work the same brand we're together constantly but one of the PA's quit on Smackdown and for the last few months, I've been filling in. Our schedules are opposite and now we're lucky to see each other three days a week.

Being apart for so long still bugs me. I bitch about it and Mike just rolls his eyes. He tries to compensate with other things. Whenever I start complaining about anything he just buys me a present. At first it was a car, then this house, then he hooked me up with an interior decorator and gave me free reign to deck out the place anyway I want it with no expense spared. So here I am working my ass off at a job I love with a company I adore. I love my family and friends. I have a beautiful home complete with marble and granite countertops and fixtures, a Jacuzzi, French doors, vaulted ceilings and a balcony with a view to die for. I have everything I want except my husband.

Smackdown was in Seattle and after a few shows, I got home yesterday. Mike was supposed to be flying in from South Dakota of all places but he's not home yet. I checked the clock again. Now it's almost one. Sighing, I blew out the candles on the table. I had cooked him a romantic dinner. It was just pot roast but it's his mother's recipe and he loves it. I decked the place out and set the mood with soft instrumental music and dim lighting everywhere. I'm sitting in a chair wearing heels, an apron and nothing else. It's getting late and he's still not home yet.

I climbed in bed and closed my eyes. I heard his key turn in the lock some time later. He fumbles around downstairs before finally coming up to the master bedroom. He kicks off his shoes and begins stripping at the door, turning the light on as he leaves a trail of clothes behind him. I'm irritated but it all goes out the window when I see the way his tanned and toned abs line up with the waist band of his black Calvin Klein boxer briefs. God, my man is sexy and I want him. I love him.

I sit up and let the thin silk sheet fall from my naked body. Health and fitness are important to me so I make sure to take care of myself. I eat right and work out regularly and it shows. I'm proud of my figure and the fact that Mike thinks it's sexy. I keep waiting for him to notice me but he seems to be lost in his own world. As I see him head to the master bath and hook his fingers in the sides of his underwear, I clear my throat. A little attention, please.

"Hey babe, what are you doing up still?" he grins, coming over and placing a chaste peck on my forehead.

"Waiting for you," I explain. "You're late."

Mike just shrugged.

"The flight was delayed and the traffic around LAX was a mess but what else is new, right? Anyway, I ended up having a drink with John and Melina at their place. Guess we just lost track of time."

The explanation ends there and that's good enough for me.

"How was your flight?"

"Long. I'm exhausted. You?"

"Same old, same old. I actually have to fly out tomorrow night so I was hoping we could spend some quality time together. I miss you."

I give him a look, _that _look and our eyes lock. He saunters over to me and sits down on the bed. He looks down appreciatively, licking his lips as he stares at my nude form. My hands find his shoulders and begin kneading away at the tense tissue. He moans ever so slightly and leans back into me. I kiss his cheek, then his neck, and start working my way down. My excitement for him builds and my body aches for his touch. I'm disappointed when he pulls away.

"Babe, not now," he says.

The words every horny, sex deprived wife dreads hearing.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just tired. It's been a hectic day. I'm gonna shower and get some sleep."

"You sure all you need is sleep?" I seductively purr.

"Maybe later."

"Mike…" I pout.

He stands and his eyes narrow and I can tell his mood is about to change.

"Claudia, put some ice on it, for Christ's sake. Is sex all you think about?"

Unexpected words from Mike the Miz.

"Sorry, it's just that we haven't seen each other in a few days."

I feel sad and for a few seconds it registers on his face. He looks like he is going to hold me, comfort me just like he used to. But the expression quickly disappears and he moves on to the next thing.

"Guess what?"

I sigh.

"What?"

"You heard about them getting rid of ECW and replacing it with that reality show to find the next WWE Superstar?"

"Yeah. NXT."

"Yeah. Well, guess who's gonna be one of the pros on the first season? Me. Can you believe it?"

I force a small smile.

"That's great, honey. You must be so excited. Do you know who you're paired with?"

"Some douche bag named Brian Danielson but for the show they changed it to Daniel Bryan, I think. Who cares? He's in the big leagues now and it's time to pay the dues. As long as he listens and does what I say, he should have no problem."

"That's a good attitude," I sarcastically mutter.

Mike just ignores me.

"The good news is more face time for me. The bad news is, this poor clown has to basically shadow me around. That's gonna get old for me, not for him though," he winked.

"What does that mean for us?"

"What?"

"For us schedule wise. It just seems like you'll be gone even more now and we won't see each other as much."

"It'll be fine," he blows me off. "Did you see my match last night? It was awesome. I hit this Springboard Bulldog on Kofi and his head hit the mat like bam! Sweet!"

He loves wrestling and I love it too. I admire him for his passion and fully accept that this is a huge part of our life together. Sometimes I just wish he was more interested in other things.

"That's nice, babe, but like I was saying about the schedule. I heard that the pros will be required to make a lot of personal appearances down at the FCW shows. That means more time apart if you have to be in Tampa all the time. I…"

"So what, Claud?"

I see a flash of anger in his eyes.

"Mike…"

"No. I don't want to hear it right now. I don't want to hear you. All you do is complain, I swear nothing is ever good enough for you. It's not like I'm permanently relocating to Florida. You always make a huge, dramatic deal out of nothing. This is my job, no, my dream. You know how I feel about my career. You bitched so much I had to beg and grovel and get you a job with the company and that's still not enough. What more do you want?"

I feel hot tears sting my eyes. I've waited nearly a week to see this man again, to be in his arms. This is not the reunion I wanted or expected.

"Nothing. I'm sorry, Mike. It's stupid. I know you're tired. I, I shouldn't have said that."

"I'm getting in the shower," he stalks off.

And now I'm left all alone staring at the clock again. It's nearly two a.m. now. My bottom lip trembles and I don't even try to stop myself from crying. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.


	2. On The Road Again

Backstage at the Staples Center, the Smackdown crew and roster ran around, the usual hustle and bustle of everyone trying to get ready for a show. I put my black designer Dolce and Gabana glasses on and began directing traffic. Most people said those glasses made me look smart. Mike said they made me look sexy.

I glanced down at the production notes. It was my job to facilitate communication from management to the wrestlers to the crew. I wasn't above fetching a coffee or plunging a toilet when needed. I did any and everything asked of me. I liked keeping busy, feeling needed. Sitting at home twiddling my thumbs was not my cup of tea. I felt like I made a real difference in the WWE and that they, especially the Smackdown side, really appreciated my efforts. Considering what was in our joint bank account, I certainly didn't need the 1200 dollars a week that I was paid but it was nice to earn my own money, cash that I had busted my ass for.

"Yo, Claud, can I get the production notes from the meeting earlier? I had a question about my match."

I turned and say Jayson Paul, known to the WWE Universe as JTG, one half of the tag team Cryme Tyme.

"Sure thing, Jay. Let me know if you need anything else, babe."

I was a glorified gopher but I loved the excitement of it all. The wrestlers depended on me to take care of them and I depended on them to let me. I needed to feel useful in my life.

"Claudia, can I see you for a moment?"

I looked over and saw someone waving at me. I felt butterflies in my stomach. The man summoning me went by the name of Kevin Dunn, a revered long time producer for WWE programming. He was easygoing and soft spoken with a wonderful sense of humor but being that he was so high in the chain of command, I still got nervous in his presence.

"Kevin," I walked over and kissed his cheek. "How are you? It's so good to see you. I figured you were going to be in town."

With all the brands performing in Los Angeles, it was common knowledge that some of the corporate bigwigs would be in town.

"Just checking things out but I see everything is running smoothly, which is pretty much the case whenever you're around."

"Thank you," I blushed.

"Don't be so modest, kid. You're a valuable asset to this company."

"I appreciate it."

"You've done such a great job on Raw, Smackdown and ECW, which brings me to why I wanted to see you. I guess you've heard about the start of NXT."

"I have," I nodded. "I think it's an awesome concept. I hear the talent in FCW is very good, should be a tough competition."

"We're excited about it. This project is Vince's baby and he hand selected every pro and rookie. I'm sure Mike has told you the good news."

"He has. He's very happy and I'm happy for him."

"The WWE has no off season as you know and we're constantly testing the waters, trying new endeavors. It's trial and error behind the scenes but in front of the camera, in front of the fans, it's imperative that we're perfect all the time. We need our best crew members on that set."

"I agree."

"Good. That is why I want to offer you the job."

I frowned.

"What job? Kevin, what's going on?"

"We haven't hired a production coordinator for NXT. It's an important job and requires flexibility, knowledge of the company, a good attitude, and the ability to multi-task. It's a very big deal and we would be quite selective of who we'd hire but the more I thought about it, the more I couldn't see anyone doing this but you."

"Me?"

"Longer hours, more work but an increase in salary and the chance to spend more time with your husband. I hate to put the pressure on you but I need your answer as soon as possible. If you decline the position, Claudia, we'll have start looking for another hire immediately."

It was unexpected but I never once thought about saying no. It was a super opportunity and I was flattered to even be considered.

"Yes," I grinned. "Um, yes. Wow. This is…this is absolutely amazing. I'd be honored to accept your offer and I promise I won't let you down."

He patted me on the shoulder.

"I know you won't. Meet me at 11 tomorrow morning here at the back office reserved for the executives. We'll talk more then."

"You got it," I said as he walked away.

My heart was still fluttering as I tried to get back to finishing up the final preparations for the Smackdown event.

"What was that all about?" a male voice asked as I felt a slap on my behind.

"Mike, is that you?" I teased.

"Damn well better be," he pulled me into a hug and a kiss.

I liked it when he was in a good mood.

"Kevin wanted to talk to me. We have a meeting tomorrow morning."

"Everything alright?"

My eyes danced around.

"I'd say so. I just got a promotion."

"A promotion? Seriously? Man, Claud, that's great!" he lifted me up and twirled me around. "Didn't see that one coming, did you?"

"Actually no but who's complaining? I'm thrilled."

"Then we'll have to celebrate later. How about I take you out? Any restaurant you want. Sound okay?"

"Baby, that sounds fabulous. Thank you."

"So what are you going to be doing?"

"I am going to be with you," I smiled.

"Come again?"

"You're looking at the new production coordinator for NXT."

I waited for him to share in my joy but I watched as the smile disappeared and his face fell.

"What did you just say?"

"I said…"

"No, Claudia, I heard you, I just can't believe what I heard. I don't believe this shit."

He was starting to look angry.

"What's wrong?" I questioned.

"What's wrong? Are you kidding me? Everything is wrong. You start your whining and crying because I get the pro deal on NXT, now next thing I know you're following me around like a stray mutt. What's your problem?"

"Mike, it's not like that. I didn't ask, I swear. I had no idea. I mean, I'm just as shocked as you are. Kevin offered me the job out of the blue. What was I supposed to say, no?"

"Yes. That's exactly what you were supposed to say. One word, two letters. No. See how easy that is?"

"Come on. You know good and well it's not a good look in this industry to say no to your boss."

"Who cares?" he got louder. "God, Claud, you act like this is your life career or something. It's not. It's just a stupid job that I hooked you up with, hoping it would get you off my case. It's not even that important."

"It's important to me. Excuse me for thinking that my husband would be happy for me"

"You know what? I'm not having this conversation with you. This is pointless."

"What do you want me to do, tell Kevin tomorrow that I changed my mind? That I quit the WWE altogether?"

"I don't give a rat's ass what you do. Besides, when did my opinion start counting with you anyway?"

I opened my mouth to speak, to defend myself but it was of no use. He was pissed and had already stormed off leaving me red faced and upset in front of my co-workers. I thought he would be happy for me. I thought he would be proud that Corporate thought I was doing such a great job. More than anything I thought he would be excited that we'd get to spend more time together. But he was only annoyed which left me to think that more time together was the last thing he wanted.

I was determined not to cry, not at work. Mike loved me. He was just stressed. And he was just being Mike. It was no secret that he could be a little self-absorbed at times. But it would all blow over. We'd talk and make up and make love and get over it. Eventually he would come around and things would work themselves out and NXT would be positive thing for our marriage. Surely, I could convince him of that. I just had to convince myself first.


	3. I'll Be There

I walked into the house with the grocery bags lined clear up my arms. I winced as I dropped them off in the kitchen one by one letting the clear plastic slide down leaving their marks on my wrists. Despite my job with one of the most well known and respected companies in the world, I loved being domestic. Despite missing Mike terribly when he was gone, I liked doing the little things. I enjoyed making a home for us, decorating our place, cooking meals and cleaning up. I had managed to become good friends with Samantha Orton, wife of the Legend Killer. She too had given up a full time job after settling down with Randy. Nicknamed Suzy Homemaker, her enthusiasm for being a good wife and making a comfortable life for her and her husband was contagious.

We hadn't hung out as much since the birth of their baby daughter, Alanna Marie, but we talked all the time and I had continued to admire my friend. A baby. Another tiny, defenseless little human being conceived from the undying love of two parents. It seemed like a dream, one that immediately set my biological clock ticking. But Mike would hear none of it. At first he made jokes dripping with sarcasms and the dramatic roll of his eyes. Soon it started to get worse. He became angry and paranoid, convinced that I had stopped taking my birth control pills and was trying to "trap" him. For a while he had stopped having sex with me altogether. Eventually we had made up but that had squashed any more talk about starting a family in the near future.

Mike wasn't always like that. He wasn't always so up uptight and so hot tempered. He used to be a lot nicer to me, too. He used to be kind and attentive and really interested in what I was doing. I couldn't even remember when he had changed or why. It was like one day we woke up and I was married to someone else. It could be hurtful at times but I adored him too much to do anything about it. He wasn't the greatest husband in the world but he was my husband just the same and I was in love. Hopefully one day things would change and we'd be the way we used to be.

I opened the fridge and began putting away the various items. Rice milk, organic fruits and veggies, tofu, and cottage cheese. As I discarded the bags into the recycling bin, a noise coming from the back patio startled me. I had parked in the drive in lieu of the garage so I hadn't noticed Mike's car. I peeked outside and saw him sitting on the hammock in the backyard, staring absently into space.

"Babe, I thought you'd still be at the gym," I said. "How was your workout?"

He didn't answer me and when I got a closer look at his face, I noticed that it was all red and puffy. Large bags loomed under his eyes and his nose was still running. It wasn't a sight you saw every day. Mike Mizanin was crying.

"I didn't make it," he said quietly.

My heart pounded.

"Why not?"

"My dad called."

"Is everything okay? What's going on, Mike?" I asked nervously. "You're starting to freak me out."

"It's Liam McManus."

"Liam? What about him?"

Liam was a good friend to both of us and we'd all hung around together in high school. We'd lost touch afterwards but he had answered the invite to our wedding. It had been a fun time dancing at the reception. We'd all had a blast and had the pictures to prove it.

"He's dead," Mike said flatly without even bothering to look at me.

The words recoiled me like a physical strike. I couldn't believe it. We were outside but suddenly there was no air. I couldn't breathe or even see. I felt nauseated, like the awful, unreal scene was happening to someone else. Liam couldn't be dead. He was our age. He was our friend.

"No," I began to whimper over and over again.

"It's true, Claud."

"What happened?"

"It was a motorcycle accident. Some drunk bastard in a jeep ran him off the road on a highway in Cincinnati."

"Oh my God…"

I collapsed next to him, plopping down onto the hammock. We were both in a state of shock, a moment of disbelief.

"I couldn't believe it at first. It still doesn't seem real," his voice trailed off.

It had been a long time since I had seen Mike so emotional, so affected.

"When is the funeral?"

"In two days but it won't matter. We'll both be in Alabama."

"I'm sorry, honey," I stroked the back of his neck.

Mike put his head in his hands.

"It's funny. Remember how close we all were growing up? You have relationships with people and it's like they're the most important figures in your life. Then you grow up and move on and kind of do your own thing. The people who mattered the most suddenly become strangers, like ships passing by in the night. It just sucks, Claud. I hadn't really talked to him since the wedding and before that we didn't keep in touch a lot but I never stopped being his friend, you know? He was my boy. We had some good times together. And I feel bad. I feel bad that he's gone, I feel bad that I didn't make time to hang out with him. I feel bad because there was so much I wanted to say to him and now I'll never get that chance."

"I know how you feel, baby," I pulled him close, trying to offer him comfort even though I was on the verge of falling apart myself.

"I know it sounds stupid because we weren't that close anymore but I'll miss him forever," his voice began to crack.

"No, no, Mike. That doesn't sound stupid at all. He was our friend and we loved him."

"It really puts life into perspective. Life is so short. You never know what's gonna happen, you never know if there is even gonna be a tomorrow. It makes me really sad. I'm not the best guy in the world but I've tried to do right by people. I've tried to be a good person. When I'm gone I want people to think and say good things about me just like they're going to about Liam."

"Shhh. You are a good person and you're not going anywhere, not for a very long time."

"I'm not a very good husband."

"Mike…"

"I mean it and you know it's true. Don't try to make me feel better, Claudia. I treat you like crap sometimes, even though I don't mean to."

"It's okay…"

"No, it's not okay."

"You're too hard on yourself sometimes," I wiped away his tears with my thumb. "You are who you are. I don't just accept that, I love that. I love you. We have great lives but it's not without stress. That's just the nature of the beast. I get that, babe. I know that you love me. As your wife it is my job to be there for you and take care of you. I'm here and I'll always be here."

Tears streamed down his face and it touched me. He was so vulnerable and it was a side many people didn't get to see. It reminded me of why I loved him. In that instant he was so sweet, so genuine.

"I…I, I don't deserve you," he began to sob.

"Don't say that," I placed my head on his shoulder.

"I've been a bad friend and a bad husband and I don't want to be that bad guy anymore. I want to change, Claud. I want to be the man you deserve. I love you. I love you so much and I know I don't tell you that enough and I'm sorry."

His lips crashed against mine and they lingered there as I tasted the salt from his tears. I rubbed the back of his head to calm him down.

"I love you, too."

"You're a good wife," he whispered.

I managed a weak smile.

"You're not so bad yourself."

He took my hand in his and caressed it as I went to stand up.

"Don't leave me alone, Claud."

"I'll be right back, hon. I was just going to start lunch but…"

"Don't worry about that. Please. Just stay with me. Stay right here. I want to hold you. Don't leave me alone," he practically begged. "I can't be alone right now."

"Okay, okay," I kissed his forehead, sitting back down.

He pulled me towards his lips again. The kiss was gentle then grew more passionate. He held the back of my head and pushed his tongue past my obliging parted lips. He didn't have to speak but his eyes beseeched me to make love to him. I shuddered as his hands unbuttoned my shirt and oh so gingerly eased the material from my shoulders. He kissed and caressed my body, removing the rest of my clothing with a sense of want and urgency I hadn't seen or felt in a long time. We fell back onto the hammock and gave in to each other, letting ourselves go to a place where we both felt so loved, trusted and comfortable. He needed me. My husband needed me and there was no greater feeling.


	4. Getting To Know You

I arrived in Milwaukee several hours later than planned. The date was Tuesday, the 23rd of February 2010. The big day had finally arrived. Vince McMahon had called it the next evolution and it was do or die. WWE's NXT was about to debut. Mike had been in town for two days already but I had taken a cab straight to the arena before even dropping my bags off in our hotel room. There was a lot to do and I wanted to make sure the premiere episode went off without a hitch.

As soon as I stepped in the door, I was given pages of production notes. The first order of business was the talent themselves. My most important task would be overseeing them. I was in charge of making sure they were prepared for their matches, making sure they had everything they needed. Mike had joked that it was glorified babysitting but I honestly didn't have a problem with it. The wrestlers really liked me and I was good at my job. I looked forward to something new.

I looked down at my notes. The first rookie was David Otunga. I smiled as I looked at his photograph. I already knew him from the I Love New York reality show where he had appeared as the sexy and intelligent, super sensitive hottie, Punk. Fast forward a few years and one engagement and baby with the award winning Jennifer Hudson, he had focused his attention on sports entertainment. He was a Harvard educated lawyer who had signed a developmental deal with the WWE in late 2008. The word was that the real life nice and humble guy had decent in-ring skills, only surpassed by his charismatic personality that groomed him to be the perfect heel the fans would love to hate. The second rookie was Stuart Bennett, a professional wrestler originally from England who had been assigned the alias of Wade Barrett. A lot of buzz had preceded the man with the towering physique from his arrest of assaulting a police officer in Tampa, to his magnificent mic skills and physical abilities.

The third rookie on my list was Ryan Reeves aka Skip Sheffield. His resume was long and impressive, including a host of Indy federations where he had dominated the competition. I had heard his name before as he had competed with Mike in Tough Enough 4. An all around seasoned athlete, he'd had a promising career in professional baseball until a foot injury sidelined those dreams. The fourth name I saw was Tyrone Evans or Michael Tarver. A fellow Ohio native, he had begun his career in 2005 with the Pro Wrestling Xpress before eventually signing with the WWE and spending time in the various developmental territories before winding up at FCW.

The fifth rookie was Heath Miller or Heath Slater as his name had been changed. Billed from West Virginia, the dynamic young man who called himself the One Man Rock Band had been trained by Curtis Hughes at the WWA4 Pro Wrestling School in Atlanta. He was well known for being a good natured prankster and getting over with the fans. Rookie number six was Fred Rosser a good looking guy with a head of hair that had its own zip code. A lifelong wrestling fan, he debuted in 2002 after performing in several backyard wrestling promotions. The fans would come to know him as Darren Young.

The next rookie was the young man who would be paired with my husband. Bryan Danielson, whose name had indeed been flipped around to Daniel Bryan, was the most promising competitor on the list. He was a living Indy legend with a host of devoted followers. Wrestling professionally since 1999, the sensitive and studious vegan was a favorite already to take the whole prize. The last rookie on my list was Paul Lloyd Jr. who would be known to the WWE Universe as Justin Gabriel. A former fitness model, the man from South Africa was the son of a famous promoter. An all around nice guy who loved to smile, the former FCW champion was known for his heart and determination.

After reading the papers over and over again, I made my way further into the empty arena where a small group had already convened in the ring. Standing tall inside were the WWE pros. Matt Hardy, Ron "R Truth" Killings, Chris "Jericho" Irvine, Jason "Christian" Reso, Phil "CM Punk" Brooks, Carlos "Carlito" Colon, Darren "Lord William Regal" Matthews and of course my Mike "The Miz" Mizanin. Sitting in the front row seats were the eight rookies I had just read about. Slipping quietly into the front row in the opposite section, I listened in quietly.

The show was being done a little differently. The Tough Enough installments followed everyone out of character as they trained. Cameras followed them 24/7, particularly inside the mansion where they had been put up in order to catch every ounce of drama. NXT had a different angle. There would be no behind the scenes footage. The pros would choose the winners but the dialogue was scripted and the outcome of the matches, of course pre-determined. They were being called rookies but all of the men were seasoned performers with an extensive list of experience. The pros were supposed to be in wrestling character at all times in front of the camera but as he continued with his tongue lashing, I cringed noting there was not one camera in sight.

"You guys are rookies. You're nothing, basically a bunch of nobodies. You've been given the opportunity of a lifetime yet you've done absolutely nothing to earn it. But nothing comes for free, boys. You pay your dues in this business. You're in the big leagues now and I guarantee you won't come into my house without a fight. Right now, I, we have no respect for any of you. You don't like it? I don't care. You want your respect? Well, come and get it."

He dramatically threw the mic onto the ring canvas and it landed with a loud thud. I had been looking forward to working with Mike especially after our bonding session following the death of our friend, Liam. I thought he had wanted to change but his behavior with the rookies greatly concerned me. I knew it wouldn't be an easy three months if he was going to act like that. It was one thing to play a character in front of the fans but quite another to be downright rude and condescending for no reason at all.

I stared at the men seated to my left and kept looking at my folder that contained all their pictures. I hadn't had the chance to go over any of their wrestling tapes. All I could do was read the notes and look at their faces, trying to learn as much as possible about the people I would be spending so much time with over the next 14 weeks. I studied them without being too obvious. Sometimes you found out the most information by lingering around unnoticed, quietly in the background.

As I sat in my seat scribbling on a pad, I felt a pair of eyes on me. I raised my head turning in the direction of the stare. His look was intense but friendly; apparently he was just as curious about me as I was about him. Our eyes met and he gave me a smile. It was so warm and genuine that I couldn't help but smile back. When he didn't break the gaze I felt my face flush so I looked away. Justin Gabriel or rather Paul Lloyd it was. He couldn't stop staring and neither could I.

"Alright guys, you're dismissed. Meet your pros at the designated location in one hour. The show is tonight and it's live and we want it to look good," Matt instructed in his trademark southern drawl. "Oh and before you go, guys, if you could, look over to your right at the beautiful young lady sitting so quietly in the front row. Her name is Claudia Mizanin and during your time here, as long or short as it may be, she will be your right hand. She is the production coordinator for NXT and I have had the pleasure of working with her many times before and she is absolutely terrific. So please introduce yourselves, get acquainted and let's get ready to rock and roll."

Just as I waved, Mike grabbed the mic again.

"Notice that last name is Mizanin, which is my last name as well, which makes Claudia my wife. So make sure you're respectful and if you give her any problems, then you and I have will have problems."

I wanted to melt into my seat. Was that really necessary?

"She puts up with this goofball so you know she must be one hell of a woman," Ron made one last joked that lightened the mood and put small smiles on the faces of everyone except Mike.

I stood as the rookies made their way over to me. They each politely introduced themselves and we shook hands. Paul was the last person. His smile was even more intriguing up close. He shook my hand and I swear I felt sparks all over.

"Nice to meet you, Paul," I nodded.

"PJ," he responded in his delicate accent. "That's what all my friends call me."

"PJ, it is then."

"Okay, okay. Enough with the formalities. We've got work to do, guys. Chop, chop," Mike joined us, clapping his hands.

The rookies scattered leaving my husband and me alone. He shot me a shit eating grin and I could tell he was quite pleased by his own little production. I nestled my head into the crook of his shoulder. It was going to be an interesting few months.


	5. My Husband's Keeper

I entered Catering and slid into the booth, cell phone plastered to my ear. As usual, I had a million and one things going on. I was running back and forth sending faxes between Kevin Dunn and the NXT's assistant director, there was a wardrobe malfunction with Otunga's jacket and I was on hold with the airline trying to reschedule Phil's flight. Scraping a salad onto my plate and sweetening my tea with Splenda, I continued my multi-tasking. As negotiations lingered on the phone with Delta, I hadn't noticed that I had dropped my sunglasses by the entrance to the door.

"…Thank you very much for your help, ma'am," I politely said. "I'll forward that itinerary to Mr. Brooks."

I hung up the phone and breathed a sigh of relief. Now that the plane issue was squared away, I might have some time to actually scarf down a meal.

"Excuse me, Claudia, right?"

I turned around. Standing above me was PJ Lloyd. His voice was unmistakable, soft but masculine and distinct by the accent. I looked up at him. It was the first time I had gotten a real good uninterrupted look at him. He was tall and tan, his six foot one inch 218 pound frame tucked perfectly into a pair of jeans and a sleeveless tee-shirt. His dark hair had been covered by a hat turned backwards and his hazel eyes flecked with green, were warm and inviting.

"Yes. Um, hi," I wiped my mouth. "PJ."

"Good to see you again. I was just coming in to get some grub and I saw that you dropped these."

He handed me a pair of sunglasses, shades that had cost me three hundred big ones.

"Oh my goodness. I'm such a moron. I didn't even hear them fall. Thanks so much for returning them."

"No worries," he smiled.

It seemed like he was always smiling. He had a nice smile, I noticed as he stood there holding a sandwich and a carton of milk.

"Please," I extended my hand. "Have a seat."

It was the polite thing to do.

"Thank you," he said, unwrapping his food. "I appreciate you letting me join you. It's an honor."

"Honor?" I raised an eyebrow. "Thanks but I don't know about all that."

"I hear such good things about you. Seriously. Everyone says that you keep the backstage running."

"I try to help things operate as smoothly as possible," I said as I ate a mouthful of salad. "It's my job."

"Well, it's a big one. All this is very new and very exciting. It's nice to know that we have someone to go to for help."

"That's what I'm here for. I mean that. I'm always running around like a chicken with my head cut off but I'm never too busy to help out. Please let me know if you, if any of you need anything. Don't hesitate to ask."

"It's much appreciated but I promise not to be too much of a bother. I'm just so excited to be here. The WWE has been my dream ever since I can remember."

"You're from South Africa, right?"

"Born in Johannesburg and basically moved around all over but I'll always be a Cape Town boy at heart."

"I've never traveled there but I hear it's really beautiful."

"It is. I miss it."

"Do you have family here?"

"Sadly no but I have some good friends and I have my work. For now that's enough for me. I miss my family back home but I like to surround myself with positive people."

"That's a great attitude. I read that your father trained you."

"He did," PJ's eyes lit up. "He was a wrestler and he later got into promoting. That's where I got my start really. There was a law in my country that you couldn't turn pro until you're 18 so I had to wait for a while. I ended up wrestling all over Europe and South Africa."

"Wow. Pretty impressive. Your father must be so proud. Do you talk to him often?"

A sad look washed over his face.

"He passed away when I was 18…"

"Oh. Oh my God, I, I'm so sorry, PJ. Please forgive me for bringing that up. I had no idea.

"It's alright. He was a great man, a great mentor and friend. I miss him terribly but I hope I make him proud every day."

"I'm sure you do," I responded softly.

"Anyway, I'm just happy to be here, happy to have been given a shot in FCW and now with NXT. It's a fantastic opportunity."

"It is. I know you'll do great. Matt Hardy is so awesome. I'm serious. He's like one of my favorite people in the whole world. You're very lucky to train under him. He can teach you a lot."

"And I'm eager to learn from Matt, your husband, all the WWE pros."

I smiled.

"My husband isn't quite…shall I say, as diplomatic as Matt or some of the other guys. Please forgive him. I promise his bark is way worse than his bite. He's a good guy."

"He's a good wrestler. I don't get intimidated very easily. I'm very passionate and ambitious about what I do but respectful at the same time."

"Then you'll do just fine here," I said as I finished up my lunch. "Thanks for sitting down with me. I know we'll all be spending lots of time together these next few months and I really look forward to getting to know all of you."

I stood and shook his head, smiling warmly. As I discarded my trash, I found myself face to face with Chris. He looked down and smirked at me. He could be a little cocky sometimes, often imitating his heel Jericho persona. He had been around for years, even taking an extended break from WWE for a while before returning to much fanfare. For the most part, we hadn't worked closely together but I'd never had an issue with him before.

"Claudia," he acknowledged.

"Hi Chris."

He stared at me for a few uncomfortable seconds.

"So," he finally began. "Mike in town yet?"

"On his way. He had an autograph signing in Florida. He said he'd call before he boarded the plane. Is everything okay? Do you need to speak with him?"

"Nope," he arrogantly chewed his gum. "I'm good."

"Okay then. Well, I guess I'll see you around."

"You were looking pretty chummy over there," he called out as I started to walk away.

"Excuse me?" I stopped.

Chris motioned over to the table where PJ was still eating his food.

"I see that you found a new friend."

I didn't like his tone or where the conversation was headed.

"We had lunch together. I'm gonna be working pretty closely with all the rookies. May as well get to know them."

"That's one way of looking at it but I'd be careful if I were you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"You're not here to be their friend. None of us are. For the wrestlers it's pros and rookies, teachers and students. There's a fine line with that professional relationship. That same line applies to you."

I cleared my throat.

"Well, I appreciate that little lesson in professionalism but I'm pretty sure I can handle it. I know my job, Chris and I'm good at it. There's a time and a place for everything. In addition to production duties, I wear the hat of maid, mom, babysitter, chauffer, secretary, chef, and security guard. I know how to handle myself and I know how to handle my wrestlers. I can manage to do all that without being a jerk."

Which was more than I could say for him, I thought as he stood there looking as haughty as ever.

"Didn't mean to touch a nerve, Claudia. Sorry if I offended you. I was just trying to look out for a fellow wrestler's wife."

"What are you now, my husband's keeper? I'm not a child and I don't need to be looked after. Besides, I work for this company, too. There's more to me than just being Mike's wife."

"I'm sure," he glared over at PJ. "You have a good day now."

I couldn't believe him but I refused to let him rattle my cage. Some of the guys acted like complete Neanderthals sometimes. WWE wives were like property, revered and put on pedestals like trophies but I saw right past all the hoopla. I surely didn't need Chris dictating how I did my job.

"Hey Claud, Michael Cole needs to see you about the show," a PA yelled in my direction.

I dismissed my brief but uncomfortable interaction with Chris with the roll of my eyes. There was no need to dwell on nonsense. I would unfortunately have to deal with Chris later. He could be an asshole sometimes but dealing with assholes came with the territory.

"Claud, they're paging you on the overhead!" someone called out. "There's a problem in Wardrobe."

"Coming," I sighed.

Duty called and the production coordinator's job was never done.


	6. Opposites Attract

Tampa in March was a welcome change from the unrelenting cold weather encountered during winter travel. As the cab dropped me off in front of Whiskey Joe's, I paid my fare and left a generous tip before heading towards the bar. A crowd had gathered around the busy establishment and I hoped that I would even be able to get in.

"Keep standing here like a wallflower and they'll never let you through the pearly gates."

I looked up and smiled. I'd know that voice anywhere. It was the voice of my good friend, the one who had invited me out for the night. It was Liz Cena, wife of John, one of WWE's most popular champions. Through her infrequent travels with her husband, we had met, talked a few times and somehow managed to become fast friends even though we were polar opposites. She was boisterous and loud, the life of the party and she could out drink most dudes we knew. I on the other hand was more reserved and shy, quiet and polite, way too conscious of what others thought of me. Somehow we balanced each other out. I was a bridesmaid at her wedding and we often talked, much to Mike's dismay. He didn't like Liz and really didn't care for John all that much either though I dared to say a hint of jealousy may have been involved.

But I didn't care. I catered to my husband. His wishes, wants and needs became my own. Most of my friends were _our _friends. Frankly I didn't give a rat's ass if he didn't like me hanging around Liz. She had a reputation of being a bit of a hard partying wild child but there was way more to her than that. She was smart and funny and a hell of a good time. Her heart was made of pure gold. More importantly we related as only few women could on the trials and tribulations of being married to a professional wrestler.

"Girl, you made it," I squealed with delight, hugging her. "I was beginning to think that you stood me up."

"Not a chance. I hear the beer here is to die for and you know I never turn down a good beer. Besides, I missed you, kiddo. It's been way too long."

It had.

"Well, I'm glad you showed. I really wanted to check this place out but from the looks of it, we might not be able to get in."

Liz surveyed the growing crowd.

"Of course we'll get in," she shrugged. "We're practically famous."

I wrinkled my nose.

"We are?"

Since when did this happen? 

"Okay we're famous by relation or default…sort of. Our husbands are, doesn't that count?"

"Yeah but they're not here so what do we do?"

I watched as that devilish twinkle sparked in Liz's eye. She was the most outgoing and sometimes outrageous person I'd ever met. Her harebrained schemes both frightened and intrigued me.

"Follow my lead," she commanded.

"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" I questioned under my breath.

Liz grabbed my hand and confidently marched right past the line of people waiting to get into the bar. I had to admit we both looked hot. As she pushed her way to the bouncer, she flashed a killer smile, as we scooted to the door. Our IDs were checked and we were ushered in as my heart pounded.

"See? Now how easy was that? Like taking candy from a baby."

"You are insane," I shook my head. "Do you know what we just did? We just marched our happy asses past all those people who've been waiting for hours? I'm surprised they didn't kill us. Do you know how utterly embarrassing that would have been if we had gotten busted, if they had sent us to the back of the line?"

"But we didn't and they didn't and you know why? Because we're two sexy bitches and we walked right into this bar like we owned it, like we're VIP. That's the key, Claud. You have to have the confidence. Those people let us cut in front of them because they thought we were important. Who cares if we're not? We owned it and we believed it so we made them believe it. It worked."

She had a point and we both burst out laughing. Stunts like that were the reason why I loved her. Liz brought excitement to my life that I was seriously lacking. She dragged me to the bar, stating the first couple rounds were on. It was a struggle to keep up with the former bartender so I was careful to pace myself. The last time I tried to match her bottle for bottle I'd ended up on a date with the toilet after puking all over Mike's shoes. He had not been happy with me.

"I'm so glad to see you," I yelled at her over the noise. "I forget how much fun we have when we're together."

"You're a working girl now. You know you could quit your job and move to Tampa and shop and party with me all day and night."

"Tempting," I grinned, "but I'll have to pass. I love my work and besides, Mike would kill me,"

Liz rolled her eyes at the very mention of his name.

"And how is the douche bag?"

"Don't start. Liz, that douche bag is my husband."

"Unfortunately for you. The douche bag that talks to you and treats you like crap, the same douche bag that takes you for granted. Claud, don't get me on my soapbox. I love you to death but I can't stand him. Sorry."

The two were like oil and vinegar…they just didn't mix.

"He's not so bad. We're working on things. I think both of us doing NXT is really going to make our marriage stronger."

"How is that going anyway?"

"I love it. It's an awesome gig. Did you catch the first show?"

Liz nodded.

"John is way into it. It looks interesting. How are the guys? You are babysitting, right? Making sure they stay away from the groupie marks' beds, make sure they catch their planes, eat their veggies and get to the shows on time?"

"In so many words," I smiled. "But they're a good group of guys, all eight of them. Talented too."

"Any crushes?" she took a swig of beer.

My eyes widened.

"Um, yeah, I can think of one…The Miz!"

"Unlucky you," she made a face.

"Dude, you hate him but I love him. He is my husband."

"I know you poor thing but you work in a really cool job where you happen to be surrounded by dozens and dozens of hot men every day. Now I am a very happily married woman but just because I have to eat at home doesn't mean I can't look on the restaurant menu", she raised her eyebrows. "Now that Daniel Bryan is really cute."

I blushed.

"He's alright."

"Oh come on. Claud, you're such a nun, such a goody two shoes sometimes. Everyone knows that you love the hell out of Mike although we're still trying to figure out why. You'd never cheat or leave but that doesn't mean you can't admire and appreciate the male form. Let's say you were single…"

"Then I wouldn't be hitting on the talent. I work there and it's a conflict of interest. Besides, haven't you heard the term about not shitting where you eat? Not making honey where you make money?"

"You are so impossible to corrupt but I swear I'll never stop trying," she laughed out loud. "Gosh! Okay, you're single and not professionally affiliated with the WWE but somehow you still have access to the wrestlers, the NXT guys. Who do you think is hot? I'll go first. It's something about that Darren Young guy. I mean it. It must be the hair. He looks like he'd tie you to a bed and just ravish you or something."

"You are so weird," I shook my head.

"And you love me. Now it's your turn."

"I don't know. They're all good looking, I guess. They're really nice. Bryan is cute but um, PJ…PJ is really nice. He's the first guy I actually spent time with and he's just really cool."

"PJ?"

"Paul Lloyd, Jr. Justin Gabriel."

"Oh. The dark haired guy? Oh hell yeah. Girl, he is fine. And that accent?"

I humored her, blowing it off. PJ was a former model for crying out loud. It wasn't exactly breaking news that he was a good looking guy. But he was really nice. Besides none of it mattered. We worked together and I was a married woman.

"Can we stop gossiping about crazy hypothetical situations that make no sense and get down to some real catching up? I am dying to hear about you and John's new house and I cannot wait to tell you about mine."

Liz's eyes lit up and I was just relieved to change the subject. Like a lot of my friends, she voiced her opinion about the way Mike sometimes treated me. While I understood their points of view, they had no idea what went on in our marriage. He wasn't all bad, besides that was our business. It didn't matter how many gorgeous guys I was surrounded with or how cool their accents were. I was already deeply in love and had pledged lifelong vows to honor and remain faithful to Michael Mizanin. We were truly partners, a team. I loved him and as far as I was concerned, it was just a minor rough patch in our relationship. Things would get better. They had to.


	7. A Day In The Life

I loved being at the beach. Though I didn't venture much into the ocean water, I loved to lounge on the sand, good book in hand and be at one with nature. Enjoying our stops in Florida, I was in heaven, not to mention all the girl time I was spending with Liz. That first night I had stayed with her and John at their new home but as soon as Mike had arrived in town, he had insisted we stay at a hotel. For the sake of argument, I caved in and was relieved as we became too busy with work to focus on anything else.

It was noon and I had a few hours to myself finally. All the NXT guys were tagged to appear at an FCW show and a staff meeting had been called earlier that morning. Afterwards some crew members had suggested an impromptu romp at the beach to blow off some steam. It sounded like a good idea and we had the time so the majority of everyone agreed to go. Back at the hotel, Mike had planned to come with me but after accepting a mysterious phone call in private, he had suddenly changed plans making up some excuse about meeting me later.

I stretched out on my towel and rolled over. The sun was beaming and I realized I had dozed off after a while. I didn't bother checking for the time. Mike still hadn't shown up and I wasn't about to hold my breath. Instead I just tried to enjoy the peace and quiet but a nasty burn on my shoulder was becoming more than an annoyance. Sighing, I sat up and untied the straps of my bikini top. I pulled out my bottle of sunblock but it was knocked out of my hand as I caught the glimpse of what appeared to be a red Frisbee flying straight at my head. I let out a little scream and ducked, missing the impact by a matter of mere seconds and inches.

"You okay there?"

I sat up, hearing PJ's accent before I saw him. He gingerly helped me to a sitting position. I was stunned but okay.

"I, I'm fine, I think," I said, just relieved that my head hadn't been taken off. "Never knew a Frisbee packed that much power."

"Sorry about that," PJ apologized. "Kind of makes a difference when Ryan is throwing it."

Ryan aka Skip Sheffield's hands were larger than most. I imagined the former standout baseball player could pack quite the punch.

"Well, thanks for looking out but I'm okay."

I looked down and for the first time noticed that my top was halfway hanging off of me. My face turned red as I struggled to cover up.

"Um, you missed a little spot right there…"

PJ awkwardly pointed to a glob of lotion on my shoulder. I struggled to rub it in but couldn't reach. His hand trembled a bit against my skin as he quickly helped me out.

"Thanks," I said, clearing my throat.

"You're welcome."

We exchanged shy smiles as Liz approached, beach bag in hand.

"Hey hussy, how's it going?" she hugged me, interrupting the moment PJ and I had just shared.

Secretly I was grateful. He was a nice guy but I wasn't in the habit of letting strange men rub sunblock on me.

"Liz, hi," I said as I stood. "Liz, this is PJ Lloyd, one of the NXT competitors. PJ, this is my friend, Liz Cena."

He shook her hand.

"Any relation to the champ?" he inquired.

"I'm his better half," she winked.

"Well, it's an honor. I'm a real fan."

"I'll be sure to pass that along. He loves the show, never misses it."

"PJ, get your ass over here!" David Otunga beckoned, as the guys playing Frisbee stood around waiting for their game to resume.

"I have to go. Liz, nice meeting you. Claudia, I'll see you soon."

With a polite nod, he was gone, running back to be with his friends. I settled back on my towel and tried to ignore her probing stare.

"What?" I finally asked.

She smirked, putting on a pair of sunglasses.

"Nothing. It's absolutely normal for me to walk up to the beach and see one of my best friends being groped by an exotic hottie."

I couldn't help but laugh.

"I would hardly call it groping. And I am a married woman, need I not remind you for the billionth time."

"Oh," she muttered. "Mike. I forgot about him and PJ would be a total upgrade by the way."

"Liz…"

"Speaking of, where is the motor mouth?"

"Busy. He says he's coming later."

I tried to sound casual like I didn't mind and like I wasn't wondering where he was. It was no secret how Liz felt about Mike and as much as I loved her, a lecture was the last thing I needed or wanted.

"You having a good time?" she let it go.

"Yeah. Relaxing, looking forward to the show tonight. It was the highest rated program on SyFy last week."

"That's awesome. Congratulations."

"It's all because of those guys," I motioned towards the rising Superstars who were frolicking at the water's edge. "They're amazing."

"And total eye candy," she laughed.

"So you say. Anyway, how's John?"

"Good. At the gym now but what else is new? He flies out tomorrow."

"I don't know how you do it. Before I started working it used to be so hard saying good bye to Mike all the time. Seeing each other only two days out of the week really sucked. I missed him so much."

Liz's face became serious for a moment. I knew how much she loved John. They had been off and on for years and years and at times she had described just how tumultuous the relationship had been. Liz was definitely her own woman, the one who marched to the beat of her own drum but she was a good girl at heart and she loved her man. Despite what people said about her, she kept her head held high.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I miss him of course but it makes it that much better the short time he is home. We really cherish that time, spend it together. I'm used to it by now. It's like that's how our life is and that's how it's supposed to be. It just works for us."

"I'm glad."

"And you and Mike are good?"

I looked away.

"We're fine."

"Claud…"

She could see right through me.

"We're okay, at least I think we are. He's been really stressed lately and he gets a little snippy sometimes but it's okay. This is a really stressful business and we both have so much on our plates. Things aren't perfect all the time but I deal with it. My life is pretty good, I can't really complain."

"You're incredible, you know that?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you're a saint. You have to be to put up with that guy. I know you're married to him but I don't have to like him."

"He's not that bad."

"Actually he is and I love the way you keep making excuses for him. Personally, I think he could be a lot nicer to you. You certainly deserve it. It's just hard to see how much you put into this marriage. Nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors with a husband and a wife but I just hope he loves you as much as you love him. I know it's none of my business and I give him a hard time but I just want you to be okay."

"I appreciate it and he is a good guy, Liz. Just like you and John, we've been together a long time. I knew him before he was The Miz, before the Real World. I know Michael the person. Sometimes I feel like we've lost our way a bit but no marriage is perfect. Relationships require commitment and effort. I think we just need to reconnect, spend some more time together."

"I hope it all works out," Liz said sincerely as she laid back onto her towel.

My phone buzzed alerting me that I had an incoming text message. I checked and it was from Mike. _Tied up with work stuff. Won't make the beach. Will catch up with you before the show. _I tried to hide my disappointment. After all, what was a few hours out of one day? I grabbed my book and took a deep breath, relaxing and determined to enjoy my day. We had the rest of our lives to spend together.


	8. Love Interrupted

The tragic and untimely passing of Liam McManus had affected my life in a way I never could have imagined. It put so much into perspective and for the first time in a long time, I saw a slight change in Mike. Out of catastrophic misfortune, something beautiful had been reborn. I had my husband back, the old Mike. The man who was sweet and funny and who loved to have fun was back with me and I was filled with joy. For fleeting sporadic moments we were the happy young couple we used to be and life had started to make sense again.

The live NXT shows always filmed on Tuesdays. True to his Miz character, Mike had hammed it up to the fans as the cocky douche bag they loved to hate but when the cameras had stopped rolling he had been calm and sweet. He was an in unusually good mood this night and even the rookies noticed the more than subtle change in his demeanor but they weren't complaining, especially Bryan Danielson. After the show, I proudly watched from a distance as Mike said something actually encouraging to the eight rising stars. Afterwards, we joined Jay Reso and his wife, Denise for dinner and drinks at a local steakhouse.

I liked Jay a lot. A wrestling veteran, he was experienced and had worked in many independent federations as well as WWE and TNA. He had a lot to offer his rookie Heath as well as the other FCW competitors. He was quiet but had a wonderful sense of humor, very caring with the way he interacted with others. His wife, Denise, was a jewel. Originally from Germany, they had met in England at a WWE event and had been together ever since. Both were excitedly awaiting the celebration of their ninth wedding anniversary this year.

WWE wives had a unique kinship. Our lives were wonderful, exciting and sometimes lavish. In addition to being married to our husbands, we were also married to their business. Wrestling was a huge part of our lives, the biggest part. Honor, dedication, sacrifice and commitment. My relationship with Denise, Samantha Orton, Kristen DiBiase and of course Liz kept me sane. We all understood each other in a way no one else did or could.

The girls and I often confided into each other about our relationships. It was not lost on my friends that Mike and I had been going through a rocky patch. Truth be told, none of them cared for him very much. Samantha was way too sweet, reserved and respectful to bash him while the bold and sassy Liz could barely hold her tongue at the other end of the spectrum. In between were Kristen and Denise. Denise was always there to listen and help in any way she could without passing judgment. In the ladies room of the restaurant I had gleefully told of her the recent changes in Mike. He was spending more time with me and keeping his temper more in control. He still had his Miz moments but I felt like he was trying to make a real effort. All night at the table she had shot me knowing glances. For one night, all was right with the world as we sat in the corner booth. Often times I would swell with envy as I watched the way Jay and Denise looked at each other, the subtle arm touches and warm smiles. The scene was different this time and I couldn't have been more thrilled. The entire night Mike sat closed to me, one arm draped around my shoulder. Ever so often his fingertips would rub the soft flesh of my shoulders. When I spoke he listened and more than a few times I saw him staring lovingly at me as if I was the most fascinating being on earth.

We settled our tab and drove back to the Renaissance Mobile Riverview Plaza Hotel. The radio hummed a soft rock tune as Mike gently caressed my hand in his. We were quiet and content as we made our way up to the spacious room on the 27th floor with the picturesque view that overlooked the waterfront. I stood on the balcony letting my hair blow in the breeze. I closed my eyes as I felt a familiar pair of strong arms snake around my waist.

"Did I tell you how great you looked tonight?" he whispered.

I couldn't help but grin. I loved it when he was noticed the time and effort I put into my appearance and I loved it even more when he was full of compliments. I was addicted to his attention.

"Only about a hundred times but 101 won't hurt," I sank back into him.

He swept my hair to the side and nuzzled my neck. I purred, instantly turning around to capture his sweet lips in a kiss. I could see raw desire in his eyes as if he wanted to devour me right then and there. His hands tore at my clothes as he pulled me inside and we barely made it to bed. I loved how much he wanted me but part of me wished he would just slow it down and take his time. I wasn't going anywhere.

Once in bed, his animalistic passion took over and we were engulfed in a tangled mass of sweaty arms, legs, and sheets. I panted out loud as he thrust into me, growling into my ear how much he wanted me and how good I felt. Trying to keep up with his rhythm, my nails raked at the tender skin of his back. My body was an inferno, my lower half a pool of unbridled pleasure meant only for him. The little shocks began to build and I could feel my body slowly but surely pushing its way to climax. Eyes rolled back in my head, mouth slightly ajar, I gripped the covers preparing myself for the ultimate release. I was almost there, almost at the brink of ecstasy when I heard it. He gave one last powerful plunge and then a loud groan. His arms tremored and then he was still. I lie there motionless and quiet. I loved having sex with my husband and sometimes it seemed like our lovemaking sessions were far and few between. I felt a pang of guilt as a wave of disappointment washed over me. He had finished and I hadn't.

Mike often said that one of the things that bothered him about me was that I seemed to complain a lot. I didn't mean to but I know it really irritated him. At least he was having sex with me, at least I drove him wild enough to push him over the edge. I should have just been grateful for the moment instead of whining about my lack of an orgasm. So I didn't breathe a word as he scrambled to regain composure. He rolled off of me, resting his head, damp from sweat, on my chest. I stroked the back of his neck and he looked up at me so I forced a smile.

"You were awesome," he grinned.

I looked right in his eyes.

"I love you, Mike."

"You too, babe," he said as he pulled the thin sheet over our bodies.

"Hold me," I said in a soft voice as he willingly complied.

He stared at me and we spoke a thousand words without ever opening our mouths. I felt so happy, so loved and so complete at that moment. It was our moment, our night, our time. I felt like our union was once again invincible for the first time in a long time. My eyes fluttered and just seconds away from giving into slumber, the mood was disturbed when I heard his cell phone ring.

"Dammitt," he muttered.

"Just let it ring," I begged.

He did but the caller was apparently very persistent. The phone stopped ringing only to begin buzzing again just seconds later. Shaking his head, he reached for it and frowned as he stared at the screen.

"Yeah?"

Mike rolled over on his back and I nestled into the crook of his arm. I half listened to his side of the conversation until he hung up and gently eased me out of his embrace.

"What's wrong?" I murmured.

He didn't answer at first but my curiosity was peaked as he got out of bed and slipped on a pair of jeans.

"I'll be right back, Claud," he finally offered an explanation.

It was late, well after midnight.

"Where are you going? Who was that?"

"Nikki."

I barely heard him.

"Garcia? You mean one of the Bella twins?"

Mike rolled his eyes.

"No. Nikki the Doublemint twin," he muttered sarcastically. "Of course Nikki Garcia the Bella twin."

They were the gorgeous Mexican Italian twins who were former models. As two of the most popular WWE Divas, they had been paired in various storylines, including one with the Miz. For a time, Mike had traveled with both women frequently and they all had remained friends. I knew them both from my work backstage. We had never talked a lot or spent much time together but they had always been nice to me and nothing negative had ever come out of our interactions.

"What did she want?" I tried to sound casual as I ran my fingers through my hair.

"She's pretty upset. Looks like Brie banged up her knee pretty bad in that match at the house show last night against Maryse."

"Oh no," I said.

I felt bad. Injuries were common and troublesome. They had sidelined even the toughest wrestlers both male and female for up to a year of out of their career.

"She won't be able to compete next week but the doctor is going to take a look at it tomorrow."

"I hope it's okay," I said.

"Me too. She's pretty freaked out and Nikki can't calm her down. I'm just gonna go check on her."

"Why?"

The question escaped my throat before my brain could process it.

"What do you mean, why? She's my friend and she's hurt."

"I know and I feel horrible for her, it's just that it's super late, baby and we were spending time together. I don't see why you have to go check on her now. I mean, what good is that gonna do?"

"She's scared and she's upset, Claud."

"I know but…"

I was just trying to ask a question, make him see where I was coming from. But in one second, in the blink of an eye, everything changed. It was as if someone waved a magic wand and instantly my Mike, my beloved knight in shining armor was once again someone else.

"Jesus, what is your deal? I can't believe you're getting upset because a friend needs me."

"Mike…"

"That is so selfish."

"I'm not…"

"Yes, you are. I don't get you. We've spending time together and I thought everything was cool now here you go again with the whining and complaining and freaking out. What gives, Claudia?"

He was so angry that he refused to see my point of view and for a moment he made me feel stupid for even questioning him. That was one of his best qualities, the ability to totally turn a situation around on someone else. There was no point in arguing with him and I couldn't allow myself to think why a mere phone call from a female co-worker would be cause enough for him to leave our bed.

"What time are you coming back?" I swallowed hard.

"Soon."

And then the door slammed behind him. Once again I was all alone and within seconds the loneliness became a physical, tangible, suffocating presence that sucked up all the air inside the room and left me with nothing more than an empty feeling. It hurt. Mike was gone and not just from the room. I knew that. Those fleeting days were over and my husband had disappeared. In his place was the cold, distant, sarcastic, and sullen stranger I had been living with for the past few years. The Miz had returned full time with a vengeance.


	9. Everybody Has A Story

Tuesday March 9, 2010 marked the third consecutive episode of NXT. The show's popularity had continued to grow and the fans were continuing to get familiar with the eight fierce FCW contenders. Always monitoring the live action in the ring, I had kept a close eye on the wrestlers watching the feedback backstage. It had been a rainy Seattle evening as the matches began. Mike and Bryan had a spot where the Miz berated Daniel Bryan for losing two matches. He had gone on and on about how he hadn't proven anything. The Miz was a real jerk and sometimes I couldn't help but draw the parallels between my real life husband and his alter ego.

The confrontation had led to a matchup which pitted R-Truth and David Otunga against The Miz and Daniel Bryan. After the latter team lost, Miz of course had launched into a tirade. When the spot was finally over, the fans were treated to an in-depth look into the life and career of Justin Gabriel. I sucked in a breath. As the production coordinator, I'd had multiple opportunities to review the video footage. I'd even sat in on some of the editing. But I never got tired of watching it. I felt in my heart that the first South African WWE wrestler was one to watch and win or lose, he was someone who would be around for a long time.

For the second time in a row, the character Justin Gabriel headlined the NXT main event. His opponent was Wade Barrett. I was fixated on the match. PJ was quick on his feet and landed upright after a beautiful hip toss. The match was interesting but the finale was nothing short of mesmerizing. With breathtaking agility and seeming ease, he floated off the top rope hitting a gorgeous 450 splash for the win.

"He's amazing," I had muttered, not even realizing I was talking out loud.

"He's alright," Mike had huffed.

After the cameras stopped rolling and the last fan had exited the arena, I walked around backstage looking for the rookies to talk about an upcoming photo shoot. I found them all dressed in street clothes talking amongst themselves by the front of the ring.

I didn't mean to eavesdrop but it was interesting watching them when they didn't know they were being watched. Their journey in FCW had bonded them and in real life the eight men, though fierce rivals and competitors, were bonded by friendship and a life changing experience of realizing their life dream together. Though I was spending more and more time with them, I still felt like they were guarded. I was a WWE employee and a woman and those two facts alone were more than enough to keep them on pins and needles. I felt like they were doing whatever they thought would show the most respect or impress me the most. Also it was never lost that I was the wife of The Miz. That was all fine and well but most of all, I wanted them to just be themselves.

"Did you see that chick all over me last night? Man, I got like 10 numbers, no shit. I might have to change my name from the One Man Rock Band to the Pussy Magnet," Heath joked.

They all laughed until Fred caught glimpse of me and quickly nudged the others. They cleared their throats and looked away.

"Shut up, man. There's a lady in the room. Have some respect."

Heath's face turned as red as his hair.

"Sorry, Claudia. I, I didn't know you were standing there. That was really rude. I'm sorry. I…"

"It's okay. Don't apologize. Please. We're all adults, right? Besides, my life is spent surrounded by wrestlers and their potty mouths. I've heard a lot worse, trust me. Sometimes it even wears off," I smiled.

"I guess this is still kind of new to us," Fred shrugged. "We still don't know how to act in front of you."

"Just be yourselves. Treat me like one of the guys."

"No offense but Mike would kill us," Bryan laughed.

I rolled my eyes.

"Let me handle Mike," I assured them. "Anyway. I'm glad you're all here. I wanted to go over some stuff. We have a pretty packed schedule coming up in the next few days. needs some promotional pics for the site so I need to book the most convenient possible time for a photo shoot. We're looking at anywhere from three to four hours so I took the liberty of setting it up tomorrow. I apologize for the short notice but with everything going on, that looks like the most feasible opportunity. It might cut into your gym time but this is mandatory."

"Sure. No problem," they all agreed in murmured unison.

I grinned.

"Wow. No complaints, no excuses and no lip. Makes my job a whole lot easier. I almost don't know what to say right now."

"You're the bosslady," David chimed in. "We see you break your back to help us. We appreciate it. The least we could do is be cooperative."

"Thank you, David. I appreciate that. I appreciate all of you. Your patience is wonderful and please forgive me for testing it one more time because there was a slight problem with the hotel tonight," I forewarned them, making a face. "It happens sometimes but unfortunately we're double bunked tonight. There was no way around it so pick a roommate and I promise single rooms next stop."

"Is that all?" Tyrone asked. "Shoot. I thought you were gonna tell us something awful. Yeah, I'd rather be in a room by myself than with one of these clowns but this is the WWE, the chance of a lifetime. I'd sleep outside if you told me to."

I chuckled.

"No sleeping outside, I promise, boys. Wouldn't do you like that."

"I've wrestled in every Indy federation you can think of," Bryan added. "I have slept in roach motels, in campers, outside of civic centers, you name it. I think I speak for everyone here. You do a hell of a job for all of us, for everyone. Whatever we can do to lighten that load, please let us know."

"Thank you," I nodded. "I mean, I've heard the Indy horror stories but my firsthand experience going through it with Mike wasn't that bad. I mean, we did sacrifice. There was no honeymoon and there were a lot of lonely nights throughout our relationship and there were times where money was a little tight but I know we, he, didn't have it nearly as bad as a lot of the other guys. I'm very grateful."

"We know we have to earn everything we get," Ryan stated. "That first day your husband made a point and I worked with the guy on Tough Enough 4 so I'm not offended. Yeah, we've busted our asses doing independents for years but basically winning a contract doesn't get a lot of respect in the locker room. We have a lot to prove and we all know that. We've got to go get our respect, just like he said. Some of us had tougher lives than others but bottom line, we're all hungry and we all want it."

"He's right," David agreed. "I'm gonna get a lot of flack for the whole New York show and even for being engaged to Jen. There's talk everywhere about how I'm riding her coattails and all that nonsense. It's not true and it sucks but you deal with it. The haters make me only want to prove myself more and I know that's the only way I'm gonna make it in this business. I take all the presumptions and the negativity and turn it into a positive. I want to be the cockiest, most annoying, stuck up heel the fans have seen since Mr. Perfect."

"I want this," Tyrone added. "I've got kids to feed and that's what drives me. I had to go through a lot of bullshit to get where I am. It was rough not having money, not being able to take care of my family, not having food sometimes. I slept in my car for six straight months. I look at this and see failure is not an option. This right here is gonna change my life. I can't go back."

He shook his head for emphasis and it touched me. I couldn't even identify with him because I had never been homeless before but it made me respect him that much more. All these men had an important story to tell.

"I don't know what to say," I swallowed hard. "Everybody has a story, I guess. When you have to give up so much to get something you want, when you do get it, it makes it that much sweeter. I just want to say you eight are really making your mark. As you know, NXT as a show is getting really high ratings and the fans are loving it, which is the most important thing. I think you're all doing a phenomenal job and I'm proud to work alongside you and do anything I can to help."

"Thank you," Stu spoke in his distinguished English accent. "We were actually headed over to the local watering hole. First jar is on me, if you'd like to join us."

I looked around. Mike had already ditched me for a night out with the boys and I wasn't tired. What was the harm in a beer with the rookies?

"Sure, I guess. Um, I have a few more things to wrap up so I'll meet you guys at the back exit in 15?" I asked.

They nodded and I smiled. I looked over at PJ who had been quiet throughout the whole exchange. His eyes met mine and he smiled with them and instantly I looked away. I knew it was going to be a fun night.


	10. Mizery Loves Company

I met the guys as promised at the rear entrance and from there, we piled into the waiting cabs. I had a PA ship our belongings to the hotel and noticed there were three taxis to share. Ryan, Stu, and Bryan hopped in the lead off car while Heath, David, and Tyrone jumped in the second cab, which left Fred, PJ, and me in the third vehicle. My intention had been to sit in the front but Fred had walked ahead and while chirping away on his cell, had slid in beside the driver. As we got in, the typical Seattle weather had started to drizzle a bit. The March chill made me shudder and PJ removed his jacket, politely holding it over my head to keep me from getting wet. I thanked him for that as he opened the car door to let me in. We sat side by side in silence as my mouth was all of a sudden watering for a cold one.

Garage Billiards was filled with patrons as we made our way through the front. Instantly we set up shop by the pool tables and as promised, Stu ordered a round of beers for everyone. I put the icy mug to my lips and frowned at the first bit of the bitter taste but the proceeding swallows started to go down a little easier. I began to relax as the pitchers of beer flowed freely and a waitress brought out several large trays of wings. It felt good laughing and joking. Though we'd just met, I felt like I was among friends.

I surveyed the scene. Heath and Fred certainly were the ladies' men of the group. With the sexy red head's flashy smile and Fred's charm and intriguing spiked afro, the women flocked liked moths to flames. Bryan and David chatted and ate while Stu, Ryan, and Tyrone concentrated heavily on an intense pool game.

"Would you like to play?"

The voice from behind startled me and I jumped a little bit.

"PJ," I laughed nervously. "You scared the shit out of me."

"Didn't mean to," he held two pool sticks. "Was just wondering if you wanted to play a game with me."

I licked my lips.

"No. I mean, it's not that I don't want to it's just that I don't know how to," I said, embarrassed. "I, I've never played pool before."

He grinned as he chalked up one of the cues.

"How long have you been an American?" he joked.

"What?" I asked, confused before catching on to the fact that he was ribbing me. "I guess the opportunity never came up. My friends played a lot in college but they played in pairs and for money. Who wants the chick that's never played before on their team? And Mike never bothered to teach me so…"

"Well, we can play now," he suggested. "I'll teach you."

"I, I don't know."

"Come on," he began setting up to break the pool balls. "It'll be fun."

I took another huge gulp of beer and walked up to him.

"Okay. I get the basic concept. Someone breaks and whatever ball goes in will determine if that player has solids or stripes. I know you hit with the white ball and can't sink the eight ball to the end, right?"

He leaned down and broke the racked balls perfectly. A solid purple ball went straight into a corner.

"Those are the basics in a nutshell. Everything else, I'll explain as we go along."

He took shot after shot sinking each of the balls with agile expertise. I kept chugging the beer. PJ was very precise, very skilled and I suddenly remembered that I didn't even know how to hold the cue. I silently prayed that he would nail every shot before I got a chance to even play but my negotiations with God were interrupted as he handed me my cue. I was up.

"Let me warn you, I'm probably gonna suck," I bit my lip.

I looked at what I thought was an easy shot and went for it. My move was completely miscalculated and I missed the white ball completely.

"That wasn't too bad."

"Liar," I laughed.

"Want some help?"

I shrugged. May as well, I thought, as he walked over to me. My heart pounded and I did the only thing I could think of…pour another glass of beer. PJ's walk oozed a subtle confidence that couldn't be ignored and all of a sudden I found myself nervous.

"You're gripping the cue too tightly. Let your fingers relax a bit and hold the cue straight. Hold it closer towards the end and lean down to get eye level, that way your line of sight is much clearer."

I nodded, trying to pay attention. I was getting a little tipsy and couldn't help but think that instructions sounded much more interesting in an accent laced voice.

"I think I got it. Can I go again?"

He nodded and I did what he had told me to.

"You need to position your hips a little more to the left," he coached.

I clumsily moved my body to the right and blushed as he chuckled at me.

"You mean my other left?" I joked.

"That would be the one," he approached me from behind. "Do you mind? I don't mean to be so touchy feely, I'm just gonna guide you a little bit."

I didn't answer as he put a large but gentle hand on my back to direct my body to where it needed to be. He quietly put his arms on both sides of my frame and guided my grip with his own, teaching me what it felt like to correctly shoot. His breath was warm and minty and for a few seconds I felt oddly tense and ridiculous but it soon subsided. There was no reason to feel that way. PJ had a way of putting people at ease. He was a nice guy. Within minutes we were laughing and talking like old friends. He was as patient as the game was as slow and painful but I gradually got better.

"You know, this isn't so bad. It's actually kind of fun," I commented. "I wonder why I never played before. I'm ashamed to admit it but we actually have a pool table at our house back in LA."

"You're a natural," he encouraged. "This game is about skill. Practice makes perfect. You keep up this lesson at home and I'm sure next time you'll give me a run for my money."

We leaned against the table and he opened a bottle of water.

"You don't drink?"

He shook his head.

"Nah. It never caught on."

"Me either," I said as he looked down at my umpteenth refill and we both started laughing out loud. "Okay, I know what this looks like but trust me, it's a pretty rare occurrence. I'll have a glass of wine every now and then with dinner or just to relax but mostly I only drink when I'm with Liz. You remember Liz."

I was rambling and we both knew it.

"No judgments here. You have a hectic job. It's good to see you relax and let loose. That's pretty kiff."

I wrinkled my nose.

"What does that mean?"

"It's a slang term that South African surfers use. It means rad or awesome."

"Oh," I stated. "Is English your first language?"

"Second actually. My first language is Afrikaans. It's a West Germanic language spoken in South Africa and Namibia. It has Dutch origins."

"You have a nice accent," I blurted out, wishing the beer would stop talking for me.

"Thank you," he blushed. "Do you speak any other languages?"

"Spanish fluently but I've always wanted to study Latin and French. You know the WWE trip to Europe is coming up soon. I love traveling overseas. I went with Mike a few times before I was even hired with the company. It's fun. Every year I say that I'm going to master a new language so I can show it off when we travel but I never do. Time is not on my side."

"You're busy. Spare time is few and far between, not that I'm complaining. Whenever I get some downtime, I catch up on e-mails and such but who knows? Maybe by next year, you'll have that third language down pat. Until then, I could teach you Afrikaans. We won't be going to South Africa unfortunately but at least you'll partly achieve your goal of learning a new language before the next WWE Europe tour."

"We don't have long. We'll have to work hard."

"I'm always up for hard work," he winked.

I took another sip of beer before grabbing the cue stick and chalking it up.

"Up for another game? I'm feeling a case of beginner's luck coming on," I teased.

"You're on," he reached for his own cue.

We started the game and laughed as I would go from making incredibly hard, lucky shots to missing the ball completely. Feeling sorry for his hapless opponent long after he had sank the eight ball for the win, he came over and helped me again with my positioning. Together we hit every ball and when the last one went in, we gave each other a high five.

"What the hell is all this?"

I quickly turned around. There was Mike standing with Carlos and Matt.

"Babe," I grinned, walking over to him. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," he grumbled. "I thought you were going to the hotel."

"I was. I mean, I am. The guys invited me for a drink and…"

He was getting angrier and all eyes from the Rookies and Pros were upon us.

"It's all good," Matt tried to intervene. "We're all here now so let's just have fun and make the most of it. Mike, man let me grab you a beer."

"I don't want a beer," he sneered. "I want to know why my wife is out at some bar when she is supposed to be in my hotel room. I want to know why my wife is out with these eight jackholes and one of them has his hands all over her."

"Oh come on. Mike, it's not like that!" I began to protest.

"Man, I was just teaching her how to play pool. It's all fun and innocent. I apologize if I offended you or made anyone uncomfortable," PJ acknowledged.

"It's no big deal," Matt was desperately trying to diffuse the situation.

"Speak for yourself, Hardy," Mike angrily continued. "You handle your rookie, I'll handle my wife."

He grabbed me roughly by the wrist.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," PJ approached us. "Don't mean to overstep my bounds, mate, but do you think it's really necessary to jerk her around like that?"

Mike laughed out loud.

"Is this punk for real? Dude, she's my wife."

"I don't care whose wife she is. That doesn't give you the right to manhandle her."

"Look…" he inched closer to PJ who was standing his ground.

Carlos and Matt quickly stepped in between them.

"I, I'm okay," I said.

Matt and Carlos had been working with Mike for years and were used to his behavior. They knew I was not in physical danger and therefore kept the attitude that it was best not to interfere in marital issues and discussions. The Rookies however looked horrified.

"We're leaving," Mike spoke, not even looking at me. "Now!"

I had no choice but to follow him. It was embarrassing but he didn't care. When we were outside, he spun me around to face him.

"Mike, you're scaring me," I slurred.

"Look at you," he frowned with utter disdain. "You're so goddamned drunk you can barely stand up. Getting sloshed in public, hanging out with the rookies like you're all buddies? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"We were just hanging out. I don't see what the big deal is."

"The big deal is you're my wife and you're a WWE employee yet you're out here fraternizing with the FCW guys, getting drunk and acting like a slut!"

I was horrified. Mike could say some pretty nasty things when he was in one of his moods but these words were particularly hurtful.

"Nothing is going on," tears fell from my eyes. "Okay? Why are you doing this to me, Mike?"

"Claud…"

"No. I love you, I trust you, I treat you with the upmost respect, why can't you just do the same for me? I am sorry you're pissed off but I don't get why. You go out all the time with God knows who, stay out until whenever with not so much as a text or phone call. I don't question you and I quit getting mad a long time ago. You're your own person and I try to respect that and just let you be. The guys invited me out and yeah, maybe I had one too many beers but so what? It's just like hanging out with any co-worker. I treat them like people, like professionals because they are. The winner of this competition and quite possibly a few more might very well have careers in the WWE with us. Why should I treat them like they're beneath me? And as far as PJ, he was just teaching me to play pool. He was a complete gentleman all evening and never once touched me inappropriately. I just don't understand why you get so mad at me, why you treat me the way you do."

I was crying and pouring out my heart. What else could I do?

"Poor Claud, always the victim," he grumbled. "You know what? Do whatever. Do you. You're not gonna turn this around on me. I'm going back inside. You can come with me, go back to the hotel or feel free to keep whoring it up with your new best friends."

He turned and left and I fell apart right there on the sidewalk.

"Claudia," a soft but strong voice dripping with concern called out my name.

I looked up and saw PJ standing there. I quickly wiped away at mascara drenched tears.

"PJ, hi, how…how long have you been standing there?"

Unease filled his dark eyes.

"Long enough. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"Why don't I believe you?"

I tried to smile through tears, putting on a brave face.

"Mike gets weird like that sometimes. It's no big deal. It's okay. Really."

"It's anything but okay. I don't know much about the guy except from the ring and the show. What he says and does to us is one thing but you're his wife and I don't mean to pry but that was downright disrespectful."

"I'm used to it," I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to dismiss the situation like I always did.

"And that's supposed to make it right?"

I looked at him, this man who was a mere stranger just a few weeks ago. He was quiet and sweet and thoughtful. I was upset and he seemed more worried about me than my own husband. I was touched but it was also humiliating. I knew our relationship was anything but normal and it made me cringe when strangers, co-workers, and friends alike got a true glimpse into the harsh reality I tried so hard to make look perfect on the outside.

"I have to go, PJ."

"Claudia…"

"I appreciate your concern but it really is none of your business. This is my life and I deal with it so just let me. Please."

I didn't mean to be rude and he seemed to understand that.

"Have a good night, Claudia," he cleared his throat.

I turned and hurriedly walked away, heading to flag down a cab to go back to the hotel. I was having a good night and once again just like every night, Mike Mizanin had spoiled it.


	11. Home Sweet Home

I stared out the window as the soft white flakes blanketed the earth. I had always loved snow and growing up in Ohio there had been no shortage of it. Usually the wintery weather happened in January and February but I was lucky that on the one weekend I had decided to visit in March, the forecast had called for flurries and possible accumulation.

"Hi Baby Girl. What are you doing out here all alone?"

I closed my eyes. I loved the sound of my mother's voice. It was so sweet, so calming and soothing.

"Hey Mom. Maybe I should ask you the same thing. It is your night, after all."

Despite a very busy schedule, Mike and I had managed to take off for my parent's 32nd wedding anniversary. Mike and I made a point to throw them a big party every year and this year we were hell bent on actually being there to help celebrate. We had made preparations months in advance to attend. It was an event I wouldn't have missed for the world. I loved my parents dearly and even after all that time together, they still beamed each time the other came in the room. It was a marriage and a love I could believe in, one I desperately yearned for my own relationship.

"It is a wonderful party and Dad and I are so grateful just like we are every year," she wrapped her arms around me. "It's even more special that you and Mike are here with us. I know you're a grown woman with a husband of your own but you'll always be my little girl. Now that you're here, I don't want to let you out of my sight."

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too. I'm just worried about you."

"Why? I'm fine. Really."

"Are you? Claudia, you're my daughter, the beautiful first born child who introduced me to the pleasure and joys of motherhood. I gave birth to you so that means I know you. I know when something is wrong. Are you going to tell me or do I have to play 20 questions all night?"

I smiled at her persistence. Some things never changed.

"I'm just tired," I told a half-truth.

"I'm sure you are. Your job is very demanding and you live out of a suitcase 260 plus days out of the year but there's something going on besides that."

"Mom…"

"Is everything okay with you and Mike?" she asked point blank.

I'd always had a hard time lying to my mother. We'd always been close. She was a wonderful person and I had been blessed with beautiful parents and a beautiful family. A part of me wanted to tell her the truth but I had been living a lie for so long that the lines were blurred, even in my eyes. Where would I begin? What would I say?

"It's complicated."

"Isn't every marriage? Care to elaborate?"

I shrugged.

"Mike is very complex and very intense. We've been together a long time. We really know each other. People change over time, I get that. It is what it is. He's my husband and I love him. We have our rough patches but I am determined to make this work. We took vows and I promised forever and that's what I meant."

My mother nodded.

"I can respect that. Mike is a good person. I watched him grow up. He has always been a little cocky and I'm sure the status and attention from being a popular and successful professional wrestler has only intensified his arrogance but people are who they are and we have to accept the ones we love, no matter their faults and flaws, I get that. I love Mike like a son but when it comes down to it, you are my child and your happiness is what matters most. No marriage is perfect. Claudia, it takes hard work, commitment and sacrifice. God knows, your father and I have had to work at it. But it's a different ball game if you're miserable or if he mistreats you."

"Mom, it's not like that," I squirmed.

"Abuse is abuse, sweetie. Sometimes words hurt as hard as if not harder than a fist. You're a beautiful, kind hearted, intelligent special woman and I am so proud to have you as my daughter and friend. I can't make decisions for you or tell you what to do, I just please ask that you remember how you were raised, to know how wonderful you are. I want you to respect others, respect yourself, then demand that same respect from everyone else no matter who they are."

I knew what she was saying and I knew what she was trying to do. She was my mother and she loved me. Her maternal instinct sensed my pain and wanted to heal it as much as possible without interfering in my affairs.

"Thanks, Mom," I gave her hand a squeeze. "I appreciate it."

She kissed my forehead before guiding me back towards the living room where the party was going full force. My father saw her and smiled probably as wide as he had the first time he had ever seen her all those years ago. They kissed and affectionately held hands. The house was filled with family and friends and my eyes scanned the room for my own other half. I found him with a drink in his hands laughing it up with some of the kids we had grown up with in the neighborhood. His father was there, too. Mike's parents had been divorced for a long time but they were still on civil terms.

I stared at him for a while just trying to remember the boy he used to be. I remembered how deeply in love we were when we were just a couple of carefree high school kids. We were now living a life that dreams were made of. I had the money, the clothes, the car and the house. And I'd trade it all for just one day of things being the way they used to be back when we were happy and truly in love.

"Claud!" he raised his glass, spilling vodka onto the floor. "Babe, get over here!"

He was drunk and I prayed it was the drunkenness where he was happy and not the kind that made him sullen and angry.

"Hi," I forced a small smile as he pulled me towards him.

"Where have you been hiding?"

He was laying it on thick for everyone, complete with a sloppy kiss to my cheek.

"I was just hanging out with my mom."

"Whatever. Look, me and the guys are gonna get out of here. We were thinking about hitting up a couple bars and stuff, maybe going into Cleveland. You down?"

Quality time with my family was a rarity and I wanted to savor every moment of it. The last thing I wanted was to sit at a bar as Mike and his friends got more intoxicated and reminisced about their glory high school days.

"I think I'll just stay here. It's getting late and I'm tired and I just want to hang out with my family."

"Claud, come on. They'll still be here tomorrow. What's the big deal?"

He was being loud and obnoxious and the stench of alcohol was making me ill.

"The big deal is I don't want to go," I spoke in a forceful but quiet tone.

"Why are you acting like this? We're trying to have a good time. Everybody is so excited to see us."

"Mike…"

"I thought you'd jump at the chance. Usually you won't let me out of your sight," he turned to everyone. "Hear that guys? The old ball and chain wants to hang out at home tonight but every other night she's on my jock hounding me about going out with me."

He thought he was being cute and funny but the fading smiles of the guests told another story. I was embarrassed and it was clear they were embarrassed for me.

"Stop it," I tersely whispered.

"Son, that's enough," his father tugged on his arm.

"What, Dad?" he laughed. "I'm just inviting my wife to join me, our, friends. I was just pointing out how at any other time she'd jump at the chance. I just want to party and as usual she's being difficult. I ask her to go out and she wants to stay home. There's this new emo looking model punk at work with this weak fake ass accent. I bet if he asked her to go out, her ass would be at the bar all night long."

"Michael, that is enough," his mother wandered over and gave him a stern look.

I stood silently as some of our friends pulled him aside. A few onlookers stared and whispered before eventually going back to their own conversations and good times.

"Everything okay here, honey?" my dad walked over.

I nodded.

"It will be," I sighed.

"What was that about?"

"He's just being drunk and stupid, Daddy. Don't worry about it."

He looked like he wanted to press the issue but eventually decided not to probe any further.

"Claudia…"

"Come on. It's time to cut the cake. Let's go."

I walked away, head held high pretending that everything was okay, pretending that my marriage was normal. In a way it was. It was my normal.


	12. Lekker

Week Four of NXT would be held in LA. Mike and I had flown out of Cleveland together but he and Paul "Big Show" Wight had had a public appearance in San Francisco so he had flown straight to the event and would head to LA shortly thereafter. My flight was smooth and landed on time. I waited patiently at baggage claim and to my pleasant surprise, all my luggage had arrived with me. I gathered my things and began walking to the garage where my car had been left.

"Hey, we know you. You're married to The Miz, right?"

I looked up to see a bunch of guys following me with a video camera. I had heard of the self-proclaimed wrestling paparazzos that followed around and seemingly annoyed WWE Superstars and Divas. The intrusive and often hilarious footage always made its way to the Internet. I had seen them a few times staked out at hotels when I was with Mike. It was amazing that they even remembered me.

"The Miz is in San Francisco, guys," I said as I pulled the brim of my cap closer over my face. "I'll be sure to tell him that you asked about him."

"We know you work with the crew on NXT. Can you give us any juicy behind the scenes secrets?"

"No."

"Will you tell us who wins? Come on, we know you know."

"You're just gonna have to watch."

"Is The Miz really a douche bag in real life?"

"Don't you guys want to go find a real celebrity?" I asked with an annoyed chuckle.

Where were Cena and Orton when you needed them?

"Well, Miz's wife, we think you're hot and even though you're not very talkative, it was great to see you again."

I waved as I walked away.

"Does the paparazzi follow you every time you land at LAX?"

I knew that voice anywhere.

"PJ," I smiled. "Hey. What are you doing here?"

"Just flew in from Tampa, hoping to score a rental. How are you?"

"Good," I frowned. "What's up with your car? Was the reservation included on your itinerary?"

He looked at the paper again and showed me.

"Nope. This is all I got."

I closed my eyes.

"I was probably supposed to check on that. Sorry for dropping the ball, PJ."

"No worries. My hotel room was confirmed. I can just cab it there."

"I feel bad since more than likely this was all my fault. Listen, my car is parked in the garage. I'd be more than happy to give you a lift…"

"You sure it's no bother?"

"Absolutely not."

PJ hesitated.

"You sure Mike won't be upset?" he looked around.

"Mike isn't here. ShowMiz had an appearance in San Francisco, besides, it's my car. It's no problem, really. I feel like it's the least I could do."

"Thank you very much," he looked down at my bags. "May I?"

I smiled as he helped me with my stuff and we began the walk to the car.

"So how was Florida?"

"Okay. I, uh, was pretty busy. My girlfriend and I broke up quite a while back but she just got around to moving the rest of her stuff out of my place a few days ago."

"How was that?"

"Except for the pain of moving, fine. She's a wonderful girl and I still care deeply for her. We're friends, things just didn't work out and that's something we both realized. No hard feelings."

It didn't surprise me. PJ just seemed like one of those guys. Even after a breakup, he was still on good terms with his exes.

"That's nice."

"What about you?" he inquired.

"Coming in from Cleveland, actually. Mike and I are both from Ohio. It was my parents' anniversary. We throw them a party every year and this time we actually got to go."

"Did you have a good time?"

"My parents did and it's always great to spend time with them."

"That's good but I asked about you," he smiled.

"I had a good time."

"You always worry so much about other people sometimes it seems like you forget to take care of yourself, forgive me for noticing."

"It's okay."

He looked away shyly.

"I know last time we saw each other, it ended kind of badly. About that…"

"I'm sorry you had to witness that, PJ, and I'm sorry Mike was rude to you. We had no right to involve you in our drama. You were just looking out for me and I wasn't very nice about it. I'm sorry."

"No need to be. I was just worried. I don't care what Mike thinks or says about me but you looked pretty upset."

"It was just a stupid argument. Things are fine, baie dankie."

A huge grin spread across his face. The words meant "thank you very much" in Afrikaans.

"I see someone has been practicing."

"I may have bought a dictionary that explains different pronunciations and meanings."

"Very impressive."

"I'm working on it."

He was quiet for a minute.

"You know, I couldn't help but feel bad that maybe I was the cause of the argument between you and your husband. It still doesn't give him the right to be a jerk towards you but if I touched you in a way that was wrong, you have my sincerest apologies. I mean that, Claudia. I was just trying to help you with the game."

"I know you were. It's okay. You did nothing wrong, I promise."

"I didn't want to be nosy but he made me really mad talking to you in that way. I know it's not my business but you're a nice person, besides I hate to see any beautiful woman upset. If you ever need to talk, I'm here to listen. Hope that doesn't sound weird or anything seeing we just met but I care."

I knew he did.

"That's very sweet of you and I appreciate it."

"I guess I should just be happy that you don't think I'm a babbling idiot."

He smiled again. God, he had a great smile.

"You smile a lot. Has anyone ever told you that?" I quizzed.

"All the time. I'm embarrassed to admit it but one of my nicknames is The Posterboy. Don't ask why."

"That's cute. You should use that for a ring name."

"It used to be Justin Angel. I call my female fans angels and the male fans warriors. I titled my 450 Splash Heaven Sent but I don't think the WWE was too crazy about it. Just before my debut, Vince McMahon himself personally changed me to Justin Gabriel. It's different and I like it, besides, he's the boss."

"I like it."

"The WWE is different but I love it. I love what I do, Claudia. This is the best job in the world. I can't see myself doing anything else even though it seems I've had a million jobs."

"Like what?" my eyes twinkled.

"Okay but you have to promise not to laugh."

"Pinky swear."

"I studied therapy in college. I have a degree in that and I'm also a certified massage therapist but my resume includes everything from chef, bartender, and waiter to model, security guard and bouncer. Wrestling is my dream but I had to pay the bills somehow."

"Wow. Very interesting."

"I've done a lot in my career and my father trained me well. I watched WWE all my life and was always a huge fan. I can't believe I'm a part of it now. This is an incredible journey and I'm enjoying every second of it but I just wanted to say thanks to you."

"Me? Why? PJ, come on. I just do my job, it's nothing special."

"But it is. You don't give yourself enough credit. You work hard and you have this amazing presence and energy backstage. You're the glue that holds everything together and I'm not the only one who feels that way. Everyone appreciates what you do, just remember that."

"Thank you," I said as we approached the car. "It means a lot."

I used the keyless entry to deactivate the alarm.

"Is this you?"

"It is. You can just throw everything in the trunk."

He did and then slid in the passenger seat. I cranked the car and began to maneuver through the garage's exit into the treacherous Los Angeles traffic.

"Thanks again for the ride, Claudia."

I smiled.

"Thank you. For everything. Thanks for being so cooperative and so nice and uh…especially for sticking up for me last week. You didn't have to but you did. That was pretty cool."

PJ nodded and I put on my sunglasses. He was a nice guy and I enjoyed talking to and getting to know him. It was nice to spend time with someone who recognized and appreciated my hard work. He was a NXT competitor and although uncertain with the WWE, I could tell he had a bright future in sports entertainment. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was making a new friend. It felt nice.


	13. When The Cat's Away

It was another busy night, this time in San Jose, California. It had been a whole month since NXT had debuted and the show and its wrestlers had become more popular than ever. After the usual hustle and bustle of behind the scenes preparations, the live show had gone off without a hitch. It was five days until Wrestlemania and immediately after the show, Mike and I would be headed to Phoenix for the long weekend. The days leading up to Wrestlemania were always exciting. It was a time when many of the talent brought their families along to all the events leading up to the big show. With Axxess and the Hall of Fame ceremony looming, many of my treasured girlfriends would be in town.

Liz had been e-mailing and texting me all week. Her excitement was contagious and she had been busy rounding up all the wives for a fun girls' night out. Kristen DiBiase, Samantha Orton, and Denise Reso would be joining her and she had been bugging me nonstop to hang out as well. It sounded like a great time and I loved my girls but there was one problem and I happened to be married to it.

Mike came and went as he pleased. As a wife, I couldn't help but be bothered at times. Where was he? Who was he with? What was he doing? Was he safe? Was he having fun? Why would he rather be out than spending time with me? Sometimes I voiced my opinion but over the years I had learned to be silent for sake of argument. With Mike I had to pick and choose my battles carefully. He liked his freedom but the double standard wasn't lost.

Mike could be a walking contradiction sometimes. While he found my appearance attractive in private, he often criticized me in public. He hated me dressing up or being sexy as he called it at work around the other wrestlers. He always had something smart to say about my friends and if I went out, he always seemed to complain and check on me. Liz was one of his least favorite people and I knew the mere mention of her being in San Jose and wanting to party would set off World War III.

The show had been exciting. It was all about the tag team match ups and Darren Young and David Otunga had defeated Michael Tarver and Daniel Bryan while Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel got the win over Skip Sheffield and Wade Barrett. Sitting in a production booth, I had watched PJ wrestle. The men were giving it their all because the first Pros poll would happen the following week. Mike had joined me, gabbing a mile per minute during the latter match. I had given the occasional nod and murmur just enough to make him think I was listening. In reality, I was engrossed in the contest. PJ had remarkable stage presence. He was skillful and agile in the ring with an innovative style. The fans were drawn to him and he fed off their energy. He had the It factor, the aura that made people take notice and I was no exception.

Afterwards, Mike had made plans to go out with the guys again, not even bothering to ask me what I wanted to do. I was feeling good and the last thing I had wanted to do was sit in a lonely hotel room by myself. I wanted to go out and it was on the tip of my tongue but at the last minute, I had decided to keep my mouth shut. Mike had showered, dressed, and splashed on expensive cologne, making sure every spiked brown hair was in place. With a kiss on the cheek, he had sauntered out of our suite without a second glance.

I hopped in the shower and relaxed for a good half hour. After coming out, I stood in the mirror drying my hair. It would be another night of channel surfing and being glued to my laptop and Blackberry for work related purposes. As I changed into comfortable sweats, a message came through on my phone. _WET Nightclub on S First St. Get your ass here pronto. _No one ever said Liz was eloquent with her words. I tried to ignore her text but the boredom and anxiety was killing me. Before I knew it, I was getting dressed and putting on make-up.

"Appletini, Kris? Really?"

Kristen frowned as she looked up at Liz.

"What?"

"That's for wussies," Liz moved the glass away and replaced it with a Tequila shot. "This will put hair on your chest."

I smiled as I snuck up behind them.

"Got one more? I'll probably just wax it right off but a little hair on the chest for one night won't hurt, I suppose."

Liz grinned as she turned around and hugged me.

"Dude, it's about time you got your ass here! I was beginning to think you wouldn't show!"

I made my way around the table greeting all my girlfriends.

"Why are you so late?" Samantha asked.

Liz rolled her eyes.

"I can take a guess on that one. Mike raised hell about you coming out."

"Actually he didn't."

Everyone looked surprised.

"He didn't?" Denise raised an eyebrow.

A smirk appeared on my face as I tossed back the shot.

"Of course he didn't…because I didn't tell him I was going out."

They all cheered and laughed and I reveled in my newfound liberation. Mike was out doing his thing, why couldn't I?

"I'm so glad you came," Samantha squeezed my hand. "We don't see each other enough. I miss you, sweetie."

"I miss you, too, now where are the pics of that gorgeous baby?" I demanded.

Happy to oblige, Samantha pulled out her phone and showed me a series of photos of little Alanna.

"She's getting so big. It amazes me every day. She's so perfect, Claudia."

"She looks like Randy," I commented.

"Yeah. He is such a great dad. Alanna is a total Daddy's girl, you should see the way she looks at him. He wants two or three more but I tell him to slow down and let you guys catch up," she joked.

"One day," Kristen smiled. "I stay busy with work but it's kind of hard having Ted gone so much. I mean, I'm happy he's doing something he loves but we're still young and right now I can't imagine raising a baby with him on the road all the time. I don't see how you do it, Sam."

"Sometimes I think I'm ready and sometimes I don't," Denise shrugged. "When Jay and I first got married we wanted to start a family right away but it just didn't happen. Then I went back to school and plans just changed, you know? Maybe one day."

I looked thoughtful for a moment. I had dreamed of having children with Mike before we even graduated high school. I loved children and wanted to be a mom. In my heart I knew Mike would be a good dad. Maybe fatherhood would change him and be the grounding force in his life.

"I can't wait. I mean, I want to do it all. I totally feel up to being a wife and mom and still working. I could see myself getting the production notes to Kevin Dunn even as my water was breaking," I kidded. "Convincing Mike is another story though."

All eyes shifted to Liz who made a face.

"Kids are cute and all when they're somebody else's. In the future I'm sure we will get pregnant but for now I'm content to just drink and party and shop and have fun," she winked. "And speaking of, we are going to have some serious fun tonight. We came here to have a blast so one more round of shots and then we hit the dance floor."

The waitress brought out another round and we threw caution to the wind and toasted our girls' night out. After drinking up, we filed to the dance floor, moving around to the beat. It was fun and relaxing. I rarely got to let loose and let my hair down. For a few hours there were no stressful demands from a rocky marriage or hectic job. I could just be me and have a good time with the women I had forged a sacred bond with.

Liz had definitely picked a hot spot. The club was crowded with beautiful people having a good time. The brightly colored lights seemed to pulse to the beat that reverberated off the sound system. Clear dance floors stood over coral and black sand and the deejay spun the hottest music. I was having more fun than I had in a long time.

The drinks kept flowing freely as we quickly became the center of attention on the dance floor. Liz, in a sexy and short white dress, grinded against me and the other girls. She loved being provocative and had a devil may care attitude about it. I moved with the music, dancing with my friends and even relishing in the attention from the club's male patrons. There were back pockets on my tight black pants and I had managed to squeeze my phone in one of them. The vibration caught my attention and an hour or so later when we returned to our table, I took a look at it.

_Forgot my wallet. Came back to the room. Where r u?_

I stared at the screen for a second trying to figure out what to say to my husband.

_Out with my girls. D, Kris, Sam, and Liz. Be back soon._

I hoped he would let it go at that.

_WTF? U didn't say u were going out. What r u doing?_

I could tell he wasn't going to let this one go.

_Just came up. No big deal._

He responded faster than he had in a long time.

_Should have known that bitch Liz was there._

I hated that my friend and husband did not get along. Their constant shots at each other put me in an uncomfortable middle.

_Stop it. I don't talk shit about ur friends._

My buzz was quickly disappearing.

_Come back to room. NOW!_

He had a nerve. Last time I checked, my father was back in Ohio.

_No._

I rarely went against his wishes.

_Not fucking around, Claud._

What was his problem?

_Neither am I. U go out all the time._

There it was. What could he say?

_It's like that? Tit for tat now?_

He wanted to have a conversation at the most inconvenient time.

_Whatever._

I was getting annoyed. My friends were starting to stare.

_Don't want my wife out slutting around._

Sometimes he was too ignorant for words.

_So disrespectful._

"Turn it off, Claud," Liz begged.

I was about to oblige.

_Sorry. Just come back to hotel._

I could tell this wasn't gonna end anytime soon.

_No._

I put my finger on the switch to shut the phone down.

_Please. Want to spend time with you. Not going out, here waiting._

I sucked in a breath.

_Mike, why are you being like this?_

Why was he doing this?

_Love you, Claud. Come on. Let's talk. Sorry I was a jerk. Want to spend time together._

I stared at the screen. My head knew what he was doing but my heart didn't care.

"Guys…"

"We know," Denise sighed. "You're cutting out on us."

"I'm sorry…"

"Oh come on, Claud," Liz pouted. "Mike is such a dick. He always pulls this crap."

"I promise we'll hang out in Phoenix," I offered.

"You sure you're gonna be okay?" Kristen put her hand on my shoulder.

I nodded.

"It's okay, honey," Sam smiled. "We understand."

They were disappointed and probably secretly questioned my logic but there was no viable explanation. I loved Mike. I didn't want to make waves in the relationship besides a small part of me couldn't help but be happy. I knew he would be pissed when I got back to the hotel, especially after he saw how done up I was. He would make comments and we'd argue but then would come the highlight of the evening…angry make-up sex. I hated ditching my friends and I hated Mike's manipulation tactics but in the end, I would get the attention I so desperately craved. They say when the cat's away, the mice will play. I had played and in turn my husband had played right into my hands. The victory was that much sweeter when two played at the game.


	14. Know Your Role

We arrived in Phoenix prepared for a jammed pack schedule. It was a week's worth of fun filled activities for both the talent and the fans. People visited from all over the world just to take part in the festivities. Mike had already made a special appearance at The Wrestlemania Kickoff Party. My working duties continued as I had a large involvement with setting up the events for Axxess. There would be live matches, interviews, autograph signings, and photo sessions. It was a lot to get everything together and make sure it all ran smoothly. The busy itinerary left me with little time for my girlfriends, much to Mike's enjoyment. He, however, was having the time of his life. He was one of the most popular Superstars on the roster and The Miz was for sure in demand during one of the WWE's most exciting weeks. He had somehow managed to make appearance after appearance officially for work and on the Phoenix/Glendale party scene.

During my first day there, I barely had time to drop my bags off at the hotel. I had to cancel on a lunch with Samantha and Melina Perez and instead headed straight to one of the smaller venues. Mike was supposed to meet me in our room but he had been nowhere to be found. There was no note or message left on my phone or with the front desk. Not having time to worry about it, I rode with a PA to our destination and when I arrived all the Pros from NXT were there as the result of being summoned for an emergency meeting. Kevin Dunn was already there and at a round table in a conference room sat Phil, Matt, Darren, Ron, Chris, Jay, and Carlos.

"Sorry, guys, didn't mean to interrupt," I apologized.

"Claudia, please come in," Kevin beckoned me. "You should join us."

I shrugged and walked in, as the eight gentlemen stood in my presence. We were all like family anyway so we typically greeted each other with hugs and kisses. I sat and pulled out my laptop prepared to take production notes.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"We have a busy few days coming up but the results of the first Pros poll is due on Tuesday's show. I thought this would be a good time to get everyone together," Kevin acknowledged. "Claudia, where is Mike?"

All eyes were on me.

"I, um, I…I don't know," I cleared my throat. "Should I call him?"

"Don't bother," my husband strolled into the room.

"You're late, son," Kevin didn't even bother to look up.

"The fans can't get enough," he grinned. "What can I say? I'm awesome!"

There were a few chuckles throughout the room and Kevin just shook his head, ignoring him.

"On to business. We are here to evaluate the progress of the eight Rookies. I am here to oversee this meeting but the final decision comes from you eight men."

"What are you doing here, Claud?" Mike asked, probably sounding ruder than he meant to.

"Because I asked her to," Kevin answered before I could. "Now the four criteria you are looking at are win and loss records on the show, strength of the opponents, work ethic and of course that ever elusive 'it' factor. Now the rules state that no Pro is allowed to vote for his own Rookie. With that said, we will begin with Mr. Stu Bennett aka Wade Barrett, Chris' Rookie…"

The deliberation process began. I sat quietly and patiently jotting down pertinent info as each wrestler made their opinions known. Since the match outcomes were predetermined, the Pros only had to judge three aspects. It was clear that Bryan and Stu were the top favorites. The rankings were decided after a lengthy chat.

"Looks like our work is done here, gentlemen and lady," Chris smirked.

"Not so fast," Kevin stopped him. "Claudia, please read back the names in order from highest ranking to least, please."

I looked at my screen.

"Bryan Danielson or Daniel Bryan is in the number one spot followed by Stu Bennett or Wade Barrett. Number three is PJ Lloyd aka Justin Gabriel and four is Heath Miller/Slater. Number five is David Otunga. Rounding out the bottom three are Ryan Reeves, also known as Skip Sheffield, Tyrone Evans or Michael Tarver, and Fred Rosser aka Darren Young in last place."

Kevin leaned back in his chair.

"The majority has spoken but does anyone disagree with these results? I have to say, I am not surprised that Mr. Danielson is number one. He is the most experienced of the bunch and he has a loyal fan Indy following."

"He also has a great coach," Mike quipped.

"I think they're all doing fantastic but I admit I was a little surprised with the rankings," I said.

Mike shot me a dirty look.

"Claud, what are you doing? Nobody asked you. This is a Pros poll not a PA poll," he rolled his eyes.

I felt my cheeks flush. I hated it when he did that, especially in public.

"Actually, I'd be very interested to hear Claudia's opinion. She is an important part of this company. She has vast knowledge of the business and she works very closely with all the wrestlers. Why wouldn't her opinion count? Go ahead, Claudia."

I gave Mike a nervous look and he just scowled at me. At that moment I wished I had never opened my big mouth but with everyone looking and waiting, I knew I had no choice but to speak.

"First of all, I'd just like to say that I am so proud to be a part of NXT. I think it is a wonderful concept and obviously so do the fans. The eight Rookies are very talented and just wonderful guys. I can't say enough good things about them. Bryan absolutely gets over with the fans and I think he has this awesome energy. If I had to rate them all, my top four would be Otunga, Justin Gabriel, Daniel Bryan, and Heath Slater. I say those guys because they have that It factor. When I see them, it's something about them that makes me want to watch them wrestle. They make me want to know who they are. They attract the fans and in turn that's what sells tickets and merchandise. The other four guys are great and I'd even say Darren Young is up there with the charisma but if I had to make that choice, Skip Sheffield, Wade Barrett, and Michael Tarver lack that. Wade Barrett has a towering presence and his mic skills are good but he still doesn't do it for me. I respect the decision of all the wrestlers, of course, but if the vote was in my hands, he wouldn't be number two."

Kevin nodded.

"I respect that opinion. Ultimately it is the Pros' decision but I like seeing all sides of the spectrum. I also think it will be interesting to see how the fans react. Claudia, thank you for your time and for taking notes. Make sure all that gets forwarded to the proper channels so everything will be in place for Tuesday night."

"You got it."

"Does anyone have anything else?" Kevin paused. "With that, thanks guys for doing a hell of a job with NXT and training your Rookies as well as what you do every night on your own respective brands. This meeting is adjourned and I'm sure I'll see you all around throughout the week."

He stood and everyone began filing out of the room. I could feel Mike's eyes boring a hole that seemed to burn right through me. If looks could kill…

"Randy has a fan meet and greet coming up," I said quietly. "I need to find him to talk to him about it."

"Not so fast," Mike sneered.

I closed my eyes.

"What?"

"Don't you what me. You know exactly what I'm talking about. What the hell was that?"

"Mike, Kevin asked my opinion. He asked me to sit on in this meeting. What was I supposed to do?"

"Exactly what a good little PA does…fetch the coffee and run little bullshit errands. But no. What do you do? Claudia Mizanin, world's greatest Production Coordinator has to take over the whole meeting."

"I did not take over the meeting. Look, Mike, I'm sorry you're upset but I'm not doing this with you right now. I can't deal with you when you're pissed off and treating me this way."

"You make me so goddamned miserable sometimes, you know that?" he scoffed. "Seriously. Having you here thinking you own the place is like having a serious thorn in my side 24/7. The whole Pros and Rookies thing has nothing to do with you. This is not about you, Claudia. No one cares about your stupid nonsense opinions."

"But Mike…"

"Shut up. You know what you are? You're an embarrassment. I regret the day I ever threw you a bone and got you a job with this company because ever since I did that, all you've done is annoy the hell out of me and make me miserable. This is bullshit! No other wrestler has to put up with his Old Lady making the workplace damn near impossible. Nobody except for Paul, but he made that bed with Stephanie so he has to lie in it. Why can't you just take a cue from Samantha and sit your ass at home and just look pretty? Hell, even having you out with that repulsive excuse for a human being, Liz, is better than you taking over my work meetings. I mean, maybe I should just quit! In fact, maybe I should let you be Bryan's pro since all of a sudden you're such a wrestling expert."

I hated when he got like that. His tirades could go on forever. He ranted and raved and performed, the verbal attacks making me feel absolutely miniscule. My bottom lip quivered as he continued his assault. When he was done, when his face was beet red and the veins in his neck were pulsating and he'd run out of swear words and insults, he stormed out slamming the door so hard that it nearly broke off the hinges. Only then could I let the tears flow. I felt awful, like less than a person. My WWE family never missed the chance to let me know that I was valued and appreciated. All I wanted was that same affection from my own husband. But nothing was ever good enough for Mike. All I seemed to do was make him angry. It was supposed to be one of the best weeks of the year and somehow I had managed to screw that up. Mike was furious and that was never a good thing. Wrestlemania 26 was going to be an event to remember for sure but I had a nagging suspicion that it wouldn't be for happy reasons.


	15. A Cinderella Story

Wrestlemania week continued as all the many events were leading up to the exciting finale. The night before the big show was the much anticipated Hall of Fame ceremony. It was the one part of the festivities where I wasn't directly involved. Instead of breaking my neck backstage to ensure production ran smoothly, I would actually get to be Cinderella for the night. I could play dress up and be with Mike and just enjoy the show. The plan had not been going that smoothly, however. Mike was still incensed about the Pros poll. He had literally ignored me and given me the silent treatment ever since. To cope, I had thrown myself into my work. In the spare time I did have, instead of spending it relaxing and having fun with my friends, I had found WWE related stuff to take care of. Liz knew me all too well and knew something was going on but I felt like neither giving and explanation or receiving a lecture. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to deal with the fact that my husband acted like I didn't exist or that he crashed on the couch in our suite instead of the massive king sized bed.

The night of the ceremony, I had debated whether or not to even go. I felt terrible on the inside and the last thing I wanted to do was plaster on a smile and pretend that everything was okay. I knew my absence would be only more cause for unwanted probing so in the end, I decided to suck it up and go. I showered then spent hours getting ready alone in the ring. I didn't bother going with the rest of the wives to the annual spa day for manis, pedis, facials and hairdos. I did all that myself and for the finale I slipped into an elegant but simple form fitting black evening gown. As my hair fell in loose curls at my spaghetti strap covered shoulders, I stood in the mirror one last time. I had put so much effort into my physical appearance but it didn't matter. When you felt like crap on the inside, it didn't really matter what other people thought about you on the outside.

Mike was nowhere to be found as usual. I had to only assume that he had gotten ready elsewhere. I knew a call to his cell would only make matters worse so I rode to the venue in our limo alone. I hoped we would see each other at the event. For image sake, I knew he would at least sit next to me and half pretend things were okay with us. When I arrived I saw a make shift red carpet laid out to the entrance. Various reporters from wrestling sites and WWE press were there to get footage and interviews of the Superstars and Divas. Everyone looked beautiful and was happily arm in arm with their significant others. I somehow managed to slip inside unnoticed.

Backstage was its usual busy self. That's where I felt most at home anyway so I stood quietly in a corner waiting. I didn't know the seating arrangements for the evening but I prayed I would be stuffed away in some corner. Knowing my grim situation, I was beginning to regret my decision to show up. I was in no mood for the people, the cameras, my friends, or even to see the revered men and women who were being so rightfully honored. All I wanted was silence. I wanted to quiet the voices in my head and heart. I wanted my pain to go away. I wanted another life.

"Mrs. Mizanin?"

I turned my head. Rarely did I hear that term.

"Yes?"

I found myself face to face with a delivery guy.

"These are for you, ma'am," he handed me a gorgeous bouquet of pink, peach, lavender, red and white roses. "Can you please sign here?"

I nodded and scribbled my name on the pad, accepting the beautiful arrangement. They were swarmed in Baby's Breath and I inhaled the sweet scent. A card was attached. _What can I say? I was a jerk…again. I'm sorry. Your opinion matters, Claud…you matter. I owe you a big apology and didn't know how to say it in person. Please forgive me and meet me at our seats in left second row. Love you. – Mike_

"Those are pretty."

It was another voice and this time I knew it didn't belong to a delivery boy…unless he was a high flying South African hottie.

"PJ, hi."

His voice was so gentle but still strong and masculine. He had a presence about him that you felt before you heard or even saw him.

"A present from my husband. I love flowers."

He nodded.

"You look great. "

I blushed, feeling his intense gaze.

"Thank you. So do you."

He certainly cleaned up well in a black suit and silver tie.

"Are you off tonight?"

"I know that's unheard of but yes actually," I laughed. "It's been pretty busy so it's nice to relax. What about you? This is your first Wrestlemania. How are you enjoying the week?"

His eyes lit up.

"It's amazing. The energy is unreal, I've never felt anything like it before, I swear. It's my dream. One day I'm gonna perform, no headline a Wrestlemania."

"Big dreams," I gave him a genuine smile. "But you're well on your way. I mean that. I know I get really busy behind the scenes but I watch your matches and you're incredible and I just wanted to tell you that. I've really enjoyed watching you perform."

The look on his face was one of surprise but sincerity.

"Thank you. That means a lot, especially coming from you. I value your opinion."

"You have a new fan but I'm sure I'm just one of many. So many people now are getting to see exactly who Justin Gabriel is and what you can do."

"It's pretty fun. I have a really great website and I just recorded my first video blog for YouTube. Just this morning my Twitter broke 15,000 followers so it's pretty exciting."

"Awesome," I grinned.

We fell into silence and just stood there staring at each other, smiling for a few seconds.

"The show starts in ten," a PA announced. "Everyone please begin taking their seats."

"I guess we should go…" I said.

"Yeah," he stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I know I already said it but you really look beautiful, Claudia. I, uh, I'm glad things seem to be going better with your husband."

I looked away.

"Thank you."

"May I?"

He was asking to escort me to my seat and I accepted. I had one of the other PAs take the roses and we walked into the theatre. We were assigned to the same section but the Rookies were seated a few rows behind. We stopped at my designated seat where Mike was standing waiting. He looked over at PJ and after a brief stare, just nodded.

"What's up?" he finally said.

"Good to see you, Mike," PJ turned to me."I guess I'll see you around."

"Have a good night," I smiled as I watched him walk away.

The room was filled with people but suddenly it felt weird and uncomfortable as if Mike and I were the only two people there.

"Hey," he said sheepishly.

"Hi."

"Did you…did you, um, get the flowers?"

I nodded.

"I did. Thank you. They're very nice."

"I'm glad you like them. Did you get a chance to read the card?"

"I did."

"And…"

He actually looked nervous.

"And I don't know what to say, Mike."

"You could say you accept my apology."

"I could but what's the point if it's just gonna happen again?"

"Claud…"

"You were really mean, meaner to me than usual. Then we haven't talked in like two days. You walk around and don't even acknowledge my presence. That really sucks. It hurts. I walk around on eggshells with you and I'm tired of it."

"I know. I was wrong. I'm sorry."

I shook my head.

"You can't just keep shitting on me and making me feel like less of a person then thinking saying you're sorry will make it all better. That's not gonna work anymore, Mike."

"I know. I know I have to do better."

"Why did you get so mad? Why are you so threatened by me working here?"

He shrugged.

"Ego, I guess. I'm not going to make excuses. I was an ass and that's just it. I overreacted and said some horrible things out of anger. I really am sorry, Claud. Maybe I am threatened, I don't know. You do a good job around here, no a great job. I am proud of you even though I know I don't say it enough. You made some good points and I flipped out for no reason. What can I say?"

His voice was soft, his eyes filled with emotion. Every time I got mad enough at him to walk away, there was something that always pulled me back. He was good at that.

"You hurt me so bad," I tried not to cry.

"I know. I'm sorry," he pulled me close and kissed my forehead. "I love you, Claudia."

I closed my eyes. I was Cinderella. I had my handsome prince back and I was the beautiful princess at the ball. Now I got to be on pins and needles again, wondering when midnight struck if he would disappear and my coach would turn back into a pumpkin.

"I love you, too," I said as he held my hand and we sat down.

Liz and John were in front of us. She turned and scowled at Mike before shooting me a small smile. I nodded in acknowledgment. She knew me well. Sometimes it was like Liz could see right through me. She saw through my troubles and pain, she recognized the sheer relief plastered on my face whenever things in my marriage were actually going right. She disapproved and most of the time didn't hesitate to tell me so but the knowing look in my eyes said a million words. Instead she just winked and turned around. Mike put his arm around me and pulled me close.

"You look hot," he whispered in my ear.

I squeezed his hand and settled in my seat to watch the show but I could feel a pair of eyes boring into me from behind. I turned and saw PJ. His gaze was intense and curious, unrelenting. It was as if he were checking to see if I was okay. I gave him a smile that reverberated a sadness I couldn't hide. He returned my expression. It seemed as if Liz wasn't the only person who could see right through me.


	16. The March Fool

March 30, 2010 was the Tuesday after Wrestlemania and the most important episode of NXT to date. It was the night the fans and Rookies learned their fate through the results of the Pros poll. Of course I already knew the rankings but it was interesting to see the reactions of everyone else. The show went off without a hitch and afterwards there was plenty of partying to be done as the event was held in Las Vegas. It was the city where Bryan Danielson resided and he had invited his fellow FCW wrestlers to hang out at his pad to unwind after the show. I had politely declined my invite due to other plans. John and Liz Cena were in town and I'd planned to meet them for drinks at the Encore at Wynn hotel. It was located on the strip and the hotel all the wrestlers usually stayed at when we were in town. I had made arrangements to meet my friends there while we were still in Phoenix and had only let Mike know of my plans the evening of. I expected him to bitch about me going but I absolutely did not expect him to join me. He and Liz did not get along and he and John weren't exactly BFFs. It was going to be an interesting night. Just a couple days before April Fool's day, I prayed the joke wouldn't be on me.

John and Liz were seated at a poolside table when I arrived and the alcohol was already flowing. It was no secret they loved to drink. I wasn't much of a drinker but I was coming off a busy week and Mike had stressed me to the limit. I didn't quite know if I was up to keeping up with Liz and John on the shots but I needed a few glasses of something to calm my nerves.

"What's up, chick?" Liz hugged me.

John embraced me as well.

"Hey beautiful."

I sat and ordered a Malibu Bay Breeze. It was light and fruity but had enough rum in it to do the trick. I sucked down the first one before taking in a breath.

"Now that's what I'm talking about," Liz grinned with approval. "A few more of those babies and you'll be feeling pretty good."

"God knows I need it," I sighed. "I'm exhausted and stressed."

The travel was fun and exciting but at times I felt overwhelmed. It got tiresome week in and week out.

"I caught the show tonight," John leaned back in his chair. "Those guys are pretty impressive. Any idea who's gonna win?"

I shook my head.

"The match outcomes are the only thing pre-determined. It'll be up to the Pros but honestly the show is so popular now and so are the guys, I wouldn't be surprised if all eight of them ended up with contracts."

"Good deal."

"So how are you?" Liz questioned. "Not work or Mike or your family but you. I know you're super busy but I was pretty bummed that we didn't get to hang out much last week."

"Sorry, girl. I was swamped. I'm okay, though. Wrestlemania week is always so crazy besides Mike and I got into it but what else is new?"

"What did the jerk do now?" she rolled her eyes.

"Babe, don't pry," John put his arm around her.

"I'm her friend. John, we're her friends. I'm not prying."

"It's okay. He was pretty upset that Kevin Dunn included me in the Pros poll meeting. We fought for a few days and he was pretty pissed but we made up."

"Yeah, I thought you said he was coming tonight."

"He is," I answered. "He's meeting us here."

"How did you convince him to do that?"

"I didn't. He offered, surprisingly. We had a talk a few nights and I confronted him about a lot of stuff, mainly about him going out all the time. He has a fit when I do it but at least he knows where I am and I come back at a decent hour. He disappears all day or night without so much a call or text. I guess it just annoys me. I don't mind him hanging out with the guys so much as I mind the fact that he doesn't even seem to care that I'm stuck at home or in a hotel alone all night."

"That's why you need your own friends, girl. Do your own thing. I for sure wouldn't just sit around waiting on his ass. Why don't you hang out with the Rookie guys? They seem cool."

I cleared my throat.

"Actually, I have and they are but uh, he got pretty pissed about that too."

"Who cares? Everyone knows you're a married woman and it's not like you would step out on him anyway. It's just hanging out."

"I know."

"So do the Rooks have girlfriends and wives? They're pretty hot. It's only a matter of time some of the so called Divas smell the fresh meat."

"I don't know. I don't get into their personal business. David Otunga is attached, of course, but I think everybody else is single. PJ was telling me he and his girlfriend just broke up."

"Ooohh, so the South African hottie is single, huh?" her eyes twinkled with mischief.

"And she's not," John shook his head. "Liz, do you ever quit?"

She thought for a minute.

"No," she replied, making us all laugh. "It's not like Claud pays me any attention anyway. Besides, you'd hope the fresh meat find nice girls with something going for them instead of those plastic, silicone inflated bimbos who like to fuck in circles."'

"They're not all bad or like that," John defended, taking another drink.

"Most of them are. Come on. You and I have been through this already. Need I remind you of the time the Bella twins tried to have a threesome with you?"

The glass nearly fell out of my hand.

"What?"

"Oh I didn't tell you? Those bitches are a mess. That's their little MO. They flirt with all the guys and play the whole 'gee, look at us, we're hot twins, come live out your fantasy and do us at once' game. It's sick."

It was a good thing I was sitting down. My knees felt weak. All I could think about was that night in Alabama and the mysterious, cryptic phone call Mike had received in the middle of the night. A knee injury hardly seemed like a big enough deal to drag a man out of bed with his wife but the opportunity to have an orgy just might.

"They tried but I turned them down so just drop it," John sighed. "Some guys are into that sort of thing. I love you and I'm married to you. We've had our issues in the past but I'm not willing to risk my marriage for a few hours of fun. An amazing, tantalizing, erotic, once in a lifetime few hours of enjoying every red blooded man's fantasy. How dumb would that be?"

His blue eyes twinkled as he could no longer hold his grin. He was teasing her and loving the fact that she was on the verge of blowing a gasket. With a pouty, perturbed look on her face, she socked him in his massively muscular shoulder.

"If you don't shut up, you and your right hand are about to get very acquainted tonight," she warned. "Anyway, Claud, like I was saying…"

I couldn't get that night out of my head. Now it was all I could think of.

"You alright?" John questioned.

I swallowed hard.

"John, we're friends, you and me, right?"

"Of course we are, Claud."

"I know you and Mike aren't exactly close…"

"That's an understatement," he muttered.

"I know regardless there is a code of brotherhood in that locker room. Wrestlers stick together even despite personal differences."

"What are you getting at?" he asked. "Where is all this coming from?"

"Even though I work for WWE, I'm not always with Mike. I don't see everything and obviously I don't know everything. So if something was going on…I mean, if you knew something or if you heard something about Mike and another woman, you'd tell me, right?"

"He would tell me and I would for sure tell your ass," Liz interrupted.

"It's not my business, Claudia," John spoke softly. "Honestly, I'd hate to be in that position. For so many reasons I wouldn't _want _to tell you but if you asked me, no, I wouldn't lie to you."

I felt my heart drop.

"Have you seen or heard anything?"

It was a moment of truth and I asked a question I didn't know if I was prepared to hear the answer to.

"No."

"Thank God," the relief flooded from me.

"I'm not exactly in Mike's inner circle. There is a lot of backstage drama and for the most part I try to stay clear of that. It's common knowledge that some of the guys in relationships have been known to hook up with Divas or groupies on the down low so I can't say for sure but to answer your question, no. I have never seen Mike with another woman or heard anything that would lead me to think he is cheating on you."

I chewed the inside of my lip until it bled. I was on the verge of tears and just about to speak when I heard someone behind me.

"Hey babe."

Mike took a seat next to me.

"Mike…"

"You okay?"

I felt Liz's eyes on me as John's gaze diverted away from me.

"I'm fine now. Um, I'm glad you're here."

He placed his hand on my thigh and looked at our company.

"Cena," he nodded curtly. "Liz."

"What's up, man?" John took another drink.

"Always a pleasure," Liz's voice dripped with sarcasm.

A waiter came over to take more drink orders and I took the opportunity to have a private conversation with my husband.

"Where were you?" I questioned. "I mean, what took so long?"

"I was talking to Phil and then I took a shower in the room. Why? What's up?"

I opened my mouth but no words came out. We were getting along and I always tried to make those times stretch out as much as possible. I loved Mike in spite of and despite of our problems. Whatever was wrong with our marriage, I felt like it was nothing that couldn't be fixed. Growing apart and not getting along was one thing but infidelity was a whole other can of worms. I admit there were many times when the suspicion of him being unfaithful had crept into my mind but it was a thought so horrific that I couldn't allow myself to even begin to try to process it. So I dismissed it every time and convinced myself that it was something, anything else.

"Nothing."

I gave him a smile and he nodded after staring at me.

"Beer?" Liz handed him an ice cold bottle.

They would never be friends but it was as close enough to a peace offering as it would get.

"Thanks."

I looked on quietly as Mike drank and made awkward small talk. The saying went that love made fools of us all. He glanced over at me and for the first time I noticed that spark, that special look that he used to give me when we first got together and later on when we were first married, was no longer there. It was a pivotal moment but I didn't even care. I was a fool in love.


	17. Point Break

I had enjoyed the warm weather of our travels and back home in LA but the April 6th taping of NXT in Chicago was a slap in the face of cold weather and a wind chill factor that made it feel like we had just landed in Antarctica. The Rookies were busy as ever, wanting to put on the best show possible. It was five weeks until the first elimination and all eight were on edge, knowing the rankings could change at any time. The challenge of the evening would be a keg race. Each Rookie would be required to lift the 160 pound keg, run around the ring and make it back to the finish line in the fastest time. Originally the race had been scripted but last minute I received a message on my Blackberry stating that plans had changed and the men would really be racing. I gathered them in the arena and went over the new arrangement, making sure that we could still make it look smooth on the live show.

It was part of my job to get with all the PAs and make sure that everything was put together with the matches. Everyone was squared away and the mood backstage was light. Right before a show, it was never time to truly relax so I did another quick walk around to see what else needed to be done. Things seemed to be on track until one of the security guards pulled me aside.

"Claudia, we have a bit of a problem," he said.

"What's wrong?"

"Looks like there has been a bit of a security breech. There was a small crowd of fans waiting outside the arena and some of the females were trying to bribe their way backstage. I don't know what happened but at least one of them got back here and apparently they're wandering around."

It wasn't exactly good news but I had certainly heard worse. The WWE Universe was beyond loyal. There was always a crowd waiting outside before and after every show. It was a nightly occurrence for fans to want backstage passes in order to spend one on one time with their favorite Superstars. They would try any and everything from begging, lying, crying, and bribing for a shot. There were a few times when it worked but short of knowing people who worked at the arena, most fans were limited to watching the action from the stands unless they were one of the lucky few who had somehow managed to gain full access passes.

"Do we have a description of the fan?" I asked.

"Yes. White female, long brown hair, wearing dark jeans, boots, and a brown sweater. Pretty vague but she should be easy to spot."

"Just escort her out," I instructed. "Don't do anything drastic and no need to get the cops involved. Just put her back in line outside with everybody else."

"You got it."

I walked away, clipboard in one hand, Blackberry in the other. My last stop was in Catering. I wanted to make sure the food was prepared and that everything was in order. The setup was near the back of the arena and I had to walk down a long corridor to get there. Humming a tune to myself, I made my way to the room, stopping only when I thought I heard a familiar voice behind one of the closed and presumably locked doors.

"Wow, so this is what it looks like backstage, huh?" an unknown female voice giggled. "I always wondered how it was."

"This is the grand tour, just another day at the office as far as I'm concerned. What can I say?"

"You're really nice. I wasn't expecting that. I thought you'd be more like…"

"My character?"

"Well, yeah," she laughed.

"I'm just as awesome, just a far nicer guy."

I peered in for a look. Sure enough there was Mike, my Mike standing next to a young woman who looked very much like the description of the fan who had snuck backstage. She was petite and cute, obviously star struck at being so close to the famous wrestling personality. She looked up at Mike in awe, twirling a piece of hair with her fingers as she popped gum and cocked her head up at him. He seemed to be loving the attention as well. He stood super close to her, his body language flirty and inviting. I was used to him and the other talent being nice to the fans; in fact, I expected such interactions. But this was different. It wasn't my imagination but I swear judging from his demeanor and the look in his eyes that he was in to her.

"So what do you guys do after the show?" she inquired. "If you're looking to party, I know some cool places if you want to hang out."

At that moment, I couldn't take it anymore. I cleared my throat loudly and glared at them.

"Claud," he looked up surprised.

The girl frowned.

"Who's that?"

"Claudia Mizanin," I made myself known. "I'm the NXT Production Coordinator and I'm also Mike's wife."

He looked sheepish as her eyes grew wide.

"Oh."

"What's your name?"

"Brandy," she reluctantly answered.

"Do you have a backstage pass, Brandy?"

"No, I…"

"I'm afraid this is a restricted area. No one is allowed without a pass. I'm going to have to alert security."

"Am I in trouble?"

She wasn't but someone else was.

"No. If you have a ticket, you'll have to go back outside and wait until they open the doors."

I didn't bother to wait for her response. I detached the walkie talkie from my hip and radioed security. An arena guard showed up in a jiff and young Brandy left without incident. Mike and I were left alone and I was too pissed off to even speak. I turned on my heels to walk away from him.

"I know you're not mad," he said with a cocky laugh.

"Are you serious right now?"

"Hell yeah, I'm serious."

"I'm not having this conversation with you."

"What's the big deal, Claud?"

"The big deal?" I repeated. "How about every time I turn my back, I feel like you're doing something behind it."

"Come on. You're totally overreacting. She was just a fan. She snuck back here and she was really excited to meet The Miz. I signed an autograph and took a few pics with her. She wanted to take a look around so I showed her. That's all that happened."

"What the hell are you now, a goddamned tour guide or the United States champion?"

"This is ridiculous. I can't believe you're actually mad. It's innocent."

"I'm sure it is," I retorted sarcastically.

"It is, you know, kind of like you and your pool instructor," he said coolly.

"You're a dick," I shook my head.

"And you're crazy."

"Am I?" I raised my voice. "You certainly like to make me feel that way. But I'm not stupid, Mike."

He folded his arms.

"Is there something you want to say?"

"Are you cheating on me?"

There it was. The question, which sounded more like an accusation seemed to tumble out of my mouth.

"What?"

"You heard what I said."

"Claudia…"

"Answer me. All the fighting between us, the fact that we go for weeks without being intimate, how distant you are sometimes, the staying out with your friends constantly…I want to know, Mike. I'm not dumb. I know things happen on the road."

"Most of the time you're on the road with me."

"Like that would stop with you."

"You're being retarded and I'm not gonna even give you the satisfaction of answering such a stupid, paranoid question."

I grabbed his arm.

"Don't you dare walk away from me. You will give me an answer. You will look right in my face and tell me the truth. I want to know what is going on with you."

My determination surprised him and he knew I wasn't just going to drop the issue.

"Nothing is going on. Jesus, Claud. You're the one I married, you're the one I love. I'm not cheating on you so just drop it."

He looked me right in the eye but I couldn't tell if he was telling the truth. That bothered the hell out of me. I was still angry but I couldn't let that anger consume me.

"I have to go."

"Are we cool or are you gonna keep harping on this all night?"

"I love you, Mike. I asked you a question because it's been bothering me for a long time. I got my answer and I don't know how I feel about that or if I even believe it. All I know is that something has to change, the way we are, the way you treat me, the way you make me feel. I'm hurt, Mike and it sucks. I don't like it. I want us to be happy again."

"I thought we were."

"Well, you thought wrong."

"Claud…"

"Excuse me, Claudia, you're needed up front," a PA let me know.

I gathered myself together. I was on the verge of losing it but there was no time. I was at work and people depended on me. The show had to go on.

"Can we talk about this later?" Mike asked one last time.

I nodded but walked away. I had nothing to say to him at that point. It was said that people were forced to change once they hit rock bottom. I had never understood that statement until that moment. Rock bottom wasn't far away and I had reached my breaking point.


	18. Sweet Dreams

There was no rest for the weary as immediately after the show in Chicago, the majority of the WWE roster headed to Europe. It was the first leg of the overseas tour and the company went several times every year. It was an exhausting and grueling week and there was much to be done. Despite the hectic schedule, it was a week and a half that everyone greatly looked forward to.

Mike and I were barely speaking to each other and it wasn't necessarily an unfamiliar situation but it was unusual that I had initiated the aggression. I still loved Mike with all my heart and desperately wanted my marriage to work but I was tired. I wanted answers. I wanted changes. I was determined not to give in so easily this time. I was a woman fed up.

I arrived at O'Hare with Mike in the early morning. The large airport looked like a who's who of the WWE's most elite. The tour would be divided with one set of Superstars doing shows and another set performing in other parts of the continent. As we looked at the itinerary, I noticed Mike and I would be split up the first few days of the tour. That meant we would be flying into Europe on separate flights. Normally such news would have bummed me out but I didn't even react.

"I'll call you from the hotel," he had promised. "I'll land first."

"Okay," I had simply stated.

He gave me a half hearted peck on the lips before boarding the plane. I headed to my terminal and the waiting area was packed, signaling the flight would probably be full. I took a seat on the floor, hugging my knees to my chest. I had crammed as much luggage under the flight as possible and still had a carryon piece that was packed to the hilt. The eight Rookies were all waiting by the gate. In addition to the crew, John "Morrison" Hennigan, Ron, Phil, Serena Deeb, Nattie Neidhart, TJ "Tyson Kidd" Wilson, Davey Smith, and Matt Hardy among others were also scheduled to join us on the flight.

I thumbed through a random tabloid I had picked up. Despite the crowd, it was pretty quiet. Most everyone was napping. Over the top of my magazine, I noticed PJ lying on the floor bopping his head to the beat of whatever was playing on his earphones. I looked at him. His eyes were closed and he looked relaxed and calm. There was a quiet, exotic beauty about him that I found intriguing. I must have been really staring because eventually he opened his eyes and returned my gaze with a smile. His stare was mesmerizing, almost hypnotic. Our mutual trance was only broken when they began calling for passengers on our flight to begin boarding. 45 aggravating minutes later, I was settled in my seat, all strapped in and ready for the long trip.

I was placed in the middle aisle section of the international flight. There were three window seats located on both sides of the plane as well as four seats in the middle aisle. The plane was packed but not completely full. I was surprised as I found myself in a row alone. I sat on the end and closed my eyes and just before taking off, I felt someone walking up to the opposite end of my row.

"These seats taken?" PJ asked. "The stewardess said I could switch before takeoff."

Just my luck. I looked around. Sure enough as far as I could see, I was the only passenger with a complete aisle to myself.

"No," I stated. "Go ahead."

He put some of his belongings on the end seat and took a seat next to it, which meant only one seat separated us. As the doors closed and we were given instructions for takeoff, I realized we'd be together the entire 14 hour plus ride. He put on his earphones and I reclined my seat, closing my eyes. I was tired and it was way too early. So much had already taken place in the last few days and all I wanted to do was relax and just forget, even if it was only for a little while…

…_The room emulated in soft candlelight that smelled of lavender. I could feel the night breeze and my body shivered involuntarily at what was to come. The door opened ever so slowly and I immediately saw the lone figure standing in the shadows. My breath left my body as he came closer and finally sat down beside me. I stared in complete awe at his incredible body. Dark eyes bore a hole right through me. His shoulders were so masculine and broad, offset by the perfect tan. God, he was so beautiful and I wanted him. I needed him to touch me and as if he could hear my silent pleas, he placed his large hand over my smaller one._

"_You're trembling," he whispered._

_I smiled nervously._

"_I'm sorry," I apologized._

"_It's okay. You don't have to be afraid, Claudia. I won't hurt you."_

_I knew he meant that. His reassuring words were enough to relax me. Our eyes met just before I kissed the sensitive spot on the underside of his neck. His low growl was more than enough appreciation. My mouth maneuvered expertly, leaving a wet trail down his flawless bare chest and feeling a bit playful, I grazed his nipples with my teeth. Never had I wanted anybody that badly before. He touched me and it sent chills all over my body. _

"_I want to love you," I looked right in his soulful eyes._

"_Please," he practically begged. "Please love me."_

_I wanted to please him in every possible way. He reclined back and pulled me on top of him as I let my tongue slowly and methodically explore every crevice of his beautiful form. He moaned with pleasure as I lowered my mouth over his most sensitive parts and I loved the fact that I was the one pleasing him. I could have stayed there forever kissing and tasting him but he soon decided to reciprocate the favor. His kisses and touches were so sensual. All over my breasts, my stomach, and then lower. I could feel his breath against my heat as his fingertips kneaded the soft flesh of my quivering thighs. My body was on the brink of exploding with a sense of physical gratification I had never felt before. The sexual pleasure was the most intense feeling I'd ever felt before coupled with the pure magic of the moment. I thought I might die. We were in pure bliss, ecstasy and making love to him was all that mattered at that moment._

"_Please," I whimpered, panting with my hands all over him. "I need you. I need you inside me right now."_

_He stroked my face, planting sweet butterfly kisses all over my exposed flesh as he obliged my request._

"_You are so beautiful…" he whispered._

_So was he. And so was that feeling._

"_Oh God," I panted. "Oh! PJ! PJ…"_

…"Did you say something, Claudia?" he removed his earphones.

"Huh?"

I opened my eyes and glanced to my left. Heath and Bryan were seated by the window and I could see the fluffy white clouds. The plane shook with slight turbulence and I rubbed my eyes. I didn't even remember taking off.

"Sorry," he smiled. "I thought I heard you call my name."

"Oh. Um, no. I…uh, I don't think so," I stammered, wiping away what I was sure was a puddle of drool on my chin before he saw it.

Exactly how long had I been sleeping and dreaming? And what a dream it was! I couldn't believe I'd had a sex dream about PJ Lloyd. It had been so vivid that my cheeks were still flushed with sheer embarrassment at the mere thought. My forehead and hands were damp and clammy with sweat. It was so real but what had brought it on? Married women, no matter how unhappy they were, weren't supposed to fantasize about making love to men who weren't their husbands. I felt like a common harlot.

"You sure you're okay?" he questioned.

"I'm fine, PJ. Really," I tried to smile. "Everything is fine."

The long flight continued and we sat in silence for a while. Eventually PJ dozed off for a few hours. When he woke up, it was time to eat. We made small talk later on but I had a lot on my mind. I knew the European tour would be busy and hectic enough but now with Mike I had a whole new reason to stress. Then there was the man seated next to me. He was simply an acquaintance, a co-worker, a really nice person I was getting to know as a friend. That was all it was…wasn't it? I desperately tried to erase the graphic images of my dream from my head. I squeezed my eyes tight but when I opened them, he was smiling at me. I forced myself to return his smile but I wasn't smiling on the inside by a long shot. I had the sinking feeling that things were about to get really complicated. I closed my eyes. I had enough problems.


	19. Heartbreak Hotel

The WWE tour continued throughout Europe without a hitch. The fans and the energy were amazing and everyone was having a good time. NXT was scheduled to be in the UK for its April 13th show and in the meantime the guys were participating in dark matches for both the RAW and Smackdown brands as well as taking part in all the house shows and public appearances. As promised, a couple days into the trip, Mike and I had been reunited. Normally it was a time when I counted down the very minutes and seconds until I would throw myself into his arms but this time I was quite reserved. Our first meeting consisted of a few awkward hellos and an even more awkward hug. We barely talked and during dinner that night with our WWE friends, I had been stiff and quiet, even recoiling slightly when he had put his arm around me. I knew I had to deal with the state of my marriage sooner or later but I was opting for the latter.

My job had me all over the place on all three brands wearing even more hats than usual. We were busier than ever but I didn't mind. I loved being overseas. I loved seeing the reactions of all the fans. I loved being exposed to the different cultures. The little bit of down time we had was fun. Granted Liz, Denise, Kristen, and Samantha were not there, but I did get to hang out with some of the other guys I was close to. After one of the house shows, I'd had dinner with Matt Hardy and some of the crew from Smackdown. The pub was close to the hotel and Matt and I had walked back together. A few lucky fans who had been staking out the place all day approached us as we arrived and he had signed autographs for nearly 45 minutes. I had stood by patiently and waited for him to finish, even playing the role of photographer for those that wanted a picture with him. Our rooms were on different floors and I was two levels above him. He gave me a kiss on the cheek in the elevator before exiting. I was exhausted but in a particularly good mood. I was most looking forward to a hot shower and sleep.

The elevator stopped and I realized I had stepped out onto the wrong level. The doors had already closed and I figured one flight of stairs wouldn't kill me. On the way to the exit, I heard a familiar voice. My heart pounded as I stopped. I could see Mike from behind. Standing closely in front of him against the wall was a woman. I couldn't see her too well but when she spoke I realized it was Layla El, one of the Smackdown Divas. Their voices were hushed but giggly. I watched with bated breath as Mike reached and tilted her chin upwards to look at him. She laughed and slipped her hand under his jacket.

"See?" he teased. "What did I tell you about keeping your hands to yourself?"

"You're one to talk," she purred.

I turned away immediately. I had seen enough and was fearful of what was to come. Quiet as a mouse and in a confused daze, I somehow found my way to our room. I let myself in and collapsed on the bed. I stayed there for what felt like an eternity but according to the clock was only 20 minutes. The door opened again and it was Mike.

"Hey babe," he greeted me casually.

I kept my back towards him.

"Hey."

"The show was amazing tonight, the fans over here are insane," he said as he began taking off his clothes.

"Yeah."

"Man, I'm beat. Got a couple appearances tomorrow. I'm gonna turn in early," he said as he grabbed a towel and made his way to the shower.

"Okay."

I heard the water turn on as he left the door slightly ajar. I looked over at the pile of clothes on the floor. His wallet was on top of them. Like a woman possessed, I walked over and grabbed it. I had no idea what I would find or even what I was looking for but I couldn't stop. There were receipts for stores and restaurants, his credit cards and driver's license. I found nothing out of the ordinary but it didn't stop me. Unsatisfied, I stood up leaving the mess in a scattered heap.

Eyes searching the room, I found his laptop. I was unable to access the e-mail but I searched as many files, pictures, and videos as I could but there was nothing. The only thing left to do was grab his phone. The password protector was off and I went immediately for the record of text messages. The phone had a large memory and the messages went back for months and months. I glanced through them, what had to be thousands but I didn't care. Deep in my heart I knew there would be something I needed to see. Seconds later, suspicions were confirmed. There were a series of messages and the person corresponding with Mike was only identified with an initial instead of a full name. The recipients said things like, _When are you coming back to NYC? Last night was AWESOME. Ur much hotter in person than on RAW. _Reading and trying to decipher their meanings I could only gather that these people were strangers or at least casual acquaintances. My suspicions of infidelity were slowly but surely being confirmed, however, I still needed that one smoking gun.

The name in the contact folder was Caitlin. I don't know what compelled me to look but I did and there it was. Hundreds of messages going back and forth. I quickly remembered the name. She had been his first serious girlfriend following his Real World days. The relationship had been passionate but tumultuous and the two had broken up less than a year before we got back together. He had described two years of drama, arguments, sex, and more drama. As far as I knew, they had lost contact but now in front of me was the written proof to the contrary. Messages filled with them saying how much they missed each other, how much they loved each other, and when their next rendezvous would be. I felt sick to my stomach.

The shower water was still running and I could hear him singing in the background. With shaking hands, I texted, _Baby, I miss u. When can I see u again? _I held onto a nearby chair for support and closed my eyes. What the hell was I doing? My own question was answered in less than a minute when I received a return text. _Call me when u get back. I'll be back in LA then. Can't wait to kiss u again. Too bad you had to leave 4 Europe, last time was way 2 short. _I stared at the screen, my fingers trembling horribly. _Do u have any idea what I'm gonna do to u when I see u? _As if I hadn't seen enough, I texted the question, wondering how she would respond. _Love u so much, Mike. Can't wait. Gonna make u cum so hard._ I dropped the phone and buried my face in a nearby trash can as I threw up. The water stopped and I heard Mike pull back the curtain as I presumed he heard me sobbing and gagging.

"Claud, you alright?" he walked over to me.

I stood up and punched him square in his chest that was still damp from his shower.

"You son of a bitch!" I screamed.

"Babe…" he said, surprised as I had knocked him off balance.

I picked the phone up and threw it at him.

"I know!" I wailed. "I've always known, Mike, I was just too dumb, too blind to admit it! You treat me worse than garbage! You act like you hate me, you never want me around! You don't make love to me, you treat me like some plastic blow-up doll that you can just screw until you get off! You've changed and I knew, God, I knew there was another woman!"

"What the hell has gotten into you? Claud, you're delusional."

"Delusional? The only thing I was ever delusional about was thinking this sorry excuse for a marriage could work. You cheated on me!"

"I never did, that's a lie…"

"I saw the messages, Mike. All your little whores on the side in every city. How many of them are there, huh?" I pushed him hard.

He was busted and he knew it. Mike had never seen me so angry. All he could do was stutter and try to keep his towel on.

"Claudia, listen…

"Listen to what? More of your filthy lies? All I want to know is the truth! Why don't you try that for once? Why don't you tell me about your threesomes with the twins or fucking Layla and all the other Divas in this company! Why don't you talk about that, about how you cheated on me or is it really even considered cheating since Caitlin is the one you love and not me!"

He looked like he had seen a ghost.

"Caitlin," he repeated. "How…"

"How long?" I demanded. "How many? Were any of them in our house, in our bed?"

"Claudia!"

I lunged at him, kicking and punching with everything I had. Years of sadness, anger, and frustration were uncontrollably exploding.

"I hate you!" I screamed. "I hate you! I wish I had never married you, never met you! I don't want you anymore, I never want to see your face again!"

He wrestled me to the floor, not to be aggressive but simply to get me off of him. I was outmatched and finally surrendered in a mass of tears. Mike looked down at me and on his face, it finally registered. It was Michael Mizanin again, not The Miz. The pain and destruction of something once so beautiful, sacred, and special was all his fault and he knew it. He fell backwards onto the floor still stunned at what had transpired in a matter of minutes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice cracking with emotion.

There were no more rants or denials. It was over. I knew. He knew that I knew. I sat there and just wept with my head in my hands. The sobs were deep and pain filled, gut wrenching wails that caused my whole body to shake. Mike looked frightened and uncertain as finally he approached me, trying to comfort me by placing a hand on my shoulder.

"No!" I yelled standing.

"Baby…"

I stumbled away from him, headed to the door. I was barefoot wearing only jeans and the tank top I'd worn in the chilly weather as an undershirt. My hair was messy and I had red, swollen raccoon eyes from crying. Mike was desperately trying to calm me down, trying to get me to stay in the room but there with him was the last place I wanted to be. I ran out and down the stairs. I was running away from him but the realization hit me that there was nowhere to go. I had a professional reputation to protect and the last thing I needed or wanted was my fellow WWE family seeing me in such a state. Liz wasn't there and I didn't have my phone to call her to ask where John was staying. He was my friend and I knew I could trust him.

Running out of options and more desperate with each passing second, I ended up on Matt's floor. Matt Hardy was one of the good guys. He was a gentle soul, wise beyond his years and extremely loyal to those he cared about. He would know what to do. I pounded on his door with all my might praying that he would answer. The door finally opened but the man on the other side wasn't Matt Hardy.

"Claudia, oh my God. What happened to you?"

It was PJ.

"I,I,I,I…I was looking for Matt…"

"He's three doors down but are you okay?"

I shook my head as tears spilled. I was not okay. I was anything but okay. I broke down right in front of him and seconds later I felt strong arms wrap around me. He guided me inside and closed the door. He held me and all I could do was cry. My whole world had just fallen apart.


	20. Angel In Disguise

My eyes opened slowly. For a minute I was absolutely still, despite the pounding of my head. My whole body ached, like I had just been hit by a truck. Then it dawned on me. It wasn't just a dream. Mike and Layla in the hallway, the text messages, Caitlin, the angry confrontation. All of it had really happened. Life as I knew it had just been turned upside down. I sat up and winced. The room was dark. There was an empty double bed beside me and my eyes darted over to the chair in front of me. I saw PJ's large frame uncomfortably propped up in it. I moved and instantly his eyes were open.

"Claudia…"

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Midnight. You, uh, you fell asleep and I didn't want to bother you."

I remembered collapsing in tears in front of his door and him letting me come in. He had tried to ask what was wrong but all I could do was cry. I had sat on one of the beds curled up in the fetal position and the next thing I knew, nearly four hours had passed.

"Thank you for letting me stay here. I, um, didn't mean to bother you. I'm really sorry for all this."

"Please don't apologize. I'm just worried. You were so upset…"

"Mike and I had a fight."

PJ nodded.

"I see. I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe you two can work it out."

I shook my head.

"Not this time. It's over," I said emphatically. "I've made up my mind. When we get back to the States, I'm moving out of that house. I want a divorce."

"Wow. Um, that's kind of heavy. It's not really my business and I don't know what to say but…"

"He cheated," I blurted out.

PJ looked me in the eye.

"That…that sucks. That's tough. I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

I played with my hands.

"For so many years I tried to figure out why things had gotten so bad between us. My marriage was a goddamned joke and there I was trying to pretend it was all okay. I gave him everything. He was my everything. All I wanted was to make him happy and be a good wife. Now look at me. Now what? I'm almost 30 years old and my entire life has been a lie that just got exposed and I don't know what to do."

I started to cry again and he inched closer to me, taking a seat on the bed.

"Claudia, I don't know what to say," he spoke quietly. "I know you're hurting and I am so sorry for that. Marriage is such a sacred institution. When that bond is suddenly broken and you lose someone you love like that…I can't imagine how that must feel."

"I don't know what to do with myself right now. I don't know how to think, what to say, how to act or feel. It's surreal, almost like watching it happen to someone else."

"You're angry. You're confused and hurt, obviously very upset. You have a right to be. No one can blame you for that. You're going to have to make a lot of decisions but not right now, not at this very moment. I wish I knew what to say to you. I wish I could help more. All I can do now is be a friend. I mean that, Claudia. We haven't known each other for that long but I think you're a great person and I care about you. Whatever I can do, even if it's just to sit here and listen, please know I'm here for you."

"I, I'm sorry to just barge in here like this. I was gonna go to Matt's room," I looked around the room at the two sets of luggage. "I'm sure you have a roommate…"

"It's okay. It's just Fred and he and Heath are out tonight. They've found some local ladies to hang out with and let's just say, they're having a very good time. I don't expect him back until in the morning right before it's time to do press. I left him at the club fist pumping," he cracked a joke and I couldn't help but give a small smile through my tears.

"Tomorrow I have to wake up and pretend like everything is okay. I have to go to my job and be in front of all the management and the crew and the talent and act like nothing is wrong. I have to do my job when I'm dying on the outside. How do you do that?"

"I wish I had the answers."

"PJ, will you do me a favor?"

"Anything."

"Hide me. I know I can't stay gone forever but I want to lay low for as long as possible."

"You got it," he didn't miss a beat. "No one will ever think to look for you here. Whatever you need and for however long."

He handed me a Kleenex and I wiped my nose.

"I…just, I don't know what it's gonna be like to face Mike after everything that's happened. How do I look into the eyes of the man I have loved ever since I was a kid knowing how he betrayed me, how much he hurt me."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Claudia and you can't blame yourself. People grow apart every day but there is a right way and a wrong way to make your exit. What Mike did was wrong and he knows that. You just have to figure out what you want, what you're going to do and take care of you."

I nodded and started to cry again. The tears rushed me like a flood.

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't apologize," he put an arm around me and let me cry into his shoulder. "It's okay. Just let it out."

"I feel like such an idiot…"

"You're not."

"I feel like my whole life is over."

"It just feels that way but it's not. I know it doesn't seem that way now but things will get better, I promise."

"I can't deal with this right now. It's so hard to face, PJ…"

"I know, love. Listen, you might feel better if you had a hot shower. Fred's bed hasn't been slept in. Even if you don't feel like sleeping, you could at least lie down and relax. "

I was too emotionally spent to even protest. I simply stood and made my way to the bathroom. I turned the water on as hot as it would go and let it pour off my body. The steam left my skin red and wrinkled but I didn't care. I stood there for what felt like forever. My body felt physically better but I knew it would take much more than a hot shower and a talk with a friend to make a difference with my heart. Toweling off, I wrapped one around me and used another to dry my hair. I opened the door and PJ was watching TV.

"Hi," I said meekly, peeking my head around the door.

He smiled at me.

"Feel better?"

"A little," I shrugged.

"My mother always said that a hot shower can cure anything."

"Almost anything," I sighed. "Um…I, I didn't bring any clothes…"

He reached into his bag and tossed me one of his tee shirts.

"Will this be okay?"

I nodded and stepped back into the bathroom to change. His tee shirt swallowed my much smaller frame. I stared in the mirror at my puffy eyes, pale face and damp mass of hair. The shirt was black and covered with silver designs of the letter J as well as little halos. It smelled just like him.

"Thank you for the shirt and the talk and the bed…just everything. I appreciate it, PJ", I told him sincerely as I walked back out.

"No worries. Just want you to be okay."

"Thanks."

He grinned.

"You look cute in my shirt. Might get you to model it on the site once it's ready to be sold to the public."

"I look like hell but thanks anyway," I rolled my eyes. "I like the shirt, though. It looks like some of the same designs from your wrestling trunks."

"It is. I like to have different symbols on my ring attire. I change my mind a lot. I hooked up with this really awesome designer lady who is gonna work on some stuff for me. I'm really excited. There are going to be angelic scripts on them and everything."

"That's nice," I said.

"I'm sorry. I'm going on and on about my ring gear and I know that's the last thing you feel like hearing about. Forgive me."

"It's okay. It's a distraction at least. I like the halos. I like angels. My mom collects anything having to do with angels."

"That's cool. I like angels, too. I think there's something really magical about what they represent. I'm a very religious and spiritual man. A lot of people say you can't be both but I don't believe that. I used to think it was stupid when people said that someone was looking down on them but now I absolutely believe that. I really feel like my dad is my own guardian angel watching after me."

I caught a rare glimpse into his own grief, briefly diverted from my own.

"No," I said softly. "That doesn't sound stupid at all, PJ."

He reached underneath his pillow and pulled out something. I was surprised to see that it was a Bible.

"I don't know what you believe in but I read a little bit of this every right. It brings me comfort. If you don't mind, I wanted to quote something to you out of Psalms 34:18. It says _The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit._ For me, those words are just really powerful. I don't know. Don't mean to get all Jesus freak on you," he smiled, "but it has really helped me in times of need in my life."

Fresh tears sprang to my eyes. I had gone to church with my grandparents on Sundays growing up and though I believed in God, organized religion had not been a part of my adult life. In fact, the only times I had been to church in recent years was to attend weddings, my own included. Seeing PJ in that light really touched me. I respected his faith and thought it was nice of him to share that part of his life with me.

"Thank you," I swallowed hard. "That was really beautiful."

He nodded and stood, walking over towards the sink.

"It's getting late and there's a lot to do tomorrow. If you don't mind, I'm just gonna take my contacts out and hit the sack. I want to check my e-mail but after that, I'll just put the TV on sleep timer, if that's okay. I don't want to bother you…"

"I'm fine. Thank you, PJ."

"Good night, Claudia."

I lay my head across the pillow and let my eyes close. Along with my heart, they were both heavy. So much had happened in such a short amount of time and I knew it was far from over. This was only the beginning.

"Good night," I whispered back.


	21. How Do You Spell Relief

My mind was a million miles away as I slipped into the back of the O2 Arena in London, England. I was still spinning from the events of the past 48 hours. My life as I knew it had been turned upside down and my marriage as I had come to know it, seemed to be falling apart. In such a short time I had experienced every emotion possible. I was confused, shocked, angry, hurt, frustrated and finally numb. For the first time, I hadn't thrown myself into work to cope. Instead I had hidden out. I had never lied before to Kevin Dunn because I'd never had a reason to but as I sent him a text message feigning terrible illness complete with a fever and stomachache, it had set the ball rolling for an unfortunate chain of events. I had delegated my many responsibilities to a few of the senior PAs I knew I could trust and did most of my other business over the Blackberry.

All this happened as I hid out in the hotel room of PJ Lloyd. We had been friendly from the beginning but the moment my life had fallen apart, I had turned to a man who had been a virtual stranger. We got to know each other in a hurry through my grief and in a matter of hours he had proved to be a strong shoulder to cry on. He listened when I needed to talk, he offered words of comfort when I needed to be consoled. And sometimes he was just there, a gentle and caring presence. Fred had eventually returned after a night of partying but one look at my tear stained cheeks and he knew right away something serious was up. PJ had explained as much as he could without divulging too much of my business and Fred had taken the hint. He had willingly given up his bed and place in the room and made himself scarce. He too had been just another new co-worker and casual acquaintance but quickly I knew he too was someone I could trust. I could only hide from the world for a short amount of time and I was grateful the two men facilitated my way.

When I could no longer remain holed up in the hotel room, I had put on enough make-up to conceal my physical troubles. I dressed in jeans, black boots, and threw on a grey jacket over my black shirt. I wore sunglasses inside and a grey wool Kangol hat. I moved through the crowds of perhaps imagined eyes that seemed to stare relentlessly. I grabbed my handy clipboard and began the usual work of checking with Catering, making sure the crew had everything set up, and answering any questions the production team and wrestlers may have had. The first elimination in NXT was fast approaching and the guys were flying high from their time overseas.

The matches for the evening were to be Pro Christian versus Rookie Wade Barrett, Pro William Regal against Rookie Daniel Bryan and finally Darren Young's infamous hair on the line when he took on Luke Gallows. In addition to the matches, the Rookies would have plenty of camera time with a new challenge. The winner would be determined by the live audience and the prize was their very own entrance theme. They would be given random topics and then have 30 seconds to talk about them. It seemed easy enough but when I saw that the topics included everything from cereal to flowers, I knew the FCW Eight had their work cut out for them.

"Claudia, everything is ready to go," a PA told me. "Matt Striker has all the topics and he'll be getting audio feed into his earpiece for the spot. The guys have no idea what their topics are because Kevin wants it to be as real as possible."

"Good deal," I nodded. "Thanks."

I scanned some production notes when I felt a presence looming over me. I looked up and saw that it was Mike. He looked like hell, like he hadn't slept in days. Large bags, identical to my own, hung underneath his eyes. He looked worried, different.

"Claudia, I need to talk to you," he said in a quiet voice.

"There's nothing to talk about," I refused to meet his gaze.

He shoved his hands in his pockets.

"I know you're upset but I need to explain."

"Mike…"

"Please, Claud."

His voice had an unfamiliar pleading tone.

"Mike, I do not want to do this with you right now. It's not the time or the place."

"Then what is?" he demanded. "You walked out on me and I haven't seen you in a day and a half. I had no idea where you were, if you were even okay."

"Really?" I shot back. "Welcome to my world. Now you know how I felt all those times you did it to me."

He closed his eyes.

"I deserve that."

"That and a lot more."

"You have a right to be upset. I know how you must feel."

I felt my anger mounting.

"Don't you proceed to tell me how I feel. You have no idea. You can't Mike because if you did, maybe you would have thought twice before you hurt me like this, before you shit all over our wedding vows."

"I can explain."

"Explain? Explain what? Are you kidding? What part do you want to explain? The fact that you've screwed every Diva employed by the company or the fact that you've rekindled your storybook romance with your precious little Caitlin."

Heads were beginning to turn.

"God, will you lower your voice?" he tersely whispered.

"Why? You embarrassed?"

"Claud…"

"You should be."

"Calm down. I just want to talk, okay? I get that you're mad but we'll never get through this if we don't talk it out. Yeah, maybe backstage isn't the ideal place to handle all this but what am I supposed to do when you won't even talk to me? I've been worried sick the past two nights. You won't even answer your phone. Where were you, baby?"

I laughed out loud at his sheer nerve.

"Baby? Where was I? Are you high, Mike? Or just stupid? Where I go and what I do is no longer of your concern. Those days are over."

"Despite what has happened, what I have done or how you may feel, we are still married."

"Don't remind me and don't you dare throw the sanctity of marriage in my face. I did everything for you. I was a good wife. I loved you. I took care of you. I put your needs before my own. What did that get me? Huh, Mike? All you did was talk to me like dirt and treat me worse than crap. You stayed out all night and ignored me. You had no respect for me or any consideration for my feelings. Worst of all after you promised before God, our family and our friends to love, honor and always be faithful to me, you had sleazy affair after affair with any and everything that had two legs and a vagina in between them. How do you think that makes me feel?"

Now any and everyone within earshot was focused on us.

"Don't do this," he begged.

"I didn't do anything. You did this. You did this to us and to yourself. If this isn't the fairytale ending you expected, then you have only yourself to thank."

He ran his fingers through his perfectly sculpted hair and took a breath.

"The show is about to start. We have a busy schedule ahead but I think we really need to talk. Just…can you meet me in the hotel before tomorrow? We're all taking a shuttle to the next location."

"No," I emphatically stated.

"Claud, don't be like this!" his voice rose in anger and frustration. "Come on!"

He pounded his fist into the wall and everyone stopped immediately what they were doing but I didn't flinch. At that moment I didn't care. All the caring had been drained out of me thanks to his undoing.

"I have nothing more to say to you, Mike. You have hurt me and betrayed me for the last time and I can't take it anymore. I won't take it anymore. I am done crying over you and hating myself because of you. It seems like all you've wanted lately is your freedom, the chance to be single again. Well, congratulations because I'm about to give you what you want."

He looked in my eyes and saw a deep, profound pain he had never witnessed before. Accompanied with that pain was a renewed seriousness. The mood had definitely changed.

"What are you saying?" he asked.

One could almost see the lump forming in his throat.

"I'm saying it's over. We're done, Mike."

I turned to walk away. I spoke the words out loud and I couldn't have imagined how actually saying them would feel. Scary? Sad? In actuality, I didn't feel either emotion. All I felt was relief.

"What?"

"You heard me. I'm through. I want a divorce."


	22. Heaven Sent

Word of my confrontation with Mike and the implied threat of marital separation spread like wildfire all over the backstage area and even back to the States. People whispered and speculated but no one dared say anything directly to my face and I wasn't volunteering any information. I had managed to avoid my husband like the plague. After switching hotels, I had left the sanctuary of comfort and privacy provided by Fred and PJ and gotten my own room. From then on it was head first into work, work, and more work. Kevin Dunn didn't ask any questions and of course there was always something to do backstage. We finally wrapped up the European tour and it was time to head home. The Raw and Smackdown Superstars were divided, leaving the NXT roster to travel with the Smackdown roster. Everyone was exhausted but happy, looking forward to a day or two of relaxation at our respective homes before starting the week on Monday April 18, 2010 in East Rutherford, New Jersey.

But the universe seemed to have other plans or at least Mother Nature did. A series of volcanic eruptions happened at Eyjafjoll in Iceland that disrupted air travel all over Europe. We heard spatterings in the news but had no idea just how it would affect us all. All I did know was the last thing I wanted to do was spend time traveling with Mike. I was due to catch the shuttle that housed the Raw talent but at the last minute, I traded with another PA. The vehicle pulled away leaving me behind as my eyes met with my husband's. We exchanged a dozen words without speaking and I knew some things were better off left unsaid. I'd have to deal with him back in the U.S. soon enough. There was a miscommunication with the Smackdown bus and they barely received the message to wait for me. I nearly got left behind and slipped on board at the last minute. I made my way to the back looking for an unoccupied seat. Matt Hardy was sharing a seat with PJ. He took one look at me and stood.

"You don't have to," I said.

He smiled.

"It's okay."

"Thanks, Matt."

He answered by giving me a hug. Matt was a sweet guy and very affectionate with his friends but there was something so warm and brotherly about his embrace. With one touch, he was letting me know it was going to be okay and that he would be there for me. I appreciated the sentiment.

"Are you alright?" he asked as he finally pulled away.

I shrugged.

"I'm gonna be," I answered with as much as much confidence and hope as I could muster.

"Whatever you need," he patted my arm, moving out of the way so I could sit as he gave PJ a brief nod.

PJ removed the earpiece from his iPod and made more room in the seat for me to sit down.

"How are you?" he asked.

"I'm fine. Tired. Ready to get back home, wherever that is, and face whatever I have to face."

He gave me that gentle reassuring half smile as I leaned back into the seat. No one asked any questions and that was fine by me. Rumors of Mike's inappropriate behavior had begun to run rampant but I had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn't much of a shock to most people. Pretty much everyone was disgusted with him but the last thing I wanted was for people to take sides. Instead there was a calm silence on the way to the airport and for the next hour or so, I was lost in thought. We arrived at the airport ready to board a flight headed back to America but it was not to be. The large ash cloud was hovering over the airspace making visibility impossible. Most flights were cancelled and we were left not knowing what to do. For an hour we sat on a hot bus and I finally summoned off of it to have an impromptu conference with some of the powers that be. I spoke several times by phone with Kevin Dunn and other management. Finally we came to the only feasible conclusion. We were close enough to Spain and planes were flying in and out of Madrid. The Raw brand would not be as lucky. They had hoped to fly out of Ireland and were now stuck until further notice.

I hopped back on the bus and explained the situation to everybody. Layla was seated near the front and her eyes refused to meet mine. It took everything I had not to punch her in the nose. Instead I maintained both my composure and professionalism. I told the guys and girls that we were in for a 14 hour uncomfortable bus ride. Flights were operating out of Madrid but there were bound to be delays. I also told them of the plight of the Raw Superstars. It looked like it was coming down to crunch time and the Raw wrestlers might not make it to Jersey on time. If that was the case, it would be up to us to fill in and keep their show going as well as our own. That would mean flying straight into New Jersey, nixing the r&r everyone had been looking forward to. There were no gripes or complaints. Everyone soldiered up immediately. I was dealing with professionals and just a great bunch of people. We were a family who truly functioned as a team when it counted and that made me proud.

I reclaimed my seat next to PJ. Uncomfortable wasn't the word. Being only 5'4", I was fine but the bus wasn't built for long legs. The guys shifted around constantly, their limbs sore and tight from the lack of room. At times the bus traveled so slowly I thought for sure we would break down. We stopped once for food and then continued on our merry way. We went back and forth from doing our own things like reading and listening to music to playing group road games and having godawful sing-a-longs. After a while my eyes grew heavy and there came a time when I could no longer hold my head up. I drifted off and when my eyes opened again, it was dark outside and my head was resting against PJ's shoulder.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

I nodded.

"How long have I been out?"

"Few hours," he answered. "I dozed off myself."

I forced a small smile.

"Are we there yet?"

"Far from it, I think. We might have better luck if we got out and pushed this thing."

I sat up and stretched, wincing. My back was killing me.

"I ache all over," I complained. "It's so cramped, I, um…sorry about…"

He knew I meant falling asleep on him.

"No worries. It's cool."

"I just hope we make it to the airport soon and get everything settled. I'm really worried about the Raw show on Monday night. I'm going straight to Jersey regardless. I know they'll need me but even if they didn't, I'm not ready to go back to LA just yet. I can't face him."

"It's hard what you're going through. I know you have a lot to think about."

"There's nothing to think about. My mind is made up. I want a divorce and honestly that's not something I ever thought I would say. People don't get married just to get divorced. You take vows and make promises and are naïve enough to think it's gonna last forever."

"You're not naïve, Claudia. There's nothing wrong with being hopeful and believing in love."

"Do you believe that?" I asked. "In love I mean"

"Of course I do."

I laughed a sarcastic laugh.

"You've probably never been hurt before."

"But I have. Who hasn't had their heart broken? But you let time heal your wounds. You move on with an open heart and an open mind and don't take your pain out on the next person. It's okay to have baggage just as long as it fits in the overhead compartment," he joked.

"I can't even think about that right now. I couldn't imagine even thinking about another relationship."

It was dark on the bus and ever so often light would filter through the vehicle's interior from the moon, the street, or other automobiles. I saw a flash illuminate PJ's hazel eyes. He was staring right at me.

"You're hurt, Claudia, and you've been hurt for a long time," he said with a gentle wisdom.

I felt like I was going to cry again and I hated that. I looked away as my bottom lip trembled. I didn't want him to keep seeing me so vulnerable.

"I don't know what to do," I finally whispered. "I feel like I'm just fooling myself, you know? How do I go on with my life when he was my entire life? Everything I've done, including my career with the WWE was built around him. I can't avoid him forever, I have to deal with it and I don't want to. I don't know how. I'm trying so hard to be brave but I feel like a coward because all I really want to do is run away."

"There's nothing cowardly about taking time away to figure things out. My father was my whole world. Losing him, losing my best friend at 18 years old rocked my entire world. It ripped the rug right out from under me. I couldn't cope, I didn't know how to deal. I ended up going to Europe just to clear my head for five years to get away from everybody and everything, including wrestling. That's what I needed to do at the time to process my own grief. If that's what you have to do, nobody would fault you and it certainly doesn't make you a coward."

I was touched that he would share something so intimate and personal with me.

"I'm scared," I admitted.

"It's not brave, if you're not scared."

I looked away, wrapping my arms around my body. It was funny how life could change in one instant.

"You're a nice guy," I mouthed. "I mean that and I really appreciate it, PJ. Thank you. We barely knew each other before this and I just lay all my drama on you and you've been nothing but a really great friend when I needed it. Why?"

"Because I care," he stated simply.

I knew he meant it.

"I'm glad," I said.

"You're shaking," he noticed. "Are you cold?"

"A little bit. I'm okay."

He reached in his bag and pulled out a jacket, draping it around me.

"Better?"

"Yes. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Not just for the jacket but for everything. For the talk and for letting me hide in your room. For sharing your own loss and just for being a great guy."

I looked at him and meant those words with all my heart. I firmly believed people came into other people's lives for a reason. PJ had turned out to be an unlikely savior but I was more than grateful. I had needed the handsome stranger more than I ever could have imagined. It was hard but with a little help, I could get through it. His nickname was Angel and for a few hours on that cold, lonely, dark bus, for me he had truly been sent from above.


	23. A House Divided

I walked into the house, my dream house, the sacred place where all my dreams were supposed to come true. I remembered the excitement Mike and I felt when we had picked it out. For me the purchase seemed to complete us as a married couple. We were well on our way to having everything we had ever wanted. I thought about how happy we were the first time we walked through those halls as homeowners. It was our place, not just a house to live in but a real home. I knew we would make and have babies there and grow old together. It was an unforgettable feeling. Now as I took those same steps through those same halls, another feeling haunted me and it was just as unforgettable.

The house felt cold and it had nothing to do with the weather. A surge of emptiness overwhelmed me and though loneliness and I had become quite acquainted, the emotions still were overpowering. I was hurt and I was upset. So much had happened in such a short amount of time but upon reflecting, I finally realized that the downward spiral had been slowly descending for years.

The silence made a noise. I dropped my bags on the floor and walked through the quiet house. The usual large pile of mail littered the countertop. I hadn't had anything to eat or drink in a while but my body was neither hungry nor thirsty. It was surreal, as if the pain and shock had caused me to step outside of myself. In a daze, I made my way to the master bedroom. I didn't even realize I wasn't alone and I let out a little gasp when I saw the lone, shadowy figure sitting on the bed.

"Mike…"

He turned on the bedside lamp.

"Claudia…"

His voice was soft but heavy. His face was red, eyes puffy. The sadness seemed to consume him. I stared at him for a while, not knowing what to say, do, or think.

"I…I'm just gonna grab a few bags. I'll get my stuff and I'll be out of here in a minute…"

"Please don't go," he cut me off.

"Mike, don't."

It had been a rough few days. The Raw talent had remained stranded in Europe. Held over several days in Ireland, the Smackdown roster and crew stepped it up on Monday April 19th in New Jersey. By the time we arrived back in the U.S., it was barely enough time to make it to the venue. For the production employees, it was a rushed brainstorm as we put our heads together to desperately try to put together a live show. In the end we pulled it off and eventually our Superstars and Divas made it safely home unscathed from the volcanic eruption. I hadn't seen or talked to Mike since Europe and had naively thought that I could make it back to our home and slip out before he got there.

"Claudia, we need to talk."

"There is nothing to talk about," I told him.

"I know you said you don't want an explanation but if you would just hear me out…"

"I don't want to hear you out. You got caught, Mike. What are you gonna do? Try to lie your way out of the situation? Cry your way out? It doesn't work, not anymore."

He shook his head.

"I can't. You're right. I'm busted and I won't even try to lie. It's true, Claud, all of it. It's hard for me to look you in the eye and admit that but I have to. For the last two years, I've been repeatedly unfaithful to you. I slept with my Layla, Maryse, Nikki and Brie. I also had sex with groupies, at least ten of them. And I've been having an affair with my ex Caitlin for the last six months."

And there it was, the painful truth. I took a few seconds to try to process it all. I thought those dreaded words would be the ones to make me melt down, I thought they would literally kill me but as he finished speaking, finished confessing, I realized I was still alive. I was still standing even.

"Did you bring them here?" I asked in a surprisingly calm voice.

"Never."

I nodded.

"Is there anything I need to be worried about? I mean, did you use protection with these girls? Are there any babies or pregnant mistresses I need to know about? Is there a chance I could have a disease?"

He looked away, shame evident in his eyes.

"I used a condom every single time. Always."

I crossed my arms across my chest.

"Well, you've said what you needed to say but it doesn't matter anymore. I've put up with a lot from you over the years but I have to draw a line somewhere. I took vows with you and that meant something to me…sickness and health, for better or worse, for richer or poorer. That's all fine and good and I have always been there for you no matter what but I will be damned if I do infidelity."

"You shouldn't have to, Claud. I fucked up. I made mistake after mistake and I have no excuse. I knew what I was doing, I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway. I didn't think and I didn't care what I was doing to our relationship. I was a selfish, self-sabotaging, arrogant, inconsiderate prick. I know I hurt you and I know I can't take anything back but you have to know how sorry I am."

"You have some nerve," I said quietly.

"I have no right to ask you anything but I am sorry. The difference this time is not only am I sorry, I am willing to change. I want to change. I admit the bad things I've done. I cheated and I verbally and emotionally abused you. I have been an absentee husband obsessed with my career and with fame. I was living on the edge and now it's like I've fallen off. This is all my fault. I don't know what the hell was going through my head. Maybe I thought I could actually get away with it. Maybe some part of me wanted to get caught. Whatever it was, it was seriously messed up. When you confronted me and I saw that look on your face, when I saw the pain and knew that I had caused it and that I've been causing you so much pain and embarrassment, it was like something snapped inside of me."

"Mike, please…"

"I have loved you since I was 16 years old, Claud. I never stopped. Even as I changed I swear my love for you never changed. You are a wonderful wife. You do everything for me. Nobody has ever believed in me like you do or given of themselves to me like you have and I took it all for granted. The bigger star I became, the more ego took over and I let it get to my head. I knew I was treating you badly but it was like a game to me, a sick game. I felt bad for being so cruel to you but it was like I couldn't stop myself. I now know I have a problem, one that needs to be addressed whether you stay with me or not. But I thought the first step would be to come clean. Anything else you want to know, I will be absolutely honest with you. The second step is to ask your forgiveness. I know you must hate me and who could blame you but it kills me knowing you don't want me anymore. The third step is to get help. Whatever it takes. Me seeing a shrink, us doing marriage counseling, hell, I'll even take a leave of absence and go to sex addiction rehab or something. I don't care. I will do whatever I need to do to change my life and become a better person and hopefully a better husband, if you let me."

He hadn't talked to me that way in a long time. He was open, honest, and raw. The sincerity poured from his eyes, regret dripping from his voice. It was like the old Mike. The problem was not that I doubted his words…I actually believed them or at least believed that he believed them. The problem was, I didn't care.

"Mike, I think it's good you were able to admit what you did. You were dead wrong. You had sex with another woman, multiple women and that is an absolute deal breaker for me. You have made me feel less than human and you have repeatedly insulted and humiliated me for years now. Yes, you do need help but that's not my problem, not anymore. There is no way I can come back to you."

Tears slid down his face.

"Please don't leave me," his voice cracked. "I messed up, babe. I know I did this and I know I deserve this but I swear to God if you walk out that door, I don't know what I would do. I love you. Look, I know in the past I've said I don't need you but I do. I need you so much. I have become so obnoxious and I don't even know how I got here. I don't even know who I am anymore. I can't explain why I act the way I do or why I treat you the way I do. I made you my punching bag and that's absolutely disgusting but please. Please, baby."

He reached for my hand and fell to his knees crying and begging.

"It's too late, Mike."

"Don't say that. Please. I am asking for another chance."

"I'm sorry. The answer is no."

"We said forever," he reminded me.

"Were you thinking forever all those times you said such horrible things to me? What about when you were in bed with all those women? All the lies and betrayal and blatant disregard. Where was forever then, Mike?"

He looked pitiful and pathetic, like a helpless little boy. In all the years I had known him, not once had I ever seen him grovel.

"Where will you go?" he sniffled. "What's gonna happen to us?"

I closed my eyes. This had been my home and he had been my life. I had nowhere else to go.

"I don't know," I whispered.

"Will you just stay?"

"Mike…"

"I get that you're mad. Okay. I don't want to lose you but I messed up and if it's over, it's over. I can't make you not divorce me but so much has happened and we have so much to figure out. We have a lot to decide but can we just work on that one day at a time? Regardless of what you do, I'm still gonna get help because I need it but please. Just stay. I'll move into the guest room and I won't bother or talk to you. If you want, you won't even know I'm here but just knowing we're under the same roof…I don't know. Maybe it's false hope or a false sense of security but I don't care. I still love you and I feel like I owe it to you to help you through this."

I thought about what he said. I couldn't even concern myself about him and his needs. I just knew I hurt so much that I was numb. Mentally and emotionally it was beyond exhausting. I literally didn't have the motivation or energy to make any moves or decisions. My life had been uprooted and I still didn't quite know how to handle it.

"Mike, a part of me will always love you but right now I can't stand to look at you. I hope you do get the help you need but there is no way our marriage can recover from this and you know that. I do have decisions to make and we'll have a lot to think about as far as separation arrangements, splitting joint property and stuff like that. I can't even deal with that right now and I know you can't either. For now I will stay here in the house…"

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me. Consider us officially separated and even though the work schedule may have us here under the same roof at times, in the very near future, that separation and eventually divorce will be on paper. I don't want to see you or hear you or talk to you. You don't have to move into the spare bedroom. I will."

"You don't have to."

"I can't sleep here. I don't want to stay in this room. This was my favorite room in the house. We have beautiful memories from this room and it makes me sick to even be here right now."

He wiped his eyes. I simply turned and left. Not once had I shed a tear. Our future together was uncertain but I knew I had a lot to do and it wouldn't be easy. I was sorry for his pain and my own but it didn't matter. For years I had tolerated what would have snapped most women and now I was simply fed up. For the first time I was forced to look at a future that did not include Mike Mizanin.


	24. The Return Of The Liz

The pounding sound repeated over and over in my head. I groaned and buried myself into the softness of my pillow and hoped that it would stop. But no such luck. My eyes opened and I stole a glance at the clock. It was eight a.m., a time when normally I would be up and raring to go but on this morning I had decided to sleep in. The person on the other side of the door had other plans. I stood up and trudged to the door, cursing myself for forgetting to close and lock the front gate the previous night. Mike had installed security cameras all throughout the front and back portion of the property. One look at the monitor and I rubbed my eyes for a double take. I knew who the person was but I couldn't believe it.

"Dude, what are you doing here?" I yawned as I opened the door.

There was Liz Cena standing on the other side surrounded by luggage.

"Oh my God, kid, it is so good to see you," she embraced me in a bear hug that left me struggling for air.

"Wow, what a reception," I chuckled.

Not waiting for the invite, she brushed right past me and pulled her things in with her.

"Nice digs," she put her hands on her hips, looking around.

It was the first time she had been in the house.

"Thanks and not that I'm complaining, babe, but you didn't answer my question. I didn't know you were gonna be in L.A."

"I wasn't. I flew all the way here after I heard."

"Heard?" I frowned.

"You poor thing," she shook her head and grabbed me again. "Trying so hard to be brave. It's okay. It's me. It's Liz. I know how crushed you must be. Yeah, he's a complete douche bag but he was your douche bag. How are you holding up and why haven't you called me?"

Before I could answer, I heard footsteps descending the staircase. In workout clothes, I saw Mike approaching us.

"Hey Liz, it's good to see you," he said quietly.

She frowned.

"It is?"

"I didn't know you were gonna be in town but I'm on my way to the gym. I'll let you guys talk and I'll catch you later," he said before turning to me. "You need anything while I'm out, Claudia?"

I simply shook my head. With a nod, he grabbed his keys and headed out the front door.

"Okay, either I am seriously jetlagged or withdrawing from alcohol or in the Twilight Zone. Am I missing something here?"

I smiled as I pointed her to the nearby kitchen. She took a seat at the table while I made us coffee.

"I suppose we should begin at the beginning. Let me guess, you heard that Mike and I split up."

"Yeah. It's all over the locker room. John heard and he asked me if you were alright. I hadn't heard from you and I tried calling and he said he was pretty sure it was true. I didn't know what else to do. I was so worried about you, I hopped on the first red eye out of Tampa."

"Oh sweetie, that's so nice of you," I hugged her again. "Sorry. I've got a lot going on at work and even more going on personally. I haven't exactly been the best at returning phone calls in the last week."

"It's okay. I just want to know how you're doing. What happened?'

I sighed and took a seat across from her. The words seemed to tumble out of my mouth. I told my friend the whole sordid story. I told her just how bad things had been between Mike and me the last few years. I told her how everything had come to a head overseas. I told her about Layla and the text messages to and from Caitlin. I told her about the emotional confrontation and how I had ended up in PJ's room. I told her about the subsequent reunions ever since with Mike and how we had ended up as the world's most awkward roommates.

"…So there it is. That's what happened and here we are."

"Wow," she mouthed. "I…I'm stunned."

"Which part?" I joked, handing her a steaming mug.

She took a long sip, trying to process the story I had just told her.

"All of it. I mean, I knew Mike was a jerk but damn. I had no idea he was stepping out on you like that. I sure as hell didn't know you were being abused, and that was abuse, you know that, right?"

I nodded my head.

"I know that now. I guess when it was happening I was so blinded, so in love, so trying to make my marriage work that I didn't see any of it. I didn't realize that abuse doesn't just mean the physical part."

"So what happens now?"

"I don't know," I shrugged.

"Is it really over this time?"

"Yes."

"Don't get mad but I have a hard time believing that. It's just that I know how much you love him and everything you've been through. Personally, I feel like you should have left him a long time ago but it's like no matter what he did, all he had to do was shed a tear or say that he loved you and you went running back to him. I guess I'm just afraid for your sake that's gonna happen again."

"I can't argue with you because that's exactly what it's been like but this time is different, Liz. I'm not just saying that for you but it's about me and my life and what I want. I have to do this. I have to make a decision. I can't live like this anymore. Knowing how he has treated me and now knowing what he did with all those women…it's repulsive. I can't believe that I allowed that. And yeah, it's Mike's fault but he only did what I allowed him to do. I didn't have it in me to put my foot down when I should have years ago. I won't go back to that. I can't live like that anymore."

"How has it been living under the same roof but basically being apart?"

"It is what it is. Mike is upset. He has been on his best behavior. He even made an appointment for counseling."

"Now that's newsworthy," she rolled her eyes. "I mean, of course he's gonna be a good boy now that he's busted and knows you're serious about leaving his ass. But the counseling? I'm shocked, impressed even. How do you feel about it?"

"He has a lot going on and needs help with his issues. I applaud him for stepping up but it doesn't matter. It changes nothing."

Liz just stared at me.

"Okay. Where is my friend and what have you done with her?"

"What?" I smiled.

"Where do I start? Life as you knew it, changed completely. Good or bad, it was the way things were and you dealt with it. You loved Mike and I suppose in his own sick way, he loved you, too. Last week you were married and everything was normal. This week you know that your husband has been nonstop lying to and screwing around on you and now you're headed to divorce court. As much as I am happy that you're leaving him alone, this huge change has got to be devastating. John and I have had our problems over the years and you know all about the times when we were dating how we'd break up and make up, cheat on each other, what have you. Even though I was doing my own dirt, every time I caught him in a lie or when I found out he'd had sex with someone else, it killed me. I mean it, Claud. It was like having my insides wrenched out. Eventually we both grew up and made the serious commitment to be married but if something happened to me like what happened to you…dude, I would lose it. I don't know what I would do. But I'm looking over at you and you're all calm, cool, and collected. You're not crying or falling apart. You're not hatching a plan to kill him, at least I don't think you are. What gives? I think it's great you're being so mature and level headed and brave but you're kind of starting to freak me out a little bit. Is this like the calm before the storm? Are you gonna have an emotional meltdown and just flip out or what?"

"Liz, no one is more surprised than me, trust me. That first night…God, I was a wreck. The first few nights were pretty bad. Then my heart kind of took a back seat and I started thinking with my head. I thought about how unhappy I was. I thought about unfair it was that I had given everything and received nothing in return. I thought about the betrayal and the lies and the deceit, how much trust in everything that I had loved was shattered. I don't know, something inside of me just snapped. I realized I don't have to deal with this, that I don't want to deal with it."

"Do you still love him?" she asked me point blank.

"Of course I do. I will always love him but I'm no longer in love with him. I always heard people say that before and it never quite made sense. Now it does. Mike has been the biggest part of my life for so long. I can't forget the good times and there were some really good times. I thought I would be more upset. At first I was a mess, then I was numb, then it started to get easier. I'm just as surprised as you are."

"I…I don't know what to say. It's really over this time, huh?"

"It is."

"What will you do now?"

"Work. Live. I've been looking for attorneys, trying to figure out the best way to handle this. I hope the legal separation will be smooth. I want this to be as painless as possible."

"What about the house? Did you sign a pre-nup?"

"For what?" I laughed. "Neither of us really had shit five years ago. Honestly, I love this house but I don't want to stay here. He's either gonna have to buy me out or we sell and split the money. Other than that, I'm not looking for anything."

"This is California. You can take his ass to the cleaners. Even with no pre-nuptial agreement a good lawyer can get you half, especially since he admitted to adultery. If you don't want to do that, at least go after a fair settlement. That's only right."

"It's not about money with me. I have a very comfortable amount in my savings account and I plan on keeping my job with the WWE. The other PA's live on this salary, why can't I? Plus, I just did get a promotion and that helps. Everything else is irrelevant. All I want is to walk out of this marriage with my sanity and what's left of my dignity and be a much stronger woman than when I walked in. That is more important than any dollar amount in the world."

Liz leaned back in her chair, still in shock.

"I don't know what to say. This…this is trippy. Just, wow. I can't believe it"

"Me either. Don't get me wrong, it's still tough and I know there will be dark days ahead but I'm gonna be okay. I have a great family and wonderful friends. I have a lot of things going for me, including a job I love. That makes me a lot better off than most people in my position. Most of all, I have myself. For much of my life that hasn't been the case but now I'm accepting me as a person and learning the power and value of self-respect. I don't need Mike or anyone else to make me happy."

"I'm proud of you. I know it took a lot to get here. You've been through a lot, Claudia but you're gonna be okay and it is going to get better. I'm sorry this happened to you."

Liz reached over and hugged me.

"Me too," I answered honestly.

The situation was still sad and though regret plagued me, I couldn't help but feel a sense of hope. Somehow, someway things had gone so horribly wrong but in the end it would work out for both me and Mike…not as the couple we were now but as the individuals we used to be.

"So," she clapped her hands. "You're handling this like a champ but it still helps to have a good girlfriend for support. And since I'm already here let's make the most of it. How about we go have a spa day, followed by some serious Beverly Hills shopping, then we work our cute little asses through every bar on Sunset tonight and get so drunk until we puke in the bushes and forget our names?"

The familiar mischief twinkled in her eyes. I knew what she was trying to do and I appreciated it.

"We could…or you could change into your pajamas, climb into bed, eat chocolate chip cookies all day long and watch Bette Davis movies with me. You can laugh with me, cry with me, hold my hand and just let me know you'll always be my friend no matter what. We could do that," I offered.

Liz grinned.

"You got it. We could definitely do that."

It was nice to have a friend like Liz and despite my newfound independence, I still had my good days and my bad days. Some days the situation just hurt a little less. I knew what I had to do and what I was going to do, it just took time. I was ready to start over and move forward but I knew those first few steps would be the hardest.


	25. Lessons Learned

Backstage looked like a ghost town. The show had gone off without a hitch and production had run smoothly. I made my usual post-show rounds. Walking around aimlessly, clipboard in hand and walkie talkie secured to my hip, I found myself headed towards the ring. The seats were empty, less than a couple of hours had passed since thousands of excited fans had filled them. A few roadies and PAs milled about but for the most part it was quiet. The ring had not been broken down yet and as usual, it was the last thing that had to be done.

I stared inside the ring. The show was over but the performance was not. PJ was there, still in his wrestling gear. He bounced off the ropes, practicing striking moves and other athletic skills all by himself. The concentration was etched on his face. He looked serious but relaxed. He moved with precision and agility, garnering the same intensity and excitement in an empty building just as he did with a packed arena. He was mesmerizing to watch and I felt sucked in by his performance.

"Claudia," he finally spoke my name, breaking the trance.

"Hi," I managed to croak.

"How long have you been standing there?" he asked.

"I don't know," I answered truthfully. "I was just making my usual rounds, making sure the crew didn't need any help and I saw you. I didn't mean to stare…"

"It's okay. I know these guys have to break down the ring and all. I have so much energy, I came down to help but they weren't ready yet. I hope it's okay."

"Of course," I nodded. "That's very nice of you to help with that. I come down here for that, too. A lot of wrestlers don't even think of doing something like that but it really means a lot to the crew and a set of extra hands never hurt anything."

"In the Indys it happens all the time," he shrugged. "I don't mind. These guys have a hard enough job as it is. I remember wrestling sometimes in South Africa there was no crew. We did a show one time literally in the jungle. It was amazing. The fans had never seen anything like it and they were going crazy. We had to put on a good show but there was limited staff so we were wrestlers, security, production, the crew, everything."

"The jungle, huh? Wow, that sounds…wild, no pun intended."

He laughed.

"It was an experience but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I've wrestled all over Europe and Africa and there was never a dull moment, trust me."

"I imagine. You always put on a good show though. Your style is very different."

"Mine is a mixture of the European style with the mat wrestling crossed with the Japanese style of striking. I like to toss in the aerial movements as well."

"Where did you learn to do that?" I asked. "All the high flying and your 450 splash is amazing. I mean it. It's beautiful. You look so controlled in the air."

"My father was my first trainer. He taught me all about the business, tried to get me mentally and physically prepared. I loved wrestling so much that I wanted to do everything. Man, I was like a sponge just trying to soak up every bit of knowledge possible. I had no fear and I guess that mentality sort of stuck over the years. There is no greater feeling that being in the ring in front of the fans. I can't describe the rush that I feel when I climb on that top rope. I felt it for the first time 14 years ago and it never left, it's like I'm addicted to it."

"I guess that's why it comes across as so natural. Raw talent like that can't be taught."

"What about you?" he asked. "Obviously you're a big wrestling fan. Was it always that way?"

I shook my head.

"Not really. I never had a big interest in it growing up. When we were teenagers Mike had already created his alter ego The Miz and I knew he was into it. I mean, I'd watch it with him sometimes but I never really got into it until right before we got married. Mike and I were high school sweethearts but we broke up when we started college. There were a few years where we had no contact at all and then we kind of reunited. By then he was hardcore into the training and trying to break into the biz. I only tagged along to support him. It's a funny story, the first live match I ever went to. It was an Indy show and Mike was wrestling and I had no idea about it being, well, I hate to use the word fake…"

"Pre-determined, choreographed…" PJ's eyes twinkled.

"Way better choice of words, thank you," I smiled. "Anyway, I had no idea. I thought it was completely real and Mike was jobbing that night and he's getting his ass kicked all over the ring and I'm in the front row screaming at the other guy ready to beat the living tar out of him with this huge purse I had. I was so pissed off, then when it was over and Mike explained everything, I felt kind of foolish."

PJ laughed out loud.

"I'm sorry…"

"Sure you are," I teased. "Go ahead, make all the fun you want. I guess I deserve it."

"I swear I'm not laughing at you. It's a sweet story. I'm imagining you getting all worked up, I bet you were so cute."

"The other guy I was threatening to kill didn't think so," I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, Mike has never been much of a high flyer and as the nervous girlfriend turned wife, I was actually happy about that. It made me way freaked out. I was so afraid he was going to get hurt. Even now as I know more about the business, watching you guys do that, as awesome and exciting as it is, I swear with every Moonsault or 450 splash or Shooting Star Press, my stomach just turns because I get so fearful of someone getting hurt."

"The risk is there and we're all aware of it. You have to be. Thinking you're invincible is a sure way to get hurt but at the same time you can't dwell on it too much. The most important thing to remember with any aerial movement is balance on the takeoff and control in the air so you can land the right way on your intended target."

"Have you ever seriously been hurt?" I inquired.

"No, thank God and knock on wood. I mean, I've had some off landings and tweaked ankles, knees, shoulders and fingers plenty of times but nothing ever so serious that it sidelined my career."

I nodded.

"I guess the toughest thing about falling is getting up afterwards and trying it all over again."

I was talking about wrestling but drawing parallels to my own life and it was lost on neither of us.

"Well, I've got an idea," he finally said, his eyes flickering with mischief.

I frowned.

"Why do I have a bad feeling about that one already?"

"My father once said the only way to truly combat fear is to face it head on so with that said…"

"PJ."

He climbed back into the ring, walking over to one of the corners. He flashed me that million watt smile and pointed a finger beckoning me towards him.

"You're up," he stated.

"Pardon me?"

"Come on. I want you to fly with me."

I giggled nervously.

"Um, thank you very much for the invitation but if you don't mind, I prefer staying right here on the ground."

"We can save the advanced stuff for later. I just want you take the first step, which is the hardest one."

I stepped into the ring with him. Up close looking at that top rope, it seemed way higher and way more intimidating.

"I, I don't know, PJ. That looks really scary and I'm about as graceful as a one legged toad…"

"Inside the ring, the name of the game is trust. All your trust lies with your opponent, your partner and yourself. Sometimes it's a real leap of faith but you have to be willing to take that plunge, Claudia. Trust me."

He extended his hand and the words coming from his mouth produced chills all over my body. I sucked in a breath. I was scared but it suddenly didn't matter. I took his hand and let him guide me. He helped me to the top rope and held my hand once I was there. He never let go, all the while verbally coaching me and making sure I was protected. At first I was wobbly and psyching myself out but after a few minutes I relaxed. It wasn't so bad. I bounced and jumped and played around.

"You think I'm ready for a Swanton Bomb?" I joked.

"Getting there," he winked at me.

Finally I jumped off the top rope and he was right there to help, to catch me so I wouldn't fall. I smiled and found myself staring up close and personal into the captivating gaze of those hazel eyes.

"Okay guys, let's get this ring down," one of the crew members clapped his hands, signaling the others to come help.

I looked away from PJ, feeling the crimson still flushing my cheeks.

"I guess that's our cue, huh?" I sighed.

"I guess," he smiled at me.

We cleared our throats and only parted as the crew filed inside the ring. I went about helping as usual but I was grinning on the inside like a Cheshire cat. It had been a good night. It was all about being comfortable and it didn't matter if you were facing a fear of heights standing on the top rope of a wrestling ring or if you were starting a new chapter in life and trying to be relaxed in your own skin. It was an important lesson all the same and I was grateful to my instructor.


	26. What Happens In Mexico

The May 4th edition of NXT was in Charleston, South Carolina and it was the final episode before the dreaded first elimination. There were several matches and of course another Rookie challenge. This time it was an obstacle course and sitting in on the production meeting that had arranged the events for the course had perhaps been one of the most entertaining of my career. The final itinerary would be scaling monkey bars, running through the crowd up the stairs to the concession stand, drink a large soda, run back to the ring, hop over the barricade, juggle, do a dizzy bat challenge and finally push a heavy cart up the ramp. Every silly obstacle imaginable had been thrown in the mix coupled with the fact that the wins were not pre-determined and the eight challengers had no prior knowledge of what the challenge would be. It was sure to be an interesting night, especially seeing that the winner would claim the ultimate prize…immunity from the first elimination.

I watched the show with bated breath. I couldn't wait to see how PJ would perform. I made sure to have a good seat in the production booth when it was his turn. He was excited and went for the challenge with his usual grin and motivated attitude. He scaled the bars with relative ease and made his way towards the top of the arena. My heart pounded as he grabbed the soda. By his own account, he was not a fan of the "fizzy drinks" as he liked to call them. Neither was Bryan, who was a vegan and hated carbonated beverages. Struggling to drink had cost him dearly on the time and I feared the same fate for PJ but he gulped down the contents of the cup like it was nothing. He slid into the ring and impressed everyone with one handed juggling skills before completing the last two obstacles ending in a remarkable time of 1:29, which had surpassed Heath's time to beat by seven seconds. The number held up declaring him the winner and thus safe for one more week. As Production Coordinator, I was not supposed to have favorites but I had been secretly rooting on my South African friend.

Mike had been on hand for the show as well, with The Miz being his usual mean and obnoxious self, giving his poor Rookie hell. He didn't verbally engage me but I could feel his eyes on me all night. I said nothing to him and we left it at that though I'm sure the thick personal tension between us could be felt by all backstage. He left immediately after the broadcast while I stayed behind to finish up work. His plans were to spend two days in L.A. while I headed straight for Mexico where the WWE was scheduled for a series of shows.

There was nothing like being in Mexico for Cinco de Mayo. While I had decided to immerse myself in work, my new eight friends had other plans. They were going out to a club and after a few hours of begging, they finally convinced me to go. I figured I would humor them and only hang out for a few hours but still I took great planning in my appearance. I found a pretty knee length sundress with a pink floral pattern and a thin strap that tied behind my neck. I did my make-up, curled my hair, sprayed on perfume and slipped into a pair of comfortable but stylish wedges. I kept telling myself that I was getting all dolled up simply because I was going out in public, not because of a certain person who would be there.

The evening began with dinner and as we approached the long rectangular table, I felt a sudden pang of panic not wanting PJ to sit next to me. Just the very thought made me feel nervous inside so I took a seat at the end and was relieved when Ryan sat on the other side of me. It was relaxed and informal and the food smelled delicious. It was nice any time to have those few hours away from all the pressures of work. The relief of Ryan sitting next to me was short lived as PJ took the seat directly in front of me. Throughout dinner we kept making eye contact and staring at each other when we thought no one was looking. Thank God for Heath and Fred's loud mouths being the life of the party. It was a much needed distraction but the whole group had a great time.

A company provided SUV drove us to the strip where the clubs and bars were. I immediately hit the bar and attacked an Amaretto Sour. All the guys went for Coronas and shots and David was somehow able to convince PJ to try a Tequila shot. The music was good and the place was crowded and before we knew it, David, Fred, Heath, Bryan, and Tyrone were on the dance floor.

"Get out here, girl," Heath demanded, drink in hand. "You're like the hottest chick in here but you're just standing there like a wallflower. Get out here and dance with us!"

"What do you say?" I looked at PJ, who was standing nearby and shrugged.

"May as well," he sighed with a small laugh. "They'll just bug us all night if we don't. Come on."

I downed another drink. I was buzzed but not drunk and feeling pretty good. I moved in time to the music with Heath, who was actually a pretty good dancer when he wasn't getting too wild with all his trademark head bobbing. I looked over at PJ who had some pretty sexy moves of his own. It was something so wildly attractive about a man who could dance. I tried not to stare at the way his hips moved or the way it unnerved me when a pretty local woman grinded against him on the floor.

A couple of hours later, we were still going strong and having the time of our lives. Stu and Bryan were worn out and announced they were going back to the hotel. I was having too good of a time to leave. Taking a breather for another Amaretto Sour, I made my way back to the bar. With all the alcohol flowing through my system, it didn't even phase me when PJ walked over to join me. We laughed and made small talk as our eyes found Fred on the dance floor. He was always so fun to hang out with. He always kept me in stitches with his witty one liners and crazy stories. He was a lover of all music and every time a song came on, you could count on him to scream out, "That's my jam!" Thus the fist pumping would begin. PJ and I just stared as he did more than pump his fists. He had found a petite little Latina beauty to cozy up with and their seductive dancing had become hotter by the second. In addition to practically having sex on the floor, the two couldn't stop giggling, touching, and smooching.

"Fred is such a slut puppy," I laughed out loud.

"They should just get a room already," PJ agreed.

"Seriously, I think we should give them a condom or something."

He shook his head with a grin.

"That's why I don't drink. Man, liquor does crazy stuff to people."

"Yeah…it does," I said coyly.

"What do you say? Want to go back out there?" he asked.

I shrugged. Why the hell not? He was my friend and we were having a good time. What was the harm in two mature, consenting adults who were just friends having fun in a public place? His dance partner had seemed to disappear and while for the most part I danced alone or occasionally with one of the other guys, towards the end of the night, I did find myself with PJ. Goosepimples covered my exposed flesh as I felt his arm on me. He was a great dancer and I realized we had never been so close. I looked in his face and he was so handsome that it was literally intimidating. I kept looking away even as I grabbed on to the back of his shirt for dear life.

"I'm done," I finally said at three a.m. as the guys all convened in the same area. "I had an awesome time but you guys wore me out. Really. I'm not gonna want to get out of bed in the morning. I'm gonna head back to the hotel."

I gave them all hugs and said my good byes.

"I'll go with you," PJ offered. "I'm getting tired myself and since we're going to the same place and all…I mean, if that's okay with you."

He was being shy and it was really cute.

"Okay," I responded. "That would be cool. I'd enjoy the company."

He smiled and we headed to the nearest exit together. We walked outside and even though there were cabs everywhere, they seemed to be ignoring us. Taxi after taxi drove by even as we frantically tried to wave them down.

"It's like we're the invisible tourists," PJ joked.

"I know. What do we do now?"

"It's not too far from the hotel and I'm pretty sure I know how to get back. Want to walk?"

I nodded and slipped off my shoes, electing to hold them in my hands. My feet were killing me from all the unexpected nonstop dancing. We walked side by side and I hoped we were going the right way.

"Tonight was so fun," I broke the silence. "I admit I didn't want to go at first but I had a good time. I'm glad you guys dragged me out."

"I had a good time tonight, too," he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "You're a really good dancer, Claudia."

"Thanks. You're not so bad yourself."

"This is pretty surreal, isn't it? I'm here in Mexico making good friends, trying to make a name for myself in the business. I have the opportunity of a lifetime just enjoying life and trying to take advantage of it all. Now I'm taking a moonlit walk with a beautiful woman. Doesn't get any better than that."

I blushed.

"You know, there's something really powerful about a dream. I remember you said that you were always a fan of the WWE growing up. I know it took a lot of hard work but you're finally here. You're realizing that dream and that's pretty cool."

"It is. Along the way I've met some pretty great people, present company included. I just wanted to say that I'm glad we met and became friends, Claudia. I know you're going through a rough spot now but I'm glad you're here…and I'm glad to be here with you."

"Me too," I said softly. "I'm okay. PJ, you've been a wonderful friend and you'll never know how much I appreciate that."

"My pleasure. I know things have been tough…"

"They have. I had a dream, too, PJ. I had expectations for my life and how I wanted things to go but it kind of blew up in my face. I'm regrouping and dealing with things the best way I know how. I have my good days and my bad days but it's alright."

"I have a lot of respect for people who rebuild their lives after their dreams die."

"This is certainly not the life I wanted or expected but maybe it's supposed to be this way. I think about that all the time. Do you believe in that, PJ? In fate? Kismet? Maybe, as much as it sucks, all this was supposed to happen for some reason."

"I believe in God," PJ said thoughtfully. "I believe in blessings and the fact that He has a divine plan for all of us."

"That's beautiful."

"You're beautiful," he said, focusing intently on the ground as we kept walking.

I didn't know how to respond and I could tell PJ had definitely spoken before he had thought.

"Um…"

"I'm sorry, Claudia. Oh man, I feel like a complete moron. That wasn't cool. I didn't mean to…"

"No, it's okay. That was sweet. You're a sweet guy, PJ."

"I like you, Claudia. I like you a lot. I don't know what's going to happen with you and Mike but I know you're still married and I respect that. I never want you to feel uncomfortable around me. I don't want to cross a line but I do want you to know that I think you're a special and amazing woman. I've never met anyone like you before. You know, I was thinking about the first time I ever laid eyes on you. You were sitting in the empty arena watching the Pros talk to us, I looked over and I couldn't stop staring because I thought you were the prettiest girl I'd ever seen."

"PJ…"

"Now that I've gotten to know you, I know there is so much more to you than just looks. I respect that. I admire that. Your work ethic is so impressive. You take your job so seriously yet you have so much fun with it and you really love it. You do such a good job taking care of the people in your life. You have a kind heart and that's important. You're dependable and trustworthy and very strong and loyal. Meeting someone like you has for sure been a blessing for me and I just wanted you to know that's been one of the best parts of this experience for me."

I was dumbstruck.

"I, I don't know what to say…"

"You don't have to say anything, Claudia. As much as it may seem like it, I swear I'm not hitting on you right now even as much as I'd like to. You're such a beautiful woman both on the inside and the outside. I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish our situation was different. I wish that you weren't married and going through the things you're going through right now. You're the kind of woman every man dreams about having. But these are the circumstances we were dealt. You're my co-worker and my friend. You're also married to someone else and going through a difficult period that's gonna require a lot of complicated decisions. We have to be just friends and even though I'm attracted to you, I'm cool with that. I'm glad we can be friends."

He had totally caught me off guard but those words were the nicest I'd heard in a long time from a man, maybe ever. More importantly I knew that he meant them, that he wasn't just blowing smoke up my ass in order to get something in return. As good as he had made me feel in that moment, the conversation also brought more conflict to my heart. There were two issues at hand, one being that I was still legally married. Nothing had been officially done to terminate my union with Mike even though I had taken the first step of hiring a lawyer. Sometimes it was easier to just sit back and do nothing, not deal with it and hope that the situation would magically disappear on its own. Now this other man was unwittingly forcing my hand to take real action.

The other issue was how I felt about PJ Lloyd. I hadn't even admitted it to myself. He was a great guy with a warm personality. He was also intelligent, talented and gorgeous. I had been attracted to him mind, body, and soul for quite some time even though I only realized it at that moment. He was the perfect man in the most imperfect situation.

"I'm glad we're friends, too, PJ," I fought back tears.

We walked the rest of the way in silence. Sure enough we made our way to the hotel. Always the perfect gentleman, PJ held open the main door for me and escorted me to my room which was on the first floor. He was staying only a few doors down.

"Well, I guess this is good night," he said softly.

"Yeah. Uh, good night. Thank you again for a wonderful evening. I had a really good time."

"Yeah…me too. It, it was fun."

I noticed that we were standing way too close and our words were coming out in raspy breaths. My heart was beating so fast I was almost positive he could hear it. I didn't like what was happening but at the same time I did. God, one of us had to walk away or I was afraid of what might happen.

"What the hell happened to you two?" David Otunga approached us with a water bottle in his hand. "Y'all left before we did and we've been back for a minute. Damn. What took so long? What did you do, take the scenic route?"

Thank heavens. The moment had gotten too heavy. David had interrupted at the right time.

"We couldn't get a cab to stop so we walked and my sense of direction isn't as good as I thought. No big deal," PJ explained.

"Well, it's a good thing we have rooms to ourselves and probably that you two didn't ride with us. Remember that chick from the club Fred was getting up on? Well, let's just say they continued that good time on the way over here and now they're in his room loud as hell. For future reference Claudia, if you ever do booking for us again, please room me as far away from that cat as possible."

PJ and I just looked at each other, exchanging uncomfortable smiles.

"Sorry, David. Will try to remember that next time and uh, looks like I'll have to suffer right along with you. I'm right next door to Fred's room."

"Good luck sleeping. You might want to invest in some earplugs."

I looked at both of them.

"Well, guys tonight was fun but as always we have a busy day ahead tomorrow. I'll see you both in the morning. Have a good night, David. You too, PJ."

They bid me good night as I let myself inside my room without looking back. I closed and locked the door and slid down to the floor. It had been one hell of a night. Could things get any crazier?


	27. Stays In Mexico

My feet were killing me from all the dancing. My shoes were hot and the latest style but definitely not meant for partying at a club all night. The walk home hadn't helped matters. I had carried the shoes in my hand but the gravel hadn't been too kind to my soles either. Due to the nature of my conversation with PJ on the walk home, I had sort of forgotten about the discomfort but as I climbed between the cool sheets of my bed, my memory was quickly jarred. It had taken a while for me to fall asleep. I had a lot on my mind. And David had a point about the thin walls. Fred and his dancing partner had been keeping up the whole country with their moans and groans. I enjoyed sex as much as the next person but they were beginning to get a little ridiculous. It couldn't be that great, I thought. Call me a prude, but it was kind of weird to hear one of your friends and co-workers getting it on. Every time I heard a sigh, grunt, or dirty talk, I cringed with embarrassment.

I finally drifted off but a noise jolted me back awake. I was tired and cranky and as much as I loved Fred, I had a good mind to go tell him off. Before I could, I heard another noise and it hit me like a ton of bricks that the loud sounds were not coming from Fred's room. The whole room suddenly began to shake violently. It didn't take long for me to figure out what was happening. I was an Ohio girl by birth and heart and the very first time I had been in an earthquake in California, I had nearly lost my mind. My reactions hadn't gotten any better over the years. I still hated and feared them with a passion.

The first time it ever happened to me was in college. My roommate had told me to stand underneath a doorway. My thought was to get the hell out of the building. Sitting up, I hoped it was just a slight tremor. I wanted it to be over soon but there was no such luck. It felt like the earth was about to open up and swallow us all. The seconds dragged on for an eternity it seemed and I became more fearful as the shaking grew more traumatic and prolonged. Terrified, I threw back the covers and hopped out of bed. I ran out of the room forgetting that I only had one a grey sleep tank and black panties. In complete panic, I collided with another body and we both fell to the floor.

"PJ, oh my God."

"It's just an earthquake, it'll be over soon. We'll be fine," he tried to reassure me.

For once I didn't see that usual confidence etched across his face. Wearing just a pair of boxer briefs, he looked as horrified as I did. Crouched on the floor, we looked around waiting for the other guests to come screaming and running out of their rooms. They never did and after a minute or two, we both felt rather dumb. A few lights came on but other than that, nothing. To PJ and me it had felt like the world was coming to a vicious end. Embarrassed, we looked at each other and quietly returned to our respective rooms. I got back in bed and tried to fall asleep again but the numerous aftershocks would have none of that.

I would never get used to earthquakes. The ground was supposed to stay still. An entire building shaking and knocking scared me to death. Nature could be a scary thing and I found myself alone and shaking like a leaf. I had never experienced one on my own. Before I had friends around and in recent years, Mike had always been there. Earthquakes didn't really bother him and he always thought it was cute how scared I got. He would make fun of me but hold me until it was over. The worse it got, the tighter he would embrace me. It made me feel so safe. All of a sudden I realized that safety net was gone. I missed the comfort.

Standing up again, I grabbed my pillow and blanket. I opened the door slowly and peeked outside. At least the building was still standing. There was another slight tremor and I made up my mind in that one instant that there was no way I was going back in that room scared and alone. Reluctantly, I walked down the hall and after a bit of hesitation, I knocked on PJ's door. I waited but there was no sound or movement. I turned to go back to my own room but then the door slowly opened. PJ looked right at me, probably taking in just how silly I looked standing there with tears in my eyes, a pillow in my hand and a blanket wrapped haphazardly around me.

"Hi," I said meekly.

"Hey. Um, what's going on? Are you okay?"

"No," I replied. "I…my room…the shaking…I…"

I couldn't get my words out.

"Scared shitless, huh?" PJ teased, crossing his arms.

"It's not funny."

"It's okay."

Suddenly I felt very stupid.

"Just never mind. I'm gonna go back to my room…"

"Wait," PJ chased after me, touching my arm. "I'm sorry. I was just playing around. I didn't mean to make fun of you. Please. You're more than welcome to come to my room."

"Thanks," I said with flushed cheeks as he led me into his room.

I began spreading my blanket on the floor as he put on a pair of workout pants over his underwear.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm gonna try to go back to sleep if the earth will stop moving."

"You can have the bed, Claudia."

The WWE Superstars had been booked in single rooms for this trip. There was no extra bed for me to crash on like there had been the last time PJ had let me stay overnight in his room.

"It's okay."

"Come on. There is no way I'm letting you sleep on a hard, dirty floor."

"It's not a big deal, PJ. Really. I've slept on worse. It will be fine."

I laid down.

"Then I'll take the floor," he offered.

"Thank you but you're being ridiculous. This is your room and I'm already imposing enough."

"You're not imposing."

"Thank you for letting me stay, now please. I'm okay. I want to sleep on the floor and I want take no for an answer," I protested.

He allowed me to with much trepidation. He turned off the lights as we both tried to get comfortable.

"You know, Claudia, that was pretty funny that we were the only two clowns that ran out in the hall like that in our underwear," PJ laughed out loud.

I grinned. He had a point.

"We definitely lost cool points on that one. And that was cute of you by the way to tease me when I knocked on your door. Some nerve, dude, you were as terrified as I was."

"I wouldn't say terrified, maybe highly concerned," he ribbed. "But you're an L.A. girl, you should be used to it by now."

"You never get used to the ground shaking," I answered truthfully.

"You know, when you turned to walk away, it looked like you were limping. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. It's pretty stupid. My feet are still killing me from the walk home and all that dancing. Note to self, next time go for comfort instead of looking cute," I joked.

"Are they swollen?"

"Nah, just painful."

"This might sound weird but you know I was a licensed masseuse. I know a trick to relieve the tension and pain."

I felt my heart drop. The mere thought of him touching me sent me into panic mode.

"Oh, um, no thank you. I, I'm fine. They'll be okay," I stammered with a dry throat.

He got out of bed and turned on the bedside lamp. He walked over to me and extended his hand.

"It's okay and I promise you'll feel much better tomorrow. Besides, I don't bite."

"I…I know," I said as I nervously let him pull me to a standing position.

My feet did really hurt and it was definitely getting worse. He sat me down on the bed and then took a seat next to me. He gingerly lifted my leg, placing my foot across his thigh. With expert hands, he kneaded and rubbed my foot. His fingertips worked magic instantly relieving the pressure. It felt good and I closed my eyes and suppressed the urge to moan out loud as he gave the other foot the same attention.

"All better?" he asked in that beautiful accent of his.

I could barely find the words to respond.

"Yeah," I slowly nodded like an idiot. "Thanks."

Our eyes met again and the peace and quiet was interrupted by yet another brutal series of tremors. The room shook so hard that it threw us both off balance. We fell back onto the bed, me landing against PJ's bare chest. There was brief stillness, long enough for us to realize how awkward our position was. It made me extremely uncomfortable.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Sorry," I mumbled as I sat up.

Then came another one, much worse than those that had preceded it. It felt like it was never going to end and I was afraid it could lead to a devastating earthquake. I was really scared and a tear slid down my cheek.

"Claudia, don't cry. It's going to be okay," he reassured me.

Another one and I grabbed on to his arm for dear life.

"Oh my God, oh my God…" I repeated over and over.

"It's okay," he whispered. "Don't be scared. You're fine. We're fine. Just lie down, alright?"

My fear resisted him at first. He firmly but gently guided me onto the bed. I was still frightened even as the aftershocks began to dwindle but the warmth of his body and the comfort of his touch was eventually enough to lull me right to sleep. I felt incredibly safe with him and the next morning when I woke up, there he was sleeping peacefully clear on the other side of the bed. He had been the perfect gentleman all night. Never once had he tried anything sexually or touched me inappropriately. His sole purpose had been there to protect me. Careful not to make too much noise, I climbed out of bed quietly. He turned and stirred, opening his hazel eyes and looking right at me.

"Didn't mean to wake you," I told him.

"It's fine," he stretched and yawned. "What time is it anyway?"

"Nine."

"Time to get up and get going," he stated.

"I have to shower and get ready and I know you do too. I'm gonna head back to my room."

"Okay. I guess I'll see you around later today."

"Yeah," I said as I stopped just short of the doorway. "PJ?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

I smiled at him and he returned my genuine expression. He knew what I meant and we needed no words. Some things were better off left unsaid anyway. It was funny how things could change in such a short amount of time. I had already experienced that with Mike now the same changes were happening with PJ. I just knew that after that night, nothing would ever be the same between us again.


	28. Come Together

My palms were so sweaty that they left a wet streak across the steering wheel. My head pounded and my stomach hurt. I could barely breathe. Long after I parked the car, I sat there for what seemed like forever. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't make my legs move to get up. I was back in Los Angeles and today was the day I was supposed to meet with Mike and a court appointed mediator to discuss separation and divorce proceedings. After several minutes of talking myself into it, finally with quivering limbs, I made my way out of the car, through the parking garage, into the building, onto the elevator and finally into a large conference room. My breath caught in my throat as I laid eyes on Mike. In a suit, he looked like a little boy. There was no trace of The Miz. It reminded me of the man he used to be, the person I fell in love with so many years ago. The room felt cold and lonely. I stood at the door as I heard him speaking to the man who would be overseeing the session. Sadness and regret filled the air. I couldn't believe it had come to this point, that we were actually here taking the necessary steps to dissolve our marriage. I felt like I might pass out.

"Hey Claud," he spoke softly as he looked up at me standing at the entrance.

Our eyes met and although we tried to avoid each other's gaze, we couldn't. We spoke volumes without ever opening our mouths. We were still living under the same roof but leading two very different and separate lives. The change in him had not been lost on me but it was too little too late. He gave me my space and when we were around each other at home and at work, he always talked to and treated me with the kindness and respect that was long overdue. He stayed home or at the hotels on the road in lieu of hanging out until all hours of the night. The few times he did go out, he always returned at a reasonable hour. Just as our marriage was ending, he was starting to do all the things he should have been doing in the first place.

I carried with me in a large envelope my request for the settlement. Liz still thought I was crazy and so did my attorney. But I didn't care. I had given it all the thought in the world and my wants and needs had nothing to do with money or property. All I wanted was half the worth of our home and whatever was in the joint bank and stock accounts. Everything else he could have. I was not interested in alimony or a lump sum of cash and I was willing to wave those rights in writing. I had made sure Mike and his lawyer were well aware of my intentions or lack thereof.

"Hi Mike." 

I hadn't even heard him get up or leave the house that morning. Our arrangement was odd but it was working for the time being.

"Mrs. Mizanin, it's nice to meet you," the man stood up and shook my hand. "My name is Brad Witherspoon and I am the court appointed mediator who will be handling your case. Please have a seat."

"Thank you," I nodded. "And call me Claudia."

"Very well, Claudia. Will your counsel be present today?"

"No," I answered.

"Mike?"

"No," was his same reply.

"And Claudia, did you bring with you the draft for the settlement?"

"I did," I handed it to him.

He read over it for a few minutes before looking up.

"Ma'am, will you be petitioning the court for alimony or a cash settlement?"

I shook my head.

"Absolutely not. I've stated very clearly what I want, Mr. Witherspoon and I think it's more than fair. There was no prenuptial agreement when we married because that was prior to Mike's success as a professional wrestler. We really both came into the marriage with no money or assets. Everything he has now is because he worked hard and earned it. That's his money and I have no claim to that. I have a full time job and with my savings, the equal division of the joint assets, and the money from the house, I am more than confident that I will be able to support myself."

"Claudia, it's okay," Mike spoke up. "I wouldn't be where I am today without you. You deserve way more than you're asking for."

"I appreciate it but my position still stands. That is what my counsel will file in court. I want this to be as quick and civil as possible."

"In light of everything that has happened," Mr. Witherspoon began, "are both parties certain that divorce is the route you wish to take? Is there a chance for reconciliation? Has every option been exercised before making the decision for dissolution?"

Mike shifted in his seat.

"Claudia is the petitioner in this case and I understand and respect why she is doing this. I won't contest the proceedings if this is really what she wants but I'll be the first to admit this isn't what I want."

"Mike…" I began.

"Claud, I'm not making excuses because I have none. I screwed up. This is all my fault and I am willing to take responsibility for what I've done. Mr. Witherspoon, I treated my wife horribly for a long time and I was unfaithful more times than I can count. It was wrong and I own all of it. She got tired of it and wants out and nobody blames her but I still love her…Claudia, I still love you very, very much and I am sorry for everything that happened and all the pain I caused you."

I took a deep breath and looked right at him.

"Mike, I know you are. I honestly believe that. I know you've changed and I've heard you pour out your heart on many occasions and it's really hard for me to say this to you but it really doesn't change anything for me. I can't be with you but that doesn't mean I don't love you. I wish I didn't because I'm still so angry, hurt, and humiliated but you don't dedicate over a decade of your life to someone then all of a sudden just stop feeling for them. I just can't find it within myself to forgive you or forget what you've done and truth be told, I don't want to."

"Claudia, may I ask you a question?"

"Of course, Mr. Witherspoon."

"How were your feelings prior to the discovery of your husband's misdeeds?"

"Things were hard, getting tougher and tougher as time went by. It wasn't the marriage we once had and I hoped it would get better but it never did. That made me sad but I was still very much in love with Mike."

"Did you think the marriage would last forever?"

"Forever was what we said. I've loved Michael Mizanin ever since I was a little girl. We had a beautiful relationship over the years that just changed for the worst and I don't even know quite when and how it happened."

"And you, Mike?"

He closed his eyes.

"I love Claudia. She's a great person and has been ever since I can remember. She didn't change, I did. I messed up everything and I don't know why. There was no reason to cheat because I had a beautiful, sexy wife who gave me sex whenever I wanted it. I just became arrogant and let a lot of stuff go to my head. I made Claud my own personal punching bag. I knew it was wrong, I guess I just didn't care. I tried to stop it but not hard enough because I guess I just figured she would always be there."

"Obviously divorce is imminent. How do you feel about that, Claudia? How will it be for instance at work?"

"Hard at first. I'm sure it will be weird but that's just the way it is. I love my job and I'm not leaving. The Miz is very successful and that's Mike's dream, the result of all his hard work and effort. He shouldn't have to leave either. Somehow we'll just have to find a way to co-exist sort of like we've been doing since all this happened."

"What about you, Mike?"

"She's right but that doesn't make it suck any less. It still tears me up inside knowing I no longer have my wife. It kills me to see her at work and be ignored even though I deserve it. It might seem stupid or whatever but I feel like this whole mess was done to me just as much as it was done by me. It's been really hard to handle and since Claudia is such a huge part of my life, I don't see it getting any easier anytime soon."

"Claudia, obviously Mike's infidelity was a devastating blow to you and the marriage. Would it have changed anything if he had come clean instead of you catching him in the act?"

That was a question I had thought about numerous times.

"No…I don't know. Part of this is so awful because of the added betrayal with him doing all these underhanded things then lying to my face and sleeping next to me like nothing was happening. But in the end, I put up with a lot of disrespect and the fact that he slept with so many women so many times…I don't think it would have changed anything."

"I see. With that said and after listening to both sides I feel that this marriage cannot be salvaged. Due to irreconcilable differences and adultery, the legal proceedings will continue through the county superior court. I will have both your attorneys take a look over what we did today but if nothing changes, your legal separation will be backdated for April and come October of 2010, the absolute divorce should be granted as long as Claudia doesn't withdraw the petition and Mike doesn't contest the agreement. My recommendation will be recorded and forwarded to the court. Is there anything else I can do for you all today?"

We both shook our heads and then Mr. Witherspoon was gone. And that was it.

"Based on your petition, I think we should keep the house until October. Take your time moving out. We'll sell and split it like you wanted to, Claud."

"I think that's a good idea, Mike."

"And I just want you to know I took a STD and HIV test. All came back negative," he cleared his throat.

"That's a relief."

"I don't know what to say, Claudia. I've said all I can say. I'm sorry and I hope you can forgive me one day and that after everything we've been through, we can somehow be friends."

I look into tear filled blue eyes. I was touched in a way that I hadn't been in a long time. The moment was surreal. I knew he meant those words.

"I hope so, too," I whispered.


	29. Viva La Vida

Tuesday May 11th marked an unusually warm night in Buffalo, New York. It was the show everyone had been waiting for, the first NXT elimination. The elimination process was being kept strictly under wraps from the Stamford powers that be, leaving the on-set crew to guess along with the wrestlers and the fans. Some of the guys backstage had even gone so far as to place friendly wagers on the names. I had my own opinion. I knew how important the whole NXT concept was to Vince McMahon. He was one of the world's most successful and savvy businessmen. He didn't like to lose and failure was not an option. The bitter taste of the abrupt demise of his disastrous XFL venture still lingered bitterly for him and it was a mistake all knew he did not want to repeat again.

NXT seemed to be polar opposite. It had been an instant hit with the WWE Universe. All eight guys were appearing to get over with the fans in one way or another. Their Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter accounts had begun to overflow with messages of support from fans all over the globe. It had not been mentioned but something told me the eliminations were being carefully pre-planned at headquarters for entertainment purposes and at the end of the season, instead of one winner and seven being sent back to FCW, everyone would end up with a contract and a spot on either Raw or Smackdown. Those were my thoughts but I was a mere Production Coordinator hanging on gracefully near the bottom of a very long corporate totem pole.

The elimination process began immediately. Michael Tarver was the first man to be let go and when I heard the reasoning behind it, I closed my eyes. I knew what was going to happen next. Michael had basically eliminated himself. When asked the previous week who he thought should go home, in a step to cut a clever promo, he had foolishly nominated himself. Matt Striker told him point blank that the WWE didn't want any employee who didn't want to be there or anyone who didn't believe in themselves. That could only mean one thing.

Before I could finish my own thought, I saw the look on Daniel Bryan's face as Striker delivered the bad news. The week before he had made the same mistake as his counterpart stating that he too should go home because he hadn't won a match. For me, whether it was real life or character driven, I respected someone who was hard on themselves and only demanded the best but it was hard to see him go. He had been a fan favorite and ranked number one in the Pros plan several times over. It was disappointing.

The show went on. There were a series of matches as Wade Barrett took on Heath Slater and Darren Young battled Skip Sheffield. The final match was David Otunga and Justin Gabriel. I left the production booth and stood near the entrance of the Titantron. PJ and hadn't talked much since our time together in Mexico but butterflies churned in my stomach every time I saw him. As Matt Hardy's theme music began, PJ began bouncing around, getting pumped for the impending matchup. As he was being introduced, he whizzed past me and flashed a sexy grin before going out to the ring.

His match, filled with flashy aerial and striking offense, was exciting but in the end, the A List was able to score the pin. As the show wound down, the final elimination of the evening resulted from the Pros poll and the big Texan known as Skip Sheffield was sent packing. As the fans left the arena, I attended a quick production meeting and then it was time to head back to the hotel. Mike was not at the arena but I had done enough ducking and dodging him the night before during the Raw broadcast. Inside my room, I turned on the television but a knock at the door prevented me from doing anything else.

"PJ," I smiled, feeling nervous all of a sudden. "What a surprise."

"Am I bothering you?" he politely asked. "Are you busy?"

I shook my head.

"No. Um, just winding down for the night. I've got an afternoon flight back to LA tomorrow. What about you?"

"Still flying high from tonight. I was grateful for the immunity from last week's challenge but it was nice to know I wasn't at the bottom of the Pros poll."

"How are all the guys doing?"

PJ shrugged.

"Trying to figure out where they stand. I guess we'll find out more in a few weeks. For now we're still booked for a lot of FCW shows in Tampa. Don't get me wrong, FCW is awesome and we're all grateful for the opportunity but this is the WWE. This is what we've all worked and waited for our entire careers."

"I understand. I hope it all works out."

He nodded, staring at me with those beautiful hazel eyes.

"Anyway, I was sitting in my room way too pumped to even try to sleep and I was wondering if you wanted to do something."

"Like what?" I asked.

"I don't know. It's a nice night out tonight. Maybe we could take a walk. What do you say?"

I smiled at him.

"Okay."

I grabbed my room key, ID, and some cash before meeting him in the hallway. We rode in comfortable silence on the elevator. He held the door open at the hotel exit and we stepped outside the Hyatt Regency and began a quiet stroll down the street that led towards downtown.

"You hungry?" he turned to me.

"I could eat," I shrugged.

PJ stopped at the street vendor and pulled a few loose bills from his wallet.

"Two hot dogs, please," he said as he paid the man.

We were handed two steaming hot dogs dripping with all the fixings.

"Thanks," I said as I took a bite. "Oh my God, this is delicious. I haven't had a hot dog in forever."

"You…you've got…" instead of explaining, he used his napkin to wipe the dribble of ketchup from the corner of my mouth.

"Thank you," I blushed. "Maybe I should get a bib."

"I think it's cute."

I laughed out loud.

"Really? Wow, if you're digging the ketchup all over my mouth, you should see what I can do with ranch," I joked.

He smiled at me.

"You're very funny. I like that."

"Thanks," I said changing the subject. "I got a chance to catch your match earlier. You were awesome as usual."

"Thank you. I figured you were watching so I tried to step it up a bit," he winked.

"I'm flattered. I mean, I knew you were agile but…"

"You know what helps with agility?"

"What?"

"Bungee jumping."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah. I go as much as I can. It's fun. It's a real rush. You ever done it?"

"Are you joking? Hello, remember me, the girl you practically had to beg to stand on the top rope of the ring? I prefer to keep my feet on the ground."

"You don't know what you're missing. That's my new goal."

"What's that?"

"To get you to step outside your comfort zone and be more adventurous."

"Good luck with that. You are a real daredevil and I respect that but that's so not me. Sorry. Let me guess, you probably like to skydive too."

He smiled.

"And swim with sharks, you got me. What can I say? I'm a total adrenaline junkie."

"I'll say."

"At least go surfing with me. You have to do that. It's fun and safe and requires no flying at all. I'll teach you."

"That I can do. I like the beach. That's probably the best part about living in California. When I first moved for college I went every day."

"What else do you like?" he looked right at me.

I immediately looked away.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I want to know more about you. I want to know about Claudia. What makes you happy? What makes you sad? What makes you angry? Your pet peeves, your favorite color, your deepest fears, your hobbies…everything. I know I've told you before but you're an incredible woman. I like you. I like being around you. The more I'm around you, the more I want to know."

I was shocked. The more time that passed with Mike and I being together, the more we stopped talking about random things. Towards the end it had become all about him and wrestling. He had stopped asking me about myself and what I needed or wanted. I had to admit PJ's curiosity and attention was a welcome change.

"Let's see…I like animals, all kinds of music, work, watching movies, kids, and hanging around my friends and family. I am extremely sensitive, loving, and loyal. I love to laugh. When I'm surrounded by the people I love and I'm doing things to help other people, I'm most happy. My favorite color at the moment is purple and my deepest fear is regret and being alone. And uh, that's about it. Not much to tell. Like I said, I have a great family, great friends and a great job. My life has gone pretty well up until now but it…it's okay. I mean, it sucks at times but I'm working through it and that's what's most important."

"I agree."

We kept walking.

"PJ?"

"Yeah?"

I took a deep breath.

"You're a nice guy and a good friend and I really like hanging around you but…"

"But what?"

"I know I kind of laid all my drama on you very early on in our friendship and from the beginning you have been so wonderful to me but I don't want you to hang out with me just because you're worried or because you feel obligated. I…I don't want you to feel sorry for me."

"Is that what you think?" he stopped. "Claudia, I hang out with you because I like you. I think you're great. What happened to you sucked but you're being strong and you're moving on and that makes me like you even more."

"You mean you don't feel sorry for me?"

"Of course not."

"Good because I'm okay. I don't want pity from anyone. I'm happy. I'm 30 year old divorcee, avoiding my ex, putting my life back together without having a major meltdown happy."

He laughed.

"As long as you are and as long as I can contribute to that."

My eyes darted a few feet away.

"Actually, I know a way you can make me very happy," I motioned to our right.

He followed my gaze.

"Now that's what I'm talking about."

We walked over to an ice cream vendor.

"You guys caught me just before I was about to close up shop. What can I get you fine folks tonight?"

I looked up at PJ.

"Chocolate or vanilla?" I inquired.

"Speak for yourself," he chuckled. "I'll have a scoop each of chocolate, vanilla and strawberry over a shortcake with caramel, coconut, and marshmallows on top."

My eyes widened.

"Damn…"

"I'll spend an extra hour in the gym tomorrow."

"Try two," I teased him before turning back to the vendor. "Two scoops of chocolate chip cookie dough, please."

The man gave us our cups of ice cream and we continued our moonlit stroll.

"This is nice, Claudia. Thanks for coming out with me. I like this."

"Me too," I said.

We came to a stop as we heard music in the distance. A few yards away was a large park. There was a live band playing and a few dozen people sitting on the lawn enjoying the music. PJ and I gravitated to the scene. The weather was still nice and a light breeze blew about.

"Why is this starting to feel like a date?" he asked.

"I don't know. Two consenting adults of the opposite sex enjoying each other's company after hours…"

"I just don't want you to be uncomfortable. I wanted to be honest about how I feel about you which is why I came clean in Mexico but with your situation being so uncertain, I didn't want to come on too strong or put you in a weird position. I know the Mike thing…"

"Mike and I are over. The legal separation is official as of today and the divorce will follow in six months. He decided not to contest."

"So you're single?"

"As single as I can be for now," I made a joke.

He turned to me as the breeze blew though my hair. He tucked a stray piece behind my ear. My heart pounded as I stared into his eyes. It was a perfect moment. It was a beautiful night and as the band began covering a Coldplay tune, it seemed as if the moment could not be more magical. Just when I thought that, he proved me wrong by stroking the side of my face. He slowly lowered his mouth over mine, sweet and gentle as his lips softly crashed into mine. I tasted the sweet remnants of his dessert and closed my eyes before he pulled away after a few seconds.

"I couldn't help myself. I probably shouldn't have done that but you're so damned beautiful," he apologized sincerely. "Please don't be upset. I'm sorry, Claudia."

There was no need for apologies. It was okay. My head and heart were finally on the same page. I had nothing to feel bad or guilty about. My marriage was over and I met someone that I cared about and was attracted to. What was the harm in exploring?

"The only thing I'm upset about is the fact that you pulled away so quickly," my eyes danced.

He smiled at me and I shivered as strong hands wrapped around my waist. I put my arms around his neck and leaned in again for another soulful, toe tingling kiss. For a few stolen moments it was a beautiful night. A beautiful life.


	30. Just Friends

The WWE was headed back to Canada for a series of shows. NXT was due to air in Ottawa on Tuesday May 18th and there would be yet another elimination. This time there was no safety net of immunity for Justin Gabriel or anyone else for that matter. I was nervous and excited and just like all the other fans, interested to see what the outcome would be. Only a few days had passed since my late night kiss in New York with PJ. It had been on my mind every waking second since. I flew back to Los Angeles on cloud nine but was quickly knocked out of the sky as soon as I pulled into the driveway at the same time as my husband. We greeted each other and the next 48 hours consisted of a few civil words here and there.

The night before we were due to go back on the road, I woke up in the middle of the night craving ice cold water. I went downstairs to the kitchen and poured myself a glass. On the way back up to the bedroom, I saw Mike on the living room couch. The television was still on and it was obvious he had fallen asleep in the middle of watching it. I stared at him for what seemed like forever. He looked so sad and so vulnerable. For a moment I actually felt sorry for him. Then I started to feel guilty. I couldn't let go of kissing PJ. I could still feel his lips and smell his cologne. When I was with him I felt like a giddy schoolgirl but the fact of the matter, it was just a dream. My reality was that though legally separated, I was still a married woman. A married woman who happened to be living under the same roof as her cheating spouse. It was the kind of story that headlined tabloids or added to the ratings of trashy daytime talk shows. But the fact of the matter was, it was my life.

Pity and guilt soon turned to anger. Mike had already taken so much away from me. He had taken my happiness, my faith, my strength, my heart and my trust. Without a second thought he had destroyed everything we had worked so hard to build. He had done this to me and to us. Now he was sorry and I couldn't help but feel bad for him and that pissed me off. He didn't deserve my sympathy. Not only did I feel bad for him, I felt bad for what I had done. Kissing PJ was sweet and fun and beautiful in the moment but in the days after, it started to feel weird. It dawned on me. In over seven years I had not kissed another man. In 2005 when Mike and I took vows, I was making a promise that he would be the last man I would ever kiss or make love to. When everything had changed, I had found myself in the arms of another. I wasn't doing anything wrong, so why did I feel bad? I felt bad because of Mike, which only fueled my anger. Once again, maybe without meaning to, he was taking something else away from me. He was taking away the magic of my time with PJ and I wasn't going to let that happen. I couldn't.

The brutal two days ended and I found myself on an Air Canada flight. My production duties were light the first few days as the real grind would begin with the NXT show. When one of the Raw PA's fell ill, I was called in to fill in for a few hours the day of their broadcast. The more than competent crew pretty much had everything under control so all I did was the usual rounds. When everything was done and in place, I took a seat in catering and helped myself to a Chef salad. The door opened and I looked up and was surprised to see my friend, Samantha Orton.

"Girl, what are you doing here?" I asked as I stood to greet her.

We exchanged an awkward hug as little Alanna was fast asleep resting atop her mother's slender shoulder.

"Al and I are going to be on the road with Randy for the next couple of months."

"Awesome, honey," I smiled. "That'll be so good for you guys. I'm happy for you. It will be great."

"Oh I'm so excited, Claudia. And I should get to see you more so we can hang out. Do you mind?" she pointed to her daughter.

"Of course not," I shook my head and gingerly placed the sleeping child in my arms so her mother could fix herself a plate.

Sam made a salad and sat down next to me as we spread out a blanket on the booth seat where Alanna could lie down.

"So," Sam began between mouthfuls. "How are things?"

"Getting better," I answered honestly. "The separation is official and we already have a date for the absolute divorce being granted. Mike and I still see each other all the time at home and at work. It's tense and awkward. I feel like he's making a serious effort to change and that he's even made progress but for me it's too little too late. So much has happened.'

"Oh I absolutely agree, hon. You know, you tried your best to make that marriage work. You gave it your all and he did a lot of bad things that can't be taken back. I love Randy with all my heart but I wouldn't put up with what you had to go through either. Sometimes you just have to cut another person loose as painful as that may be. I support you, Claudia, and I'm so proud of you. You're going to be fine."

"I know," I smiled. "I have my work and my family and of course wonderful friends like you. And I also have…"

"What?"

I blushed.

"I…well, there's this guy…"

"A guy?" Sam looked surprised. "Really? Do I know him?"

"Kind of. Um, he's really great. He's a good friend and has been an absolute rock for me during this whole mess. We've been hanging out and with everything going on, starting a new relationship was the last thing on my mind. He's very attractive but I wasn't even thinking about him in that way but things are starting to change."

"How do you feel about that?"

I couldn't stop grinning.

"I feel deliriously happy. I feel like a kid again. He is amazing. Gorgeous, sensitive, athletic, sexy, intelligent, warm and incredibly kind. I mean it. He has the most incredible heart. But we're just friends."

"Sounds like a dream. Just friends, huh? Sounds like you really like him."

"I do. We hung out last week in Buffalo and uh…we ended up kissing. He kissed me, well we kissed each other," I could barely get the words out.

"Whoa. Um, wow."

I made a face.

"Does that sound bad? Is it too soon? Do you think I'm a horrible person?"

"Oh no, sweetie, of course not. First of all, you're single. You and Mike are no longer together and have taken the legal steps to end the marriage. I am your friend and I'm not here to judge you. As far as it being too soon, well only you can answer that. Does it feel like it's rushed?"

"No," I answered without hesitation. "It feels right, Sam."

"Does he make you happy?"

"Yes."

"Then there you go. You're not a bad person. You are a great person who deserves love and happiness. You put your all into a relationship with someone who just wasn't on the same page as you. He did a lot of underhanded things and really hurt you. There is nothing wrong with moving on."

"Thanks, Samantha. I appreciate that. I know how I feel, it's just a lot to take in, you know? Everything has happened really fast and I guess I'm still trying to process it all. Sometimes I feel guilty but Mike and I are over and no matter how much he changes, we could never go back. I have to go forward and I've met someone who is really cool and makes me feel good and I know that no matter what happens with us on a romantic level, we'll always be friends."

Sam's eye lit up.

"Okay, now you have me curious. I'm dying to know. Who in the world is this mystery guy?"

Before I could open my mouth to reply, the door opened and in walked PJ. Crimson washed over my face as my heart rate increased.

"Speak of the devil," I whispered.

"Him?" Sam looked up. "You know how to pick them, girlie. He is cute!"

"I know, I know."

"Are you going to ask him to join us?'

I wanted to. That nervous familiarity settled in my stomach along with the butterflies. I wanted a mirror to check my reflection. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw PJ with Matt Hardy and a pretty, petite blonde I hadn't seen before. She had a backstage pass and was talking comfortably with both guys so I assumed they knew her.

"Claud! Sam!" Matt said as he walked over and greeted us both with hugs and kisses.

"Hi babe," I smiled making room for him.

"What are the two most beautiful ladies in the building up to?" Matt asked.

"Got to love that southern charm," Sam shook her head.

He began to spread mayonnaise and mustard on his turkey sandwich.

"Just grabbing a quick bite before the show. My rook PJ and I went on a run earlier. That dude's energy is insane. He kicked my butt, he's like the damned Energizer bunny. Karen, too."

"Karen?" I looked up.

Matt, unaware of the recent developments between PJ and me, motioned to the woman PJ was laughing and talking with in the catering line.

"She's PJ's friend up from Florida."

A few seconds later, the duo joined us.

"Room for two more?" PJ asked.

There was plenty of room as everyone settled in. PJ sat his food down before leaning over and giving me a hug.

"PJ, this is Samantha Orton, Randy's wife," I introduced them. "And baby Alanna is sleeping. Sam, this is PJ Lloyd, one of the NXT competitors and…"

"Karen," PJ finished for me. "Karen Richardson, this is Claudia Mizanin and Samantha Orton."

The blonde extended her hand.

"Hi," I said.

"Nice to meet you both," she smiled.

"Likewise," Sam nodded politely,

"And nice to meet you, Samantha," PJ shook her hand. "Karen was in town visiting friends so I invited her to the shows."

"You live in Florida?" I asked.

"For the moment," Karen replied. "I'm kind of a nomad, that's probably why PJ and I get along so well."

"I met Karen on the independent circuit," PJ offered.

"Are you a wrestler?" Sam inquired.

"Training for it," Karen responded. "Mostly I do a lot of valet work. I've worked for just about every Indy in the country learning the business, paying dues, you know how it is."

Karen was very beautiful and seemed nice.

"We've worked together some and she is an absolute amazing talent," PJ bragged. "With time and more experience she will be a force to be reckoned with."

"Isn't he the best?" she joked. "Gosh, with exes like these, what's the point of a boyfriend?"

Sam and I stopped eating and exchanged glances.

"Oh," Sam wiped her mouth and tried to remain casual. "You two used to date?"

Karen nodded.

"For three years was it?"

PJ smirked.

"You and your fading memory. Three and a half, thank you very much. Glad to know it was so memorable."

The five and a half of us continued to sit as we enjoyed lunch. I tried to smile and be as normal as possible but the fact that PJ's ex girlfriend was there did unnerve me. She had a gorgeous face and body and was super nice. They had a playful, comfortable but platonic banter. It was a nice hour of hanging out but when I could no longer suppress that uncomfortable feeling churning inside me, I politely excused myself. Sam followed my lead and quickly scooped up Alanna.

"Leaving so soon, guys?" Matt asked.

"Yeah," I said. "I have a few more things to do before the show."

"Alanna will be up from her nap soon and her daddy will want to see her," Sam explained.

"Well, if you have to leave," PJ stood. "Sam, it was great hanging out with you. Claudia, I hope to see you later?"

He was smiling and his voice sounded hopeful. I cleared my throat.

"Of course."

He shook Sam's hand and gave me another hug followed by a kiss on the cheek.

"Nice meeting you, ladies," Karen called out.

"Same here," I acknowledged. "I'm sure I'll see you around. You too, Matt. You guys have a great day."

Sam and I walked away.

"He is such a cutie," Sam said when we were safely alone in the hallway.

"Yeah…"

"And he's way into you."

"You think?"

"I know. He was totally staring at you the whole time we were eating."

"But…"

Sam frowned.

"Come on. I know you're not upset about Karen."

I bit my lip.

"Upset? No…"

Sam smiled.

"How about annoyed and slightly jealous?"

I laughed out loud.

"Maybe."

"I wouldn't worry about it. They're obviously just friends besides, it says a lot when a guy can be on good term with his ex."

"I guess."

We continued walking and a few minutes later, Alanna woke up. I gave her a kiss and held her in my arms as we headed back to the locker room area. Pretty soon it would be time to get back to work. I sighed. Just when things were starting to settle down, something else always happened. My thoughts were interrupted as the Viper met us by the entrance. He kissed my cheek and his little girl's before planting a kiss on Sam's lips. I couldn't help but watch them. What a beautiful and complete family. I loved them and I was happy for them but the images brought back my own sadness and regret. Now my heart was more conflicted than ever.


	31. A Better Day

Darren Young became the latest casualty of the eagerly anticipated NXT eliminations. He made a gracious and graceful exit at the end of the show and it brought tears to my eyes. Reality began to set in. I had spent so much time with the eight guys and they had all seen me through the darkest time in my life. I considered them true friends and it was heartbreaking to see them go, wondering if their WWE dreams would ever come true. But there was light at the end of the tunnel even if it was a small consolation for just one night. When most of the Superstars from all the brands were in town, it was not uncommon for everyone to meet up at a favorite bar or club or home of one of the wrestlers. This night was a few days after the birthday of Matt Cardona, better known as Zack Ryder, and a week or so before the birthday of Nattie Neidhart. Everyone had decided to get together to celebrate and Nattie's choice had been a skating party. After the show, the company had rented out a local ice skating rink for the private gathering. I laced up my skates and held onto the rail for dear life. Almost everyone had showed up and was having a good time. I hadn't skated in years and was much better at roller skating than ice skating but nevertheless trudged on.

"Hey."

I looked up and saw that Mike had skated up beside me.

"Hi," I said.

An awkward silence ensued.

"How are you?" he finally asked.

"Good. You?"

"Sore," he chuckled. "I think I've fallen down more times tonight than I have in my whole life."

"I hear you. My butt is killing me. I hope I'll even be able to walk tomorrow."

"We were never really good at this. Remember that one time the whole senior class skipped school and went to Cleveland to ice skate?"

I smiled fondly. We were so young then. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

"I remember," my voice trailed off. "I remember everything."

"Those were good times."

"Yeah…they were," I looked away.

"I, I don't want to bother you, I just wanted to come say hi," he said.

I nodded.

"I'll see you around, Mike."

He finally skated off and I felt like I had been punched in the gut. When was it going to get easier?

"You look way too beautiful to have such a sad face. If anyone should be sad tonight, it should be me. Now turn that frown upside down, baby girl."

I grinned. Fred.

"Who knew you were so light on your feet?"

Fred flashed a big smile before giving a fancy little turn on the ice.

"See? Black people are good at winter sports."

My eyes widened as I smacked his arm.

"Fred! You know that is not what I meant!"

"I know, I know," he laughed, pulling me in for a hug. "You know I couldn't resist messing with you, Claudia, Just wanted to make you laugh. I saw everyone's favorite ex husband skating with you and you looked really sad. I wanted to lighten the mood and help you forget all about the drama."

"Well thank you. I appreciate it. You're a good friend."

"I'm gonna miss you. I mean that. I'm not one to get all sappy and sentimental but you're a good girl. You helped make this experience fun for me. It's been real."

"This sounds like good bye. I hate good byes, Fred."

"It's not good bye, more like a see you later."

"That' s more like it," I forced a small smile. "Look, I don't know what's going to happen with the guys that were eliminated but for what it's worth, I think you're all awesome. If Vince lets you guys go, he'll be making a huge mistake. You all definitely proved yourself in that locker room and with the fans. It was an honor working with you and I wish you nothing but the best."

"Thanks. That means a lot coming from you. You'll see me around, I promise."

"I hope so. I'm really sorry about tonight. Tough break."

"Shit happens but when the chips are down, you have to keep going."

I knew a thing or two about that.

"You're right."

"You know, it could have been worse."

"What do you mean?"

A smirk crossed his face.

"PJ could have gotten eliminated. He's my boy and all and that would have sucked for you two but I wouldn't have complained."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I went immediately on the defense.

"It's me, Claudia. Look, I'm not all about putting you on blast or throwing your business out on the street but I wasn't born yesterday, babe. You and PJ are into each other."

"Fred…"

"It's okay. Look, Mike is a jerk. He treats people like crap but he went way too far with how he was with you. You are such a sweet person and I know you were a good wife. He didn't deserve you. I'm sorry you got hurt but I'm glad you kicked his sorry ass to the curb. Right now you're in a tough situation because of the job and the divorce but I know you like PJ. He likes you too. And I just want you to know he's a good dude. I don't know where your head is or what's gonna happen but he'll take care of you. He's one of the good guys, I can vouch for that."

I tried to take his words all in. We continued skating in silence for a while and I slipped a few times as a laughing Fred was always there to catch me.

"See what happens when I let go of the rail? I guess my winter Olympic dreams are shattered," I joked.

Fred held my hand and I felt someone approaching us. It was PJ.

"What's up, man?" Fred acknowledged him.

"Hey guys."

"Hi," I said softly.

"May I cut in?" PJ asked Fred.

Fred winked at both of us and carefully placed my hand in PJ's as he skated away. PJ squeezed my hand.

"So," I cleared my throat. "How have you been?"

"Good. You?"

"Good."

"Are you enjoying yourself?" PJ inquired.

"Yeah. It's fun. Plus it's nice when everybody comes out and hangs out like this."

He nodded.

"I haven't really had a chance to talk to you…"

"I've been busy with work and I know you had a lot on your mind with the eliminations and all. It's getting to be crunch time and I know you need to focus."

"True but I still have time for my friends and the people I care about. I'm never too busy for that or for you."

I felt my face flush.

"Um, PJ…"

"Is everything okay, Claudia? It seems like something is on your mind. You know you can always talk to me."

"I know. I just…"

"What?"

"I'm confused."

"Confused about what?"

"You. Me. Us, if there even is an us. All of it. Ever since we kissed, it…it's all I can think about."

"Is that a bad thing?" he looked right at me.

"I don't know."

"How do you feel?"

I shrugged.

"I feel like my marriage of five years just painfully and abruptly ended to a man I have loved for nearly half my life and that I should be more upset about that and I'm not. Part of the reason I am not that upset is because of you. You have been an amazing friend and now it's like that friendship may be turning into more but that's a really scary thought for me. I have a lot going on right now and I don't know if it's fair to drag you into all of that. I don't know if you even want to be involved. I don't know what you want, PJ."

"I want you," he replied softly.

"What?" my eyes met his.

He smiled shyly.

"You heard me. Listen, I know you're in a pretty weird place in your life right now and I understand that. The last thing I want to do is make things harder for you but I can't help how I feel. I didn't plan on it or mean for any of this to happen but sometimes you can't help how you feel or who you fall for. And I've fallen for you. Hard."

"Oh, PJ…"

"If you don't feel the same way, it's okay."

"It's not that. I'm just scared. Scared of everything. Of getting hurt again, of being vulnerable, of allowing myself to feel for a man again."

"That's perfectly understandable. I'm not here to pressure you. I just want you to know that I would never ever do anything to hurt you."

I smiled.

"I know. It's just that things are so weird with Mike and then the other day…"

"What?"

I felt stupid.

"Nothing."

"You can tell me, Claudia."

"This is gonna sound really crazy but the other day with Karen…"

"Ah ha. So is that what this is all about? Is that why you've been avoiding me?"

"I wasn't avoiding you…"

"There is nothing going on between us."

"But you guys were together for three and a half years."

"Yes we were and it was a beautiful relationship. She's a wonderful girl and at one point and time in my life, I was very much in love with her. I met her at one of my shows and we just clicked. We were friends first and that blossomed into something deeper. I still love her to this day but now only as a friend. Claudia, sometimes in life people grow apart and life takes you down different paths. Happens to the best of us. Some couples are just lucky and uh…I guess we weren't so lucky, Karen and me. But it's okay. I have no regrets and I wish her well. Karen is a great person and I feel lucky to have her in my life."

"She was very nice. And she's funny and beautiful and so likeable and the whole time I was sitting there, it just really bothered me. I am so embarrassed to admit this because I don't want to be that girl but I guess I was a little jealous."

"She's just a friend."

"I didn't like it."

"The relationship has been over for a really long time."

"I still didn't like it. I'm sorry. Seeing another woman have your attention and knowing how special she was to you…it just got to me. I feel like such a dumbass."

"You're not. I get where you're coming from."

"You do?" I frowned.

He nodded.

"There was no basis for it but you still couldn't help it. Sort of the way I couldn't help it every time I used to see you with Mike. I liked you a lot and it bothered me to see you with someone else, even though he was your husband."

"It did?"

"It did. I'd see you two together and wish I was in his shoes. It only made it worse that he treated you so badly. Man, that used to burn me up. You don't know how many times I wanted to punch that guy in his face."

"Wow…"

PJ stopped skating and pulled me into a private corner of the ice.

"Claudia, my feelings for you are real. I don't want to be a rebound or a bunk buddy. I want to be a man you know you can depend on. I want you to know I will always be your friend, I will always be here for you. I care about you so much and I won't deny that. If you're ready, if you'll have me, I'd love to take you out, spend more time with you, treat you the way you should be treated and we'll see where it goes."

Tears clouded my eyes,

"Are you serious?" I whispered.

"I've never been more serious. Your heart is fragile and I recognize that. I'm not here to play games with your head or your heart. I am a man of my word. I like you a lot, Claudia and I want to be with you."

I bit my lip. His words, his gaze, everything about him melted me.

"I feel the same way," I stared at him.

He couldn't contain his grin.

"For real?"

"For real. I know my situation is unique but it's irrelevant. I deserve to be happy and you make me happy. I don't know what's going to happen either but I am willing to invest the time and effort to see where it goes. I know no matter what happens with us in the romantic sense, that you are someone I will have as a true friend for the rest of my life. That's a wonderful thing."

He exhaled.

"Do you know how much I want to kiss you right now?"

I cocked my head up at him.

"If it's half as much as I want to kiss you then we're both in trouble," I giggled. "I'm sorry. I hate to ruin the moment but we can't, not here. I'm not ashamed of us or what we're doing but with the separation so new and Mike and I working for the same company…"

"Say no more. I completely understand."

Of course he understood. He was an amazing guy.

"I said not here," my eyes motioned to the locker room that was out of view of the general public where all our co-workers had congregated. "But um…"

"You go first. I'll be there in a minute."

We laughed like school kids sneaking off to do something naughty. I looked around and made my way to our secret meeting spot. My heart raced waiting for him and as promised, he joined me minutes later.

"Now that you have me all alone, whatever are you going to do with me, Mr. Lloyd?" I gazed coyly at him.

"Just this," he breathed, leaning in to kiss me.

The kiss was better than the first two, if possible. He was passionate and sweet, soulful and tender but sexy as hell. It literally took my breath away.

"You are such a good kisser," I tried to find a voice when we finally pulled away.

He kissed me again and it lasted for what seemed like forever. We kissed until our lips were sore.

"You're not so bad yourself."

I groaned out loud,

"As much as I'd love to stay here we're going to have to get back to the party. I'm sorry, PJ."

"No worries," he shrugged. "It's okay. Besides, we'll have plenty of time for moments like this. I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I'll kiss you later."

The promise sent shivers down my spine. He held my hand and I felt protected and happy. As strange as it sounded and felt, kissing him was like being born again. I had a new lease on life. Better days were surely ahead.


	32. Where The Heart Is

Normally when the WWE was in Cleveland, it was tradition that Mike and I stayed with his family. We would invite friends and family members to the show, then everyone would reconvene back at my parents' home. We'd been doing that ever since I could remember but on May 26th, it was a much different setting. As soon as I had arrived at the Cleveland Hopkins International Airport alone, I had caught a cab back to my parents' home. They were glad to see me but nevertheless worried. They were well aware of the separation and knew spatterings of what Mike had done, though I had chosen to protect them from all the gory details. We spoke briefly but I was tired and they reluctantly let me rest without too much of the third degree. I knew Mike was in town also and I could only assume he was staying with his dad. His parents were lovely people and I'd always been close to them. Both of them had tearfully reached out to me the minute that they heard we had split up. I would always want them in my lives but on this trip, at this time, I wasn't ready to face them. Not yet.

NXT took place in the Quicken Loans arena. I got my parents tickets to the event and brought them backstage beforehand. They had asked me if I wanted to continue with the latter part of the tradition by inviting co-workers over. I was reluctant to do so at first but at the last minute, I decided to invite Pros Matt, Jay, Phil, and Ron as well as the remaining contestants Heath, David, PJ, and Stu. All readily accepted the invitation and I spent the entire night trying to avoid Mike but to no avail just minutes before the show…

"_Hey," he said, as I was trying to make my way to the production booth._

"_Hi Mike."_

_He smiled as if nothing was out of the ordinary._

"_I just ran into your folks," he grinned._

"_Oh," I stated._

"_They look great. I missed talking to them."_

"_Yeah…"_

_Talk about awkward._

"_So what are you guys doing after the show?"_

_I shrugged._

"_I…I, I don't know. We'll probably hang out. My mom cooked."_

_Mike rubbed his stomach._

"_Chicken Portabello?"_

_I smiled._

"_Her specialty."_

"_Did you invite people over?"_

_I shifted uncomfortably._

"_Just a few…"_

"_Look, I know things have been tense between us, Claud, but I'd really love to hang out with your family…"_

"_Mike…"_

"_Just hear me out."_

"_No," I said. "I'm sorry, Mike but that's not a good idea. Things are just too weird right now and I would feel very uncomfortable if you were there."_

_Anger flashed in eyes and it was quickly replaced by hurt._

"_Okay," he swallowed hard. "I understand."_

He said it but I knew he didn't mean it. And the uncomfortable situation was all I could think about afterwards. It was hard to even concentrate on the eliminations. I did breathe a sigh of relief when I found out that PJ was safe but it didn't help take the sting away when I realized Heath was gone. It sucked. We were getting down to the wire and then there were three. A few hours later, my friends were sitting around the living room of my childhood home laughing, talking and having after dinner drinks.

"Here, honey," my mom approached, handing me a glass of red wine.

"Thanks, Mom," I smiled.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah."

"Good…you just look down."

"I'm okay."

"Is this about Mike?"

"Mom…"

"Sweetie, it's time we talked about the pink elephant in the room. I saw Mike tonight."

"I know. He told me."

"He was very nice, seemed to be in good spirits."

"He…wanted to come over tonight but I told him no."

Mom nodded.

"I understand. As a parent I'm just worried. So much is going on. I know you guys are separated and you're divorcing but that's about it. I get that you're an adult and you're living your own life but you're still my daughter and we've always been close. I know you're hurting and that kills me that you're in so much pain and I don't even know what's going on."

I took a sip of wine.

"Mom, the past two years of my marriage were absolute hell," I admitted. "Things were bad…far worse than I wanted to admit. There was a lot of emotional and verbal abuse, a lot of neglect and finally a lot of infidelity. I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't put up with it. It's hard and it hurts but I'm dealing with it. I know you're there for me and the last thing I want to do is shut you out but at the same time I'm not going to shove all my worries down your throat."

Mom sighed heavily.

"Oh honey. I've known Mike since he was just a kid running around the neighborhood. The love I had for him was the same I would have had, if I'd given birth to him myself. I remember how young you two were, how in love you were. I know things had gotten pretty bad in the last couple of years. I saw the pain and worry on your face but I had no idea just how bad. The situation and especially how Mike behaved is just so disappointing. You're my child and I don't want to see you hurting but no matter what, I want you to know that Dad and I love you very, very much and we are so proud of how you have handled yourself with dignity and grace during all of this."

"Thanks, Mom"

"Life will go on and you will move on, I just say take it slow and be careful. Your heart needs to heal but uh…that PJ seems like a nice young man."

"Mom!" I squealed. "What do you know about PJ?"

We both looked over and saw him standing over by the kitchen laughing and talking with my father and Matt.

"We've talked and he's very sweet…and very cute. I'm your mother, Claudia, and if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times. A mother knows her child. I see the way you look at him and the way he looks back at you. I trust your judgment and I do hope you find the happiness you deserve."

"He's great, Mom. He's so wonderful. I really like him. I don't know what's going to happen with us and maybe that's the beauty of it but I do know that we like each other a lot and he has a good soul and he's been an amazing friend to me during probably one of the most difficult times in my life. We're just gonna see what happens."

I looked over and noticed PJ was already staring at me. We were both engaged in conversation with other people but it was as if our attention was only on each other. He gave me a smile, _that _smile, along with a wink and we both knew what that meant. I saw him say something to my dad and Matt before walking away and after a few seconds, I excused myself from Mom. She gave me a knowing smile as I met PJ in the hallway.

"I thought I'd never get you alone," he said. "You look beautiful."

I took his hand.

"Come with me."

I led him to my childhood bedroom, the one my parents hadn't changed in over 12 years.

"So this is your room, huh?" he looked around.

It was lavender, and filled with stuffed animals and posters of New Kids On The Block, Backstreet Boys and Boyz II Men.

"The one and only," I replied, leaving the door slightly ajar. "Sorry, I'm damn near 30 years old but I'm sure the old rule still applies…leave the door open when you have boys in your room."

"Really?" PJ raised an eyebrow. "Well, do the rules state that I can't do this?"

He pulled me into a kiss. I moaned as his tongue snaked its way into and moved expertly inside my mouth. My body trembled as his hands ran down my sides.

"I don't know about that one but I suppose we can make an exception," I breathed, pulling away. "Rules were meant to be broken. What the hell, right?"

I kissed him again before leading him to my bed. We took a seat and got comfortable.

"You look happy," he said. "I mean that. I don't know when I've seen you smile this much."

I shrugged.

"I feel great. It's always good to be here and I have an awesome family that I really love and miss. Home is where the heart is."

"They are wonderful people. I really like your parents, Claudia. They are so nice."

"Thank you."

"I told them that they raised a beautiful daughter."

I looked right at him.

"You're so sweet to me," I whispered. "You know, you're part of the reason why I'm so happy."

He stroked my hand.

"Are you having a good time?

"I am," I nodded.

"What are your plans for tomorrow?"

I frowned.

"I don't know. The original plan was back to reality, back to L.A. but now I'm not so sure. I was thinking about hanging out here for a few days until it's time to go back on the road."

A shy but mischievous smile spread across his face.

"How do you feel about Florida this time of year?"

"Florida?"

"I hear the weather is warm and they have plenty to do and the orange juice is great."

I laughed out loud.

"Good oj, huh? Well, that definitely sweetens the pot. What are you getting at?"

"I was thinking, hoping that maybe you would consider flying back to Tampa with me tomorrow. We have three days off and I couldn't think of a better way to spend that time than to hang out with you. What do you say?"

"Are you serious?" I asked softly.

"Yes. I think we would have fun. You could get away and relax and at the same time we can get to know each other one on one without the pressures of work or Mike or anything else. I'd really like you to come."

My heart began to flutter.

"Wow, I…"

"Too much, huh? I don't mean to pressure you, Claudia, I…"

"Yes," I blurted out.

"What?"

I could barely contain my grin.

"It is crazy and way too spontaneous and the mere thought makes me nervous enough to vomit but I really want to go. It sounds like fun and I really want to hang out with you."

"Really?"

"Really. This is like the wildest thing I've ever done but I want to. You did say you wanted me to be more adventurous so I guess you're getting your wish."

His eyes lit up as he cupped my face and kissed me again. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he eased me down onto the bed. We kissed some more and finally lay content and smiling on our backs with his arm underneath my neck.

"Thank you," he whispered after a few minutes.

"What for?" I stared at the ceiling.

"Just for being for you and being here and letting me be here. This is incredible. I think you're great."

I turned to face him. I looked right in his eyes, right in his handsome face. God, he was so beautiful.

"I think you're pretty great, too," I leaned in to kiss him again.

"Oh hell no! No making out in the parents' home," someone interrupted.

PJ and I looked up to see Heath barreling towards us. Though disappointed earlier by the elimination, he had allowed little time for self-pity. After a few hours and more than a few helpings of my mother's cooking, he was back to his old self, happy, loud, and head bobbing.

"Heath, what are you doing?" I giggled.

"Keeping you two crazy kids from moving too fast," he said as he hopped right between us on the small full size bed. "Or in man terms, cock blocking."

PJ and I just smiled and shook our heads. You had to love Heath.

"Man, you're crazy," PJ told him.

"What are you guys up to besides playing kissy face?"

"Kissy face?" I frowned. "Okay…"

"Before you ruined the moment, Claudia and I were just talking about her coming back to Florida with me tomorrow."

"Florida, huh?" Heath asked. "Sweet. You know I live in Tampa, too."

"I was aware of that," I told him.

"You're more than welcome to come hang out at my pad. I can show you a good time, babe. I mean, I know you're probably looking forward to some alone time with this fool over here but if you want to have a good time with the One Man Rock Band, I can pencil you in for sure. My schedule is busy and the ladies do love me but the Jinja Ninja aims to please so if you need me…"

I winked at him.

"I'll call you," I laughed as PJ just rolled his eyes and chuckled.

"Life is good," Heath sighed.

"Not that I'm complaining, hon, but you sure are in a chipper mood after the elimination," I pointed out.

"It sucks and I hate it but I've come too far, worked too hard to let this get me down. The WWE is my dream and I'm too close to give up now. Besides, I think we made a major impact on the fans and Corporate up in Stamford. I have faith that good things will happen."

I looked over at Heath and then at PJ as Heath grinned and put one hand in the air to give the rock on sign before putting the other around me. I felt surprisingly lighthearted and happy in the moment. For weeks dealing with the situation with Mike, dread had plagued me after the end of every road trip. I didn't feel like I was going home, I felt like I was going back to the awkward tension of a cold and empty house filled with empty promises and broken dreams. More and more I was beginning to feel like I didn't belong in L.A. anymore. If home was where the heart was, I would have to follow my heart to the comfort, safety, and caring, wherever it was. When I looked over at PJ, instantly I felt all warm inside. I was ready to give in to adventure. After 30 years of erring on the side of caution, I was finally ready to take a walk on the wild side.


	33. Day I

The next morning after breakfast with my parents, I packed my bags and let them drop me off at the airport. Standing next to the baggage check-in waiting for me as promised was a beaming PJ. He placed a sweet peck on my lips and as soon as we got everything settled, we cleared security and began the hour or so wait for the flight. The conversation was light and the mood was playful. I was happy but nervous, still looking forward to the next few days alone with him. Just minutes before we were due to board the plane, my cell phone rang. I excused myself and stepped out of PJ's earshot.

"What's up, mama? You rang? Sorry, I missed your call. John flew in late last night and when you called I was busy receiving some of the most tantalizing oral sex in the history of oral sex."

I cringed. Liz was as eloquent as ever.

"Thanks for the visual," I said with a giggle. "But I'm glad you called me back. Listen, I need a favor."

"Anything. What's up?"

"I'm at the airport on my way to Tampa…"

"Cool! What time do you get here? Do you need a ride when you arrive?"

"Not exactly," I looked over at PJ who was tweeting away on his iPhone. "But I do need you to say that you picked me up. If anybody asks, you and John met me at 3:30pm, US Airways flight 1817. Got it?"

"US Airways 1817, yeah, I got it. Look, this is totally none of my business but you know that has never stopped me before. I don't mind covering for you but can I at least get the juicy tidbits of the back story? What's going on, kid? Everything okay?"

I could barely maintain my grin.

"Oh Liz, it's more than okay. Things are great, awesome! You know we have the three days off and PJ asked me to hang out with him at his place and I said yes."

"Holy shit!" she screamed from the other end of the line, nearly busting my ear drum in the process. "You dirty little tramp, you!"

"Dude, it is so not like that," I laughed.

"Then why are you asking me to cover your tracks like we're in high school sneaking around?"

I got serious for a moment.

"Because PJ and I are spending more time together seeing where this leads us and I don't want anyone to know right now. He doesn't deserve it but I guess I'm trying to protect Mike's feelings."

"You're right, Claud that is the last thing Mike deserves but you're a good person. Look, you know I always have your back and on this one, my lips are sealed. I'll tell John to say we picked you up if anyone asks but I'll tell him you were just trying to get away or something. I won't mention PJ's name."

"Thank you."

"Just have a good time, sweetie. Promise me that."

I smiled.

"I will."

"And if it happens, it happens."

"What?" I raised a brow.

"The sex, duh. Don't be afraid to get yours. You need a good screw and PJ's fine ass looks like just the hammer to drive in that nail."

I shook my head.

"Liz, you need professional help but I love you to death, you know that, right? Thanks for everything and I'll be in touch. Love you."

"Love you, too. Call me with all the dirty details and don't forget to use all the nasty words."

I ended the call just as we were lining up to get on the flight.

"Everything alright?" PJ asked.

I simply nodded. I felt bad about lying and even worse about not telling PJ why I had called Liz but instead of dwelling on it, I tried to dismiss the thought from my mind. We took our seats on the flight and made small talk, deciding on tentative plans for our time together in Florida. It was a 90 minute flight to Charlotte, North Carolina where we grabbed a quick bite to eat on the brief layover before boarding the next plane directly to Florida. PJ drifted off to sleep on that flight and I couldn't help but smile as he rested his head on my shoulder. We landed without incident and shortly after 4pm, Eastern Standard Time, we were leaving the airport in his Pontiac G6 GTI. The drive to his place was short as I took in the beautiful scenery of the area. Less than 15 minutes later, we arrived at his condo.

I was more than impressed with what I saw. He resided in a beautiful but modest gated community where all the condos on their perfect manicured lawns looked alike. Once inside, I got a closer look at PJ's world. It was two stories, three bedrooms and two and a half baths. I admired the elegant tile flooring in the kitchen and bathrooms and the gorgeous hardwood finish everywhere else. Each bedroom was neat and decorated and in the living room along with a 60 inch wall mounted flat screen television, was a pool table. The entire home was adorned with African sculptures and art and various framed wrestling posters. From the upstairs balcony and the lower level patio were breathtaking views of the Tampa Bay.

"Your home is so beautiful," I murmured as he walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Thank you," he kissed the side of my neck. "Make yourself comfortable. Please."

He took my bags and we walked upstairs. As we made our way to the bedrooms, we stopped awkwardly and he looked right at me.

"Decisions, decisions," I nervously joked.

"Claudia, I don't want you to feel pressured. Please feel free to sleep wherever you'll feel most comfortable. I mean that. You're more than welcomed to share my room with me or if you'd rather sleep somewhere else, either spare room is already made up."

"Where do you want me to sleep?" I softly asked him.

He smiled.

"I think you already know the answer to that question. I would love nothing more than to hold you in my arms for the next three nights but that decision is yours, love, not mine."

I swallowed hard.

"I'd like that very much, too," I managed to croak. "I mean, it's not like we haven't slept in the same bed before…"

He took my things to his room as I took a seat on the bed.

"So the agenda for today is just to hang out and relax," he said.

"Are you okay with that?"

"I am great with that, Claudia. Tonight I'll make dinner for us."

"Yeah, you used to be a chef. I forgot about that."

"What do you feel like eating?" he inquired.

"Why don't you surprise me with a traditional South African meal?"

He grinned.

"I know just the thing. You'll love it."

Somehow I knew that I would. He gave me a quick tour of the house and afterwards we took a serene walk around the quiet, picturesque neighborhood. When we got back to the house, PJ challenged me to a rematch in pool. We played a few times. I had been practicing in LA and had gotten a little better but not much. I was almost grateful for my novice moves as they allowed for more lessons from my hot teacher. Every time he snaked an arm around me and whispered instructions in my ear, I felt like I might melt as I inhaled the delicious and intoxicating scent of his cologne. A few times I couldn't resist nuzzling the underside of his ear.

After pool time, he let me rest on the couch in front of the television while he prepared our meal. It smelled heavenly and after nearly two hours of preparation, we were ready to eat. He escorted me to dining area where he had set the table over a gorgeous ivory lace table cloth. Soft instrumental jazz music played in the background and to make it even more romantic, he had lit two candles.

"The good china," I joked. "I'm flattered."

"Only the best for you," he winked, pulling out my chair.

After bringing out the food, he sat across from me.

"This looks so good, PJ, and smells even better."

"Thank you. Okay, for starters we're going to have Snoek Pate. It's a fish usually found in the waters of the Cape area in South Africa. The flavor is really strong but I think you'll like it. The main course is Bobotie which is a spiced minced beef dish and for dessert I whipped together a Melktert. It's a milk custard pastry that is one of my favorites. We also have bread. I told you I'm not a big drinker but Thelema Merlot 1996 is an awesome South African red wine that really goes with this meal."

He poured me a glass and I stared at the setup.

"Wow," I shook my head. "I am utterly impressed."

"And I am utterly ecstatic that you are here with me right now," he looked right in my eyes.

Without further ado, we dug into the meal. The entire spread was tender and mouthwatering and I savored every bite. We finished the wine after dessert and despite his objections, I helped him with the dishes. We got some air on the balcony and that moment staring up at the moonlight standing next to him, the bay breeze blowing across our faces was perfect. Finally, it was time for bed.

My heart pounded as I changed into a tee shirt and sleep shorts. It matched and it was cute but I wished I'd had something else to wear. I closed my eyes. What for? What was I wanting? Trashy lingerie or a sexy nightgown? Why? Either one would give off the wrong impression so I pulled my hair back and prayed my face without makeup wouldn't scare him half to death. I climbed between the cool sheets and pulled them up to my chest as a few minutes later PJ emerged from the bathroom wearing only a pair of pajama bottoms.

"Hi," I said shyly.

He gave me a smile that made me tingle all over.

"Hi," he got in bed. "Sorry, this is all I have."

"Oh it's fine," I said.

"Usually I sleep in…"

"Your underwear, I know," I remembered from Mexico.

He blushed.

"Actually, I sleep most of the time in the buff but…"

My face turned scarlet red.

"Oh."

"So," he said as he scooted closer to me. "How was your first day in Tampa? Did I bore you to death?"

"I am having an amazing time," I answered honestly. "Thank you for inviting me."

"May I?" he asked if he could hold me.

"Please," I whispered.

His embrace felt so tight, so protective, so warm.

"Want to watch a movie?" he asked.

"Sure," I grabbed the remote to the DVD player.

I accidentally pressed the play key and the disc inside began to run. On the flat screen was a wrestling match. The commentators spoke in a language I did not recognize. It looked like an older show and one of the men, a burly dark haired gentleman dressed in pink was someone I did recognize from the many photos in the house.

"I was just watching this before I left for the last road trip," PJ explained.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"It's alright."

"That, that's your father isn't it?"

PJ nodded.

"That's him, the one and only Paul Lloyd Sr. He used to wrestle under the name of the Pink Panther, hence the getup," he chuckled. "This was in 1994 at the All Stars Wrestling event where he took on the Tornado II."

He went to turn it off but I stopped him.

"It's okay. We can watch, that is if it's alright with you."

"You don't mind?" he asked.

"Of course not."

We watched the match as I leaned back into PJ's arms.

"That was a good show," he reminisced. "I remember it like it was yesterday."

"Tell me about him," I said softly.

PJ took a deep breath and kissed the top of my head.

"He was a good man. He was more than my father, he was my teacher, my mentor, my friend. We had great times together and I will miss him forever."

"I'm sorry," I squeezed his hand.

"It's okay. His legacy lives on in his matches and in me. I take that very seriously. All this is for him, I perform in his honor rather than his presence. Sometimes it gets sad to talk about but what can I say? I love the man."

"It's okay. We don't have to talk about it. We can just lie here and watch the DVD."

He flashed me an understanding smile before leaning down to kiss my lips. I sighed contently as I fell asleep in his arms. As I drifted off, I couldn't for the life of me remember how or why I had been so nervous in the first place, Being with PJ Lloyd was the most natural thing in the world. I couldn't remember a time when I felt so protected…or so happy.


	34. Day II

Adventure was the theme for the day. PJ had told me his main goal was to get me to loosen up and explore my wilder side. He more than got his wish.

The day started off wonderful enough. I woke up to the bright Florida sunshine beaming in my eyes. I yawned and winced, rolling over. As my eyes fluttered open, I came face to face with the unfamiliar scenery. Then it all came flooding back to me…where I was and who I was with. I woke up with a smile on my face. I sat up, leaning on my elbows as I caught a whiff of something that smelled heavenly. Just then the door opened and there was PJ still sexy and shirtless in his pajama bottoms balancing a small tray in his hands. On it was a Belgium waffle with a side of oatmeal, a bowl of fresh fruit, a steaming mug of coffee and a refreshing glass of orange juice. A single red rose lay to the left of the plate.

"Rise and shine," he smiled.

"Good morning," I grinned.

"Breakfast is served," he took a seat beside me.

I stared down at the setup.

"Wow, a girl could totally get used to this," I quipped.

He placed a kiss on my cheek.

"I hope so. You deserve it and more, love."

I grinned at him.

"PJ, thanks for being so sweet to me. Yesterday was absolutely perfect. I'm having such a good time."

"So let's continue that good time," he said, cutting off a piece of the waffle and feeding it to me.

"What are we doing today?"

"I have two words for you. Fun and adventure."

I wrinkled my nose. He looked too thrilled.

"Why do I get the sinking feeling you want me to jump off a building or something crazy like that?"

"I'd love it but I'm not sure you're quite ready for the big leagues yet. Baby steps first. Have you ever heard of Busch Gardens?"

"The amusement park?" I asked.

"Yes. I've been there and it's a really fun place. I thought we'd go if that's alright."

"Sure," I breathed a sigh of relief. "You had me scared there for a minute. I guess Busch Gardens beats jumping out of an airplane."

PJ shot me an evil grin.

"Don't think I'm letting you off the hook that easily."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He kissed my nose and fed me another piece of waffle.

"You'll find out soon enough, wouldn't want to spoil the surprise."

"I don't like surprises," I whined.

"You'll like this one now eat your breakfast."

I did as I was told. After a lazy hour of lying in bed talking, we finally decided to get ready. We showered separately in the respective bathrooms and then met downstairs. He opened the passenger door of the car for me before hopping in the driver's seat. We parked in the crowded lot and waited for what seemed like forever for tickets to get in. Once admitted, the park was ours to explore.

We started off with the water rides, my favorite. I felt like a little kid again as we rode everything from the rapids to the log flume. Afterwards we sat on one of the benches and shared an ice cream cone as the hot Tampa sun quickly dried us off. Hand in hand we walked around and I felt like a princess on the carousel as he was man enough to ride alongside me on the hoppy horse. The ride was filled with giddy and excited children but none as giddy and excited as I was as he leaned over and kissed me. It was a wonderful day. Then he took me to see a couple of the featured shows. Inside a dark air conditioned theater we held hands as we watched the Katonga show, a brilliant and inspiring musical tale of animal folklore told through bright colors and traditional African dance. The lights, the spectacular performances, and the music were awesome but I couldn't help but look over at my date. The sheer joy and excitement of the day, of the moment could be seen right in his gorgeous hazel eyes. I knew in that instant that there was no place else I'd rather be.

Just as the sun was going down and I thought our fun day was coming to end, hand in hand we walked to the other side of the park and watched as the sky turned a breathtaking purple and orange shade. He stood behind me with his arms secure around my waist. I closed my eyes and reached back letting my right arm wrap around his neck. It was perfect. Utter perfection was the only way to describe what I was feeling and the time I was having. PJ was like a dream and I kept pinching myself, so sure that at any given moment I would open my eyes and it would all be over. He must have known what I was doing because I felt him chuckle as he stood tall above me.

"What are you laughing at?" I asked softly.

"You," he sighed, nuzzling his face into my hair. "You can pinch yourself all you want, love. I swear this is not a dream."

"Get out of my head," I joked. "Seriously, PJ, this has been one of the best days…ever. It's too good to be true."

"There will be many more good days like this, I promise."

"Is it over so soon?" I murmured.

He turned me around to face him.

"Not quite. Come on."

I was nervous as he led me by the hand but I had so much trust and faith him, how could I not follow? He took us to one of the animal attractions and we looked at everything from exotic birds to rhinos. The animals were beautiful and it was one of my favorite parts of the day.

"PJ, hey man. Glad you could make it."

I turned towards the direction of the voice and saw one of the animal handlers nod towards PJ who greeted him with a warm smile and firm handshake.

"Frank, how's it going?"

"Pretty good. Been a busy day," he looked towards me. "You must be Claudia."

He extended his hand and I shook it.

"Hi," I said.

"I've heard a lot about you. You're every bit as beautiful as PJ described."

"Thank you," I blushed as PJ just winked at me.

"Are you ready for your surprise?" PJ asked.

My heart pounded as I squeezed his hand.

"Sure."

Frank grinned and escorted us to a private part of the sanctuary.

"Claudia, you are about to meet a special friend of mine and PJ's."

I raised an eyebrow as I felt a presence behind me. I grabbed on to PJ for support as my mouth dropped. At first I was shocked, then overcome with fear.

"It's okay," PJ whispered. "Don't be afraid. I'm right here."

I swallowed hard and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and when I opened my eyes instead of being scared, I appreciated the beauty of the moment. It was surreal, a magnificent sight in front of me to behold. Never in my life did I think I would be standing just a few feet away from a full grown white tiger.

"Are you alright?" Frank asked.

I nodded.

"She is so beautiful," I looked at her.

PJ was looking right at me.

"She sure is."

Frank gave us some history on the tigers and after a few minutes, we took pictures and thanked him before going on our way.

"That was insane," I laughed out loud.

"Tigers are my favorite animals."

"I always thought they were pretty cool. Did I ever think I would stand close enough to feel one breathing on my neck? Probably not but it was an experience. Thank you for setting that up. Frank is a nice guy. It was a pretty awesome surprise."

"Glad you liked it. Now I just hope you understand why I couldn't give you a heads up beforehand. You probably would have freaked out."

"That's an understatement."

"So we had a great day. We had fun and you explored your adventurous side."

"I did," I stopped and looked at him. "PJ?"

"Yeah?"

"The past day and a half has been one of the best times of my life. That might sound stupid or whatever but I mean that. You are such a free spirit. Your laughter, your smile, your sense of adventure is infectious. When I'm with you I feel free and happy. I can be myself with you or dare to think outside the box and step outside of myself. No matter what, I always feel safe and comfortable. And happy. That means so much to me."

"You mean so much to me, Claudia. This is all I wanted, a few days where you could be drama and stress free, where you could smile all day long and I'd get the pleasure of seeing that smile."

"When I'm with you, I feel like I can do anything."

"You can," he gazed into my eyes.

Suddenly I felt a rush of adrenaline. With PJ I could do anything.

"PJ?"

"Yes, love?"

"I think there's still a little bit of adventure left in me yet."

I motioned over behind him and he turned and grinned.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," I nodded.

"That's my girl," he winked. "Come on."

It was nightfall as we stood in line to ride the infamous SheiKra. It was fierce and floorless. We climbed on and fastened our belts in the front row. Butterflies filled my stomach as I looked over and PJ gave me a reassuring glance. The slow ascend up 200 feet seemed to take forever. The silence was eerie. Then it stopped. My heart caught in my throat as he took my hand. For four paralyzing seconds I stared straight down at the ground beneath me. Then it happened. At 70 miles per hour down the 90 degree angle we plunged seeming like we would never stop until we looped, dove and twisted again. I wanted to close my eyes but something inside wouldn't let me. I screamed at the top of my lungs, eyes wide open, relishing in the thrill of the moment until it was over and we were safe on land.

"Oh my God!" I put my hand over my heart.

"That was kick ass," he laughed. "You okay, babe?"

"That…that was different," I giggled. "It was fun. I may have wet my pants but I had a lot of fun."

"That's all that matters," he said, as he helped me up.

It was dark and we were underneath a pitch black sky speckled by what seemed like a million stars.

"You called me babe," I repeated softly.

"Is that okay?"

I smiled.

"Yeah. I guess it is."

"How do you feel?" he pulled my close.

"Honestly? I feel happy and excited. I feel like dancing,"

"Then what's stopping you?" he looked right in my eyes.

"PJ, be serious," I laughed. "We're standing in the middle of a crowded amusement park in the dead of night. And there's no music."

"So? We'll just have to make our own."

I stared up into his big beautiful eyes as we swayed to the music that only played in our hearts. It was a dream night. PJ Lloyd was a dream guy.


	35. Day III

Before we both knew it, it was the last day of my magical getaway with PJ. I was bummed to see our special time together come to an end but super stoked to make that last day as memorable as possible. We slept in that morning, exhausted after our fun day at Busch Gardens. PJ asked if we could spend day three at the beach and I readily agreed. So we packed our bags and headed across the Tampa Bay past St. Petersburg to St. Pete Beach. It was hot and crowded but we set up our towels on a private stretch of white sand. I was nervous at first as I pulled my tee shirt over my head. My bikini was black and showed off the body I worked so hard to maintain but still I couldn't help but feel self conscious. Immediately I wrapped a towel around myself and blushed.

"What are you doing?" PJ asked.

I looked away sheepishly. Mike never failed to praise my body in private but in public he was often critical. The emotional scars ran deep. It did something to a woman when her man stepped out on her. It was a major blow to one's confidence. My self esteem was in the toilet and even though I worked hard to stay in shape, I still didn't feel like my body was good enough.

"Nothing, I…"

"Don't cover up," he said. "I mean, if you're uncomfortable, I understand. That's the last thing I want but I just want you to know you look great."

PJ's eyes were always so sincere. That's what I liked most about him. You could look into his eyes and see straight into his soul. There I felt like truth existed and that was a very comforting thought.

"Really?"

"Really," he winked. "You look hot, babe."

There was something wildly exciting about knowing that he found me sexy. With a newfound assurance, I pulled the towel off and let if fall to the ground. PJ's eyes glanced over my body appreciatively. It wasn't staking his claim on me like I was a piece of meat or property, it was genuine admiration and that was nice.

"Thanks."

He reached into a bag and pulled out a bottle of sunscreen.

"Do you mind?" he asked.

I answered him with an inviting smile as he spread a huge glob into his hands and began to rub it in my skin. As the hands of the former masseuse expertly kneaded my flesh, I couldn't help but moan. It felt so good.

"You and me on a beach in Florida with you rubbing sunblock on me. Déjà vu, huh?"

He grinned.

"I remember that day, you were hanging out with Liz."

I remembered it too. How things had changed in such a short amount of time. After PJ rubbed me down, we relaxed on our towels. I pulled out a book.

"I'm just gonna read for a while if that's okay," I said.

"Of course. What are you reading?"

"A Midsummer Night's Dream. It's my favorite Shakespeare story. We were on the road and I found this super old copy in paperback at a thrift store and I had to have it. I read a little bit of it whenever I can. You ever read it?"

He nodded.

"For school. One of his better books."

"I agree."

PJ pulled me closer to him and gently took the book from my hands. He turned to the page I had flagged.

"_He hail'd down oaths that he was only mine. And when this hail some heat from Hermia felt, So he dissolved and showers of oaths did melt…"_

I couldn't believe it. It was so romantic. He read page after page after page out loud.

"Wow," I said when he was done. "Nobody has ever read to me before, unless you count my mom and uh, hers wasn't nearly as good. Shakespeare sounds much better with an accent. In fact, everything sounds better with an accent."

He leaned down and kissed me lips.

"Thank you and it's my pleasure. Now come on, love. Let's go have some fun."

He led me to the water where we frolicked and played in the Atlantic Ocean for hours. We swam and horse played before finally returning to our little spot where PJ had packed us a picnic lunch. We ate and relaxed for a little before tossing a Frisbee around. Afterwards, we rented boards and PJ took me out and showed me how to surf. The waves were gentle and cooperative and just like with pool, he was such a patient teacher that I picked up a lot on the first lesson. We paddled out together and though I fell a few times, I was spared the big wipeout. We spent all day on the beach and watched the sunset in each other's arms before heading back to his condo. We changed for dinner and ate out at a quaint little Italian restaurant not far from his place. The meal was delicious and we headed home in comfortable and relaxed silence. When we got home, he suggested we hang out in his Jacuzzi. It was the perfect end to a perfect day and a perfect trip. We hung out for a long time and after we got out, I wrapped a towel around me and went and stood on the upper level balcony. The view was magnificent. It was quiet but the big lights in the distance showed that the city wasn't too far away. I closed my eyes and breathed in the smell of the nearby ocean.

"Hi," I said as he walked out and joined me.

A towel was securely wrapped around his chiseled waist.

"Hi," he wrapped his arms around me. "What are you doing out here all alone?"

I shrugged.

"Just thinking."

"About what?"

"About the wonderful time I've had here with you the past few days. Words can't describe it, PJ."

"I'm glad you had a good time."

"I don't want it to end."

"Me either."

I sighed as he stroked my arms. It was a gorgeous full moon and the view was breathtaking. His balcony was decorated with a black three piece furniture set and a hammock. PJ took a seat on one of the chairs and pulled me onto his lap. There was a slight chill in the air so he wrapped a blanket around us both.

"This is so nice," I murmured. "Being here, being with you. Tomorrow I can't believe it's all over. We're back on a plane to the next random city and it's back to work and stress and pressure and Mike…"

"Work's not so bad. I love what I do and I know that you do too. I think most of your stress and pressure comes from dealing with Mike."

"You're probably right."

"You said the separation is complete and the divorce is pending. I don't mean to overstep my bounds but I was wondering when you were planning on moving out."

"I don't know. It's inevitable, I guess I just keep putting it off. You know, comfort can be a dangerous thing. You get complacent and that limits change. This is a whole new chapter in my life. I just have to quit making excuses and make my move."

"I feel kind of stupid saying this but I always want to be honest with you, Claudia."

"You can tell me anything," I looked up at him.

"It bothers me. Our situation is a little different but all I know is that you're the woman I care about. Knowing you go back to that environment, knowing that you put yourself through all the stress makes me sad. And knowing you're with him makes me a little jealous."

"But I'm not with him with him. What do you want me to do, move here?" I joked.

"I wouldn't mind," he didn't crack a smile.

"Are you for real?" I asked.

"I want you to be happy and comfortable, Claudia. If that's in LA, then so be it. If it's here in Tampa, that's even better."

I had never thought about it. He was there along with the other seven NXT guys I had formed close friendships with. Liz and John were there too.

"I never really thought about it before, PJ. It sounds absolutely wonderful but I don't want to make any rash decisions. Do you understand?"

He kissed my forehead.

"Of course I do. Take all the time you need."

I shook my head.

"Sometimes I feel like you're a dream, like you're so perfect you're not even real."

"I'm far from perfect. I'm just a man, Claudia, a man trying to live, to be better than I was the day before. I'm meticulous, ambitious and passionate. I'm adaptable and devoted. I'm also way too gullible and I'm a big softie when it comes to emotion. I have my faults and my flaws. I'm sometimes a walking contradiction. I'm a self-pitying, over sensitive escapist."

I turned and stroked the distinct line of his jaw with my finger.

"You are so beautiful and so amazing," I whispered. "Your free spirit, your integrity, your charm is so endearing. You desire truth in every aspect of your life and I respect that so much."

Our eyes met.

"Claudia, you're the most beautiful woman on the planet."

"Stop it," I blushed.

He tilted my chin to face him.

"I mean that. I could fall in love with you. I look in your eyes and I see a real future there."

The scary part was I did too. My breath caught in my throat. The emotion of the moment made me literally lightheaded.

"I could fall in love with you, too," I mouthed.

He leaned in and kissed me. The inside of his mouth tasted so sweet. I loved his gentle kisses, the way his tongue expertly explored the inside of my mouth without being too pushy or probing. I kissed him back, kissing and kissing as no one pulled away and the mutual sense of urgency grew. Finally I pulled away to catch my breath, both of our faces were flushed.

"I want you," he breathed.

And those three words were the most powerful I'd ever heard in my life. I wanted him, too. There was no thought, just pure emotion. Our hearts were on our sleeves and suddenly nothing else mattered. I kissed him again, my lips crashing into his, my fingers slipping into his. My passion for him heightened and I felt his in return. He stopped kissing and a groan of protest escaped from my throat. He just smiled and let those soft lips connect at the sensitive spot right underneath my ear. My entire body shuddered as he kissed my neck and finally my exposed shoulder. It was romantic and sweet but at the same time sexy. I tossed my head back as his kisses trailed my chest and the edge of the blanket.

"Oh God," I whimpered.

We kissed some more, each second more frantic than the one that preceded it. His hands made contact with the bare flesh of my back and my body involuntarily arched toward his, allowing access, practically begging him for more. I let my own hands explore, timidly at first then with more confidence against the sculpted muscles of his perfect chest and stomach. PJ Lloyd had to be the most beautiful creature God had ever put on this earth.

"Claudia," he suddenly pulled away, breathless.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't…"

"Please don't stop," I pleaded.

His eyes met mine.

"We have to…or I won't be able to."

I knew what he meant. And I felt the same way.

"Then don't," I said softly. "I don't want you to stop, PJ."

"Are you sure, love?"

I answered by kissing him again. I loved the way he was looking at me at that moment, I loved the way he was holding me. He stood and led me over to the hammock. He gently laid me down and placed the blanket over us. His eyes were loving but intense and I savored every second as he began to take my clothes off. He undressed me carefully like he was unwrapping a package that had been marked fragile. Fragile, I was and I knew he understood that. We undressed each other and when we were completely nude, there was no shame, embarrassment or awkwardness. As his hands and mouth worked themselves over every inch of my body, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. He was an attentive lover, in tune with my body and what I wanted and needed. PJ took his time pleasuring me, adjusting his touches and rhythms to my moans and reactions.

"PJ," I cried out.

"Does that feel good?" he whispered in my ear.

I could only nod. I had forgotten what foreplay was like and when he was done, my entire being felt like a quivering mass of jelly. He positioned himself on top of me, balancing his heavier weight with his elbows. He smoothed a stray lock of hair behind my ear as we just stared at each other for what felt like eternity.

"I want you too," I said.

That was all the invitation he needed. He entered me slowly and gingerly, waiting as my body adjusted to the feeling of his size. I gasped, my eyes never leaving his. He felt so good and it was written all over my face, just as the pleasure was etched across his. He maneuvered in and out of me tenderly making love to me and with me. We kissed, our eyes locked on each other the whole time. We were in no rush and made love for a long time. Our bodies were so perfectly in sync and we each knew instinctively when the other was on the brink. He moved just a little faster and I held him a little tighter. We kissed passionately, our eyes finally closing as we gave in to the inevitable joint finish. We both moaned out loud, inadvertently changing positions as I rolled on top. The night was ours and it was magical but in the midst of the magic we had forgotten about the limited space on the hammock and ended up rolling right onto the balcony floor. We landed with a thud and both gave embarrassed giggles but we never let go of each other. We couldn't. It was the perfect end to the best three days ever.


	36. Truth Or Consequences

My heart pounded wildly the night of Tuesday June 1, 2010. It was the last episode of the first season of WWE NXT. After weeks and weeks of entertaining and stiff competition, it was finally time for the winner to be announced. Just like everyone else, I was eagerly anticipating who would be professional wrestling's next breakout star. It was less than 72 hours after my phenomenal three days with PJ. Our last night in Tampa had ended with us unexpectedly making love on the private balcony of his condo. Though Liz had teased the scene, it was something I never would have imagined happening in a million years. But the truth of the matter was, it had happened. And it was a beautiful, magical, spine tingling experience. PJ always had a way of making me feel like I was the most special woman on the planet. What we had shared was far more than sex. It was a spiritual unification, a night that would bond us forever. It had changed our relationship and only brought us closer.

When I took wedding vows with Mike, I had made a pledge to God, to him, to our family and to our friends that we would be together forever, that from then on, he would be the last man I would ever sleep with. My marriage had crumbled but I still found it difficult to think about being physical with someone else. But being intimate with PJ had felt like the most natural thing in the world. The way he looked at me, the way he touched me was like nothing I had ever experienced before. It made every sexual encounter before it seem so selfish and superficial. How ironic that I had never had with the man who took my virginity, the man I later married that level of sensuality and intimacy and caring as I did with PJ Lloyd.

I had a lot of decisions to make. The thought of going back to LA, to Mike to our home filled me with dread. I wanted to be happy and being in Tampa was what was going to make me happy but I wanted to be smart about things. PJ was a great guy and I knew he genuinely cared about me but fear and mistrust haunted me. What if he changed his mind? What if he got tired of me? What if he found someone else? Then again, the last thing I wanted or needed to do was make a life changing mood for the sake of a man or a relationship.

We had immediately hit the road for a series of shows that led up to the finale in Dallas, Texas. I was quite friendly with the Rookies and that was never a secret so it was no big deal for me to always be hanging around them. Though nothing had ever been verbally confirmed, PJ and I both knew that Stu, Heath, Ryan, Tyrone, David, Fred, and Bryan were all well aware of our relationship. The FCW loyalty ran deep and the men kept their mouths shut while PJ and I had to pretend for everyone else that things were normal and we were just casual friends. It was for the best that in front of my co-workers PJ and I had to act as if we hadn't just shared the most amazing three days ever. We had to keep it platonic in public and it killed me. I ached for him. When he wasn't around, I wanted him around. When he wasn't kissing me, I wanted him to be kissing me. More than anything I wanted to be able to come out of hiding and be free to be with him publicly.

The five eliminated wrestlers were all in attendance for the show. Naturally Stu, David and PJ were on edge. Besides the announcement of the winner, due to the success of season one, Vince had given the go ahead to air season two immediately. Kevin Dunn and I had texted briefly back and forth. I agreed to help out but in the end it was decided that I was going to be returning to the Raw brand. Mike was there and I was unnerved about that but even scarier was PJ's uncertain future. If declared the winner, he would automatically get a Raw contract. That meant we would be together but the bad news was the presence of my husband. The alternative was the one in three shot that he wouldn't win. Rumors buzzed but truthfully no one really knew what lay ahead for the eliminated wrestlers. If PJ was to return to Florida full time and I remained in LA, we would barely see each other.

More than anything, I wanted to be with him that nerve racking hour before the show. I knew he needed me. Usually he was confident and that confidence was etched on his face. That night I saw an uncertainty in his eyes I had never seen before. Sure we'd had lunches and talked at the arenas since returning to the road but we'd had to keep our distance. We kept separate rooms booked in the hotels but in the middle of the night, one of us would check the halls to make sure no eyes were watching. When the coast was clear, we'd text the other person to open the door and run into the room. I found it hard to sleep when I wasn't in his arms. Some nights we made love, some nights we stayed up all night laughing and talking, some nights we just held each other in silence. Then as soon as the sun rose, one of us would have to sneak back to our rightful room before everyone else woke up.

In between the new set of Rookies being introduced to the WWE Universe, a three way match between Wade Barrett, David Otunga, and Justin Gabriel occurred. All three men gave everything they had. David was the first to go, leaving Gabriel and Barrett. I liked Stu a lot. In addition to being a towering presence, he had awesome mic skills and was a very carryable performer in the ring. My stomach was a raging bundle of nerves and butterflies. Barrett eventually got the win and soon it was time to announce the first cut. I could barely sit still back in the production booth. The Pros poll revealed that Wade Barrett was safe and secure in the number one spot. My heart caught in my throat as I looked at David and PJ on the monitor. David's eyes looked so sad and PJ looked scared out of his mind. Then I heard the words, words I had been dreading. PJ or Justin Gabriel, was cut. He gallantly vowed to keep pursuing his lifelong dream. He told the crowd, who was furiously booing at the loss of the last Rookie babyface, that he would be back and that one day he would be a World Champion. He walked up the ramp towards the back and a sad but proud Matt Hardy was there to greet and support him. I slipped out of the production station. I grabbed a walkie talkie and a clipboard and put my glasses on, trying to look busy. But all I really wanted to do was find and comfort my man.

"PJ," I whispered when I saw him wandering the halls.

We were near the locker room area so I ushered him more towards the back between Catering and the Green Room. Traffic was less heavy there at that time during that part of the show.

"Hi," he managed a smile.

I bit my lip and tried not to cry.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

He shrugged.

"I don't know. I mean, I'll get over it. It's disappointing. I didn't come here to go home, I came here to win. It's always a hard pill to swallow when you lose but uh…it's okay. I meant what I said back there. I'll bounce back. I'll never stop wrestling, never stop chasing my dreams."

"This was an amazing experience, babe, and you made the most of it. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You gave it your all and you were great. The fans loved you and I think you made a really good impression on WWE management. We can't worry over a bunch of stuff we can't control. All we can do now is sit back and wait to see what they're going to do in Stamford."

"Are you disappointed in me, Claudia?" he asked.

His voice sounded shaky and nervous almost as if was expecting to hear the worst.

"Of course not. PJ, I am anything but disappointed. In fact, I am so proud of you and everything you have accomplished. Either one of two things are going to happen…the phone is going to ring and they are going to tell you to go back to FCW. You're the champion and you've been kicking ass there for the past two years so you'll continue to keep kicking ass and just take it day by day. Or the phone will ring and they'll tell you that you, and hopefully all of you have WWE contracts. In that case, you'll come to Raw or Smackdown, kick ass and make a name for yourself. No matter what happens, I've got your back. I will stand by your side mo matter what."

He gave me a small smile.

"You know, if I ever forget how amazing you are, you turn right around and do or say something that reminds me."

"You were there for me when I needed you and I'm here for you when you need me," I said.

His hazel eyes stared intently at me.

"Claudia," he said in a low voice.

"Yes?"

"Remember when I said I could fall in love with you? Well, I…I lied," he admitted.

"What?"

He gently stroked my cheek.

"I am in love with you."

I opened my mouth to speak but couldn't find the right words at first.

"PJ…"

He pulled me in for a kiss. I tasted the familiarity of his lips and instantly melted in his embrace. We forgot about everything else, losing ourselves in the moment until he finally pulled away.

"It's the truth and I always want to be honest with you. I don't know what my future holds but I hope you will be in it. Claudia, you are such an important part of my life now. I can't imagine you not being there."

I smiled as I put my arms around his neck. All I wanted was to get the hell out of the arena. Thoughts of taking a long, hot shower and crawling into bed with him filled my head. Before I could tell him so, I heard footsteps. PJ and I were so lost in each other and it happened so quickly, we barely had time to pull away. We backed away from each other as fast as we could and before we knew it, we were looking into the eyes of Chris "Jericho" Irvine. My heart raced. Had he seen us? Had he heard us? We had to at least look suspicious.

"Chris…" I nervously found a voice.

He looked us both up and down with that trademark smirk.

"Claudia," he finally nodded.

"I, I, I was just checking on PJ," I managed to stammer.

He scowled.

"I'm sure," he replied before returning to PJ. "Tough break."

PJ stood his ground.

"It happens. I'm grateful for the opportunity and I like I said out there, this isn't over, it's just the beginning."

"The best man won," Chris said, referring to Stu who had been his Rookie.

PJ kept his cool and didn't take the bait.

"Stu is an incredible performer. I have nothing but respect for him."

"I see. Well, I was headed to grab my things from the locker room. Forgive the uh,..intrusion."

Paranoid, I felt like he was trying to hint at something.

"It, it's no intrusion. I, um, in fact, I have to get back. We have to gather up the season two guys and everything…"

"Then don't let me keep you. I guess I'll see you two crazy kids around," he said before walking off.

I waited until he was out of sight before I exhaled.

"Oh my God."

"That guy is such a prick," PJ shook his head.

"Do you think he saw?" I anxiously asked. "Do you think he knows?"

"I don't know."

"Shit…"

PJ looked away.

"I'll be glad when all this, the sneaking around is over," he said quietly.

"Me too but you understand, right? Now just isn't the time. I, we, can't tell anyone what we're doing, PJ."

"I understand."

I nodded.

"Look, I do have to go but uh…I'll see you back at the hotel, okay? I'm in room 512 so if you want to come over…"

"Check to make sure no one is seeing us before I send you a text."

I felt bad.

"I'm sorry," I mouthed.

"It's okay. Look, I'm gonna go wind down. I'm gonna take an ice cold shower, then I'll probably head back to the hotel. I'll see you later."

"Promise?" I asked hopefully.

"Promise,"

He gave me a tired half smile before kissing me one last time and walking away leaving me all alone. I sighed as I leaned against the wall for support.

It had been a close call and in a night full of emotions and nerves, too much had already happened. I prayed Chris hadn't seen or heard or anything. I prayed PJ was going to be okay. I prayed that I'd find closure with Mike and be able to come forth about my new relationship without drama or consequence. All I wanted was a good night's rest…and a happy ending.


	37. What'cha Say?

_Cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out, I just didn't know what to do- Jason DeRulo_

I awoke early Wednesday the next morning in PJ's arms. Before either of our alarms could go off, the simultaneous buzz of our phones alerted us that we had a new message. Both were identical, both were from WWE Global. We were being summoned to an impromptu meeting that was due to take place in the very arena where PJ had been eliminated from the NXT competition just hours before.

"What do you think it means?" I nervously asked.

PJ looked deep in thought.

"I don't know," he sighed as he placed a kiss on my forehead before climbing out of bed. "I don't know."

He gave me a small smile and got dressed before slipping back to his own room. I showered and got dressed, stopping in the hotel lounge for a quick breakfast of oatmeal and some fruit that I only ended up picking over. A car took me to my destination where I met up with the eight NXT rookies including the victorious Stu Bennett aka Wade Barrett and the man I had to pretend I hadn't spent the whole night making love to. Everyone took a seat and I sucked in a breath that just wouldn't exhale when the seven remaining Pros, minus the recently fired Carlos "Carlito" Colon, filed in the conference area as well. I felt like my heart fell into the pit of my stomach as we all sat in close proximity at a large roundtable. In walked Kevin Dunn and Shane McMahon and as the doors closed, the meeting began amongst the 18 of us.

"Gentlemen, lady," Shane nodded in acknowledgment. "It is good to see everyone and I thank you all for your time regarding this, unexpected, shall we say little get together. I promise to be as brief as possible and with that said, let's get right down to business. Stu Bennett, first off I would like to congratulate you on your victory last night. You are the first official winner of NXT and considering the talent of your counterparts in the competition, that was no easy feat. As promised, you are now a part of the active WWE roster. Your place on Raw is assured as well as an upcoming main event in a pay per view against the Champion, whoever that may be."

"Thank you. It's an honor," Stu replied.

"Now that the winner has been declared and the second season of NXT is scheduled to begin immediately, that leaves a question mark regarding the future of the seven eliminated men in this room. Ryan Reeves, David Otunga, Tyrone Evans, Heath Miller, PJ Lloyd, Fred Rosser and Bryan Danielson. You all are under developmental contract with the WWE through FCW and in the wake of your performance over the last few months, after much discussion at the corporate office in Stamford, a decision has been made. Kevin, I will let you take the floor."

"Thank you, Shane," Kevin tapped his pen against the table top. "Season one of NXT was an unbelievable success, mainly thanks to you eight incredible performers. Your talent, heart, effort and hard work have not gone unnoticed and it is with great pleasure that I offer to extend your current status from developmental deals to permanent contracts. Shane and I have brought with us all the necessary paperwork and we suggest that you have your own attorneys take a look at everything. If in 48 hours, if this is still what you want, then welcome to our family, boys. You have all earned your spot here and we're thrilled to have you."

The smiles could not be contained. Everyone seemed to breathe a collective sigh of relief. I looked over at PJ consumed with sheer pride, joy and relief, trying not to cry.

"This is a dream come true," David spoke, his deep voice thick with emotion. "In 48 hours, of course we are still going to want this. I think I speak for everyone when I say this is a lifelong ambition finally realized. What happens next, may I ask?"

"The creative team has planned a new angle for you all. It is a major storyline that will see the graduating class of NXT join together united as one of the most forceful, diabolical, brutal group of heels the WWE has ever seen. The tentative name of your little clan is Nexus and let me tell you, there are some exciting things in store for you guys. We are very excited with all the plans."

"This is an opportunity of a lifetime,' Shane interjected. "As we previously stated, you have earned this but it is a privilege for you to be handpicked to live out your dream in this company we all love. Is there anything any of you would like to say? I would really like to hear from everyone in the room, starting with the esteemed Pros. Ron, take the floor, man."

Ron "R Truth" Killings cleared his throat.

"You know, when we first started this whole NXT thing back in February, I have to admit, I had my doubts. One day I came in to work and was told that I was gonna be a Pro and David was gonna be my Rookie and that was gonna be the end of it. I didn't know what to think, if it was a gimmick or what but after months of hard work and getting to know everybody, I am proud to have been involved with season one. All of y'all are great and just know I'll be happy to stand in that ring with any one of you whether it is toe to toe or side by side."

Matt Hardy went next.

"It cannot be stressed enough how much of an incredible opportunity you all have been given. All of you are deserving so make the most of it. You still have a lot of dues to pay in this business so work hard, stay humble and never forget why you're here. Congratulations."

Phil "CM Punk" Brooks then spoke.

"I've spent a lot of time with each of you and it has been a pleasure. I'm proud of all of you. You're my, our," he pointed to the other Pros, "brothers now. We take that bond very seriously so welcome aboard and go out there every night and show the WWE Universe exactly why you're here."

Jason "Christian" Reso began.

"Arriving at the door of the WWE is the pinnacle for every professional wrestler. Don't forget that. Don't forget your passion and your heart. I'm happy for all of you and I think this is going to be another exciting chapter for the company."

Then it was Mike's turn.

"The WWE is my home, it's a second family to me. All eight of you have big shoes to fill. I also came from reality television and a competition to get my big break. Speaking from experience, whether it's earned or not is irrelevant. You still have a lot to prove in that locker room and in that ring. Make the most of your opportunity."

Chris "Jericho" Irvine followed.

"NXT was a competition. There were losers and one winner. As I've said, the best guy, my guy won. The other seven of you are the luckiest bastards in the world. As I struggled for years to get where I am today, in just a few short months, you all are about to receive a push half the active guys in the locker room would kill for. The powers that be have given you one hell of a chance. Don't ever forget that."

Darren "William Regal" Matthews finished it out for the Pros.

"You eight were literally thrown into a damn near impossible situation. You went from FCW to the big leagues overnight and you all stepped up your game. You all have a way to go but you should be proud of yourselves. You came along fantastically. In a very hard situation, you never quit, you never gave up and you always gave your best. Top marks for that one, gentlemen."

"Thanks, guys for your comments. If the Rookies have anything to say…"

"I have something to say," Heath spoke in disbelief. "I have wanted this for as long as I can remember. I've worked really hard to get where I am and I will continue to work even harder. This has been an amazing experience so far and I am beyond grateful and humbled."

"There are no words," a visibly shaken Tyrone shook his head. "Thank you. Just thank you."

PJ talked after him.

"I told everybody last night that I'm just a kid from South Africa with a dream. Thank you for making that dream a reality. I'm ready."

"This is a proud, wonderful moment," David agreed. "I won't let any of you down. Thank you."

"It's been a long, hard ten years but I wouldn't trade any of it for anything," Bryan added. "I am thankful and beyond excited for this next chapter in my career and it's a privilege to do it for the WWE."

"What all these guys just said," Fred laughed. "No, seriously. I want this. I want it bad. Thanks for the opportunity and I am going to run with it and every day count my blessings."

"This is it," Ryan bit his quivering lip. "From everybody at Corporate to the Pros sitting here to the fans. I'm here to do the best job possible. This is what I love. Thank you for allowing me a shot."

"As I said, it's a true honor,' Stu reiterated. "I am eternally grateful to all the Pros, especially Chris and of course to WWE management. Guys…Fred, PJ, Tyrone, Bryan, David, Heath and Ryan, it has been my pleasure to take this journey with you and to see where it takes us all."

"Thank you," Kevin said. "Now once we get all the legalities out of the way, onto the business of entertainment. I personally extended the invitation to this meeting out to my right hand woman and yours, Claudia Mizanin. Claudia has been an integral part of our family and company and she has worked closely with all of you. She will be returning to the Raw brand and her expertise will surely assist in your smooth transition. Claudia, would you like to speak?"

"Thank you, Kevin and Shane. Right now I am kind of beyond words. I am so happy for all eight Rookies. You guys are the best and I look forward to helping and working with all of you. We've grown so close in these last months, so much so that I consider you my friends and my family. I feel like a proud mom right now. Anything, I can do, please let me know. Stu, Ryan, Tyrone, Fred, Heath, David, Bryan, and PJ," I looked soulfully right at him. "I love you all and congratulations."

"Wow…"

The sarcastic mutter almost went unnoticed until Kevin looked right over at Chris.

"Chris, did you have something else to say?"

He shook his head, his jaw clenching.

"What else is there to say, Kevin? I am quite stunned myself. In addition to this surprising and excuse my candor, rather ridiculous announcement, I am additionally blown away by the sheer audacity and blatant indecency of some of those in this room."

You could hear a pin drop and I felt all the air leave the room.

"Chris…" Shane frowned.

Chris stood.

"I am disgusted. All this talk of family and brotherhood, have you two no shame?"

He looked dead at PJ and me.

"What are you talking about?" a curious Mike asked.

"Mike, you and I have been friends since you came to this company. You have done some things in your personal life admittedly you're not proud of but two wrongs don't make a right. I can't make excuses for you but you've been vilified for the choices you've made while your wife has played the innocent little victim. Well, someone is not so innocent after all."

"Don't do this, man," PJ whispered tersely, anticipating the catastrophic event that was to come.

"Don't do what?" Chris sneered. "Expose the fact that you, a fake Indy champion, pretty boy has been sleeping with Mike's wife?"

"Oh my God," I mouthed.

"What?" Mike looked stunned.

The Pros looked just as confused. The Rookies all hung their heads, unsure what to do as the truth they had all helped protect had finally come out.

"Chris…" Kevin spoke up.

"Kevin, it's the truth," he turned to us. "What are you two going to deny it? Go ahead. Try. Deny all the flirting you've been doing from the beginning, the fact that you two are always together, the fact that I caught you two in a compromising position last night and that for the past few road trips you've been playing musical beds with each other, sneaking in and out of each other's rooms at all hours of the morning and night like two horny teenagers or a couple of hound dogs in heat when you think no one is watching. Well, I have news for you. Someone is always watching."

I sat frozen, mortified. I could not believe what had just happened. It was bad enough PJ and I had been exposed but it had happened in front of two top WWE officials at a staff meeting. All of our co-workers were there including Mike. Mike…my husband. His eyes bore a hole through me. Tears filled my eyes as I clumsily stood and fled from the room. I walked at a fast pace, destination unknown. Then I began to run. I knew what I was running from but I had no idea what I was running to. I just knew I had to get away, far away. I was humiliated. The truth had come out and I just didn't know what to do.

**Author's Note: Usually, I don't mention this until the end of a story, but I do not own WWE characters and entities. I do own all my original characters, in this case Claudia Mizanin so please do not use that character in other stories. Thank you.**


	38. The Pot Versus The Kettle

I retreated to the sanctuary of my hotel room and collapsed on the foot of the bed. My heart was beating so fast it felt like it was going to beat itself right out of my chest. I could barely breathe trying to process what had just happened to me. I was not ashamed of PJ and the relationship we had. Why should I be? It was a beautiful thing and we were both happy. I was a legally separated woman with divorce imminent, living my life in liberation after years trapped in an unhappy, emotionally abusive marriage. I had every intention of eventually going public regarding being with PJ. I was just waiting for the right time. The right time was definitely not in the middle of a work meeting with my bosses and co-workers.

It was inappropriate, shocking, and humiliating all at the same time. How would I ever live that awful moment down? How would I ever face the wrestlers again, Rookies and Pros? What was it going to be like seeing PJ again? And Mike was a whole other story. As many thoughts raced through my mind, it didn't take long for me to realize what it would be like being in front of people following the ugly and tense confrontation. I heard what I thought was a knock at my hotel room door. Seconds later it turned into angry, incessant pounding. I immediately knew who it was on the other side.

"Claudia! Claudia! I know you're in there! Open up the goddamned door!"

The voice boomed just as loud and angry as the pounding. Slowly I rose to my feet. Swallowing hard, I approached the door. I closed my eyes as my hand cradled the knob. Unlocking it, I opened up and stepped out of the way as he stormed in, slamming the door behind him so hard that the furniture shook.

"Mike…"

"Is it true?" he cut me off.

His face was red, his nostrils flared, his eyes blackened with sheer rage.

"Let me explain," my voice shook.

I saw his jaw and fists clinch simultaneously.

"So it's true?" he asked more quietly. "You're sleeping with PJ Lloyd?"

The moment of truth.

"Yes," I whispered.

An expression of disgust washed over his face.

"Are you fucking him just to get back at me or are you really in love with the guy?"

"I'm in love with him," I confessed truthfully for the first time.

Mike turned to face me.

"You stupid whore," he sneered.

Hatred seemed to drip from his voice.

"Mike…"

"How could you? One of the Rooks? Seriously, Claudia?"

I tried to find a voice.

"This has nothing to do with you or wrestling or work or Rookies and Pros or any of that, Mike."

"Then what does it have to do with?"

"Me. PJ. The way we feel about each other. Look, I did not mean for this to happen and this is the last thing I ever expected."

"Now I know why you were in such a hurry to divorce me."

"Mike…"

"Shut up! Okay? Just shut the fuck up! Shut your filthy slut mouth!"

I was taken aback. Tears clouded my eyes as he stormed towards me cornering me into the wall.

"Stop it," I tried to push away. "You're scaring me."

"Maybe I should take the poor bastard out for a beer, you know, compare notes. Does he know your favorite position is on your left side? Does he talk dirty to you like you like it? Does he like tasting my cock every time he goes down on you?"

Mike was like a man possessed, out of control with jealousy and anger. He laughed hysterically as he taunted me, pinning both arms on either side of me.

"Get away from me," I finally managed to wiggle away from him.

"You're a bitch."

As the shock began to wear off, anger of my own slowly replaced it. Who the hell was he? He had some nerve.

"Who do you think you are? Mike, you have no right, you hear me, no right to barge in here and talk to me this way. What I do and who I do it with is none of your business."

"You're still my wife and you still belong to me."

"I am your wife on paper only and those same papers say in just a few months we are completely legally done. The entire time we were together I was nothing but faithful and loving while you were unfaithful and treated me like shit. After I caught you in lie after lie and affair after affair, I filed for divorce. There is nothing between us nor will it ever be no matter who I may meet or sleep with after you. I refuse to apologize for or be ashamed of meeting a wonderful guy who treats me like gold. I should be apologizing to PJ right now because I am ashamed of forcing him to sneak around and hide like we were doing something wrong when we weren't. I moved on, Mike and I have that right. You're just going to have to deal with it because you have no other choice."

Mike shook his head.

"Screw you, Claudia. Screw you for publicly humiliating me and screw me for even caring about your ass."

"You want to talk public humiliation? You have some nerve. That's not really a can of worms I think you want to open. How do you think I feel every time I pass Maryse or Layla in the hall or one of the many other women you had sex with while I was married to you and oblivious? You're not gonna turn this one around and make me the bad guy and just dismiss your bad behavior. You and I are done and that one is all on you and you know it. You don't know anything about PJ or what we have. For that matter, you don't even know me anymore. PJ is caring and understanding and he listens to me. It's not about the sex, it's about companionship and friendship and truth and trust and love…all the things he gives me that you never did."

"Shut up."

"No," I became defiant. "What's the matter, Mike? Truth hurt? Huh? You can't handle it? Well, I'm gonna give it to you. That's what you want, isn't it? Isn't that why you came here?"

"I fucked up, Claud! Everybody knows that! I'm a screw up and I pay for my mistakes every goddamned day but that's just not enough for you, is it? No, you have to make me look like a fool in the locker room by messing around with one of the other wrestlers."

"Mike!"

"You just couldn't resist it, could you? The perfect opportunity to get back at me."

"Here we go again," I threw my arms up in exasperation. "It always comes back to the same thing with you, Mike. It's you. It always has to be about you!"

"I want you to stop seeing him," he demanded.

"No."

"Claudia!"

"No! You're not gonna do this to me, not this time! For years you contributed nothing to our relationship but still I let you control so much of it. Well no more! We are done. Like a fool I only hid my relationship with PJ out of respect for your feelings because I didn't want it to be a big deal in the locker room. Well, I'm tired of sacrificing my happiness for you and today it all stops!"

I turned to walk away because it was obvious he wasn't leaving but before I could get very far, I felt him yank my arm. Mike grabbed me so hard it nearly knocked me off balance. Not finished, he slammed me hard into the wall and I saw something sinister in his eyes, a frightening look that was so foreign. He could be an arrogant, inconsiderate jerk at times but he had never been violent and had never given me reason to fear him…until now.

"You stupid, stupid bitch!"

He drew back his fist and I knew his intention was to punch me in the face. Terror consumed me as I braced for impact, closing my eyes and whimpering. Right before the blow was to land, Mike suddenly regained some sense of control and stopped himself. Still angry, he seemed surprised by his own actions and slowly backed away.

"So that's what it comes down to, huh?" I asked quietly. "You gonna hit me, Mike?"

"Claudia…"

"Well go ahead. If that's what makes you feel better. It doesn't matter. It doesn't change things. You and I are still through, I'm still gonna be with PJ and you're still gonna be a selfish bastard."

"I'll never let that happen, Claudia. If you think I'm gonna stand idly by wishing you two happy ever after, you've got another thing coming. I'm gonna contest the divorce. I'll tie up the proceedings for years and years, do whatever I have to do to make life miserable for you. See how that looks to the McMahons and the rest of the locker room, a married woman openly carrying on with one of the developmental talents. It won't be good for you and it sure as hell won't be good for your little boyfriend."

He looked me in the eyes before exiting the room and the stare gave me chills. Mike had me between a rock and a hard place and I knew his threat was serious. When he was finally gone, I quickly closed and locked the door behind him, sliding down the door until I sat on my bottom. Hugging my knees to my chest and shaking, I began to sob. I couldn't believe everything that had happened especially his nerve. In just a matter of hours it was like the whole world had gone crazy, at least mine had. All I could do was cry and cry and wonder if things would ever be the same again.


	39. Something To Believe In

I sat on the floor for hours, tears streaming down my face. I was emotionally drained, still devastated and reeling from all the events of the day. I'd barely had the chance to process what Chris had done but the interaction with Mike had been nothing short of insane. I shuddered every time I thought about the look on his face and his threat at the end. Out of anger, jealousy, spite and pure envy, he would stop at nothing to ruin my life. Curled up on the floor, my make up stained eyelids closed but quickly opened as I heard someone at the door. I sat up and whimpered. I couldn't take another faceoff with my husband but the knocking continued. Fear and anxiety built inside me until I thought I might explode.

"Go away!" I finally shouted at the top of my lungs crawling to the door and banging on it. "Do you hear me? Just fucking go away!"

"Claudia…"

I sucked in a breath. The voice on the other side of the door wasn't angry. It wasn't Mike's.

"PJ," I cried as I struggled to open it.

His eyes widened when he saw me. I looked like hell, a tearful, baggy eyed unkempt mess.

"Oh my God," he entered, walking in and closing it behind him. "What happened to you?"

I started to cry again.

"Mike…"

"What did he do?" PJ's voice grew firm.

"He came over here earlier and he was so mad. He, he got in my face and he was yelling and cursing and threatening me and …"

"Wait, did he hit you?" PJ looked me over.

I shook my head.

"I thought he was going to but he didn't."

"I'll kill him," PJ began to pace around the room.

"Please," I begged. "Things have gotten bad enough…

"Tell me about it," he took a seat on the bed.

I walked over to him, kneeling by his feet.

"PJ, I am so sorry about what happened. You have no idea. I didn't think Chris knew and never in a million years did I think he would do what he did in that meeting in front of everyone."

"I know, I know. It's not your fault. None of this is."

"I feel so responsible," I sobbed. "You're a really talented wrestler and you've worked so hard your whole life just to get where you are now. You just got your big break, you're still trying to make a name for yourself and now because of me, you find yourself in the middle of all this drama, this sordid backstage controversy. The last thing I want is for this, your choice to be with me to cost you everything."

"Claudia…"

I began to cry uncontrollably.

"Maybe we shouldn't do this anymore. If you say you never want to see me again, I would understand. I wouldn't blame you…"

"Shhh. Love, don't talk like that. Don't even think like that," he said quietly.

"But…"

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. Don't you see? Being involved with me could cost you everything. This is such a mess right now. If it leaks to the media…oh God, I don't even want to think about it. Linda McMahon is running for senate right now. The company is getting a lot of flack and they're trying to be scandal free and stick to a PG rated image. If something like this gets out, some real life twisted love triangle between a wrestler's wife…it's just too much. I'm scared to even think what would happen. They could ship you back to Florida or worse. PJ, you could lose your job over this. I love you but I don't want you to lose everything because of me."

"What?"

"I just don't you to have to sacrifice your dream, your life's work."

"No," he looked right at me. "Back up. What did you say, Claudia?"

I frowned.

"I…"

"Did you say…did you just say you love me?"

I stopped. In the midst of my rant, I had just blurted out my true feelings.

"I, I didn't mean for it to just come out like that."

"But did you mean it?"

I looked right in his eyes, so soulful and filled with truth. Of course I meant it. How could I not?

"I used to say Mike Mizanin was the love of my life. I honestly believed that but all those years, all those lies, deep down I knew something wasn't right with us. When we split up, it hurt so bad I thought I might die. I wanted to. I thought my life was over. I thought I would never find love or happiness again but you came into my life so beautifully, so unexpectedly and changed all of that. All I wanted was a friend, someone to understand me and be there for me. With you I got that and a whole lot more. The way you make me feel…I never dreamed this would be possible. The joy you have brought into my life is indescribable. After Mike broke my heart and my trust, I thought I could never believe another man again. You made me feel again, trust again…love again. I know that you have my back and because of that I can do anything. So yes I said I love you and yes I do mean it. PJ Lloyd, I am so in love with you that it's almost scary."

He grinned as he pulled me close and planted a sweet kiss on my lips.

"That's all I wanted to hear, wanted to know. I love you, too, Claudia."

"What do we do now?" I asked. "Where do we go from here? What if being in love is not enough?"

"Why wouldn't it be? Claudia, we're connected here," he touched my heart, then his. "No one can take that away, no one can come between us."

"But your job…"

"I love my job. I worked hard to get here just like you said. Somewhere along that road somebody recognized that…talent, hard work, heart. I'd like to think that's what brought me here and that's what is going to keep me here. We didn't do anything wrong. You left Mike because of what he did to you and you guys are legally separated anyway. You'll be divorced soon. It's not like you're the one who cheated on him."

"He says he'll contest the divorce."

"What?"

"He's trying to ruin my life. His ego won't let us be together. He's going to cause all kinds of problems, keep all this negative attention on us until it eventually becomes too much."

"We're one step ahead of the game, then."

"PJ…"

"We already know his game plan. He wants to come between is and we're not gonna let that happen."

"What if it gets bad?" I sniffled.

"It's already bad, love. Chris really screwed us over but it's okay. Everyone knows the truth now and personally, I'm relieved we don't have to keep sneaking around. The best thing we can do now is live our lives in honesty. We are together and I don't think we should try to hide that fact. That doesn't mean flaunting it but I just think we should be upfront, especially if WWE management questions us. If Mike wants to be a dick and prolong the divorce, so be it. He will obviously do whatever it takes to break us up. We one up him by not letting him do that. Once he sees this is real and that he can't win, he'll give up."

"But from this point to that one, it might be some rough times."

"I'm not a quitter. I believe in us, Claudia. Don't you?"

"Of course I do," I stroked his face.

"Then please believe me when I say I'm not going anywhere. When people do things wrong, they run and hide. When people are not of their word, they turn their back on the ones they care about because it sometimes it works put better to take the easier way out. Well, that's not me. I love wrestling and I love you. Why can't I have both?"

"You are such an amazing man," I whispered, hugging him.

"This will all blow over soon. I promise."

"And in the meantime?"

"In the meantime, we go on. I have some more meetings at the FCW headquarters in Florida and some more matches to tie up loose ends before I start full time on RAW. I'm headed back to Tampa tonight and I want you to come with me."

"PJ…"

"You're honestly going to tell me you can go back to your house in LA and share the same roof with Mike after what just happened?"

He had a point.

"No but…"

"There are no buts. I love you and I want to be with you."

"I want to be with you, too."

"What's stopping you?"

He held my hand and suddenly I felt like everything was going to be okay. I knew what I wanted to do, what I had to do. In silence, I stood and began packing my things. When everything was gathered, I took a deep breath and looked at PJ as he gave me a reassuring wink and opened the door. We walked out into the main corridor of the hotel. It was around the time the remaining wrestlers and other WWE employees were headed out to the airport to their various destinations. I briefly saw the Rookies and Phil, Ron, Matt and finally Chris. With our heads held high and our hands firmly interlocked, we walked down the hallway past everyone's stares. On the way out to where a cab was waiting, I saw Fred standing at the exit. He just smiled at me and told me it was going to be okay. I put on my bravest face and nodded. I had to believe in that. Somehow, someway, it would all work itself out.


	40. A Welcome Distraction

"You okay?"

"Huh?" I asked.

I looked over at Liz who rolled her eyes at me. We'd been having a conversation the last hour or so, one that I had been half participating in. I couldn't help it. My mind was a million miles away.

"That's it," she stood, walking over to the cabinet.

"What are you doing?" I wrinkled my nose.

Liz poured a shot in a glass and handed it to me.

"You need this. Vodka. Drink it now."

"Liz, it's like three in the afternoon."

"It's five o'clock somewhere, right? Anyway, you need this."

I couldn't argue with that. I downed the shot, wincing as it burned at my throat.

"You're right. I did need that."

We were sitting in the lavish dining room of the Cena estate in Tampa. The day before I had followed PJ back to Florida after the embarassing staff meeting and the horrible confrontation with Mike that had later ensued. That first day back I had spent crying. What a sad contrast to my last visit to PJ's house just weeks before. With the weight of the world on my shoulders, I had laid in bed softly sobbing to myself while PJ just held me.

The next day we had been invited over to John and Liz's place. Word about everything that had happened had quickly spread around the WWE locker room. My "affair" had been outed and it seemed like everybody had an opinion. I was afraid and humilated, worried about how people would treat me and especially PJ who was so new to the company. But my fears had been eased immediately when John had called us over late the next morning. He had a state of the art gym on his property and had recently opened it up to the FCW talent to work out in. He had personally extended a private invitation to PJ and I had tagged along to hang out with Liz.

"So have you heard from Mike?"

"No," I sighed. "On one hand it's a relief not to deal with his drama but on the flip side it's kind of scary not having that contact because I have no idea what he is up to."

"That guy is such a dick and not even a hard one. Seriously. He has some nerve."

"Mike did his dirt but somehow he has managed to turn this one all around on me. I mean, he is the one who cheated and ruined the marriage yet I'm the slut, I'm the bad guy."

"You're not the bad guy, Claud, Mike is. He just lost the best thing that ever happened to him and now he has to live with that. Must be a tough pill to swallow and it's made even worse because now his wife is dating someone else in the locker room."

"God, Liz, I feel like a whore. Like I'm working my way through the locker room."

"Nah, it's only two. You have to screw at least three or four more guys before you officially become the WWE Mattressback," she quipped.

"Liz!" I swatted at her. "Dude, I'm dying over here. Come on. So not funny."

"I'm just busting your balls. You have to keep your sense of humor, kid. That's the only way you're gonna get through this."

"I know, I know."

"Mike is just jealous because PJ is twice the man he'll ever be. I didn't know the extent of your relationship and I totally get why you chose to keep the details private but it's all out in the open now and I'm glad. You guys had nothing to be ashamed of, why hide it like you're doing something wrong?"

"It is a relief not having to sneak around anymore but I just wish it had all come out on my terms, you know? I hate that Chris did what he did…I'll never get over it or forgive him for that."

"I can't believe that," Liz shook her head in disgust. "Chris is an asshole. That was none of his business and so messed up that he did it that way."

"I was mortified," I cringed.

"Heard anything from Stamford? Any fallout?"

"Not yet but I'm sure something is coming. The good news is PJ is safe…for now. He has a meeting at FCW headquarters tomorrow and he got an e-mail today that the WWE is going ahead with the Nexus angle for the eight NXT Season 1 Rooks. Apparently they're going to be heels and get a big push and John is going to be involved so that is super exciting."

"Good for him and the rest of the guys."

"I'm just worried. I try to be strong because I don't want PJ to know how worried I am but I really suck at it. I'm a total emotional wreck, I cry all the time."

"You'll be okay."

"I go from these extremes of wanting to break up because I don't want to do anything to hurt his career to feeling anxiety because I'm terrified he's going to leave me."

Liz touched my hand.

"PJ's one of the good guys."

"I know," I swallowed hard. "It's just scary. Even when things were at their worst with Mike, there was still stability. I had my husband and my job and a home and a routine and now I feel like all that's left is drama and uncertainty. It's like I look in the mirror now and don't even know what happened to my life and how I got here."

My eyes started to tear but I quickly composed myself when I heard the footsteps coming from the gym. PJ and John joined us.

"Hey babe," Liz casually spoke as John pecked her lips. "What's up, PJ?"

"Liz," PJ nodded as he walked over and squeezed my hand.

"How was your workout, guys?" I asked.

"Good," PJ took a sip of water. "We worked legs today and I know I'll probably feel it tomorrow for sure. Thanks again, man."

"Anytime," John acknowledged. "I'm all about helping the up and coming guys. Feel free to come over anytime."

I took a deep breath.

"Listen, John…"

"Claudia, it's okay," he cut me off. "I know what you're going to say. Look, you and PJ are adults and what you do is your business. You and Mike are over and you moved on. You moved on with someone in the locker room and there is nothing wrong with that. Mike obviously has a problem and he's just gonna have to get over it. As far as Chris, that was a real shitty move on his part but it is what it is. Yeah, people are talking but give it a week and something else will be the hot topic. Just keep your heads up. Claudia, I consider you a friend and know that Liz and I will always be there for you. As far as PJ, I have no problems with you, man. You seem like a cool guy and whatever you need as far as working out here, advice, anything to help you get into the business…just give me a call."

"I appreciate it, man." PJ bumped his fist.

"Look, I'm gonna go out and see my babies," John announced, referring to his collection of over 20 muscle and classic cars.

"As always," Liz teased.

"Feel free to hang out, guys. PJ, you can shower in the upstairs bathroom, if you want," John offered.

"Thanks."

"I've got a phone call to make," Liz said. "You two will be alright?"

"Yeah. Thanks," I answered. "We'll let ourselves out."

She and John left us alone as PJ rummaged through his bag.

"I think I'm gonna take him up on that offer and shower. You know which bathroom he was talking about?"

"Yeah," I said, leading him upstairs.

PJ grabbed a fresh towel.

"You okay, love?" he asked.

"I'm fine," I forced a smile.

"Don't lie to me," he said softly. "It's written all over your face."

I chewed the inside of my lip.

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't apologize. I know this has been upsetting for you. Just know that I'm here for you whatever you need."

"I know, babe."

"I love you. And I'm glad you're here in Tampa with me."

He slowly began to undress while I tried to collect myself. PJ stared at me intently, his eyes dark and serious. My face immediately flushed, intimidated by his sexy gaze, intrigued by his sheer beauty.

"What are you looking at?" I tried to find my voice.

"You," he stated matter of factly.

I looked away.

"Stop it," I blushed. "You're embarrassing me."

He sauntered over to me.

"No need to be embarrassed, love," he said, his accented voice deep and heavy.

He touched my bare shoulders and I shuddered, goose pimples covering my entire body. PJ tilted my face upwards and our eyes met. He was standing before me, naked and unashamed. My breath caught in my throat as he bent down to kiss me. His gentle kisses grew more passionate, his tongue invading the space between my lips. I moaned out loud as his lips explored the underside of my neck.

"PJ…"

He answered by lifting my hips. I didn't protest as he pulled me into the shower, fully clothed as the water soaked me. I needed a distraction, I needed to be loved, and I needed to forget. More than anything, I needed PJ.


	41. Fallout Boy

We arrived in Nashville for the untelevised house show, which was to take place the night before the live RAW event. PJ and I, now so viciously outed, had nothing to hide anymore. There was no more need for musical hotel rooms, we simply checked into a single king sized space and called it a day. The Nexus angle was still being fine tuned but the men had been asked to travel and had been forewarned that more than likely a few or all of them would be involved in a dark match. By 2 p.m. I was required to be at the arena so PJ and I left at the same time, he headed to the gym with the NXT guys and me on my way to work. Immediately I went into production and took a quick look at what was on the evening's agenda. Backstage there was the usual hustle and bustle. We worked out a problem in the sound booth and that issue with wrestlers' theme music appeared like it would be the highlight of the day's drama. Afterwards I headed to enjoy some food in Catering. Minutes after I had sat down, the door opened and in walked Heath, Fred, David and PJ. The guys grabbed a light and early dinner before sitting at the table with me, PJ giving me a quick hug and kiss.

"How was your workout?" I asked between mouthfuls of my chicken salad sandwich.

"You should have been there," Heath grinned. "I embarrassed your boy over here. PJ just can't hang when it comes to lifting, what can I say?"

"Babe, see if the medic can check Heath out," PJ turned to me. "Seems he's hallucinating."

"You guys are so crazy," I laughed out loud.

"What's crazy is gonna be this match tonight," David shook his head. "It's gonna be a hell of a main event."

"You talking about Cena versus Jericho?" I asked.

"No, the eight man tag."

I frowned. I had read the match notes a dozen times since arriving. I had seen nothing about any eight man tag.

"What are you guys talking about?"

"PJ, David, Bryan and me against Edge, DiBiase, Zack Ryder and the Miz," Fred answered.

"What?" I dropped my sandwich. "No. No way. Who told you guys that?"

"It's all set up," PJ looked right at me. "After this, we have to get with the guys and go over some spots and different things. I know the RAW guys are supposed to go over but that's no surprise."

"Absolutely not," I went to stand. "I don't know who made that match or who I have to call to get it scrapped but there is no way it is going down."

"Claudia…"

"No, PJ! This is not a good idea. You and Mike in the same ring? Really?"

"Claudia, I'm gonna be working on the RAW brand. That means I could have a match at any given time with any Superstar. You know that."

"I do know that but with everything going on, it is not a good idea for you and Mike to be wrestling each other right now." 

"Maybe not but that's the cards we were dealt so we have to suck it up and make the best out of it. This is my career, Claudia. I'm not gonna start out my first few days in the WWE refusing matches just because of stupid personal issues with my opponent and the last thing I need is for my girlfriend to be getting involved."

I knew deep down that PJ was right, I was just too stubborn to admit it. I was also afraid, terrified of what might happen. I couldn't explain it, I just had a bad feeling about the whole thing.

"Fine," I said, as I stood and left the table. "You're a grown man. Whatever you want, PJ."

My voice was short and my tone irritated.

"Claudia, wait…"

But I didn't want to wait so I didn't. I walked away. I headed back to production to confirm that the main event had changed. Once I knew that it had, all I could do was throw myself back into my work, back into my normal routine. But it was hard. How could I concentrate when I was so worried about the match? Also the incident in Catering was the closest I had ever come to an argument with PJ and that killed me. When I had somehow managed to calm down, I walked up to the main arena entrance that the fans used. I walked past concessions and took a seat high in the nosebleed section and looked down on the eight men going over the match for the night. From what I could see, the situation looked calm. PJ and Mike were avoiding each other for the most part but the few times it did call for them to interact, they were civil and straight to the point. Leaning back into the seat, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Minutes later, I felt a presence behind me.

"Fred?" I jumped a little, startled. "You scared me."

"Didn't mean to, baby girl. Mind if I sit down?"

"Free country," I shrugged. "What are you doing up here?"

"I came to ask you the same thing. I noticed you sitting up here all alone. You look sad and based on what happened early in Catering…"

"Sorry about that," I looked down. "I was a jerk. I just…"

"It's a tough situation, I know. You and PJ are together and Chris was a complete dick putting yall on blast like that in front of everybody. I heard about Mike coming to your room trying to get all crazy."

"It's a mess, Fred," I sighed. "I'm not trying to be controlling or overreact, I just don't want a bad situation to get worse. I really care about PJ."

"I know you do, Claud. He knows it, too. Look, I get why you're so sketched out about what's going on but it's kind of inevtiable. We all work for the same company. You knew this day was coming sooner or later."

"Excuse me for opting for later."

"It's gonna be okay."

"Is it?"

He shrugged.

"Can I say for sure? No. I don't want to lie to you but somehow we just have to get through things, you know? As much of a jerk as Mike has been, the guy is hurting even if it is just ego. He's got to find a way to get over that. He's got to find a way to let you go and deal with the fact that you've moved on and it is with another wrestler. And I know you're just looking out for PJ but there are some things you just can't protect him from. There's gonna be talk in the locker room and fallout backstage and unfortunately sometimes, whether he deserves it or not, he's gonna have to take some heat."

"That's not fair."

"No, it's not but that's just the way it is. He's a big boy and he's in the big leagues now. He understands that and it is something he is willing to put up with. PJ loves this business…he's worked hard to get here. You know that. He'll do whatever it takes to make it but he loves you, too. Girl, that dude is crazy about you. He knows the circumstances aren't that easy right now but he doesn't care. You make him happy and if it takes a few rough spots for y'all to end up together in the end, that's what he is prepared to go through."

"Did he say that?" I asked.

"You bet he did. Look, I can't sell my boy out and tell you everything we all talk about but he's a good guy and he cares about you a lot and he ain't shy about letting people know that. You two just have to hang in there. I know you're frustrated but don't take that out on him. Don't let those haters win, baby girl. Don't let people like Mike and Chris and always fearing aboout what could happen get in the way of something real and something special."

Fred was right. I leaned over and hugged him.

"Thanks, Fred. You're a great guy."

"I know that," he grinned. "Now pass that info on to your single and hot girlfriends."

I playfully slapped his arm.

"Where's my guy?"

"Probably pouting in the locker room because he thinks you're mad at him. I've got to go get ready. Want to walk me downstairs?"

I nodded and followed him. Sure enough PJ was there already dressed in a black tee shirt, his white wrestling trunks and boots.

"Hey," I said softly.

"Hey," he looked up at me.

"Can we talk?" I asked.

"Sure," he followed me to a private area near the production booth. "You okay?"

"I am now. Look, PJ, I'm sorry…"

"You don't have to apologize, Claudia."

"Yes, I do. I was really short with you earlier today and that was wrong. I was just upset but I shouldn't take out my fear and frustration on you. I just really worry about you. Mike is in such a dark place right now and so much has gone down so quickly…you put yourself in a dangerous situation to be with me. I can't help but be concerned about your job and even your safety."

"I know you are and I appreciate that. You have a great heart and that was the main reason I fell in love with you but it's okay. I don't want you to be worried or scared all the time. Hopefully, this all blows over soon and nothing happens. If it doesn't, I'll just have to figure it out but you've been through enough. Please promise me you'll quit stressing yourself out."

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you, too," he gave me a sweet kiss. "Look, the show will be starting soon and I've got to get back to the guys. We'll probably all go out for a bit afterwards. That sound okay? You up for it?"

"Yeah, sure, honey. Whatever you want."

"Then," a wicked grin took over his face. "We can go back to the hotel and light some candles, play some soft music and maybe I can give you a massage?"

"As long as it's the full body kind," I gave him a saucy wink as I walked away.

I felt a lot better as I took a seat back in the production booth. They had just started to let the fans in and everyone was excited about the ten big matches scheduled featuring the best and brightest RAW had to offer. I settled into my duties and the show was going as smoothly as possible. Then it was time for the last match. The four Rookies walked out to a huge pop that brought grins to all of their faces. The energy was good even as the RAW Superstars made their way to the ring. Zack Ryder came out first, followed by DiBiase, then by the Miz and lastly Edge. Mike was in full character, cocky and flamboyant, openly taunting Daniel Bryan, his former Rookie. The WWE had been teasing a bitter rivalry between the estranged teacher and pupil from the beginning and the fans seemed to eat it up. Naturally the two started off and the audiece viewed with interest as eventually the technical grappling skills of the Internet Indy darling overpowered the United States Champion. For 12 straight minutes the various Superstars tagged in and out and the match, as awesome as it had been winded down.

PJ ended for his team with a barrage of risky and high flying aerial assaults against Ted DiBiase. DiBiase was taken off his feet with a devastating dropkick and the crowd cheered when Justin Gabriel climbed the top rope for his patented 450 splash. DiBiase saved himself by putting his knees up and rolling out of the way, going to tag in Edge out of desperation. That was how the match had been scripted to end but something else happened.

The moment Mike tagged himself in, I knew nothing good was going to come of it. The other guys had bewildered looks on their faces but stayed in character. Mike and PJ locked up, with PJ pushing him into the corner. Mike countered with a vicious kick to the ribs. I saw PJ double over and something told me he wasn't just selling the move. A relentless Mike then struck him four powerful blows across the back of the neck. PJ went down and Mike never let up with a series of stomps and kicks to the stomach, chest and finally face. I watched in horror as Mike's boot landed delibertely across PJ's right eye. The attack continued and I looked on in disbelief as Mike continued the brutal assault even as blood spilled from PJ's mouth. Frantic, I grabbed the special miniature mic that fed directly into the referee's earpiece.

"Stop the match!" I yelled.

The ref was just as stunned as everyone else. Seconds passed like an eternity and when Mike was closer to his corner, Ted tagged himself in. He took it easy, making his punches look real when they weren't and finally ended it with a quick cover. The four RAW heels left the ring to loud boos and jeers, making their way up the ramp. I flew out of the production booth and found myself face to face with my husband who gave me a steely stare that lacked remorse.

"I guess we saw just how tough your little boyfriend was tonight."

I pushed him out of the way and waited frantically as the three other Rooks and the referee guided a bloodied and battered PJ backstage. I ran to him but recoiled in shock and horror. The moment was surreal. PJ was covered in blood and bruises and his blackened eye had swollen nearly shut. I couldn't speak or even move. PJ was hurt and it was all because of me.


	42. Aftermath

"Right here!" I yelled to the cab driver, practically jumping out before he even stopped.

I tossed a few loose bills at him and hopped out, barrelling towards the emergency entrance of Baptist Hospital. Running through the halls, I stopped at the first nursing station I came to.

"May I help you, ma'am?"

"Yes. I'm looking for Paul Lloyd Jr," I blurted out. "He was brought here about an hour ago from Bridgestone Arena. It was a sports injury, he's with the WWE…"

"Claud!"

I turned in the direction of the Southern accent calling out my name.

"Heath!" I ran to him.

We embraced quickly as I fought back tears.

"Hey girl, you alright?"

"No," I answered honestly. "But that's not important. Where is PJ? Have you seen him? How is he?"

"They have him in the back."

"Can I see him?"

"Soon. They're still working on him. Come on, you can wait with us."

He guided me to the back part of the emergency room. One of the WWE trainers and a production assistant were waiting as well. I sat down beside Heath.

"Oh my God," I kept repeating over and over again. "I can't believe Mike did this. I can't believe it, Heath. He is such an asshole, such a vindictive, mean spirited excuse for a human being. How could he be so cruel and vicious?"

"The guy is a real piece of shit," Heath agreed.

"I knew it. This is the reason I didn't want the match to go on. Deep down I had this nagging feeling that something awful was going to happen."

"Nobody could have known. I mean, I was down there when they were all planning the match out. Mike was fine. Sure there was tension and stuff but nobody had any idea he was gonna flip out like that."

"I didn't know what to expect at first when he tagged himself in. At first I thought, I hoped he just wanted to showboat but then he started beating PJ and I realized that PJ wasn't selling it, that he was really hurt. Mike was like a rabid dog. He just kept kicking and stomping him over and over again."

"I couldn't believe it either. At first, I thought it was a work, improv or something until Mike just started going ape shit with the kicks and stuff. It was crazy."

"PJ looked pretty bad, huh?" I asked Heath.

He wanted to be truthful but seeing how on edge I was, it was difficult for him to do so.

"I don't know. Maybe it wasn't so bad…"

"Yes, it is. This is all my fault…"

"Claudia, stop it."

"It is and you know that's true, Heath. PJ got seriously hurt because of my crazy ass, jealous husband."

"Mike is a loose cannon. He's a jerk. The guy is out of control and that's not your fault."

"I am so scared," my voice cracked as Heath put an arm around me.

Wrestlers got injured all the time. Medics and trainers were always on hand backstage. Whenever the talent required stitches, it was a simple procedure that usually took place back at the arena but one look at PJ from medical personnel and immediately it was decided that he needed more serious attention. He had been whisked away to the nearest ER. As soon as they brought him back up the ramp, I had rushed over to him. He was conscious and speaking but the eye looked bad. He assured me he was okay right before we were separated by all the people tending to him. I had waited nervously near the production booth until I got word to head over to Baptist.

"It's gonna be okay," Heath tried to reassure me.

I nodded as we began the terrible wait that felt like forever and a day. I paced back and forth and Heath stayed right by my side. He bought me a coffee that I barely took two sips of. The only thing that was going to calm me down was seeing PJ and knowing he was going to be okay.

"Anyone here waiting for Mr. Lloyd?" a doctor in scrubs finally asked, emerging from the back.

I stood and rushed in front of everyone else.

"I am," I stated, flashing my employee badge and official company credentials. "Claudia Mizanin and I'm with the WWE. Is he alright?"

"Hello Ms. Mizanin, my name is Dr. Bowman. I am the attending physician that saw Mr. Lloyd. We treated him for injuries sustained earlier this evening in a wrestling match."

"Yes."

"There was a bit of a concern over the trauma to the right eye. Most black eyes are minor injuries that heal over a few days, usually assisted by ice and pain meds. I imagine in your line of work you see this kind of thing every day. We just wanted to make sure there was no significant damage due to the blows directly inflicted to Mr. Lloyd's face."

"And?"

"Mr. Lloyd's eye is nearly swollen shut, very bruised and very painful to the touch. He did vomit twice in the exam room and reported slight changes in vision."

"Oh no. How bad is it?"

"We did several tests to check to see how much, if any damage was done to the eye. We were able to get a closer look at the eyeball itself and saw no blood in the eye and no evidence of direct lacerations, abrasions or presence of foreign objects in the internal part of the eye."

"Thank God."

"We performed a CT scan and ruled out any facial fractures. The good news is there is no serious or permanent damage to the actul orbit. Mr. Lloyd's eye will heal just fine. We were able to determine, however, that he suffered a mild concussion tonight."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"He will be just fine," Dr. Bowman nodded. "We cleaned up the cut and the open wound required three stitches. Mr. Lloyd should recover without incident but if at all possible avoid sleep at least for the next few hours. Watch for signs of dizziness, tingling, nausea and episodes of vomiting. If symptoms persist or worsen, bring him back. Is there someone who will be able to stay with him?"

"I will."

"Good. After the initial four hour hold, we recommend plenty of rest and fluids for the next 48 hours. I prescribed medication for comfort."

"Thank you so much, Dr. Bowman. Where is he? Can I please see him?"

"Of course," he led me back.

I followed him to the room where PJ was sitting on an exam table. Dried blood stains had caked his injured eye and I cringed when I got a better look. He looked horrible.

"PJ," I immediately dissolved into tears, throwing myself into his arms. "Baby, I'm so sorry."

He put an arm around me reluctantly as I squeezed his neck.

"I'm alright," he said quietly.

"You have a concussion."

"Could be worse."

"As soon as they discharge you, we'll go back to the hotel. I'll stay up with you."

"Claudia, you don't have to."

"I want to," I looked right at him. "I'll take care of you."

"Thank you."

His voice sounded so far off and it hurt me so much that he refused to meet my gaze.

"I am so sorry this happened to you…"

"Claudia, it's okay."

"No it's not. Your eye…"

"It looks much worse than it feels, trust me. I don't want you to worry. The doc says it will heal up in no time."

"What can I do?"

"Nothing."

"Then I'll just sit here with you, hold your hand until it's time to leave."

"Actually, if you don't mind, could you wait out in the lobby?"

"What?" I asked surprised.

"Can you just leave me alone for a few minutes?"

I bit my lip. I wanted to love him, hold him, protect him. He couldn't even look at me, now he didn't want me around.

"I, I know you're upset," my voice and lip quivered. "I know you got hurt because of me. Baby, I never meant for this to happen…"

"I know," he cut me off. "I don't blame you. It's okay. They're doing the paperwork to get me out of here so we can head back to the hotel. I appreciate you staying with me but could I just have a few minutes? Please."

I nodded and forced a smile through my tears, pecking his lips. I let myself out of the room and closed the door behind me. Heath was waiting outside and he watched helplessly as I fell apart.

"It's alright, Claud," he held me.

"You didn't see him," I whispered, shaking my head. "He's acting so…different. He blames me for all of this."

"No, he doesn't. PJ loves you."

"Heath…"

"He's just upset right now. He's hurt, he's in shock. It's been a hell of a night for everybody, especially him. Let's just get him out of here and get back to the hotel, okay?"

I nodded, wiping my eyes. Heath made it sound so simple but something inisde told me it wasn't that simple. I had another ominous feeling just like I'd had earlier in the evening. Something was telling me things were about to change.


	43. Birth Of A Nexus

Life is full of change. It's funny how life changes. For some people it is slow and gradual. For me it had never worked that way. Changes were abrupt and life altering in my world. One day I was an awkward teen crushing on the hot, popular jock two streets down and all of a sudden, my dreams came true and I was Mike Mizanin's girlfriend. One day I was madly in love, a college freshman with the world at her feet comfortable and happy in a serious relationship, the next minute Mike and I were over. One day I was lost in my way and life and before I knew it everything turned around and came togther, eventually culminating with Mike and I reuniting and marrying. One day my life was a fairytale and I woke up one morning to a nightmare. One day I was Claudia, The Miz's wife, the next day I was all alone again. Changes came so quickly for me, so disruptively.

That fateful night in Nashville would live on in memory. Every time I closed my eyes, I relived the match. I could just see Mike tagging himself in and everything going to hell in a handbasket just seconds later. I could see PJ being beaten to a bloody pulp. I could remember being worried to death pacing up and down the halls of the emergency room waiting area. Then I recalled the relief I felt after speaking to the doctor. Then everything had changed again from then.

PJ looked so vulnerable, so hurt. His physical injuries were bad enough but I could tell his pride had taken an even bigger hit. Beyond it all was his eyes. PJ had beautiful eyes, they were a remarkable window into what was a beautiful and pure soul. In his eyes I had always seen truth, happiness, hope, excitement…love. That awful night was terrifying because when I looked into those eyes, for the first time I saw nothing. His gaze was blank, absent as if he wasn't there, as if a piece of his soul was missing. It had hurt when he had asked me to wait in the hall. I obliged and within the hour, he was discharged as promised. The ride back to the hotel was solemn and quiet and when we arrived inside the room, the feeling was oddly indescribable…

"_Are you okay, PJ?"_

_He nodded._

"_I'm just going to take a shower."_

"_Do you want me to start the water for you?" I asked._

_PJ shook his head._

"_It's okay."_

_I fiddled with my hands._

"_Can I join you?" I asked, hopeful._

_For me showering together wasn't always about sex, in fact PJ and I had only made love two or three times in the , it was a chance to relax and talk, just be close together. Often times we showered with one another and just talked endlessly about everything and nothing at all._

"_I won't be long," he chewed at his lip._

_I could take a hint. He was totally avoiding my question and in turn it felt like he was avoiding me. He disappeared inside the bathroom without another word. I changed into sleepwear and climbed in bed, flipping aimlessly through television channels. PJ was gone for a while and finally about 45 or so minutes later, he emerged. I was quiet as he slipped beneath the sheets._

"_You shouldn't sleep for another few hours," I reminded him._

"_I know. I'll just watch TV or something."_

"_Okay," I nodded, feeling myself get emotional again._

_PJ tapped his fingers on the bed._

"_Claudia," he said after a while of silence. "I don't want you to be upset. I just wanted to clean up and I really didn't feel like talking…it's been a long night for me. Please don't take it personal."_

"_I feel like you're mad at me, like you're blaming me," I replied. "I get it. I blame myself but it really hurts. I feel so bad for what happened to you. If somehow I could have made it not happen or even have taken your place, I would have in a second."_

"_I know you would have," he responded quietly._

"_I just want to be close to you. I love you. We knew things could get bad and face it, how much worse can it get now? More than ever, it seems like we should comfort each other, stick together but I feel so alone right now. That is such a scary and empty place. I want to be close to you, PJ and all I sense from you is resistance, distance."_

"_I'm sorry…"_

"_I don't want you to be sorry, I just want you to be honest," I started to cry._

"_Come here," he said._

"_No," I turned away from him._

"_Claudia…"_

_He pulled me towards him where my tears soaked his bare chest and the thin sheet that lay beneath his body. PJ held me close but there was something different about his embrace. It felt forced, lacking the heartfelt intimacy I was so accustomed to when it came to him. Things were different. No matter how many times I cried or begged him to talk to me, I knew they would still be different. I could see it in his eyes. I could feel it in his touch…_

The days that passed had felt like I was walking in someone else's shoes, living in someone else's existence. PJ slowly began to recover from his injuries but the emotional wall still remained. He was quiet and less talkative seemingly lost and consumed in his own thoughts. The other NXT guys noticed it too and told me to just bear with him. They told me he would come around, blaming it on the humilation and damage to his own ego. I wasn't so sure. The two days off in Tampa came and went. Luckily the June 7th edition of RAW would not have us going far. We drove the four and a half hours from Tampa to Miami, riding with Heath and Fred. Whenever the four of us drove together, the road trips usually consisted of cheesy music, funny stories, and lots of laughter. Heath and Fred talked a mile a minute, both estatic about them finally being able to appear as Nexus on the live show that night. PJ talked too but he obviously lacked the same enthusiasm as the other guys. We made it to the arena right around two and immediately everybody dispersed and fell into the usual rigors of the busy work schedule.

"You alright?"

I looked up and saw John Cena towering over me.

"No," I answered him truthfully.

"Tough break what happened to PJ. Is he okay?"

"Physically he's better but mentally and emotionally…not so much."

"It sucks. That was fucked up what Mike pulled. It was unprofessional and unethical. Word is, he's being investigated on a conduct violation. It's probably just going to be a fine but if you ask me, he deserves whatever he gets and a whole lot more. You can't bring personal shit into the ring like that. It's dangerous. He could have hurt PJ worse than he did."

"Mike is such a bastard. He makes me sick," I shuddered.

"I know. Have you seen him yet?"

"No," I shook my head. "I'm just worried about PJ."

"Don't," he assured me. "It's going to be okay."

"John, I know you're just trying to be nice but saying that really doesn't help stuff. In fact, I'm sick and tired of everyone saying that to me, that everything is just going to miraculously be okay."

"It will be. I give you my word. Mike let emotions and pride get the best of him. He may be a little crazy but the guy's not stupid. He knows he screwed up, he knows he's being watched and he knows one more dumb out of control move could cost him his career."

"What if that's not enough? What if he is so out of it that he doesn't care? What if he tries to hurt PJ again?"

"Then my career is gonna be on the line because if he does anything, I swear to God, I'm gonna give him the beat down of his life."

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.

"Oh John…"

"Don't cry. Come on, Claud, don't fall apart on me. It's gonna be alright."

"I'm scared."

"I know you are, hon. I know."

"Mike hurt me so bad and he continues to hurt me. I finally found someone that loves and respects me for me. I found happiness, John, I learned to trust again. Do you know how hard that was? I love PJ, I'm in love with him. I don't want to lose him and I feel like I'm already starting to."

"PJ is in a bad place right now, he's dealing with his own issues. This has got to be just as hard for him as it is for you. If you're pissed at Mike, imagine how PJ feels. He probably wanted to beat the hell out of that jackass but he couldn't. First of all, he was taken by surprise with the attack. By the time it was over, he was probably hurt too bad to fight back. I'm sure something like that has got to eat at him, at his pride, at his manhood. He has his relationship with you to think about as well as his own career. As much as he wants to kill Mike, as much as Mike deserves it, in the end it just isn't worth it. That's a hard pill to swallow and I'm sure PJ is wrestling with that every day, angry that Mike got the best of him and there's not a damned thing he can do about it. Just give it time, give him some space. He really cares about you. It's a hard situation for everybody involved."

"Thank you," I wiped at my eyes.

"I care about you, Claud. Liz and I will always be here for you no matter what."

"I know. Listen, I have to go. I've got stuff to do and you need to get ready for the big match tonight…"

"Yeah, the big Nexus beat down. Okay. Promise you'll call me if you need me."

"Promise. Thanks, John. You're a great guy."

He gave me one last hug and a kiss on the forehead before walking away. Time moved on until before I knew it, the live broadcast was starting. The show progressed for two hours without a hitch until it was time for the main event that pitted Cena against CM Punk. Just moments before the NXT guys became the Nexus, one by one they filed by the production booth. My eyes briefly met PJ's but he quickly looked away, focused on the task at hand. Wearing matching armbands with the letters NXT embroidered on it, the eight former FCW rookies launched an unprecedented attack on Cena, Punk, Luke Gallows, announcers Jerry Lawler and Matt Striker before destroying the ring and everything around it. PJ had been used to always playing the babyface and the role, so close to his real life personality fit him to a tee. I wondered how he would handle being a heel but after the first few seconds I had to wonder no more. Wrestling required a lot of acting skills but something told me the frustration inside PJ was more than an act as he engaged in the destruction. I'd never seen him so focused or so pissed off in the ring as the storyline let him relieve some of his pent up anger.

An explanation of the Rookies being angry because of poor treatment and lack of respect within the franchise, was due to follow in the weeks to come but at the end of the night, the WWE Universe was left in stunned silence. After the match, the eight men, delighted with their debut performance returned to the locker room area. They had done a more than convincing job and everyone was beyond pleased. I was proud and it was nice to see PJ smile again though a menacing black cloud still hung over all our heads.

"Yo everybody, Miami is my town and we're gonna celebrate tonight like never before," Fred shouted to anyone who would listen. "Club Mynt tonight, it's on!"

I gathered my things and began walking away. It was late and I was tired. The last thing I wanted to do was party, even if it was with my best friends.

"You rolling out, girl?"Heath asked.

"I think I'm just gonna catch a ride back with John to Tampa," I informed him.

PJ shot me an awkward look.

"You sure?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"All the guys are going and it's kind of a celebration of the debut tonight…"

"It's okay."

"Really?"

"Really. You should go. I hope you guys have fun."

He shoved his hands in his jeans.

"I guess I'll see you back at home then."

"Yeah…see you."

Without a hug, kiss or handshake, I turned on my heels to leave. John was waiting on me and I met him with silence in my throat and tears in my eyes. The beating the Nexus fraction had put on him had taken a visible toll.

"You alright?" he asked me, wincing, keys in hand as I approached.

"Maybe I should be asking you the same thing," I sighed, taking the keys and offering to drive so he could take a much needed rest. "You holding up?"

"I'll be fine," he nodded, shaking off the aches and pains that were a natural part of his job. "You?"

I put on a brave face and tried to hold it together but we'd been friends too long and John could see right through me. Putting a large protective arm around me, he walked me to the car without another word. I was anything but fine.


	44. Damaged

June 14th saw the Raw brand in Charlotte, North Carolina. After the awkward Miami trip just the week before, PJ and I had traveled together for a few days before heading back to Tampa. I felt like things were starting to get a little better but I still couldn't shake that weird nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach like something still wasn't quite right. That night after the Nexus debut, John and I had made the trek back to Tampa. I had gone home to an empty condo, the very place that embodied PJ's essence. I climbed into his bed, our bed, pulling the sheets up to my chin as I stayed there for hours awake and lost in thought. It was almost nine the next morning when he arrived. Considering the guys had gone out late and it was a four and a half hour drive away, I was not surprised. As I was getting up, PJ was going to bed. The next day we were back on the road again. With each passing day, things got a little better between us but every night I found myself asking him the same question, asking if everything was alright between us. He always said it was. Somehow I was not fully convinced.

PJ and I walked the short distance from our Marriott hotel room located in uptown Charlotte to the Time Warner Cable Arena. A meeting had been scheduled right away and I noticed that Bryan Danielson was conspicuously absent. Immediately my heart sank. I already knew what it meant. When the creative team had put together the initial Nexus attack, very little had been planned or scripted. The guys were actually given a lot of room for improv in order for it to look as real as possible. In the heat of the moment, Bryan had really got into it, going as far as to spit in John's face and choke him. With Linda McMahon running for Senate and in the wake of the Chris Benoit tragedy a few years ago, the company had a strict policy on keeping the in ring activity as PG rated as possibe. As soon as the show had gone off the air, it had buzzed backstage about the consequences of Bryan's actions going too far. For days I had fretted over what would happen to him and I soon found out my answer.

Bryan's release was both a shock and blow to everyone's morale but in the world of sports entertainment, the show always had to go on. Bryan's absence was subsequently explained away as the fraction kicking him out due to his remorse over their actions the week before. The Nexus opened up the Raw show on "orders" from the "General Manager" Bret Hart to apologize for their actions. I stood backstage watching closely as each man spoke, each offering no apology. One of PJ's admitted weaknesses was cutting promos and talking on the mic. It was one of the things that made him most nervous so I was keeping my fingers crossed that he would do okay. When Stu's Wade Barrett asked PJ's Justin Gabriel for his apology, the response was that he would never apologize and that he still had goosebumps from the previous week's attack. He sounded confident and convincing, remaining in heel character so I breathed a sigh of relief, closing my eyes. When I opened them, I saw that Mike was walking towards me. Our eyes briefly met and I shot him a quick icy glare before walking off. We hadn't had any contact since Nashville and I was eager to keep it that way.

Storyline dictated a confrontation with Bret resulting in the Rookies getting"fired" and being escorted from the arena for trespassing. Undeterred, the seven former Rooks made several more appearances during the broadcast, ending the evening with kidnapping Bret Hart and throwing him into a limo that collided with several other cars. I hated doing spots like that. Sure we had the best stunt drivers money could buy to ensure the safety of the wrestlers but there was always room for human error, for danger and it bothered me but thank goodness everything went off without a hitch. When it was over, a bunch of people decided to cab it a few blocks away to the Fox and Hound, a popular restaurant and tavern. The WWE basically took over the plae and I was beyond relived that a certain ex had decided to make himself scarce. A few of us sat in a large booth, with PJ next to me. After ordering, he put an arm around me and for the first time in weeks, his affections did not feel forced.

We all had an amazing time at dinner. I loved it the most when everybody was able to kick back and relax. It was also funny to always see the reactions of the locals and fans seeing the Divas and Superstars who had just been seen on television tearing each other apart, enjoying a meal and a drink together. The mood was good and calm and the spirits of the seven remaining FCW men were good despite the loss felt by all with Bryan's sudden and seemingly unfair departure. The food was delicious and in honor of our missing friend, we raised our glasses to toast well wishes for success with his future endeavors. After dessert we settled the checks and it was time to go.

"You want to walk?" PJ asked me.

It wasn't too far and the weather was great. I nodded and we left the restaurant together.

"It's so pretty down here," I commented after a few blocks.

"It is."

"You guys were awesome tonight. I mean that. I think the Nexus is a brilliant idea. It seems to really be going over with the fans."

"I'm glad. You know, I never saw myself as the heel type but I have to admit, it's pretty fun."

"Well, I think you're doing a great job, all of you. You were good on the mic tonight."

"Thanks."

"Have you heard from Bry?" I shoved my hands in the pockets of my jeans.

I was desperate for small talk, willing to do almost anything to avoid yet another awkward silence.

"Yeah. Um, actually he texted me earlier." 

"How is he?"

"Honestly? Mad as hell. Confused, upset. I feel bad for the guy."

"Me too. Hopefully this will all pass over soon enough. I've seen it happen before, maybe in a few months they will rehire him after the controversy blows over."

"I hope so. In the meantime, they waived the non-compete clause so he can at least book as many Indy shows as possible."

"Good for him. Bryan is a great guy," I said."He's a really talented wrestler. He is resilient. He'll bounce back and be okay no matter what happens."

PJ looked over at me.

"You really care, don't you?"

"Of course I care. How can I not? The people I work with are like family. It's kind of hard not to get attached sometimes."

"Claudia, I think you have an amazing heart."

I looked away.

"You're embarrasing me."

"I don't mean to. It's just that you're a really good person. Look, I'm sorry about the past week or so."

"You're going through a rough time. I get it."

"I don't mean to take it out on you."

"Shit happens," I shrugged. "You can't help how you feel and sometimes it takes a while to process through stuff. It's okay."

"Thanks," he cleared his throat.

"Can I ask you something?" I swallowed hard.

"Anything."

"Do you still love me?"

He stopped and closed his eyes, I could see a mixture of what looked like hesitation, guilt, love, hope, regret, and sadness all wrapped in one.

"Of course I still love you. Claudia, I said it and I meant it. I don't just throw those words around lightly to anyone. Please never forget that. I just have a lot on my mind right now."

"Want to talk about it?" I asked."PJ, I love you too and I'm here for you. I want to help but I can't if you don't open up to me, if you don't let me in."

"I know. Not now. Please. Maybe later. Do you understand?"

My head did but I desperately needed someone to explain it to my heart. I looked away and we continued walking in silence as his fingers awkwardly grazed mine until they connected and we were holding hands. Soon we were back at the hotel and made our way to our shared room. PJ took a seat in the desk chair while I plopped down on the bed. We sat quietly for a few months, not quite knowing what to say. Finally, I stood, not knowing what to say or do. I headed in the direction of the bathroom but stopped when I felt strong arms pull me back.

"PJ…"

"Come here," he beckoned. 

He leaned down and kissed me. It was our first kiss in forever. I closed my eyes. I wanted him, I needed him but I was afraid. Things were so different between us, how could we ever recover? What if I gave in to those kisses and that was the last shred of proof that I needed to confirm that the soul connection, the love, the chemistry, that special spark between us was indeed long and unexpectedly gone?

Cupping my face in his hands, he kept pressing against my lips. I kissed him back finally, moaning instantly as I tasted him. We crashed into the wall, never breaking the kiss. I shuddered when I felt both of his hands on my hips. He lifted me off the ground and we fell back onto the bed. We hadn't been sexually intimate since before the Nashville incident and I was more nervous now than for our first time. Our kissing continued and I couldn't have pulled away if I wanted to. I needed him more than ever and as we began undressing each other with a sense of urgency, for the first time in a long time, it finally felt like we were once again on the same page.

"What's wrong?" I asked breathless as he stopped.

PJ frowned.

"I, um, I can't…"

I didn't understand at first but it didn't take long for me to figure out what he was talking about.

"What's the matter?"

"I don't know," his voice was drenched in frustration. "It's never really happened before."

It was the uncomfortable situation every couple found themselves in at one time or another. We were naked and in bed, ready to make love but PJ's body wasn't cooperating.

"Can I touch you?" I asked, hoping the stimulation would help.

He nodded and I began kissing him all over, rubbing my body onto his, gently stroking him the way that always turned him on. I took my time trying to please him, trying to excite him but all to no avail. After a few minutes of heavy foreplay, he still wasn't physically responding.

"I'm sorry, Claudia," he rolled over onto his back.

I covered myself with the sheet, trying to catch my breath, also trying to make sense of the situation.

"It's okay…"

"That's really embarrassing."

I bit my lip. If it was just an isolated incident, it wouldn't have bothered me so much. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel pressured or ashamed. But I sensed his impotence ran deeper and had more to do with me than himself.

"It's fine," I repeated.

"Are you upset?"

I shook my head and we lay quietly for a few moments.

"PJ?" I finally spoke.

"Yes?"

I took a deep breath.

"Is it me?"

"What?"

"The reason you can't, you know…is it because of me?"

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

"It's not you, Claudia, it's me it has to do with really."

"Are you sure?"

He pulled me closer to him.

"I don't want you to worry," he held me.

But I couldn't help it. I was worried sick and my anxiety was increasing by the day. Something was wrong. Something was broken and he couldn't even admit it. Until he did, how would we ever be able to fix it?


	45. Taking The Edge Off

I sighed as I leaned back onto the pool chair, fixing the strap on my bikini top. It was another hot and humid day in Tampa. It was just around noon and in typical Florida summer fashion, it was probably going to rain within a few hours. I was still getting used to the weather but rain showers were the least of my problems.

"Kiddo, you okay?"

I looked up at my best friend, Liz Cena. One of the perks of moving to the East Coast was being closer to the woman who had become like another sister to me. It was awesome that she was just a car ride away and I needed her now more than ever.

"I'm fine," I said quietly.

"Oh sweetie, you don't sound fine," said Samantha Orton who was in town for the evening with Randy who was visiting John. "And you don't look fine, either."

The three of us were having a little girl time, spending a few hours in the sun out by the Cena's private pool.

"Guys, I'm okay," I tried to reassure them and myself. "Really. It's fine."

Liz rolled her eyes.

"No, you're not and it's written all over you. Come on, girl. Spill. Talk to us."

"Liz…"

"You may as well get it off your chest."

I felt bad. I had been in an awful, confused mood for weeks. Sam, Liz, and I were supposed to be relaxing, just hanging out and having fun. The last thing I wanted to do was burden them with my problems.

"There's nothing to talk about. We're here to have a good time so let's talk about fun and happy stuff."

"Fine," Liz challenged me. "You first."

I bit my lip as I struggled to find a topic. After a minute or so, I gave up.

"You got me," I threw my hands up. "Dude, I got nothing."

"We figured that much so you may as well talk about it."

"I don't want to lay all my drama on you guys…"

"We're friends and we've got your back, always Claudia. That's why we're here."

"Liz is right," Sam agreed. "We hate seeing you so upset. I don't know if there is anything I can do but I'm here for you, even if it is to just listen."

I took a deep breath. It was nice to have such amazing, caring girlfriends.

"I'm just kind of bummed about PJ," I admitted.

"Is he still being distant?" Liz asked.

"What happened?" Sam chimed in. "I'm kind of out of the loop."

"You heard about Mike attacking PJ in the ring?" Liz turned to Sam.

"Yeah. Ran told me," the pretty, soft spoken brunette answered.

"Well, ever since then PJ has had a really hard time dealing with everything. He's starting to come around a little but he was being distant with Claudia."

"That's too bad," Sam frowned. "I'm sure he was just going through something. You said he's getting better, right? Maybe he just needs time and space."

"It's getting a little better but I still can't explain it. PJ and I have always had a great relationship, even when we were just friends. We've always been comfortable around each other and we can talk about anything but lately…I don't know. Ever since the attack he's just been different. I mean, I get that he's upset and going through some things but at the same time I kind of feel like he blames me for what happened and that he's taking it out on me."

"PJ just doesn't seem like that type of person," Sam added. "It's got to be something else."

"I don't think he means to. It's not malicious or anything, he just can't help it. It scares me to death but I think we're going to break up."

It was the first time I had uttered the words out loud and just saying them, hearing them made me shudder.

"Babe, it can't be that bad," Liz shook her head. "I think you're just paranoid. I've seen you two together and you're so in love with each other that it's sickening. There's no way PJ would break up with you, besides you two have been through too much to be together."

"I hope you're right. I love PJ with all my heart and I want us to be together but I don't know how much longer I can put up with the distance and the awkward silences. I don't know what's worse…when he looks at me like I'm to blame for all his problems or when he doesn't look at me at all."

"Have you tried to talk to him about what's going on?" Sam asked.

I nodded.

"I tried. He admits something is going on, that something is on his mind but he's not ready to talk about it."

"He's just being a guy," Liz dismissed it. "They have a hard time expressing themselves and dealing with feelings sometimes. John gets the same way."

"Sometimes Randy still has a hard time opening up to me about certain things," Sam admitted.

"What do you guys do?"

"Don't push," Liz advised. "Just be normal and keep being there for him. Men are weird like that. He'll open up on his own time."

"I know you're frustrated, hon, but you can't give up," Sam looked at me. "Just hang in there. Speaking from personal experience, it'll get better. Randy and I have a close relationship and we know how important communication is but there are times when he completely shuts down. His career is so important to him and things get so tense on the road and in the ring. There are times when things really bother him and as much as I want to be there for him, sometimes I just have to back off. He deals with it, we talk when he's ready, then we move on."

"It's hard, Sam."

"It is. Wrestling wives and girlfriends go through their own trials and only someone in that situation can understand. We have our crazy and difficult times just like the wrestlers do. And it's apples and oranges because we don't always understand what they are going through and they don't always get what we're going through," Liz said.

"Being the wife of a WWE Superstar has taught me a very important lesson…patience," Sam told me. "God knows you had to have that to put up with Mike for so long but you have to be patient with PJ as well. In the long run, it'll be worth it because he's worth it, the relationship is worth it."

"You're right," I tried to collect myself. "Thanks ladies."

"You'll be fine, kid," Liz rubbed my shoulder. "PJ will come around. I mean, it could be worse, right? At least you're still getting laid."

I looked at the ground and the pool deck was so quiet you could hear crickets chirping. I felt two sets of curious eyes staring at me.

"I hate to pry but do you mean you two aren't intimate anymore?" Sam inquired.

Liz scoffed.

"Dude, tell me you and PJ are still banging."

I shrugged.

"We haven't done it since before the attack in Nashville. "

"Oh God…"

"It's not like we haven't tried. For a while I was worried that he didn't want me or the chemistry wasn't there. We hadn't even tried but last week when we were in Charlotte for the first time in a long time, he acted like he wanted me, like he wanted to make love to me. We got in bed and we were both into it but it just didn't happen."

"Why?" Sam crinkled her nose.

I was too embarrassed to explain but Liz caught on immediately.

"He didn't uh…rise to the occassion, so to speak?"

"We tried everything but um…nothing worked. We were both pretty bummed. He was apologetic and everything but we haven't tried again since."

"Claudia, I'm sorry," Sam sympathetically offered. "I know it's way easier said than done but you have to hang in there."

"Yeah but in the meantime, I've got something that'll get you through this," Liz reached into a bag.

I squirmed.

"Liz, I love you to death but if you pull a dildo out of there, I'm gonna scream or throw up or both."

"Relax…I'll get you one of those later," she replied. "This is even better."

Sam and I just looked at her.

"For the love of God, Liz, please put that away," Sam begged.

"What?" Liz feigned innocence. "Quit being a goody two shoes. You act like it's a nuclear bomb or something. It's just a little weed."

"Liz…"

"Hit this. It will totally take the edge off."

"You are awful," Sam blushed.

"Like Randy doesn't have some of this stashed around the house."

"He might," a small smile crept to her lips. "But that's beside the point."

Liz lit the bowl and inhaled, passing it to me. I had smoked marijuana recreationally in college but it wasn't a normal habit for me. But too much had happened in the last few months. 2010 had been an insane year and my nerves were fried. I took it from her hand and took a couple of big hits before passing it off to a reluctant Sam.

"I don't know guys…"

"Oh live a little," Liz prodded as Sam smoked from the bowl.

I leaned back in the chair and relaxed for the first time letting my high take over. It was nice to be in a peaceful fog and be problem free at least for a little while. I loved my friends and they were always there to have my back but I knew it was going to take a lot more than some girl talk and a couple hits of pot to solve all my problems.


	46. The Undoing

My eyes opened as I yawned and stirred. Rolling over there was no warm body lying next to me, instead there was a cold and empty space. As I sat up, I realized PJ's side of the bed hadn't been slept in all night. I climbed out of bed and went downstairs to the kitchen. The condo was quiet and we had a lot of errands to run and packing to do as yet another road trip was on the agenda in a little over 24 hours. Opening the refrigerator door, I pulled out a pitcher of fresh orange juice and popped an English muffin in the microwave. Breakfast together used to be a ritual for PJ and myself whether at home or in the different hotels. If he didn't cook for me or we didn't cook together, we'd go out for a meal. I cherished those times together. I lived for the normalcy, things like sharing a newspaper or discussing what we'd be doing for the rest of the day. We hadn't had breakfast together for a while, just one more change in a series of unfortunate events that had plagued us.

Pulling out a pen and pad, I leaned over the counter and began jotting down all the things I had to do for the day. I had to run to the bank and pick up some dry cleaning. I also had a phone appointment with the travel agency the WWE used. Kevin Dunn's wedding anniversary was coming up so I remembered to send flowers to his wife on his behalf like I did every year. I still had to pack for myself and go over the upcoming travel schedule. It was going to be a busy day ahead and a bunch of tasks was exactly what I needed to keep my head on straight. Just as I finished straightening up the kitchen, I heard a key turn in the lock. PJ was home.

He was dressed casually in a black tee shirt with silver designs on it and jeans. Hanging up the keys on the hook near the front door, he dug his wallet out of his pocket and put it on a nearby table. I watched him for a while. He looked tired and worn and he wasn't smiling. I missed was one of the things that had first attracted me to him…he was always smiling and what a gorgeous smile it was. He smiled not with just his sexy lips but his eyes and his whole face. He could light up a room.

"Claudia," he looked surprised.

"Hi," I said.

"Sorry I didn't see you standing there."

"I woke up and you weren't here."

"I ran by the post office on my way to the tanning bed."

I glanced over at the couch and for the first time noticed the pillow and ruffled blankets that covered it.

"You slept down here last night?" I asked.

He followed my gaze.

"Yeah, um, you were already in bed and I was watching a movie. I didn't want to disturb you. It was just easier to stay down here."

He opened the fridge looking for something to drink and in that one moment, I couldn't take it anymore. On the inside I was going crazy, falling apart. I couldn't take one more minute of living like that.

"Just stop it, PJ," I said softly.

"What are you talking about?"

I looked around.

"You. Me. Us…this."

"Claudia…"

"When are you going to say it? You know, I sit around just waiting to hear the words, wondering exactly what they'll be and how it's going to feel…how bad it's gonna hurt. Sometimes I think the anticipation is worse than that moment could ever be."

He put down his bottle of water and a look of uneasiness washed over him.

"We need to talk," he began. "There is something I have to tell you."

And so it was. It was a moment I had expected but it still took the wind right out of me. I grabbed onto the countertop for support.

"What?"

PJ closed his eyes.

"I don't know quite how to say it."

"You have to. I want to you to."

"Claudia…"

"No. I want to hear you say it, PJ."

It was clear he didn't know how to.

"I love you, you know that?"

Tears clouded my eyes as I nodded.

"I love you, too."

"You are a wonderful, special girl but this…this isn't right, Claudia and we both know it. I don't know. I thought this was what I wanted…"

"And now?"

His eyes met mine.

"Now I'm not so sure."

There it was.

My bottom lip trembled.

"You're not so sure?" I repeated.

"I'm not. Look, Claudia, this is very hard for me to say this to you but I owe you the truth. I have to be honest with myself about my true feelings. It's something that's been tearing me apart inside lately and I just have to man up and come clean with you."

"You're breaking up with me," I thought out loud as several tears fell from my eyes.

"Please don't cry," he whispered. "Claudia, please. It kills me to see you cry."

"What am I supposed to do, PJ? Laugh? Do backflips? I'm sorry but it doesn't work that way. I love you and I thought that you loved me too. I took a chance, a huge gamble on you, on us and I lost…big time. I trusted you and I gave my heart to you and I got screwed over in the end because you changed your mind."

"I'm sorry," he kept saying.

"Me too. I uprooted my whole life to come here to Tampa to be with you."

"I know. Listen, I'm not kicking you out by any means. I would never do that. Please stay here as long as you need to until…"

"Until what?"

He opened his mouth but had no immediate answers.

"What do you want from me?" he asked.

I shook my head, frantically wiping at tears.

"Nothing. I don't want anything from you, PJ."

I turned to walk away but he grabbed my arm.

"Please…"

"No!" I shouted. "Let me go."

"It's not you. Claudia, you are great. I know it sounds stupid and cliché but this is all on me. The last thing I want is for us to be apart but I feel like I don't have any other choice. There is something I want to share with you that would explain everything…"

"What is it?"

He closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I can't. But you have to know that just because I need time and space to get my head together right now doesn't mean that I don't love you."

"That doesn't make it hurt any less," I said through tears.

I jerked away from him and ran upstairs, throwing random belongings in my bag.

"Please don't leave like this," he followed me.

"PJ…"

"Just stop for a minute and let's try to figure this out together. I don't think now is the right time for us to be a couple but I have no problem sharing this place with you. I want you to be safe, happy…"

"Happy?" I looked right at him. "Oh my God, are you serious right now?"

"I do love you, you have to know that. I'm gonna worry about you. I don't want you going back to…"

"Don't! Okay? Don't you dare even say Mike's name. I am sorry that he hurt you because he's been hurting me for years. I finally get away from him and he still has that hold on me, that power to control my life and guess what, this time you gave it to him."

"Claudia…"

"You told me you were ready," I cried. "You looked right into my eyes and promised me you were in this for the long haul,that this is what you truly wanted. And I was so scared, so afraid that something like this would happen and I would end up getting hurt again. It's not fair!"

He looked like he was about to cry.

"You're right. It's not fair."

I threw everything that fit into the three large pieces of luggage I had.

"I'll send for the rest of my things," I informed him.

"You don't have to do this. You don't have to leave."

"I sure as hell can't stay here."

"Yes, you can."

"No, I can't!" I said more forcefully.

"Where will you go?"

That was the million dollar question. I had no clue.

"I'll figure something out."

"Claudia…"

"It doesn't matter," I looked up at him.

He leaned against the door and sighed.

"I swear to you I did not plan it this way. This is not how I wanted it to end. I never meant to hurt you but in the end, if we don't give each other some space, we'll only both be hurt even worse. I need to figure some things out and so do you."

"I have nothing to figure out, PJ. I live in a world where the men in my life seem to figure it all out for me. Their actions dictate the decisions and I'm left to pick up the pieces, I just have to deal with it."

"Don't say that."

"It's the truth."

"Don't compare me to him."

By "him", I knew he was talking about Mike.

"Why not? Right now you're one in the same. You didn't treat me like crap or cheat or publicly humilate me but you broke my heart and my trust. What's the difference?"

I looked in PJ's hazel eyes and saw his own tears. On the verge of losing it altogether, I dragged my bags out behind me, down the staircase and out the front door. As I sat on the curb, devastated and looking like an idiot, the sobs and tears could not be controlled. My world had just been turned upside down again and another man that I loved had hurt me…again. The pain was undeniable and powerful and I didn't know what to do. As I sat there crying, my cell phone rang. Fishing it from my purse, I accepted the call.

"Hello? Claud? Is anyone there?"

I hadn't bothered to check the Caller ID. It was Heath.

"Heath?"

"Yeah, it's me. Sorry to bug you so early but I had a question about the flight tomorrow…"

"Yeah?"

"I…wait, are you crying?"

I bit my lip, desperately trying to pull myself together to handle the business transaction but my grief was far too overwhelming.

"Oh Heath," I wailed into the phone.

"Claudia, man, are you okay? Where are you? What's going on? Where is PJ?"

I could barely get my words.

"He…he broke up with me," I managed to blubber. "It…it's over. We're done."

"What? No, come on. PJ loves you and you love him. This has to be some kind of mistake or misunderstanding…"

"Oh God, Heath, what am I gonna do?"

"Just calm down. Where are you?"

"Down the block from his condo. I, I packed all my stuff…"

"Where are you gonna go?"

Again the question hit me like a ton of bricks. The answer, as dismal as it was, was crystal clear.

"I…I don't have anywhere to go," I said quietly.

He breathed into the phone.

"Yeah, you do. Hang on, babe. I'll be right there."


	47. Sick And Tired

I was tired of finding myself sleeping in random spare beds and couches, at the mercy of my friends when times called for it. Liz had done it for me and in fact, that was how PJ and I had come together in the first place in the midst of my split with Mike. Now it was happening again. I found myself nestled on a couch in a nice one bedroom apartment that overlooked downtown Tampa. It was Heath who had come to my latest rescue. He had found me a sniveling unkempt mess outside of PJ's condo just minutes after our relationship had ended. He had helped me with my things and taken me staright to his place. It was quiet and clean, a place where I could try to get myself together and make sense of the latest chaotic events taking place in my life.

Heath had been a godsend, a wonderful friend who had been consoling and caring. When it was time to hit the road, he had accompanied me, even changing flights so I wouldn't be alone when I made the switch to another plane, any airplane that didn't have PJ Lloyd booked as a passenger on it. There was an old saying regarding the dangers of dating someone you work with that went a little something like, "don't shit where you eat." That phrase was starting to make sense to me more than ever as I now had the privilege and pleasure of ducking and dodging two exes backstage. Somehow, someway I managed to do both and still do a bangup job with production duties. I threw myself into work, made sure everything was taken care of and did it all with a smile on my face. I didn't cry anymore. I couldn't. My heart was in torment and if I allowed myself to be vulnerable and break down, I feared the tears would never stop flowing.

I had choices to make. My first decision was to find a home. Staying at PJ's was out of the question and I was not about to impose on the good will and hospitality of friends like Liz, Fred, or Heath. And my marital home was no longer an option as well. As planned, a For Sale sign had been placed clearly in front of the property ready to be sold to the highest bidder. I officially had nowhere to go but there was little time to feel sorry for myself. Truth be told, I had long tired of L.A. I needed a change of pace and scenery and Tampa had turned out to be a great place. Against my better judgement, I had decided to rent a small apartment right off the I-4. I made the preparations all within one week but there was still one order of business left to handle.

Walking inside that house felt like being inside someone else's home, someome else's life for that matter. It was surreal. I felt like a stranger in California and the cold, dark, empty feeling only made me want to hurry up and get the hell out of there. Many of my belongings had already been moved into storage and some had even already been shipped to Florida. I just had a few more boxes to gather and surrounded by a sea of "stuff", I really didn't know exactly where to begin. Weary, I began putting various items any and everywhere. I just wanted the experience, the day to be over. It took hours but finally, exhauasted and resigned, I was done. I began separating the crates, marking them with a Sharpie so the movers would know what to do.

Just as I was finishing up, I heard the front door unlock. My heart skipped a beat. I knew who it was, it was the one person I had been successfully ignoring and avoiding for almost a month. Now we were in the same house. My initial instinct was to leave, run away and never look back but something wouldn't let me. I was tired of running away. I needed to deal with my pain. Running away was what had gotten me into this debacle in the first place. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I heard him fumble around for a long time downstairs in the kitchen. He was probably fixing himself something to eat. Then he finally walked upstairs. He disrobed at the bedroom door like he always did just before a shower. Fucking slob, he didn't even have the decency to put his dirty underwear into the hamper. I heard the water turn on and he was in the bathroom for almost a half hour. The minute I heard the shower stop running, I made a beeline for my former bedroom. I stood there quietly, setting the items I had brought with me down on the floor. Mike emerged with damp skin and hair, a fluffy blue towel securely wrapped around his waist. It took a few seconds for him to notice me but when he did, his eyes widened.

"Claud," he cleared his throat. "What are you doing here?"

I stared at him. He was a man I had once loved so much. Now I only felt anger and disgust and utter contempt for him.

"I had to clear out the rest of my things," I said in a flat voice. "Everything needs to be out before the house goes on the market."

He gave me a curious look.

"Yeah."

"Anyway, I finished up everything. The movers will take care of it all."

"Good," he secured his towel.

"Some of the stuff is trash, some of it will come with me and some stuff has to go in storage," I explained. "But I left behind a few items, things I thought you might like to have."

"Like what?"

I motioned to what was on the floor.

"Remember this?" I asked. "This is a DVD from one of your many pre-wrestling motivational speeches. In this one you talk to a bunch of high school students on the importance of social issues and how no matter how rich or famous a person gets, they must hold onto themselves, their integrity, their values and what is most important."

I chucked the DVD at him as hard as I could.

"Claudia, what the hell?" he said as he ducked, barely missing the impact.

"Here is another DVD for your viewing pleasure. This is from our wedding day. It has the wedding ceremony, the reception, everything on it including your little speech where you have the audacity to break down and cry and tell everyone how much you love me and how happy you are to be committed for the rest of your life to your soul mate."

I took it and threw it across the room.

"Claudia!"

"These are all the cards and letters and stupid gifts I saved that you ever gave me for birthdays, anniversaries, Christmases…"

I dramatically dumped the entire box on the floor.

"Have you lost your mind?" he demanded.

"And this here," I reached in my back pocket. "This is the diamond ring you proposed to me with and the wedding band I wore with love and pride and apparently foolishness for five years. I especially want you to have this back because I honestly can't stand to look at it anymore. All it represents is lies and mistrust and betrayal!" I said as I roughly forced it into his hand.

Fire began to dance in Mike's icy blue eyes.

"Why are you doing this? Huh? You want to be pissed off at me because I taught your little boyfriend a lesson?"

"You got what you want, Mike. Congratulations. Your jealousy, your anger, your ignorance and your unpredictability ran PJ away. We're done for good. He dumped me and I'm miserable."

"Good," he folded his arms, seemingly satisfied with himself.

"Good?" my voice rose as my blood boiled.

"Claud, you didn't need that guy. You don't love him. You were just fooling yourself, fooling everyone but me. I get it. I fucked up. I hurt you. I hurt you worse than you've ever been hurt before in your life and for that I'm the world's biggest asshole. You won't get an argument from me on that one. But you were hurt so bad, you couldn't deal with the pain so you rebounded right away. That was your way of protecting your heart from all the hell I put it through. But you and PJ were just a stupid fling, what you and I had was real…years, a lifetime of friendship, make ups, break ups, anger, hurt, love. If you want to spend the rest of your life being pissed off at me, that's your problem but eventually you have to forgive me. Because right now you are this angry, sad, pathetic, bitter shell of a human being who thinks the world owes her something. It doesn't work that way and if you don't deal with it, if you don't move on, you won't find happiness with that punk PJ or anybody else."

I laughed out loud.

"You unimaginable bastard," I shook my head. "How dare you? Don't you ever proceed to tell me how I feel. I did love you, Mike. I loved you probably too much, I loved you with everything I had. But that wasn't enough for you. When I look back on our time together, more than anything I am consumed with anger and regret. Yeah, we had some good times but they are far outweighed by the bad ones. You are an arrogant, heartless, selfish, inconsiderate jerk and I curse the very day I ever laid eyes on you. What happened to that boy, that sweet, beautiful boy I fell in love with? He left a long time ago and you know what? I stopped missing him a long time ago. What we used to have was real…those last few years were nothng more than a bad joke. And PJ? In spite of what you think of him and despite what you did to him, he is a wonderfu human being. For the first time he made me feel love, real love and I will never regret my time with him, no matter how bad the loss feels right now. PJ Lloyd is more of a man than you will ever be and I will always love him. And as far as forgiveness for you? Maybe one day I will forgive you for ruining my life but right now I couldn't force my heart to do that, even if I wanted to and right now I don't. One day I will forgive you but for now I would just like to forget you."

He looked stunned for a moment.

"What do you want me to do? What do you want me to say?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all because it doesn't matter anymore. I hate you so much right now, Mike. I hate you for lying to me, I hate you for hurting me, I hate you for cheating on me, I hate you for making me feel guilty, I hate you for what you did to PJ but most of all, I hate you for screwing up my life."

"Claudia…"

"A few months ago on that very patio our there, you cried to me when you found out we lost our friend, Liam. He was a good guy…honest, loyal, compassionate…everything you aren't. People like Liam are missed because of who they are on the inside. You're nothing more than a fad, a has been reality star and just another wrestler riding the 15 minutes of fame wave. What a fucking waste. Liam's death was a waste of life just like your very existense is a waste of life," I stepped closer to him. "I will never forgive myself for falling in love with you and putting up with your shit all those years. I wish it had been you that died cold and alone on that highway."

Without another word or thought, I turned to leave. Before I did, I saw something in Mike's eyes I had never seen before. My words had hit him and hit him hard and we both knew that I meant them.


	48. Rise And Grind

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the original characters in this story. The WWE owns itself and all the wrestlers. This work is purely fiction and meant for entertainment purposes only.**_

I walked into Philadelphia's Wachovia Center with a heavy heart. Coming just a week after my angry and emotional confrontation with Mike, I had taken a few days off. It was unheard of but I needed it and thankfully Kevin Dunn was the world's most understanding boss. In that week, I left behind the intensity of California and the heartbreak of Florida, retreating to the one place where I knew my sanity wouldn't slowly keep filtering away. I got on a flight headed to Cleveland and when my parents met me at the airport, weary and spent, it felt good so good to see them. And for six days I stayed in Parma and led the normal life I used to have before Mike Mizanin and the WWE. I saw friends I hadn't talked to in years, I went yardsaling with my mom, I went to church with my grandparents and fell asleep every night on the couch next to my daddy while watching TV. Being in my childhood bedroom being surrounded by familiar things felt calm and normal. It felt as close to happy as I knew I was going to get. I could have stayed there forever but I knew eventually I'd have to come back to my world and face reality, whatever it was. It was time to get back into the grind.

The most anticipated match on the docket for the night was Randy Orton, John Morrison, R Truth and Evan Bourne against Chris Jericho, Edge, Ted DiBiase and the Miz. There was a Divas match and a contest for the tag belts but the story of the night was the continued ruthless brutality of the greatest and most dangerous heel faction in decades, the Nexus. The evening would have them assaulting some of the most legendary names in the business, Arn Anderson, Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat, Michael Hayes, Dean Malenko, Jerry "The King" Lawler, and Mike "IRS" Rotunda. In addition to being legends, the men were also gentlemen. I greeted them in the green room and briefly chatted with them, making sure they had everything they needed and that they were prepared for the night's events. When I entered and exited the room, they stood. Their requests were simple and their gratitude obvious. It was a pleasure to be around such wrestling royalty.

Next, I met with the production manager, my immediate supervisor to ensure all the technical instruments and video components were in place and in working order for the live broadcast. I helped set up, then hung around satisfied after several tests were completed signaling that we were good to go. All the necessary equipment and materials were on site and the behind the scenes staff as well as the on air talent were in place with their required accomodations. I put on the microphone and earpiece, my means of communicating with everyone from the producers, to the announcers to the referees and grabbed a walkie talkier and my trusty clipboard for my rounds. Organizing and arranging the talent was perhaps my biggest nightly job besides rapidly responding to issues and unexpcted problems that frequently arose. I noticed that after the show, the WWE website wanted staged photos of the Nexus and the legends they had attacked. Overseeing the photo shoot meant I would have direct contact with PJ, an inevitable meeting but one I was not looking forward to at all.

The crowd in the City of Brotherly Love was pumped and the show went off without a hitch. We ran good on time and the execs in attendance were pleased. As the show was coming to an end, I left the production booth and met with the photographer. We planned the brief shoot for that night. It would be just one film, not to exceed an hour of shooting. Taking a deep breath, I gathered up the seven men one by one.

"You're back, girl," Heath hugged me. "It's good to see you."

"Thanks," I forced a smile.

"You okay?" we were joined by Fred.

"I'm fine, guys, just took a little breather to go back home and relax. Evrything is good now."

Heath nodded.

"Well, for what it's worth, I'm glad you decided to stick around in Tampa. I think once everything settles, you're really gonna like it."

"Besides, me and Heath have your back," Fred reiterated. "You know that right?"

I did and I was more than grateful.

"Thanks, guys."

"Just give us a shout when you need help moving the rest of your stufff into the new place."

"You're the best," I said. "Both of you."

My breath caught in my throat as the door opened and in walked PJ. I still got butterflies in the pit of my stomach every time I saw him. He was dressed in ring gear that consisted of a Nexus teeshirt, trunks, knee pads and boots. As usual, he looked phenomenal, the epitome of everything that was masculine and sexy. I tried not to stare at his body but the only thing worse than that, was looking in his face. But I couldn't avoid his gaze forever. Our eyes met briefly, an occassion I had been mentally preparing for in my head for days. When I saw him I had plannned to smile warmly, say hello, casually ask how he was doing, then go on about work in a civil and professional manner, treating him just like one of the other guys, like we hadn't had a whirlwind romance and breakup all in the span of a few crazy months.

In about five seconds, that plan and all that preparation went right out the window. My stomach churned like I was going to throw up and my palms became very sweaty all of a sudden. I couldn't look at him or bear the thought of him looking at me. I stumbled clumsily about as the legends entered the photography area and we set up. I prayed the session would go quick and smooth so I could get the hell out of dodge. I had worked with that photographer before and he was good. I was relieved as he took over direction and began snapping away. The wrestlers performed various poses with the theme of course being focused on the dominance of Nexus. With one eye on the clock counting down the seconds to this awkward encounter was over, I watched as PJ took a picture that pitted him face to face with Mike Rotunda. The camera clicked away and I was relieved when it stopped…or so I thought.

"Claudia?"

"Huh?" I snapped back to reality, realizing Dan, the photographer had called my name.

"Need some help. Looks like the lace broke on PJ's boot. It's messing up the shot and we're not done here. I'm gonna move on to Stu and Arn. Do you think you can get it fixed so we can come back to it before we call it a night?"

All eyes were on me. Of course I could do that, that was my job. But did I want to? Oh hell no! PJ stepped aside and I approached him, trying to hide the fact that my hands were shaking as I checked out his lace. After a few awkward minutes, it was plain to see that it was a goner.

"Um, you can come with me," I mumbled to him. "I think I can scrounge up a replacement lace for this."

PJ followed me out in silence to the wardrobe area that was practically empty at that hour. I began frantically searching for what I was looking for as he stood nearby.

"So," he cleared his throat and nervously ran his fingers through his hair. "How have you been?"

"Fine," I replied a little too quickly and curtly. "You?"

"Good. Um, everything, it's good."

"Good," I repeated.

A whole lot of "goods".

"Crazy weather we've been having," he desperately tried to make conversation. "So hot with a lot of rain. I can already tell it's going to be a brutal summer."

"Yeah…"

A few more painful minutes passed until I finally located what I was looking for.

"Is that it?" PJ asked.

"Yeah," I sank to my knees and began unlacing his boot so I could replace it with the new one. "This looks like a perfect match. If you have extras at home or if you were planning to buy another one, it's cool but you're more than welcome to keep this one."

"Thanks," he said.

I tried to move as fast as possible, cringing the few times my hand grabbed onto the bare flesh of his leg.

"All done," I finally sighed with relief.

He looked down and inspected my work.

"Looks good. Thank you, Claudia," he said softly. "I appreciate it."

"Anytime," I stood.

We looked at each other for a few fleeting seconds and it appeared it was on the tip of his tongue to say something else to me but he didn't. Instead we quietly made our way back to where Dan was finishing up the shoot. PJ finished his spot and we were all dismissed shortly thereafter. Before I left, I glanced over the freshly taken still frames on the computer monitor. Dan had done an excellent job as usual and everybody looked great. Especially PJ.

I grabbed the small carry on piece I had brought with me from the production booth. I grabbed my keys to the rental car and made a beeline for the nearest exit to the parking lot. Nothing was going on at the moment but my heart was still pounding wildly inside my chest. I needed to go back to the hotel, I needed to be alone, I needed to figure out how in the hell I was going to get through night after night working side by side with my two exes.

"You out?" Heath asked as he caught up with me outside.

"Yeah, um, it's been a long night and I'm tired."

"Okay," he gave me an unsure look. "As long as you're alright. Maybe we all can do breakfast tomorrow?"

By "all" I hope he meant everyone minus PJ.

"Sure, whatever. Text me."

We stood there in the parking lot and I noticed a blonde walking towards us. She was very attractive and also very familiar looking though I couldn't quite place where I knew her face from. All the wrestlers and staff had parked their rental cars in the same few rows and she was obviously headed over to one.

"Hi Heath," she smiled brightly.

His face turned as red as his hair.

"Hey," he spoke uncomfortably.

"Claudia, right?" she looked at me.

"Yeah?"

She extended her hand.

"We met before in Canada. I'm Karen Richardson, PJ's friend."

My eyes widened. Sam and I had met her in Catering. The gorgeous, confident, sexy and super friendly ex girlfriend. How could I forget?

"Of course," I shook her hand. "Um, it's nice to see you again."

"You too," she nodded. "Sorry, I don't have time to stay and chat but it was really good seeing you. Take care, guys."

She hurried off and even though I shouldn't have, my eyes followed the direction that she took off in. It was a black mid sized sedan parked on the end of the first row and PJ was standing by the driver's side. He smiled, a real, warm, PJ Lloyd poster boy smile as they affectionately embraced. My heart sunk, breaking into a million pieces right there on the pavement.

"Claud…" Heath began.

"Uh, I have to go," I refused to look at him.

"But…"

"I'll see you around."

I quickened my pace, putting my belongings in the trunk and climbing into the driver's seat. I cranked the car and pulled out of the parking lot, my mind racing. PJ and I were done…I got that and I was slowly coming to terms with the fact even though it made me sad. After the year I had been though, the last thing on my mind was another man, any man but I knew that "moving on" was a natural part of life. It was unrealistic and downright ridiculous to think or expect that PJ would be alone for the rest of his life. Of course he would date again but never in a billion years did I think he would move on so soon. Or as the tears fell from my eyes, the thought crossed my mind that he had never truly left her in the first place. 


	49. Out Of Control

It was official…I couldn't deal with my life. I admitted that fact and I had even started to accept it. What other choice did I have? Still it didn't make it any easier and work was starting to become a total nightmare. From my first day working for the WWE as the lowest ranking PA, I had loved every minute of my job and the company that had employed me. Never did I imgaine that a day would come that I would wake up and dread going to work but the time had surely arrived. I had to put on a brave face and travel the country for three to four days out of the week with the two men who held my heart in torment.

I took pride in my job and it was still important to me. So many people depended on me and I had to be there for them. It wasn't their fault that my personal life was in tumoil so night after night I sucked it up. I never let them see me sweat. I put on a brave face and tried to act like the same old cheerful, dependable Claudia Mizanin. I ignored Mike completely and arranged to have the least amount of contact with PJ as possible. When I did see PJ, I was polite and civil, not wanting to let him or anyone else know that I was falling apart on the inside. Apparently, I was a great actress because everyone bought it. No one, not even the people I was closest to knew just how close to the edge I was teetering…

The WWE was well known for its involvement with everything from the USO to reputable charities like the Make A Wish foundation. The company and its talent took pride in being able to touch people's lives and make a difference in the community. The WWE Tribute to the Troops was an annual event held every December when top Superstars and Divas traveled to war zones in Iraq and Afghanistan to honor the brave men and women fighting for our country. Every year the company made a summertime announcement to provide the press and the public for that year's upcoming event. All WWE employees were given a notice to attend that party at the Waldorf hotel in New York City. The dress code called for cocktail attire and attendance was mandatory. Just receiving the announcement made me want to call my doctor for a prescription of Xanax but instead I opted to kill a bottle of wine in my new apartment alone.

I flew into LaGuardia on the morning of the big event and went straight to the hotel. Everyone had a room booked there and the party was to be held in The Starlight Roof ballroom on the 19th floor where guests could enjoy breathtaking views of the greatest city in the world. I kept a low profile and stayed alone in my room the entire day sipping on wine. It was a rare occasion where just like the Hall of Fame ceremony, I could just enjoy the event in lieu of working it. Start time was 7 p for dinner and the announcement would happen at 8. Afterwards, it was open social hour and drinks. The latter sounded good to me.

I took extra time curling my hair before pinning the sides back with a beautiful but small diamond studded pin. The fact that I burned myself several times should have been my first clue to slow down on the wine but nevertheless, I trudged on. I put my makeup on carefully and entered the venue in a dark blue one shoulder mini dress with black strappy heels. I cursed when I saw that the seats had already been assigned but I breathed a little easier when I saw who was at my table. Matt "Evan Bourne" Korklan, John "Morrison" Hennigan, Eve Torres, Chavo Guerrero, Shad Gaspard, John Laurinaitis who was the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations, his wife, and myself. PJ was to be seated near the front and Mike was clear across the room.

I slipped in just minutes before the meal started which was not the smartest move considering nearly everyone else was already there. Therefore it just brought more unneeded attention to me. I plastered on a smile and tried not to trip in the heels, groaning inside knowing I'd have to walk right past PJ's table. He was there in plain black dress slacks and a matching blazer with a white button down shirt minus the formality of a tie. He looked as handsome and sexy as ever and I purposely avoided looking him in the eye and prayed as I passed by that he wasn't watching me. I couldn't help but glance back and sure enough his eyes looked as if they were peeled to my ass. I didn't know if that observation was courtesy of the wine, a product of my own wishful thinking or a reality but I nodded acknowledgements to everyone at my table then quickly took a seat just as the artichoke canapes and roasted basil tomato soup was being served.

"Claudia, you look very beautiful tonight," John L. spoke. "It's always a pleasure to see you again. You remember my wife."

"Yes sir," I smiled as the other John, the Ambassador of Abdominals winked at me.

"Not hungry?" he raised an eyebrow as he watched me pick at my meal with my fork.

The food looked, smelled, and tasted delicious but I didn't have much of an appetite.

"I ate a big lunch," I lied with a shrug. "Can you please pass the wine?"

He obliged and poured some into my glass which I quickly downed. It only made me want more and by the third glass I had to keep reminding myself to slow down before people took notice. I managed to get through the dinnertime small talk as applause erupted when Vince McMahon himself took the stage to make the big announcement. I sipped out of my glass and tried to focus throughout his speech but I couldn't help but feel a pair of eyes watching me. I looked over and sure enough it was Mike. His very gaze made me sick and I just glared back at him. Looking his way only made my blood boil. Every good memory and happy time we'd ever shared suddenly had been erased from my memory. In flashbacks I only saw him yelling at me, making some dumb comment to put me down, leaving me alone to go party with his friends and God knows what tramp he was screwing for the night. I thought about that final confrontation in Europe when his lies were exposed and finally the hate and jealousy on his face when he brutalized my boyfriend.

As Vince kept speaking, I completely became lost in what was being said. The sporadic episodes of clapping jolted me back to reality and I would join in but the moment it was over, I was back to daydreaming. I kept looking over at PJ, hoping he somehow wouldn't notice. I closed my eyes and remembered the first time I ever laid eyes on him. I thought about the night he taught me how to play pool, how he had comforted me after Mike, our first kiss and finally the first time we had ever made love. Then just when a smile crossed my lips, it soon dawned on me the all too real memories of being in that hospital in Nashville, his subsequent distance, the breakup that followed and finally seeing him with Karen just two weeks before.

"Claudia, are you okay?" Eve asked with concern.

"Huh?" I shot her a confused look before noticing that Vince had finished up and everyone had given him a standing ovation but me.

I jumped to my feet, smoothing my dress. When it was over and everybody left the formal sitdown area and moved to the standing room bar, I felt relief. The last thing I wanted to do was mingle or talk, I just wanted to drown my sorrows in the bottom of a bottle. I took a seat by the bar and ordered two Kamikaze shots. Soon one of the new Smackdown roadies joined me. He looked like a real greaseball but I wasn't looking for another husband or boyfriend. I was just looking for someone to party with at the bar. And party we did. As the night dragged on, I found myself slightly light headed but definitely more relaxed. My speech was a little slurred and louder than it should have been but I didn't care. For once I wasn't hurting and that was a nice feeling. I didn't care about anything, including Mr. Greaseball sliding his hand up and down my exposed thigh.

"Claudia…"

I closed my eyes. Damn him for trying to ruin my buzz. That voice. That distinct voice with the soft, sweet accent.

"PJ, hi," I turned around with a goofy grin on my face. "How's it going?"

He surveyed the scene, looking at me and my newfound friend.

"Good."

"Drink?" I offered him a shot of straight Vodka that splashed from my shaking hand and spilled onto his shoes.

"No thank you and I think you've had enough as well."

"I'm fine," I told him.

My partner licked his lips.

"That you are," he agreed.

PJ gave us both a look of disgust.

"Man, do you mind taking your hands off of her?"

The roadie smirked.

"Actually, I do mind. Who the hell are you? Her boyfriend?"

My eyes locked on PJ. Drunk or not, I needed to hear his response.

"No…" he stammered.

"Like I thought. Then get lost, punk."

PJ wasn't so easily scared away.

"I am her friend and she is obviously drunk. You shouldn't be touching her like that, not in that condition. You're taking advantage."

The guy turned to me.

"Baby, do you mind if I touch you?"

I took another drink and shrugged.

"I don't care."

"See? She's good."

"PJ, look, I'm okay. Why don't you just leave us alone?" I said to him. "We are committing no crimes here…except living."

With that, my friend and I burst out laughing but PJ was not finding the situation funny. He gently grabbed my arm.

"Come on. Let's go."

"Get off of me!" I yelled loud enough to garner a few puzzled stares.

"Everything alright?" Heath appeared, Fred hot on his heels.

"Everything is perfect, boys. I don't know about this one over here ," I motioned towards PJ "but I'm feeling pretty good."

Fred and Heath exchanged glances before Heath looked over at the roadie.

"Get out of here, man," he said, his Southern accent in an angry warning tone.

Deciding I was more trouble than it was worth, the guy finished his beer and made a hasty exit.

"Baby girl, how much have you had to drink?" Fred asked softly.

"Not a lot. Like two or five glasses of wine at dinner but that's only cause Hennigan doesn't know how to pour," I added the last part with an exaggerated drunken whisper.

"And you've been tearing it up at this bar. Come on, let me walk you upstairs. We can get some water or coffee and you can sleep it off."

"I'm not going anywhere with you, Darren!"

"It's Fred."

I never called them by their stage names.

"Same difference! Whatever. You know what I mean…"

The ruckus began to attract more attention, including Kevin Dunn who joined us.

"Evening gentlemen, Claudia. Is everything okay over here?"

"We're fine, sir," Heath tried to cover.

"Everything is A okay," I began talking out my ass. "Having a few drinks after an amazing dinner and Mr. McMahon's speech…wow! So f'in amazing! Like this company is so awesome! Seriously. I am so proud to work here! All the charities and good deeds and stuff like wishing foundations and all. And now the troops? Kind of makes you wish we went to war more often."

"Claudia, that's enough," PJ tried to help me.

For the second time that night, I pushed him away.

"Go back to your little blonde whore," I spat as I stood up too fast and subsequently toppled over.

"She's okay, she's fine," Fred immediately scooped me up. "Come on."

His firm embrace let me know that I had no choice but to follow him upstairs. We made it to my room where I slid to the floor.

"Oh God, I think I'm gonna be sick…"

Fred closed his eyes and sighed as he helped me to the toilet and held my hair while I puked my guts out.

"Alright, Mama, get it all out."

"I'm trying," I wretched.

"Damn, you smell," he made an awful face. "What did you drink?"

Just seeing all the open bottles in my room answered his question.

"Leave me alone," I mumbled, stumbling to the bed.

"Claudia, you can't do this."

"Do what?"

"This," he pointed around. "This is not you, you're better than this. Look at you, doing shots with the sleazy guy molesting you at the bar, getting drunk and causing a public scene at a company function? Claudia, come on now. Vince McMahon was in the building. Do you know how much trouble you could get into?"

"I don't care," I huffed.

"That's obvious. Look, this is your life, your career. Ma, you know I love you to death so I'm gonna keep it 100 with you. You're messing up. I know you're hurting but you have to find a way to get it together. Don't throw everything away over two dudes."

"Shut up!"

"No, I won't shut up. Somebody's got to try to help your ass."

"I don't need you, Fred! You hear me? I don't need any of you and I don't care! So what if I want to let loose and act like an idiot? Big deal! It's my life, my sad, stupid, pathetic, miserable fucking life and if I want to drink wine all day and get sloshed in front of my boss like a fool, then that one is on me!"

He shook his head.

"Why? What's wrong with you? I'm your friend. Please talk to me."

Tears suddenly spilled down my cheeks as I went from angry to sad in .5 seconds.

"If you're my friend, then why can't you see?" I cried. "Mike hurt me so bad and I guess I never dealt with that. Then PJ came along like a knight in shining armor and he stole my heart. He swept me off my feet. I trusted him, Fred. I believed in him and I loved him and even though I was scared, I gave him me, all of me. And what did he do? He left. He just left me. And I'm losing it, yeah I admit it. But it hurts so bad that I don't know what else to do. I can't fix it, I can't make it better. All I wanted was for him to want me but he doesn't, he wants her!"

"Who?"

"Karen?"

"His ex? Karen Richardson?"

"I saw them together in Philly after RAW."

"Is that what this is all about? Claudia, PJ and Karen are not back together, I can promise you that. They're just friends."

"Yeah, well they looked real friendly to me."

"Look, I don't know what you saw or what you think you saw but it must be a misunderstanding. I know for a fact that PJ is not with her."

"Then why is he not with me?" I sobbed.

"Claudia…"

"He blamed me for what Mike did. It was like he started to hate me, he couldn't look at me, he couldn't even have sex with me. I tried, I just wanted to be close to him but he rejected me in every possible way. Then he dumped me after I altered my whole life to be with him! Fred, I didn't ask to move to Tampa, I didn't ask to move into his house…those were the things he told me he wanted. Then he just changed his mind and I'm supposed to go on and be okay with it? It hurts! It hurts like hell and there is no closure, no explanation…nothing!"

I dissolved in a fit of tears and hysterical heartwrenching wails.

"PJ is still in love with you."

"Yeah? He has a hell of a way of showing it!"

"He does. Tonight when that loser was all over you, who was the first person that came to your rescue?"

"Whatever. Just because he can't stand to touch me, he wants to go after the one guy that does?"

"It's not like that. You were drunk off your ass and that asshole was just trying to score some easy pussy. Who is that fool anyway? For all we know, he could have been trying to slip a roofie in your drink or some crazy shit like that. PJ was concerned."

"Stop trying to make PJ look like the hero, like he's a good guy!"

"He is and deep down you know that."

I started to cry again and Fred held me close as I lost it.

"I love him so much! Why? Why is he doing this to me?"

"Dammitt, Claudia, don't do this to me. Look, there are things you don't know, okay? And as much as I want to, as much as I wish I could, I can't tell you but trust me, PJ didn't leave you because he wanted to or because he doesn't care and damn sure not for another woman. He loves you so much but he has his reasons. One day y'all are gonna have to talk about that when he's ready but in the meantime, you cannot live like this. Please."

I looked over in the mirror and saw my raccoon eyes and tussled hair. I was a mess.

"I'm sorry…"

"It's okay."

"I need to get my life together, Fred, I'm gonna need a lot of help…"

He smiled a real smile at me.

"Good because you're gonna get it. I'm here. And Heath is here and your girls like Liz and Sam…we're all here for you and we're not going anywhere. We won't give up on you."

I buried my face in his shoulder and thanked the Lord above for friends like him. I was teetering on the edge but the helping hands of friends, real friends, had gently guided me back to safety.


	50. Not Afraid

The day I woke up in New York City with a pounding headache, double vision, ringing ears and a churning stomach turned out to be one of the best days of my life. For me it was the day everything, my whole life changed. I woke up and as I tossed back the Ibuprofen and bottles of water, I had an epiphany. Looking at myself in the full length mirror with the messy hair and raccoon eyes and dress hiked high above my waist was the day that I realized something had to give. They say the very defintion of insanity is repeating the same actions over and over again yet expecting different results. That morning after everything I had been through, I was ready to reclaim my sanity. Loss and heartbreak had taken away so much from me.I wanted it back…all of it.

Fear had dictated and guided a lot of my decisions in life. One thing I had never thought about was how much I hated being alone. When Mike had first started traveling to wrestle and I had been left by my lonesome, the silence, the lack of companionhip had been nearly unbearable. For the first time in 30 years, I accepted the fact that it was okay to be alone. In fact, a little alone time was a good thing. I proved that by cleaning myself up and boarding my flight back to Florida. Walking into that small apartment was a hard thing to do but I did it. And once I realized that it was okay, that I didn't have to have Heath or Fred or Liz hovering over me at all times, I calmed down a little bit. Like millions of other single, professional adults, I was living alone and it wasn't going to kill me. I looked around and told myself that I wasn't going to be afraid anymore…afraid to be alone, afraid to be me, afraid to be without a man, afraid to move on. I was tired of being afraid, of feeling sorry for myself. The only way to change it was to stand up and face my pain.

I spent two days in my new place trying to get adjusted. I unpacked the boxes that had begun to pile up. I started decorating and making it look like a real home. I drove around Tampa for hours, getting more acquainted with the city that was my new home. I lit candles and played soft music and did things to relax like take bubble baths and curl up with a few of my favorite forgotten books. I meditated and did yoga and worked out. More importantly, I took a stand and made the decision to start letting a lot of things go in my life.

48 hours came and went and pretty soon it was time to go back on the road. The first thing I had to do was own up to my embarrassing and ridiculous behavior at the Tribute to the Troops announcement. The people that I worked with were way too polite to bring it up but the very memories that made me cringe at the mere thought, weighed heavily on my mind. The WWE really is like a little family and I knew everybody would be more worried about me than anything. At the next stop, the first thing I did was find Kevin Dunn.

"Can I see you, sir?" I asked meekly.

He was looking over production notes.

"Claudia," he looked up and ushered me into the small office. "Please come in. What can I do for you?"

"Kevin, I would like to apologize," I began. "About New York…as you know, I've been having some issues lately and going through a lot emotionally and unfortunately I came to a breaking point. I regret it was in such a public fashion and that it included becoming publicly and drunkenly undone. My behavior at a company function was inexcusable and I own full responsibility for it. I am embarrassed and deeply remorseful and am absolutely prepared to accept any consequences that may arise."

He looked right at me.

"Clauda, I am your boss…but I'm also your friend. You're a wonderful employee, one of the best we have behind the scenes. I depend on you and you've never let me down. We're all human and you're right, you have been through a lot lately. You have been on an emotional roller coaster and I'm sure it is difficult to have to continue all the traveling and on a daily basis have to deal with your demons. I can't fault you for breaking down. I am just concerned. I don't want to lose a valuable worker but more than that, I want you to be okay."

"It is hard, Kevin but this is my life and I have to deal with it. And I am, from now on I promise you that."

"Is there anything I can do to help you, anything at all?"

"Don't fire me?" I quipped.

Kevin smiled.

"Not a chance. All is forgiven with your little episode, let's just enter into a verbal no-episode clause as of now for the future."

"You got it. I assure you it will not happen again. I am in control of my personal matters and will never let it affect my work again."

Kevin nodded and handed me the notes.

"I take you for your word. Now if you don't mind, could you work on coordinating travel for the rest of the week?"

"I'm on it," I began flipping through them. "And Kevin?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

I meant that with all my heart. He winked and gave my hand a squeeze before sending me on my way. Grateful to still have a job and relieved that I had been able to face my boss, I quickly went about the duties I had been assigned. It was no small task to arrange weekly travel for the entire RAW brand. I took up in a small office to work on the itenerrary for the wrestler's travels to all the upcoming shows for the week. I then tentatively sent flight schedules and rental car reservations to everyone's Blackberries. When there were issues, or questions the talent knew where to find me and we would usually make changes on the spot. There was another knock at the door and I swallowed hard when I saw who it was.

"Claudia…"

Holding onto the past can be a dangerous thing. I needed to move on and that would be impossible harboring all that hate. On the inside I was still filled with rage. I didn't know how long it would take to go away but I knew I had to start somewhere. A part of me was terified to begin the process of forgiveness because I felt that if I forgave him, I would be excusing all the terrible things he had done. But despite it all, we were co-workers and he deserved all the professional assistance and attention that everyone else received.

"Mike, what can I do for you?" I cleared my throat.

"I, um, I have an appearance in Dallas following the last house show. Can you get me a flight to Texas and then one back to L.A. from Dallas/Ft. Worth?"

"Sure," I stated. "I'll check the times on the appearance and rebook the flights. I can send you a confirmation e-mail."

He nodded.

"That, that would be great. Thanks."

He looked like he wanted to say more, like something else was on the tip of his tongue but instead he just turned and left. We'd had a business related conversation that took all of 40 seconds and in that time, which felt like an eternity, I had somehow managed to remain calm and civil. I was quite proud of myself. We had to start somewhere I thought as one by one, the on air talent as well as members of the staff filed in and out of my little makeshift office. I talked to everyone, made various notes, sent a lot of e-mails and made tons of phone calls. It was a big job but it was my job and I wouldn't have had it any other way. At the end of the day, it was still what I loved. Just as I was closing up shop and headed back to the production booth, one more knock got my attention.

"PJ," I swallowed hard.

"Hi," he said softly.

"Hi. Um, what's up?" I nervously asked.

"I got your message and I was wondering if I could get an earlier flight back to Tampa, if that's not too much trouble."

I pulled my hair back into a loose ponytail.

"That should be no problem. What's your info?"

"American Airlines flight 1842 leaving at noon. I was wondering if you could have me leave the night before, right after the house show?"

"Yeah. I think there is a US Airways redeye flight that should still have some room. I'll message you after tonight's show."

"Thanks. That's great."

"You're welcome."

He shoved his hands in his pockets, nervously lingering on.

"Claudia?"

I was scared to answer, terrified to hear what might come next.

"Yeah?" I managed to croak.

"About New York…"

I shuddered.

"Yeah…look, that was…wow. I have no words. I was really drunk and uh, just really dumb. I'm sorry I behaved that way."

"Please don't apologize. I was just worried."

"Thank you but you don't have to worry and I do feel like I owe you and everyone else a huge apology. I acted like a complete fool but um… I'm fine now. I do appreciate you trying to look out for me at the party. Sorry for being an idiot."

He looked into my eyes.

"Claudia, you're not an idiot. You're far from it. And I just want you to know that I still care about you very, very much."

"You do?" I asked in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Of course I do. The last thing I want is for things to be awkward between us. In light of everything that's happened, I hope that we can be friends. I'm not just saying that either. I mean it. I hate feeling uncomfortable or walking on eggshells or us ignoring each other completely. I want us to be able to talk and laugh and hang out like we used to."

It sure beat the tense moments and avoiding each other like the plague.

"I'd like that too, PJ."

He smiled and I saw a hint of his old self behind those hazel eyes.

"Well, I have to go get ready for my match tonight. I guess I'll see you around."

"Yeah. See you."

"And thanks again for your help with the flight."

He walked away and with everything that had recently happened to me…the New York debacle, facing my fears in Tampa, facing Kevin at work, Mike and now PJ, I felt an amazing sense of calm. Letting go was the hardest part but I was ready. I was tired of my old life, it was time to stand up and make a change. It was time to be me and for the first time in forever, I wasn't scared of that.


	51. Finding Claudia

The next five weeks went by surprisingly smooth. On the homefront I was slowly but surely getting accustomed to my new surroundings in Florida. Living on the East Coast was way different from my West Coast digs as well as growing up in the Midwest. My apartment was small but elegant and I threw myself into decorating it. I also spent time with the people closest to me. Heath and Fred had quickly grown from colleagues to casual acquaintances to good friends and confidants. And of course there was my Liz. On the flip side, I had work. Week after week I went on the road for three to four days at a time traveling the country. It was a busy summer for the production department and all the exciting new developments were more than enough to keep me occupied. Over that month, a new me had emerged. I was calmer and more relaxed. I focused more on myself and my job and gave little thought to the botched romantic entanglements that had taken over my life.

PJ Lloyd and Mike Mizanin were out of mind but definitely not out of sight. I saw them every day at work. Mike and I still kept our distance when possible and the limited interactions were awkward but we managed not to kill each other and in the process co-exist in our shared working environment. My relationship with PJ also became less strained. Though we weren't hanging out as much, we were taking baby steps in order to achieve a real friendship. There eventually came a time where we could at least have lunch together in Catering within a small group of mutual friends without having it be so weird that one of us would be looking for the first excuse to bolt. I was in a much better place, mentally and emotionally. Things were looking up and I was resigned, content with life.

The middle of August saw me back in my old stomping grounds. For nearly two weeks, the WWE performed a series of shows throughout California, eventually culminating in the sports entertainment event of the season, Summerslam. So much planning had gone into the pay per view, its popularity at such a fever pitch that it even had its own Axess day just like Wrestlemania. It was a series of matches, interviews, and meet and greets where fans from all over the world could interact with their favorite Divas and Superstars. I had been assigned to work and oversee the happenings of the day.

As expected, the crowds were huge and the lines long. Gates opened up promptly at 11 a.m. and my job began. I was given my very own golf cart, something that made me snicker when I first saw it but after just an hour of running around, I was more than grateful for some motorized transportation. My entire day was overseeing four separate autograph sections that each lasted two hours. The first session consisted of Sheamus, Evan Bourne, Maryse, Vickie Guerrero, Jillian, Hornswaggle and of course The Miz. I maintained my professionalism, a damn near impossible feat when it came to dealing with my estranged husband and just one of the many women he had slept with during our marriage. I followed the old saying of, "feed them with a long handled spoon". I made sure my spoon was long enough to reach the pot but at a safe distance so I wouldn't get burned…again. Their session came and went without incident. All the talent was cordial and personable and most importantly, the WWE Universe was thrilled.

As one o'clock rolled around, so did the second session. Chris Jericho, The Bellas, Drew McIntyre, Gail Kim, MVP, Goldust, Kofi Kingston, Melina, David Otunga, Skip Sheffield, and Justin Gabriel were all up. Knowing the all too infamous history of the undoing of my marriage and outing of my relationship with PJ, some of the other people working in production took care of Chris and the twins. It was an awkward situation that at times was unavoidable. When the news of Mike's misdeeds first broke, I was met with every reaction from smirks, to tears, to eyes too ashamed to meet mine, all depending on which mistress I was encountering at the time. Liz and Sam always said they didn't know how I did it. The truth was, I didn't know either. Human nature wanted me to scratch out their eyeballs, yell and scream, somehow humilate them as much as they had me but a force, much more powerful than myself managed to keep me sane and restrained. It was a rough, lonely road being the bigger person but I did it. I kept my head high, I kept my interactions with them few and far between and the times we did have to intermingle, I kept it short and cool but my eyes never left theirs. Whether they felt satisfaction, shame, or regret for having sex with my husband, I always looked them in the eye, my bold statement that let them know I had done nothing wrong but they had. Sometimes one look, one gesture was more powerful than a thousand words or even actions.

I made sure all the Superstars were at their designated stations on time and that they had everything they needed. I coordinated with WWE photographers to make sure they were able to get all the shots and video footage needed. I made sure security was in place for crowd control. I even made several trips between the main area and the trailer that housed snacks and drinks for the wrestlers. As Session Two wound down, I arrived just in time to deliver another batch of ice cold water. I parked my golf cart near where the three Nexus members were mingling with fans.

PJ, Ryan, and David truly were nice and down to earth guys, so polar opposite of their on air heel personas. All three men were relieved to be out of character and the fan response was overwhelming. It was good to see PJ in his own element again. I had watched him of course on NXT and during or short time together in Tampa, I'd had the privilege of seeing him close up on shows at FCW. He was truly the People's champ…the fans loved him and in turn he loved them back. The awe, the humility, the joy in his face he got every time he walked out to the ring or heard a single person cheer for him was genuine and I respected that.

"Water, guys?" I offered. "It's hot out here today."

"Thanks, girl," David grinned. "You read my mind."

"You've been all over the place today," Ryan observed. "Why don't you sit down for a minute, take a load off?"

I glanced over at PJ who simply pulled over a chair next to their table. I sat down.

"How's it going?" I asked.

PJ grinned.

"Great. This is amazing."

"I'm glad you're all having a good time."

"Yeah," he nodded. "Seeing Axxess firsthand for Wrestlemania was thrilling but to actually be a part of it here…there are no words."

"The turnout has been huge today," I noted.

"Any problems?"

"No," I shook my head. "Everything has been pretty quiet, knock on wood."

"Everything is good here, too. Everyone has been very respectful and the line has been moving pretty quickly."

It was cool we could talk again. I missed that sense of comfort between us.

"It has been a great day so far, I just hope it keeps up."

"You're out here all day and night, huh?" he asked.

"Until eight tonight, then of course clean up. Tomorrow it's only four hours during the day but I'll be working out of the arena preparing for the pay per view."

Another fan approached and I smiled as I saw how sweet PJ was. He signed everything that was given to him and took extra attention to talk to each person, making sure they felt special. Slipping quietly out of the way, I grabbed a huge trash bag and began cleaning up some of the litter that had accumulated throughout the morning. As I loaded up the bag onto the back of my golf cart, I was approached by a young girl. She appeared to be between the ages of 12 and 14, and looked incredibly nervous. Seeing me in my simple denim shorts and flip flops but official WWE tee shirt and badge, she stopped me.

"Excuse me, Miss, you work here, right?"

"Yeah. What can I do for you, sweetie?"

"Um, I really want to get Kofi Kingston's autograph. I was hoping he would take a picture with me, too. He's my favorite wrestler. My friend's mom brought me but we have to leave soon and he's not at his table. Did he already leave?"

I checked my watch. Kofi should have still been at his table but I glanced around and noticed he was gone.

"I don't know what's up, honey," I frowned. "I thought Kofi would be signing for at least another 15 minutes. I'm sorry."

"Oh."

I felt bad as the girl looked so disappointed. Scanning the crowd, I caught a glimpse of security detailing someone and smiled when I noticed that it was Kofi. I pulled out my walkie talkie to radio the guard escorting Kofi and asked that they come over to where I was. A great guy and always accomodating to those who supported him, Kofi willingly turned on his heels and was walking towards me. I met him halfway.

"Hey," I said. "Didn't know you were leaving early."

"Me either but apparently they needed my table for a Cover Shoot event, besides I pretty much signed for all the fans. Everyone was so pumped up, it was exciting."

"Well, if you don't mind, you've got one more. You're her favorite wrestler and she asked for you by name. She looked so sad when she thought she had missed you and you know I'm a sucker for the pouty lips and baby seal eyes," I joked.

"You got it, Claud," he was already reaching for his trusted Sharpie.

I looked around for the girl and didn't see her at first, then saw her emerging from the restroom area. I motioned her over and when she saw Kofi standing so close, she looked absolutely starstruck. She was practically shaking.

"Go for it," I grinned as I walked over to her.

"It's Kofi," her eyes grew wide.

"I know," I laughed out loud. "He's waiting to meet you. Go get your picture and autograph, girl."

She took several deep breaths before nervously walking over to her idol. I watched from my reclaimed seat next to PJ.

"She came through our line earlier," PJ told me. "Nice kid but she was so nervous."

My smile faded as I noticed something. The young girl had dressed in a white tank, sandals and flowing black mini skirt. Seeing as she had just come back from using the bathroom, I saw that one corner of the skirt had been accidentally tucked in her underwear. She was in a crowded venue about to meet one of her favorite celebrities, such a fashion faux pas would be humiliating for anyone, especially a young adolescent girl. I stood up quickly and walked towards her. The last thing I wanted was to draw attention to her and embarrass her so I walked swiftly by her and with one deliberate motion, pulled at the skirt. In a brief second, I was able to spare the kid a major fashion code red and did so without alerting anyone else or even making her aware of what had just happened. I returned to my seat and opened a bottle of water. Ryan was taking a picture with a fan but David and PJ were just staring at me.

"Damn," David shook his head, teasing me. "You got some quick hands. If the whole production thing doesn't work out, you could always try pickpocketing."

I laughed out loud and looked over at PJ who sort of had an awe struck expression on his face.

"What?" I took a sip.

"That was pretty cool," he said quietly. "You didn't want that fan to be embarrasseed in front of Kofi and everybody."

"Been there and done that," I cringed. "I just wish someone had helped me out the day I accidentally tucked my dress in my pantyhose."

"That…that was very cool," his voice trailed off.

I felt a goosepimples cover my skin the way he was looking at me. It felt good but it felt even better to have made that girl's day. Participating in something bigger than myself was a rewarding and humbling experience. I learned that every day working in the WWE. It was in my nature to dote, to do good deeds for other people but in the latest chapter in my life, I was also learning to take care of myself and that was a great thing. Finally I was comfortable in my own skin.


	52. The Next Chapter

Just a few days after SummerSlam, my schedule was busier than ever. The RAW brand was headed over to Japan for a brief Asian tour and the momentum from the summer's hottest pay per view was still going strong. Right after the first match, backstage I had bumped into a guy wearing a hood and sunglasses. He had an all access pass so I thought nothing of it but a few hours later my heart was filled with joy when I discovered the identity of the mysterious stranger. It was Bryan Danielson, who not only had been rehired, but was the surprise star attraction, the wild card, the equalizer in the Main Event that pitted Team WWE against Team Nexus. It was a great night and I was excited to travel again overseas, praying it would go slightly better than the last time trip abroad.

There was a lot to do and I was more swamped than ever. It seemed like I was always working, on the move nonstop. The Monday after SummerSlam, I began to feel ill but brushed it off as nothing more than a cough and case of the sniffles. As the days passed, it worsened but there was no time to take a break so I began tossing back Nyquil and Sudafed like it was water. By the time we arrived in Honolulu, I felt like I was dying but the show had to go on. I trudged on and carried out my duties in Hawaii before miserably climbing on a plane to Tokyo the next night. The plane ride was hell. In addition to feeling awful, I realized I was putting the on air talent in jeopardy. The WWE has no off season which meant the performers wrestled sick, tired, depressed and injured. The last thing I wanted was to start a backstage epidemic so when we landed at Haneda Airport, I conceded that I wasn't Superwoman and went back to the hotel for some much needed rest. I was later diagnosed with acute bronchitis which meant I would be bedridden until that Monday.

Sitting in bed grew old after five minutes even though I still felt like a pile of steaming crap. My laptop and Blackberry became my new best friends. The fever went away quickly but I was still plagued with a nasty cough and sore throat. I was isolated but the work was getting done so that was all that mattered. I was constantly in touch with Production and Kevin Dunn, working on the flight arrangments back home and scheduling media appearances throughout the country, doing whatever I could to make sure the events would run as smoothly as possible. I didn't travel thousands of miles for nothing…the work had to get done, even if it was done from my hotel bed with me in my pajamas.

I was bored out of mind lying in bed trying to find something decent to watch on television when I heard a knock on my door. I crawled out of bed wearing mini gym shorts, a tee shirt and glasses, thinking it was the hotel staff. I opened it and instead found Heath Miller, Fred Rosser, and PJ Lloyd.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked.

"Just wanted to check on our girl," Heath made his way in.

"I did just Lysol the place down but enter at your own risk, not too close, guys."

"You always worry about taking care of everyone else but you never take time for yourself. See, I knew something like this would happen," Fred scolded me. "So we hooked you up. Here's your favorite, Miso Soup and this is the authentic stuff not the Habachi Express crap in the malls back home."

I smiled as I graciously took the bag from them. I did like Miso Soup and the heat would be good for my throat.

"Well, thank you very much for thinking about me and coming over to check on me. You three are sweet."

"We love you, girl," Heath told me.

"I love you guys, too. How did the show go last night?"

"Good," Fred answered. "The Nexus had a brief appearance but that's pretty much it for us for the rest of the tour besides the media event tomorrow night. David and Stu are the only two that had to be at the arena tonight."

"What are you guys up to tonight?"

Heath grinned.

"Partying. You know how we do it, Claud."

I rolled my eyes. I should have known.

"Why did I even bother asking? Okay, boys, let me give you the whole mom spill. Watch your drinking, don't stay out too late, be gentlemen and please, please use condoms."

Heath and Fred exchanged winks ready for their surely wild night to begin.

"We love you, baby girl. Feel better and we'll check back with you tomorrow," Fred told me.

"Alright, Tokyo ain't ready for us, baby, but are we ready for Tokyo?" an excited Heath called out.

"Let's make it do what it do," Fred slapped his hand. "PJ, you coming, man?"

PJ made a face. He loved to have a good time with the best of them but bar hopping all night and binge drinking was never his thing.

"What do you say I catch up with you guys, later?" he asked them.

Heath laughed out loud.

"Dude, I told you he wasn't gonna go."

PJ shoved his hands in his pockets.

"I didn't say all that, I just said I'd meet up with you two later. I'm sure you'll still be out."

"You got that right," Fred said. "Anyway, give us a shout, dude. Claudia, take care, babe. Get some rest."

I nodded as the two of them noisily made their way to the elevators.

"They're gonna get in troube," I shook my head.

"Always," PJ grinned. "I love those guys but they are too wild, even for me sometimes."

We stood there for a few awkward seconds.

"So…" I began.

"So, are you feeling any better?"

"Much even though I know I look and sound like shit."

"I was worried about you. Tokyo is a great city. We all got to see some cool sights. It must suck you stuck in this room the past few days."

"Tell me about it. I've been bored out of my mind."

"Feel like some company?" he nervously asked.

"I don't want to get you sick…"

"I know and I appreciate it. I just thought you might want to hang out for a little bit. If you don't, I understand…"

"No, it's not that. Actually, human contact is nice," I smiled. "Come in."

He did and I closed the door behind him. I dove into my soup as I plopped down on the king sized bed and he sat across from me on a chair.

"Have you seen the doctor yet?"

I nodded.

"Yeah, I'm loaded up on meds and antibiotics. I should be cleared to fly back with you guys next week."

"That's cool."

"So make me jealous and tell me about all the fun things you got to do the past few days while I was cooped up in here."

"It's been a great experience. I went on the River Cruise and to an aquarium and some cool museums. It was interesting and the food is out of this world. The first night out, a bunch of us actually got to see some Sumo wrestling."

"That sounds pretty rad," I said between mouthfuls of soup.

"Yeah but the show itself last night was indescribable. The fans were so excited, I mean, the energy was just unreal. I love being a part of all this."

"It's a great feeling, huh? No matter how far we go, even if there is a language barrier, that connection is so intact. The fans know these characters and they love them and they're just so excited, It's a pretty awesome scene."

PJ nodded, shifting in his seat.

"So, um, how is Tampa?"

"Nice," I answered honestly. "I'm getting used to it, mostly the rain and all the humidity but it's good. It's a nice city and the airport is so convenient. I for sure do not miss the traffic and hassles of getting in and out of LAX. But I like it. I have a nice apartment and I'm comfortable. I think it was a good move."

"I'm glad you feel that way. I know some of the guys helped you move and all. I'm just sorry I haven't made time to stop over and visit."

"It's okay. I know you're busy but please, come over whenever you want."

"Thanks. I'd like that."

It was nice to have him around. We were working on the whole being friends thing. His visit was surprising and totally out of the blue but I was glad to see him nonetheless.

"So everything has been good at work?" I asked.

"Yeah. Work is great. Every day is a new adventure, you know? I'm just happy to be here. It's everything I thought it would be. I'm pretty happy."

"I'm glad," I said as I finished my soup. "You um, want to watch TV? Sorry I'm not better company. My throat still hurts some."

"You're fine," he said. "TV's good."

I tossed him the remote as he flipped through various channels. We made small talk as we decided what to watch. It was nice just hanging out. I liked that the silences were becoming less and less uncomfortable. PJ was my friend first and that was the relationship that I missed the most. Leaning back into bed, I felt another horrendous coughing spell coming on. It was loud and rough coming deep from my chest and shaking my whole body.

"Sorry," I tried to apologize.

PJ stood and immediately poured a glass of cold water, handing it to me.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'll be fine but don't get too close. I really don't want you to catch this."

He ignored my warning, fluffing my pillows and taking the glass away before helping me lie down.

"Do you need anything? Your medicine?"

I looked at the clock.

"It's not time. I've got like two hours before the next batch of pills."

"Why don't you rest? I'll remind you when it's time."

"You don't have to do that. I'll be fine, really. PJ, it's Saturday night and you're in Tokyo, Japan. I want you to enjoy yourself not be stuck here with me and the bubonic plague."

"I know but I don't mind."

He smiled at me and I felt warm all over. I pulled the covers to my chin as he removed my eyeglasses and put them on the nightstand. He reclaimed his seat on the couch and watched TV. I drifted off and as promised he woke me up when it was time for my medicine. He held the glass of water as I struggled to get the horse pills down and eventually I dozed off again. Hours later, I woke up and the room was quiet and dark, except for the bright lights and noise that filtered in through the window from one of the world's busiest cities. I rolled over and was surpised to see that PJ himself had nodded off on the chair. I started to wake him but with his shoes kicked off, he looked so peaceful, I decided against it. The moonlight cast a shadow on his face and I couldn't help but stare. I forgot what it was like to watch him sleep. He was so beautiful in sleep but I forced such thoughts from my mind. Those days and nights were over, distant memories. PJ and I were trying to be friends now and based on the night we had just shared, we were well on our way to achieving that goal. I didn't want to mess that up. Besides, I had begun a new chapter in my life. Things had changed and change was good.


	53. Life Is A Highway

I was on the patio of my apartment when I heard a knock at the door. I glanced at the clock and saw that I had a couple hours before I had to be at the airport, still I scurried to the front door.

"Am I too early?"

"You can never be too early for the airport," I looked at PJ and smiled, folding my arms. "Come in."

I opened the door wider and allowed him in. It was the first time he had been to my new place since I had moved in a couple months prior. Honestly I had never thought there would be a time when he would be visiting me as a friend. So much had happened. Moving to Tampa in the first place had been surreal in itself. I had moved there on the invitation of PJ and even though our relationship was new, we were naïve enough to think that we could make it through the mess that had been caused by Mike Mizanin. Our love hadn't been so lucky and in time I had come to accept that. Moving into that apartment I had been filled with confusion, anger, and hurt; I had felt abandoned by PJ and never dreamed of a moment where we would be able to face each other again. But time was a healer of all wounds and pretty soon the emotions subsided and there came a time when we had to put everything on the backburner and face each other for work's sake. Our encounters gradually became less awkward until eventually after a few months, we were able to go back to our roots and become friends again. It had started at Summerslam and extended to Tokyo. Now we were gradually talking more and more. The relationship had become more comfortable and it didn't seem like a big deal when we made plans to ride to the airport together for yet another routine road trip.

"Nice place," he looked around.

I shrugged.

"You think? I like it. It's kind of small but it's just me so it's okay. I had to put a lot of stuff in storage but I'm still working on making it look more like a home."

The place was filled with pictures, paintings, plants and other knick knacks to sort of warm it up and make it more personal.

"Sorry for the mess," I apologized. "I was just hanging up some stuff before we left."

"Need some help?" he offered.

"I'm good. I'll just tackle this when I get back Tuesday even though we only have two days off before Puerto Rico. I did get that big oil painting hung up this morning at least. I've been debating forever exactly where to put it."

It was of a white tiger running inside a black backgound. The detail was exquisite and matched my simple but elegant living room décor. Something had drawn me to the painting and I had to have it the first time I saw it. I thought it was beautiful and reminded me of a happy time when I had felt more free than ever.

"It's a good spot, Claudia, but it looks a little crooked," PJ tilted his head.

"Really?" I walked up to it and stood on the tips of my toes trying to straighten it with both hands.

He walked up behind me, slightly brushing against me as tanned and muscular arms reached around and centered the painting perfectly.

"Much better", he said.

"You're right. Thanks," I said as he backed away. "Um, would you like the grand tour?"

"Sure."

I showed him the kitchen and the small utility area that attached to it. The living room was pretty spacious and led to a covered patio. Next there was the single bedroom and bathroom. I loved the separate garden Jacuzzi tub and walk in shower and the fact that the toilet was closed off in an adjoining attachment.

"Well, this is pretty much it," I told him as we ended up back in the bedroom.

"It's nice."

"Anyway, I'm almost ready. I've got a tiny little problem and I got so frustrated that I took a break to eat an apple and some yogurt. That's when you knocked."

A knowing look crossed PJ's face.

"Let me guess what the problem is," he motioned towards the floor.

I made a face.

"How did you know?"

"Because every time we've always had to leave for the airport, we always got held up because you can never get your suitcase closed."

I shrugged innocently.

"Okay, so it may have happened a time or two…"

"Or three or four or always," he teased me.

"You know the drill," I laughed.

I sat atop the suitcase while he used his muscle to get it zipped up. It had always been our little travel ritual. I pushed down using all my weight as he used all his strength to tug at the zipper. With a groan, it finally closed, causing me to topple onto the floor. I landed with a thud and PJ and I took one look at each and burst out laughing. It was the story of our relationship, one or both of us was always falling dating back to the earthquake in Mexico and the hammock incident the first time we had made love. It was a comfortable and relaxed, happy laugh, one that we had missed. I still loved PJ…those kinds of feeling you didn't just turn on and off but I had accepted the fact that we were not meant to be. Maybe we were better off as friends.

"You okay?" he looked down.

"As long as the bag is closed, that's all I care about."

He extended a hand to help me up and I gladly accepted it, shivers briefly rushing my body for the few seconds our fingers interlocked.

"So what's the plan?" he asked, clearing his throat as he followed me into the kitchen.

"Well, we fly into Jersey today which gives us just enough time to get to the arena for tonight's show," I explained. "Then as much as it's gonna suck, basically everybody is driving to Massachusetts for tomorrow night's house show and of course RAW is in Boston. It's gonna be exhausting but it's better to just head straight to the next city."

"What's the distance?"

"You don't want to know…"

"Try me."

"296 miles total, about five hours."

"That's gonna suck."

"Tell me about it. The basic plan is for everyone to meet up at the rental car office. I rented several cars and we'll all ride in fours basically, with the drivers being staff and whatever wrestlers who didn't perform tonight. We'll work it out and hopefully everyone will get to sleep in tomorrow."

"Sounds like a plan," he shrugged as he began gathering our things. "You ready to head out?"

I nodded, grabbing the rest of the belongings as we loaded our things into his car. We made the short drive to the airport and met up with basically the rest of the WWE roster who resided in Tampa. Our flight was full but non stop and we landed on time and without incident. It was a little rushed and hectic heading straight to the arena but everyone being consummate professionals, we pulled it together and gave the excited sold out crowd the show of a lifetime. Afterwards, eager to get on the road and to the next destination, everybody finished up at the arena and met at the designated location. The drivers had pretty much been chosen and three tired passengers lined up next to each car in order to speed up the process. I had the last car and my usual three riding buddies, PJ, Heath and Fred climbed in. We grabbed a quick bite to eat and I turned on the GPS hoping to get to Springfield by dawn. Fred called shotgun and was fast asleep before we even made it onto the Interstate. Heath followed suit in the backseat directly behind me. I found a decent satellite radio station and put it at a low volume as we sped down the highway. The ride was quiet and serene and I was in a peaceful mood. Preferring fresh air to the car's central AC, I cracked the two front windows. It took a few minutes before I realized that PJ was still awake.

"Is it too much air?" I asked in a hushed tone.

He shook his head.

"Feels good."

"You should really try to get some sleep," I advised. "We've been up all day, you wrestled tonight and tomorrow will be just as long. Did you even get a nap on the flight?"

"Nah but it's okay," he said thoughtfully as he looked out the back window, the world passing us by at 70 miles per hour. "This is nice. I'm just taking it all in. Times like this after a show, trying to get to the next show…these are the times I just relax and reflect. It's pretty cool, know what I mean?"

I stole another glance at him, through the rear view mirror, watching his dark hair blow in the breeze. Despite everything that had happened between us and everything I had gone through, it was nice to have a sense of real peace. I smiled as I settled back into the driver's seat. Yes, I knew exactly what he meant.


	54. Leap Of Faith

The WWE traveled all over the world but one of my favorite destinations was Puerto Rico. It was such a beautiful place and we always had so much fun there. I had first been before I had even been hired by the company as a guest of Mike's. It was then that I fell in love with the culture, with the people, with the food and the picturesque location. We were headed there once again the first week in September. Thursday night saw the RAW brand performing in Arecibo, Friday evening was Ponce and we ended the tour Saturday in San Juan. Since the live Monday night broadcast would be all the way in Washington DC, some of the talent elected to stay behind for a much needed day of r&r Sunday before flying back.

The entire Nexus plus former partner Bryan Danielson remained on the island and we all made plans to hang out that Sunday before a super early flight on Monday morning. We had been undecided on exactly how we wanted to spend our time so when Bryan suggested Toro Negro State Forest, no one had any objections even though it meant relinquishing luxury hotel suites for tents at a camp site. The cool thing was that Liz had traveled with us for the trip and she had John had made plans to hang out with the nine of us. Not knowing what to expect, we had all met up for a casual and relaxed breakfast that morning before a rented van came and took us to the park. PJ smiled as he took a seat next to me for the ride and we made casual conversation the entire way there.

"So RAW tommorow night in DC, after that we fly home for three days, then France?" PJ asked me.

I shook my head.

"No. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, events throughout Canada with the RAW broadcast on the 13th in Cincinatti, four unprecdented days off, then St. Louis, the Night of Champions pay per view in Chicago, RAW in Indianapolis and we fly out the next day, that Tuesday to Saint Etienne.

He grinned at me.

"And you remember all that how?"

"I don't know," I laughed. "I guess I've always sort of had a photographic memory, blessing or curse. Anyway, my brain is a human Blackberry. I spend so much of the job coordinating travel plans that it just kind of sticks."

"All the traveling has been so awesome, going to different countries. I can't wait until we go to South Africa and perform. Wrestling is really coming up over there but the country is still behind as far as characters and stuff. The WWE is a big deal. Every time I think about going over there as a RAW Superstar…man, there are no words. I get chills just imagining it. Them calling my name and me, the Cape Town boy who had nothing but a dream, running down that ramp with my family watching…I can't think of anything sweeter."

When he spoke about it, the hope, the happiness, and the anticipation could be seen in his expression. His eyes lit up and his smile could not be contained. I loved watching him describe that moment because I knew how important it was to him, that he had worked for it his entire life.

"Well, no dates are set in stone but it will happen. I'm pretty sure the company will get to perform in South Africa within the next year. That's gonna be a great moment for you. I know you can't wait…I can't either. I'm excited for you."

I smiled a genuine smile at him and our eyes met, lingering. There was a sweet silence between us, one that was only broken by a pair of beady, nosy little eyes spying on us between the seats.

"What are you two up to?"

PJ and I took one look at each other and rolled our eyes, laughing.

"Nothing, Liz," I turned around.

She was not satisfied with my response.

"What are you two gabbing about?"

"Work," PJ replied.

Liz scoffed.

"So you're not making out…or talking about making out?"

"No," we answered in unison.

"Wow, you two are totally, hopelessly no fun."

I just shook my head. I loved my girl and was glad she had come along. That was just her way and I knew she would hound, harass and embarrass us until we finally got where we were going so when we arrived just a few minutes later, I was consumed with relief. Looking out the window, my breath caught in my throat. Bryan had told us that it was a beautiful place but I was not prepared for the sight in front of me. We were surrounded by seven thousand acres of mountains that happened to include the Cerro de Punta, the highest peak in Puerto Rico.

"Wow," I said as we all piled out of the van. "This looks amazing."

"This looks treacherous," Liz complained, pointing down to her feet.

I giggled.

"Dude, tell me you are not wearing wedges."

"What? They match my outfit."

John rolled his eyes.

"I can already tell this is going to be a bundle of fun. Babe, go through your bag and find some tennis shoes," he instructed with a smirk as Liz huffed.

The majority of our luggage was back at the hotel and would be shipped the next day to the aiport but in the meantime we were roughing it with backpacks. Leading the way, a gung ho Bryan grabbed a map and began his role as tour guide. The hiking trails were fun and it was just great to be at one with Mother Nature at her finest. We walked for hours towards our camping site. Everyone talked among themselves with Fred and Liz commiserating and complaining the whole way much to the amusement of everyone else. I couldn't take my eyes off the creeks and the exotic birds that flew about. It was definitely an experience and I felt really privileged to share it with such great friends.

"Behold," Bryan said proudly as we finally came to a stopping point.

What a magnficent sight! The mountains were all around us and we stood face to face with a waterfall.

"How cool is this?" Heath asked, taking the words right out of my mouth.

"Doesn't get any better than this," Bryan reiterated.

"It is nice," even Liz had to admit, sinking back into John's massive frame as his large arms engulfed her.

"Guys, we have to take pictures," I told them. "This is a definite Kodak moment."

I pulled out my digital camera and began arranging everyone around for an impromptu photo session. We took tons of group photos, individual ones and various pictures together. We were having a ball and it was a day I didn't want to forget.

"Where to now?" Stu asked after we had been hanging out in the same spot for over an hour.

"We can unload at the campsite," Bryan explained.

"Where is that?" Ryan inquired.

Bryan made a face.

"Down there," he pointed.

All our gazes cast downward, way downward in the direction of his finger. David rubbed his chin.

"Alright, man, how are we supposed to get down there?" he asked.

"Simple," Bryan explained. "We jump."

"Oh hell no," Tyrone's three words summed up the majority of everyone's feelings.

Fred shook his head.

"I knew I should have kept my ass at the hotel. I could be getting a massage right now from a really hot Puerto Rican chick getting ready to go to the club…"

"Let's do it," I whispered.

"Claud, are you crazy?" Liz asked.

I exhaled.

"No. Come on, guys. We're in Puerto Rico, one of the most beautiful places on the island. Look at this…it's a great time. We're all here together and this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Sometimes you just have to take life by the horns, you have to live in the moment. This is one of those times. So set aside your fears or whatever else is holding you back and just go with it. A good friend told me once to step outside my comfort zone and be more adventerous. I took that advice and it's some of the best I've ever gotten. So let's just go for it."

I said it and I meant it. PJ looked over at me and just grinned as he was the one who had told me that.

"Let's do it," John agreed.

One by one we begin throwing our packs the distance down to dry land. Then it was time. Bryan was the guinea pig who went first. Once we saw him safely land in the water and bob to the surface, we all became more at ease. Stu, then Heath, Ryan, David. The reluctant duo of Tyrone and Fred went one after the other, leaving four of us behind.

"You know, Claud," Liz looked right at me. "Every once in a while in life you have a moment where everything just starts to make sense. And it just hits you all at once and you look around with a sense of calm and happiness and you say to yourself, 'this is nice, I'm supposed to be here, life is amazing'"

I smiled as I grabbed her hand.

"Aw, sweetie, that's so nice. Is that what you're feeling right now?"

"Hell no," she frowned. "I'm so with Fred. I could be at the spa right now instead of on National Lampoon's Nature Trail jumping into waterfalls with you nut jobs. Dude, you are so fired as my best friend right now."

I laughed so hard I nearly cried as John pulled her forward and together they took a leap of love, Liz screaming and cursing the whole way down.

"She is gonna kill me when we get home," I told PJ.

"She'll be okay. Liz will never admit it but I actually think she liked it," he grinned.

I took a deep breath.

"You ready?"

He extended his hand.

"You jump, I jump," he made a joke.

I closed my eyes as I felt his fingers touch mine. For me it was a leap of faith, one I took willingly. It represented the new me and it was liberating as I jumped tandem with PJ. How fitting since he was such a major factor that had gotten me to that point in my life in good times and bad. We soared through the air and those few seconds were glorious seeming to take place in slow motion. We hit the water and quickly kicked to the surface, our friends waiting for us as the falls hummed in the background.

"I did it," I smiled with no fear.

PJ looked right at me.

"You sure did," he said softly.

Afterwards we all made our way to the camping site. The guys had the tents up in no time. We made a fire and sat around laughing and talking. Darkness fell quickly and soon we were all relaxing underneath the stars.

"Want to see the pics we took?" I asked PJ.

"Sure."

I handed him the camera and he looked through the images, stopping on the last one. It was a closeup of the two of us. We were smiling and happy, arms around each other with that gorgeous waterfall in the background.

"Today was great," I sighed.

"It was," PJ agreed. "You know, I'm really proud of you."

"Why?"

"You've just come a long way. When I met you, you were shy and reserved and scared. Now you've really come into your own. You're still the same incredible woman but you're just really comfortable in your own skin now and it shows. You've been through a lot," his voice trailed off. "A lot and it's only made you stronger. That's pretty cool."

It felt good to hear someone else, espcially him say that. I had been through a lot and after everything that happened, not only had I survived, I had come out of it smelling like a rose. Other people were proud of me, now I could be proud of myself.

"Thank you," I said quietly. "I, um, I'm really tired so I'm gonna turn in but I'll see you in the morning."

He nodded, his eyes following me until I disappeared into my tent.

"Good night," I heard him whisper as I nestled in under the covers.

Yes, it was a good night and he it had been a good day. A great day. Life was pretty sweet.


	55. A Night Of Surprises

The RAW house show concluded in St. Louis on a Saturday night, just 24 hours before the big Night of Champions pay per view in Chicago. It was a rather calm and slow night in the production department and the show ended on time around 9:30 in the evening. My plan was to help the crew clean up and take apart the ring but an unexpected visit thwarted that idea. Randy Orton met me back in the production booth and informed me he was ready to leave the arena. I had made plans to stay with him, Sam, and little Alanna that night, then make the near five hour drive early the next morning to Illinois with them. Randy was my ride and was rather impatiently insistent that we leave right away. I was surprised to find out that Sam had already left in a separate car, leaving just Randy and I to travel the few miles out to the suburbs where the Orton family resided. Shrugging my shoulders, I gathered my belongings and followed him out to his car where we quickly loaded up and got on the road.

"So are you excited about France?" I began.

"Yeah. I mean, it'll be cool and all, I'm just bummed that I won't be able to see Sam and Al for like eight days after tomorrow night."

His girls had been traveling with him for months and Randy was always happiest and most relaxed around his family.

"That sucks. I know you'll miss them a lot but look at the one bright side," I reminded him.

He caught on and grinned.

"Hey, it's about time, right?"

Randy was scheduled to win the WWE title at the pay per view. He had been on a hot streak for months, the momentum unexpectedly propelling him from heel to baby face status.

"You deserve it, dude."

"Thanks, Claud."

"You've come a long way, Randy."

"You can say that again," he agreed with a sigh.

I had first met Randy five years before, prior to Samantha Speno coming into his life. I had just married Mike and he was just getting into the WWE. It was a very different Randy Orton back then. He was high strung, moody and brooding with a quick temper. He often bullied new talent both male and female backstage, drank in public, openly bummed cigarettes from fans, notoriously slept with groupies, and had even got busted for smoking weed in an arena before a show. He had been nice to me from day one and I immediately saw in him a kind, loyal, but intense man sort of lost and trying to find his way. He was young and immature and had his own personal demons but deep down inside, there was a good person in there just waiting to break out. Meeting Sam had done just the trick. They were soul mates. She was pretty, smart, funny, nice and even tempered. She was the cool breeze that tamed the dragon, balanced him out and eventually helped him become the man he was destined to be. The birth of their baby girl only solidified their union.

"I'm proud of you, Ran. I mean that. And not just for everything you've accomplished in the ring. I for sure don't want to take away from it because it's incredible but just the person you are and the choices you made. You're a great guy and you deserve all the good things coming to you."

"I appreciate it."

"You're welcome."

"What about you?"

"What about me?" I asked.

He shrugged.

"I don't know. Are you happy? You've been through a lot this year. You seem to be okay, I just worry about you."

"I'm okay. I'm happy. I'm 30 year old divorcee picking up the pieces of her life happy," I cracked a joke. "But um, things have gotten better and I've learned to take life one day at a time. Things happen both good and bad. It doesn't always matter why they happen, just that they do happen. You process it, deal with it and move on. It's been a rough year but honestly I have no regrets because it made be a better, stronger person. I'm still coping, still learning but it's okay."

"You're a good person, too," he glanced over at me. "All the shit that went down…just think of it as a test."

I smiled as I leaned back into the seat, letting the cool night air blow into my face. The ride was quiet and serene, the peace only disturbed when I heard Randy rattling around in the pocket of the driver's side door. I already knew what was coming.

"Randy," I whined.

"You won't even know I'm doing it."

I sighed. Fat chance. When Alanna was born, he had promised Sam that he would quit smoking cigarettes. He had held up that end of the bargain but the addiction of nicotine had placed a firm hold on him and he had resorted to getting his fix through chewing tobacco. To me it was an even more disgusting habit and I cringed as he placed his spitting cup just inches from my knee. I closed my eyes, frowning all the way to his house. We arrived and it was dark and quiet.

"Is Sam already in bed?" I asked quietly.

"I don't know," he said, nervously looking around.

I raised an eyebrow.

"Is everything okay? You're acting really weird."

"Yeah, everything is fine. Let's just go through the back door," he guided me, not waiting for a response.

It was so dark I could barely see and nearly tripped a few times. Randy fiddled with the latch on the sliding glass door and let me walk in first. He flipped on the light switch.

"_Surprise_!"

I nearly jumped out of my skin. Standing in front of me was Sam, Liz and John Cena, Ron Killings, John Hennigan, Melina Perez, Teddy and Kristen DiBiase, Stu, Ryan, David, Tyrone, Bryan, PJ, Heath, and Fred along with a handful of WWE staff and crew members.

"Oh my God…" I mouthed.

"Happy Birthday!" Liz ran up and hugged me.

September 18th was my 30th birthday. I had kept the event quiet, choosing not to celebrate or make a big deal about it. Apparently my friends had other plans.

"Right on time," Sam giggled, hugging me before turning to her husband. "Good job, honey. You got her here without spoiling the big surprise."

"It wasn't easy," Randy quipped. "She already had her sleeves up to take the ring down. I practically had to drag her away."

"So that's why you were in such a hurry," I playfully smacked his arm.

"We wanted to do something nice for you," he said.

"There's plenty of food and of course cake," Sam announced to everyone. "Dig in, guys. Help yourselves."

I was floored, heart thumping and tears stinging my eyes. One by one the co-workers who were friends and like a second family to me, came up and gave me hugs. It was the surprise of a lifetime and I was thrilled. All I could do was smile and hug them back even though my emotions could not be contained. I mingled with everyone, enjoying the company and the surprise itself. Sam had had a wonderful lobster dinner catered for the occasion and had added her very own homemade apple crisp for dessert.

Everyone ate, laughing and talking as we listened to music. I moved around, spending as much time as possible with each different guest who had taken time out of their busy schedule and rearranged their travel plans the night before a pay per view to celebrate my special day. Afterwards, we even enjoyed the music, many of us taking to the floor and cutting loose to dance. It was a great night but a big day ahead so unfortunately we had to cut it short but I was just happy and grateful that it had happened in the first place. Right before we all decided to call it a night, Sam brought out a large sheet cake starwberry in flavor and covered with cream cheese icing as 30 candles burned bright.

"You trying to burn the house down?" I laughed as Liz held my hair while I blew a huge breath to put them out.

"Did you make a wish, hon?" Kristen asked.

I looked around, surrounded by a room full of people that I absoulutely adored.

"I didn't have to," I said truthfully. "I pretty much have everything I need."

And that was an impotant life lesson I had learned…it wasn't always about having everything you wanted, sometimes it was best to be grateful for having everything you needed.

"Alright, baby girl," Fred stood. "Let me have everyone's attention, please as I have been the chosen one to give Miss Claudia her present from all of us."

"Present?" I put my hands on my hips. "Come on, guys. You've done more than enough."

"It's a little poem we all put together just to show you some love and what we think about you so without further ado, we're gonna call this untitled piece of work, Ode to Claudia on her 30th birthday, and by the way 30 is the new 20," Fred cleared his throat as we all laughed out loud. "For Claudia…_Working for the WWE is a product of our hard work and dreams, But it ain't a cake walk, not as easy as it seems. There's a lot more to it, the things you don't see on TV, And without one special lady, none of it would be. She's funny and smart, she's sweet and she's hot, She does everything for us and we love her a lot. She keeps the backstage running, making it happen, always on top her game, But never too busy for a hug or a talk and just like Cheers, she knows everybody's name. The go to lady for a flight, hotel or car, She always has the back of every Superstar. She bandages our cuts and bruises when we fall, She cleans up after us and gives us pep talks and all. Whether your boot needs a lace, Or after a bad match, you need a smile on your face. She'll always be there, Cause she really dose care and for that each one of is grateful that we have Claudia who is never hateful. We love you, baby girl, and if you ever leave, we'll jump out in front of traffic._"

"Spoken like a true poet," Stu quipped.

"Don't quit your day job, man," Randy teased him.

"Yeah, I had absolutely nothing to do with that one," Bryan winced.

"Now you know me and Cena could have hooked up those lyrics," Ron scolded him.

I had laughed so hard, tears were running down my cheeks.

"Leave him alone, guys, I thought it was cute and he gets an A for effort and making everthing rhyme," I wiped my eyes.

"Speech from the birthday girl," Teddy hollered out.

I took a deep breath.

"This…this is, wow, guys. I'm at a loss for words. I was so not expecting this tonight but just the fact that you went to all this trouble to make it happen makes it that much more special. I had a blast and how wonderful to share this milestone birthday with the people that matter the most. So I want to thank Randy and Sam and everyone else in this room for your kindness and your love and your support and your friendship. You're my friends and you're my family and I love each one of you. You're the reason I come to work every day and without you guys, I think I would have stepped out in traffic a long time ago," I smiled through tears. "So again, thank you all so much for tonight and for everyday. It means a lot."

Everyone clapped and then I was met with more hugs. Unfortunately it was getting super late and everybody needed to turn in to prepare for the following day's drive. We all said our good byes and in the end, it was just Sam and me. I grabbed a trash bag and helped her clean up.

"Did you have a good time tonight?" Sam asked.

"The time of my life," I looked right at her.

"I was so nervous you'd catch on to the surprise, especially when everyone had to change their travel plans."

"I was totally it was a little weird that you left the arena so early but I honestly had no idea. Thanks again. You were so sweet to plan that for me and let us use the house. I appreciate it."

"You're welcome, sweetie. I'm just glad you had a great birthday."

As we were gathering up everything, I noticed a small pink gift bag sitting on one of the tables. I looked in it and saw a Tiffany's box. Inside was a necklace with an angel pendant.

"Oh my God," I pulled it out to get a better look. "This is gorgeous."

"Who's it from?" Sam inquired. "Is there a card?"

"It's not from you?"

She shook her head.

"No. Maybe it's from Liz. She loves to shop at Tiffany's."

"True but you know how she is. She definitely wouldn't have just left it lying here."

"Then it had to come from one of the guys. You don't think PJ..."

"I don't know. We hung out for a little bit tonight but he didn't say anything about this."

"What about Heath?"

"I doubt it."

"Well, it had to come from someone. Maybe a few of the guys went in on it together. I know you are super tight with those guys and they're like brothers but you never know if that could turn into a secret crush."

"Nah," I said holding the jewelry. "You really think, Sam?"

She shrugged.

"Stranger things have happened."

Truer words had never been spoken, I thought as I looked down at my mystery birthday gift. It was nice but I was sure whoever left it had just forgotten the card. Maybe it was from Liz and I would figure all that out the next day. For the rest of the night, I just wanted to reflect and relax. So much had happened in a year but I was resigned. After all, it was time to start a new year with new beginnings and memories. It was out with the old and in with the new.


	56. For Whom The Bell Tolls

I was having the time of my life. From the moment I boarded the interational flight headed over to France, I had been giddy with excitement. The entire RAW roster and crew were on hand for the three back to back shows. In addition to live events, there would be one day dedicated to nonstop media and promotion events with the other set aside for rest, relaxation and tourism. I sat next to Fred on the plane and he was just as excited as I was if not more. He was a chatterbox, gabbing a mile a minute talking my ear off. I was on my laptop trying to coordinate scheduling for the trip so I politely nodded and gave the occassional "uh huh" as to not be rude. I looked over across the aisle and my eyes met PJ's. He could see Fred going on and on so we just sort of smiled and shrugged at each other. When we arrived, there were vans provided to take us to the hotel so I quickly rounded the troops, making sure everyone had their hotel room information squared away. The ride thankfully wasn't too long and before I knew it, I was comfortably nestled in a soft, warm cozy bed.

Sleep came quickly but did not last long. The show schedules were grueling and it felt like I was living at the venues. Once again, it was the energy of the fans abroard coupled with all of us being thrilled to be on yet another awesome overseas tour that got us through. The Divas and Superstars performed three nights in a row to sold out French audiences. In addition to my work backstage, I feverishly sacrificed rest in order to make sure everything was perfect and prepared for the big media day. There would be lots of interviews, television appearances, and photo opportunities. My morning was booked but I made sure to clear my aftermoon. I wanted to start the sightseeing early. I had never been to France before and was eager to get started.

France was such a romantic country. I had always dreamed of skiing and biking in the French Alps. I had begged Mike to take me several times but it just never worked out. His first year with the company he was not invited on that tour, the second year he claimed it was "no wives allowed", the third year I was sidelined with a broken ankle and the other years, I had been tasked with other WWE production duties. It would have been nice to tour the country and hang out with my man but none of that was no longer an option. I no longer had a husband or a boyfriend and none of the other WWE wives who were my friends were on the trip. Six months ago, that would have been enough to foil my plans and force me to concentrate on the work aspect only. But somewhere through all the turmoil I had experienced, a new me had emerged. I was independent and content. I packed a backpack and put a map and camera inside among other things. Then I began my solo journey.

The first afternoon, I rented a car and drove to Bordeaux. It was most famous for its wine and vineyards. I spent the day sampling some of the best wine I had ever tasted, wishing Samantha Orton, who was a wine connoisseur in her own right, was there. Instead I snapped a few photos and sent them to her. Then I fulfilled a lifelong dream of taking a red wine bath at the Caudalie Vinotherapie Spa and attended several classes on wine. I ended up getting back to our hotel pretty late. I was exhausted but it was worth it as I'd had a fabulous time. As soon as I let myself in my room, I received a text message from Fred.

_Where u been? Missed u at media today._

I smiled. It was nice to be missed.

_Drove to Bordeaux. All about the wine, baby. Drank it and even bathed in it. Good times!_

I had thought about waiting to go on the trip and take some of the boys with me but I knew they would have grown bored.

_Sexxi. What's the plan for 2morrow?_

I glanced over at my notebook.

_Don't know yet. Def the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, and the Palace at Versailles. Hope I can cram all that in one day. Gonna get an early start._

Kicking off my shoes, I climbed in bed, smiling as I stared at my pictures.

_Feel like some company?_

I smirked and rolled my eyes.

_U know good and well, you and Heath r gonna be so bored._

I knew the response would be immediate and it was.

_No, we won't. We're cultured. Come on, Baby Girl._

I sighed happily as I texted him back.

_Meet me at my room at 6 and yes that's a.m., lol. 1__st__ time you 2 complain, I'm ditching you. _

I enjoyed a wonderful night of restful sleep and rose early to shower and dress for my big day. I put on long and flowing floral print strapless sundress, hot rolling my hair and carefully applying makeup. I smiled as I added my new angel pendant as a neck accessory. I'd worn it frequently since my birthday but no one had copped to being the purchaser. I also made sure to wear comfortable flip flops and slung a brown satchel over one of my bare shoulders. As soon as I opened the door, I saw Heath and Fred as promised. They were yawning but dressed and seemingly eager to accompany me for the day. We ate a delicious fruit crepe breakfast and then began hitting up the historical hot spots. The Louvre was first. There were more than 35,000 pieces of art to see and my friends' predicted boredom was evidenced by the fact that they started acting silly and play fought through most of the tour. The Mona Lisa however did get their attention but I still felt like a mom scolding her two little boys for acting up and showing out in public.

The Palace was next. I explained to the guys that Versailles had been the political capital of France for well over 100 years. The palace was every bit as lavish as I had read about. We toured the gardens and this venture seemed to hold Heath and PJ's interest, partucularly the detail of the architecture like the carvings, woodwork and marble. It was late afternoon by the time we finished up so we had an awesome late lunch in order to make it to our final destination. The Eiffel Tower was perhaps one of the most well known attractions in Paris. The views were fantastic and the three of us had a blast. It was dark when we were done so we all sat on the grass at the Champs de mars. There was a spectacular light display and it was nice to just relax.

"Today was pretty cool," Fred admitted.

"Did you guys really have a good time?" I asked.

Heath nodded.

"Yeah. I mean, I'm in France. Today I saw the Mona Lisa in person and tonight I stood at the top of the Eiffel Tower. That's a pretty big deal for a kid from Pineville, West Virginia. This experience, the opportunity…it's been amazing."

"You got that right," Fred agreed. "Thanks for letting us tag along, Baby Girl."

"Thanks for coming, boys. I had a good time. I admit, I am pretty impressed and surprised that you two hung on all day. Honestly I thought you might get restless and bail on me."

"Okay, some of it was a snooze but we wanted to prove to you that we're about more than just drinking, partying, and hooking up," Heath grinned.

"I'll make refined gentlemen out of you two yet," I joked.

"So after a day of culture and history, now it's time to do what we do best," Fred winked. "Drink, party, and hook up."

He and Heath slapped hands.

"You coming, Claud?" Heath asked.

"No thanks. I love you two to death but watching you fist pump and pick up chicks at the club is not how I want to spend the rest of my night."

"Oh come on," Fred whined. "We want you to go out, have fun."

"I appreciate it but I've already had a lot of fun on this trip. Besides, there's one more thing I want to do tonight before I go back to the hotel."

"Does it involve culture, history, education, blah, blah, blah?" Heath raised an eyebrow.

"All of the above," I giggled.

"In that case, we're out, Mama," Fred bent down and gave me a hug. "We want to go out tonight so we need to head back to the hotel and get ready. Is that cool?"

"Absolutely," I gave each guy a hug and kiss on the cheek. "Have fun, be safe, come back in one piece and try not to get anyone pregnant."

"Where are you going, by the way?" Heath inquired.

I tossed my head back, lost in the moment.

"This is supposedly one of the most romantic places in the world so I am going to go to the site where the saddest and most tragic story of betrayal and urequitred love ever took place. Go figure, right? For whom the bell tolls"

"Verona?" Fred frowned. "Wait, aren't we in the wrong country for Romeo and Juliet?"

"You dummy," Heath shook his head. "She's not being literal. It's a chick thing. Romeo and Juliet…and geez there weren't any bells in Romeo and Juliet…idiot."

I laughed as I watched two of my favorite guys disappear into the crowded night. I stayed in the same spot for nearly another hour, just impressed and paralyzed by the pristine beauty of it all. Pulling out my trusty map, I glanced down at it. Contrary to Heath's hyporthesis, I was being literal. There was one more place to go, the place one of my favorite stories ever had been based on.

The Cathedral was a true marvel. The architecture was so authentic, I felt like I had been suddenly transported back to Medieval times. The gothic interior was striking along with the towers and sweeping arches. The stone carvings were mesmerizing. The building was started all the way back in 1163 and completed in 1330. There was a 7800- pipe organ, rose window, and lots of statues. I couldn't wait to climb the tower because I knew at the top, the stone gargoyles would be waiting along with a magnificent view of Paris. But when I reached the top of the tower, there was something else waiting for me far more unexpected. I stopped a few steps short of the top, my heart pounding, catching in my throat as I found myself staring into a pair of beautiful and familiar hazel eyes specked with shades of green.

"PJ," I said, struck by the irony of such a surreal moment. "Is that you? What…what are you doing here?"

He shoved his hands in his pockets.

"I wanted to see you," his accent was thick but soft. "I had to see you."

"Wait…how did you know I would be here?"

He shrugged and gave an embarrassed smile.

"I called up Heath and Fred, asked where you were. They said they had just left you and that you were off to some place where a sad love story happened and a bell tolled."

"You figured it out from that?"

"That and the fact that The Hunchback of Notre Dame is one of your favorite books. You left a copy at my house and I ended up reading it. As soon as they said it, I immediately thought about Quasimodo and Esmerelda."

"Wow," I made a face, obviously taken off guard. "I am very much impressed."

PJ took one step closer to me and looked right in my eyes, cupping my face with his hands.

"And I'm very much in love."

My eyes grew as large as saucers. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"What?"

He closed his eyes.

"Claudia, I made a mistake, a huge mistake letting you go. I had a lot going on and I didn't know how to deal with it. There was so much I couldn't share with you that I wanted to but I wasn't ready to. I know I should have but instead of getting closer to you, I pulled away. I thought breaking up would be the answer but now I realize that was the dumbest move of my life. Not having you in my life every day made my heart literally ache. When we started becoming friends again, it was like a dream come true. It made me wake up and realize just how much I missed you…and why I fell in love with you in the first place. I never ever stopped wanting to be with you and I'm tired of pretending that I'm not crazy about you."

And there it was, all in the open, just like that. The tower suddenly had no air. My vision blurred and my throat felt like it was constricting.

"PJ…" 

"I know that I hurt you. I know that I made promises that I didn't keep. I asked you to move to Tampa with me in the first place then I freaked out and broke up with you. It was stupid and I get that now. I wish I could change it, take it back somehow but I can't. All I can do is swallow my pride and ask for another chance, praying that you can forgive me, learn to trust me again. I am so sorry for what I did, Claudia."

They were words I had been dying to hear but at the same time, never thought I would.

"Wow…"

"I know this is a lot. I know it's unexpected. You don't have to make a decision right now. I know it might take a little time but I am willing to do anything to restore the love we lost, make my mistakes right."

I licked my lips, finally exhaling the huge breath I had been holding in.

"PJ, do you have any idea how long I waited, how much I wanted to hear you say that to me?"

"I was a fool to keep you waiting."

"Allowing myself to fall for you was the third scariest thing I ever did in my life."

"Third?" he frowned.

I nodded.

"The first was walking away from a broken marriage and years of familiarity with Mike. The second was putting my life back together and moving on after both of you."

"Claudia…"

"PJ, you came into my life at a time when I was very vulnerable and confused. When everything fell apart, when I had nothing to hold onto, you offered your hand. I am so grateful for that and will never forget it. Your love, your help, your friendship was so incredible and exactly what I needed at the time. What we shared was so magical. I felt like in that short time together we shared and loved a lifetime's worth. I fell so madly in love with you and was so happy that you loved me back. Despite everything that happened, I know you didn't stop loving me. I always held on to that but our breakup…it changed my life. It hurt me, it forced me to grow up and take a good look at myself, my life. I never stopped loving you either but there's no way we can go back."

He swallowed hard.

"I was so afraid you would say that."

"Too much has happened. My heart is fragile. I believed in you and you let me down, PJ. That was awful for me. I have to protect myself because if I don't, then who else will? I have a pretty great life right now…friends, an awsome job and family. Maybe right now I don't need a relationship. When I do, when I am ready for that, I need a man who will be absolutely sure of what he says and wants. I can't handle the take backs, I'm sorry. I want someone who won't be scared to open up and talk to me. As much as I care for you still, I'm just not sure you're that guy anymore."

"I screwed up," he began. "I won't make excuses but I did have my reasons. What I did to you was terrible and I owe you."

"You don't owe me anything, PJ."

"Yes, I do. I owe you explanations, apologies…all of it. You're a beautiful, wonderful woman and you deserve more than what Mike gave you, more than what I gave you."

"I've changed and there are things I have to do in order to be a better, healthier person. I have to be independent and find happiness in myself instead of in other people."

"I understand how you feel and believe me, I respect you even more for it. It's just another reason why you are so amazing. They say for every action there is a reaction, consequences. I messed up and now it is what it is."

"Please don't take this the wrong way," I begged. "I still think the world of you. You're still a great friend and important part of my life. I never want that to change."

"Me either," he smiled, stroking my cheek.

I rubbed my hand over his, relishing in how it felt being close to him again.

"In Reader's Digest, they used to publish this bit called My Most Unforgettable Character. You're this sexy, charismatic, intelligent, adventurous, amazing and kind free spirit. I never met anybody quite like you in my life. No matter where I go, who I meet, what I do, I think you will always by my most unforgettable character, PJ Lloyd and I'll always love you. That's pretty damned cool."

"I love you, too, Claudia Mizanin," he replied quietly. "But I want you to know something."

"What's that?" I looked up at him.

"You have my heart. We're soul mates. I was crazy to let you slip out of my life before and I don't plan on doing that again. I can't imagine my life without you, I can't imagine waking up and you not being there, I can't imagine not sharing my life and my dreams with you. What we had, what I feel like we still could have, was powerful. It was fate, Claudia. I can't just walk away from that. I might get shot down a thousand times but that's okay. I'll just try 1,001 more. I won't give up ever trying to get you to come back to me."

I played with the pendant around my neck.

"Thank you for my birthday present," I whispered.

"How did you know it was from me?"

"At first I didn't but um…looking into your eyes right now…I guess I always should have known. Anyway, it's very beautiful. I love it."

"You know how I feel about angels. They're always around, watching over us, protecting us. I should have been there to look after you and I wasn't so I guess I just wanted you to know that someone was."

I could feel the sincerity oozing from him. My eyes welled with tears as I leaned in and placed a peck on his lips. We had both said what we needed to say and for the time being, no other words needed to be spoken. The future for us was uncertain at best but I knew what I had to do, what I needed to do even though it wasn't what I wanted to do. Maybe for us, the bell had already tolled.


	57. Fortunes Untold

I knocked on the door and seconds after hearing small footsteps bounding near on the other side of it, it opened. Greeting me in a cute pair of pink pajamas was Kristen DiBiase.

"Hey," I said, hugging her with a brief apology. "Sorry I'm late. Work ran over."

"It's okay, girlie, just glad you're here. Come in."

She stepped aside and allowed me entrance into the suite of the Marriott hotel. It was well after midnight and the Seatte rain drizzled lightly outside creating a calming hum. Inside waiting on me were my favorite girls, Denise Reso, Sam Orton, and of course Liz Cena. Just about a week and a half after the French tour had ended, RAW was in Washington state. My four girlfriends had traveled with their husbands, first attending the house show the night before. We hadn't had a chance to spend a lot of real girl time together uninterrupted for a while so on that Monday night, Denise had had the brilliant idea of renting a suite just for us ladies to have a little slumber party of sorts.

"The Princess is here," Liz rushed me, shot of Tequila in hand.

"That answers my question if this is going to be a 'dry' party," I teased.

"Glad you could make it, sweetie," Sam came up to me as well.

"All the girls are here," Denise grinned proudly. "Let's drink to that."

Obviously we were wasting no time. Liz poured everyone a shot and we toasted to our friendship. It would be a simple night with a few drinks and snacks where five good friends could laugh and talk about anything, making up for the lost time between our all too infrequent get togethers.

"So," Kristen began. "How was France?"

"France was wonderful. I had the time of my life. Work was good and the shows were good. I got to go to the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre and I even brought back a little souvenir from Bordeaux."

I grinned wickedly as I reached into my bag and pulled out a bottle. Kristen, Denise, and Liz gave a confused look but Sam, just as I guessed, knew exactly what it was.

"Oh my God! Claudia! Do you know what this is? Do you know what you have? Where in the world did you get this?"

The excitement in her voice made me giggle.

"Okay," Liz rolled her eyes. "Alcohol is alcohol…beer, wine, liquor…whatever. I guess it's safe to say that I'm not too choicy but what are you two over there having orgasms about? It's just a bottle of wine."

"Liz, this is an authentic Petrus," Sam explained. "It is one of the most expensive bottles of wine in the whole country of France. Claudia had to have paid about a grand for this."

"At least," I acknowledged. "I'm usually not one to splurge but it was France and I was at one of the most famous wineries in the world and I decided to live a little. I promised myself I would break open this baby the first special occasion I got and here we go. What better time than to share it with my girlfriends."

Everyone grabbed a glass as Sam did the honors and popped the cork. The Petrus was a delicious red wine and it was nice to just relax.

"Kris, we haven't seen you in a while," Sam said. "What's been going on? How are things?"

"Things are great," Kristen took a small sip of her wine. "Life has been pretty uneventful and I guess that's a good thing. I bought some new furniture for the living room and work has been pretty great, too. What about you, Denise?"

Kristen worked at a hospital as a nurse.

"Jay and I are great and I have been thinking about pursing my Master's degree," she said in her soft voice, the hint of the German accent still audible.

"Oh Denise, that's awesome."

"I'm excited. Just taking a few pre-requisite classes here and there but if all goes well, it is something I want to pursue full time. Sam, are you still thinking about going back to school?"

The pretty brunette shrugged.

"It is something I definitely want to do but being a mom is such a full time job in itself. Don't get me wrong, I love Alanna to death but she's a handful. Ran and I enjoy every minute of it and we're even talking about having more kids but I'd like to put off taking classes until Al is at least a few years older."

"I'm going to take a few classes," Liz suddenly announced garnering surprised looks from us all. "What? I can do more things than shop and drink and spend John's money and look fabulous all the time…although those four things are my full time job."

She winked and we all laughed. Liz was quite the character but beneath the drinks, the moods, the sarcasm, and the wild ways was a heart of gold. She was one of my best friends and I was grateful to have her in my life.

"Liz, you're priceless," I shook my head.

"Speaking of," Liz turned to me. "Do tell more about your little French excursion. You seemed to have an awful good time. Drinking all that wine does things to people, you little hussy. Did you get laid?"

"That is so none of your business!" I blushed.

"I take that as a no," Liz took another gulp.

"Dude…"

"It could have been so romantic, you and a French hottie looking at the stars from atop the Eiffel Tower…"

"Aw, that is so romantic," Kristen cooed.

"While he lifts up your skirt, nips at your neck and takes you from behind," Liz finished.

"So much for the romance," Denise couldn't help but laugh. "You just had to ruin it, you and that dirty one track mind that is always in the gutter."

"I keep it interesting," Liz smiled. "You four are just total duds."

"So there was no handsome stranger at the top of the Eiffel Tower?" Sam asked.

"I did most of the tourism stuff with Heath and Fred. We actually had a very good time. And I hate to ruin your story book fantasies but there was no handsome stranger."

"You suck, Claud," Liz frowned.

"Well, there was somebody handsome but he wasn't a stranger and it wasn't the Eiffel Tower…" I remembered, thinking aloud.

The four women exchanged glances.

"Spill," Kristen encouraged. "Who was it? What happened?"

"Tell me Mike didn't have the nerve to bring his narrow, lying ass anywhere near you on this trip," Liz begged.

"It wasn't Mike, thank God…it was PJ."

"PJ?" all four mouthed at once.

I downed some more wine. I was gonna need it to finish this story.

"I, uh…I love The Hunchback of Notre Dame, it's always been one of my favorite stories. So I went to the Cathedral where it was based on, where the bells tolled and um…I only mentioned that one little part to Heath and Fred. Well apparently PJ called them looking for me and when they mentioned the bells, he…he automatically knew where to find me. I climb what seems like a million steps and I get to the top and he's waiting."

"Aaaaawwww," they all cooed again in unison.

"I'm cutting you four off from the wine," I quipped.

"Are you kidding?" Denise's eyes grew wide. "That has to be the single most romantic real life love story I've ever heard."

"It's like a movie," Kristen gushed. "Just by one clue, he knew exactly where to find you and he was there when you got there…that's just too cute."

"That's so sickeningly sweet that I need a shot of Pepto Bismol," Liz teased.

Sam put her hand over her heart, tears in her eyes.

"Did he tell you he still loves you?" she asked, hopeful. "Tell me that's what he did, I mean, why else would he be there? Sure he has been acting weird and it's like he broke up with you for no real reason but I have always suspected that he was still in love with you."

"Yeah," I tried to keep it casual. "He uh, he told me that he still loved me and that breaking up was a big mistake on his part."

"I knew it," Liz shouted.

"You two are so meant to be," Denise added.

"I know how you feel about him, Claudia," Sam smiled. "I'm glad it all worked out."

"Does this mean you two are back together?" Kristen inquired.

"No," I got straight to the point.

"No?" they all asked at once again.

I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, if the four of you keep saying stuff in unison, I am gonna scream. For real. Enough already."

"You can't just leave us hanging," Liz pouted. "The South African hottie pulls a move straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel and we all know how into him you still are. You have this uber romantic moment in Paris, France at the site of where your corny book took place in a creepy old church and you tell us you're not together."

"We're not."

"Why not?"

"Because…listen, PJ is a great guy and I am loving the fact that we're friends now but I can't forget everything that happened. He really hurt me. I have to protect my feelings and I can't take a chance on him changing his mind again."

"He still didn't tell you why?" Sam asked.

"No and at this point, it's irrelevant. I love PJ a lot but maybe we're better off as friends."

"Claudia…"

"My whole life, I've always been in a relationship, always had a man by my side. Most of the time, that man was Mike. It's time that I be independent, change my life and look out for myself. I'm for sure not closing the door on the whole PJ thing for the future but right now it's just not gonna happen."

"That's so sad," Kristen frowned. "Aren't you still in love with him?"

"Of course she's still in love with him," Liz observed. "It's written all over her face. Look at her. Claud, you're transparent. Look, I know you're hurt and you're pissed but PJ is no Mike. PJ's a good dude and it's so obvious how much he cares about you. Yeah, he freaked and had a moment of temporary insanity but what guy doesn't? He made a mistake and now he's owning up to it. Why deny yourself that happiness?"

"Liz is right," Kristen nodded. "It had to be something really bad, really important to make him break up with you. He may have been trying to protect you, he may have just freaked out from what Mike did in Nashville but he's really sorry. People make mistakes. Teddy and I have been together since high school and he has done his fair share of messing up but when you really love someone, sometimes you have to put pride and fear aside and learn to forgive."

"Now that I think about it, maybe Claudia is right," Denise pondered. "He knew how fragile she was. I don't care what the reason was, the way he did it was wrong. I'm not saying he would do it again but that created trust issues for somone who was already vulnerable from a bad marriage and breakup. PJ is a great guy but maybe he dosesn't deserve a second chance."

"This isn't about PJ," Sam chimed in. "This is about Claudia and what she wants, how she feels. We can put in our two cents all day long but in the end, it's her life, her choice and what she feels is best. Whatever happens, we support her."

"Thanks, Sam. Thanks all of you. I know how much you guys care and I am so thankful to have good friends like you who have stood by me through this whole year. It's a difficult situation. No decision I've made has been easy but it is what it is. I'm taking time out for me now. I'm just gonna enjoy that and cherish PJ's friendship. We did agree to remain close and I am so happy about that because he is so important to me."

"He's okay with that?" Sam looked at me.

"I guess so. That's what he said but he also said he was going to keep trying to get me back."

"Will that change anything?

"I try to never say never but I doubt it," I was honest.

"Let time tell," Kristen advised. "I respect your feelings but just be open to what life brings. It could be pretty great, you never know. It's okay to be happy with another person, Claudia. PJ is such a cutie and a sweetheart. You two just look so great, so happy together. I just can't help but to root for you as a couple. To tell the truth, I hope he can pull some real tricks out of his sleeve and convince you to take him back."

I gave a contented sigh as I took another sip of my wine and relaxed into my chair. I wasn't a fortune teller…there was no way to tell exactly what the future held for me but I was resigned to let whatever would be naturally take its course. I hadn't stopped loving PJ or being in love with him but there were bigger issues to consider. Though I had to admit a part of me was curious to see what his next move was, at all times I had to protect myself. The past year had taught me some valuable lessons about the men I had loved. My heart was fragile and I had to protect it. If I didn't, who else would?


	58. Vote For PJ

I stirred, one eye opening as I slowly lifted my head from the soft pillow. The bright light of the sun peeked through the open slits in my blinds, making me wince as its blinding rays shot straight to my still half closed eyes. The bedside clock read nine a.m. on the dot and I groaned out loud. I made it a point when we were off the road and I was home in Tampa to be up at least by eight. Whether it was cleaning my apartment or working out, I tried to start each day productively and early. But I was exhausted from the recent string of long road trips and my fatigue was finally catching up to me. Slowly sitting up, I stretched my arms and let out a yawn. I heard a knock on the door and that's when I realized that was what had woken me up in the first place. Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I stood and went to the front of the apartment and looked out the peephole. Smirking, I closed my eyes and tried to collect myself before I opened the door.

"Good morning," I said.

"It's a great morning now," PJ grinned at me. "Did I wake you?"

"Yeah but it's a good thing. I guess I forgot to set my alarm last night. I should be up by now. Today I planned to wash the car, go to Home Depot, and this afternoon I have a brief conference call with Corporate in Stamford."

"Sounds like a busy day but would you mind getting back in bed?"

That was an odd request.

"PJ…"

"Humor me," his hazel eyes twinkled.

"What are you up to?" I mumbled as I trudged back to my room.

"You'll see," he called out to me.

I crawled back in bed and waited for whatever was next. A few minutes later, I heard tinkering in the kitchen followed by the heavenly aroma of food being cooked. My stomach growled in anticipation at the delcious meal to come and as usual PJ Lloyd, former chef, did not disappoint. He entered my bedroom carrying a tray.

"What's all this?" I asked.

"Cinnamon french toast, cinnamon raisin oatmeal, a veggie omelette and your favorite, French Vanilla Cappucino."

"PJ…"

"Breakfast is served, my dear."

I glanced down at the delectable spread.

"You didn't have to do this…"

"I know but I wanted to. I love cooking for you," he handed me silverware.

I took a bite of French toast and moaned out loud. It was absolutely delicious.

"You spoil me," I said between mouthfuls.

"It's my favorite past time."

I looked in his eyes.

"This is part of the whole campaign, right?"

"You mean Operation PJ Lloyd for Claudia Mizanin's boyfriend? No doubt."

I giggled out loud.

"What am I gonna do with you?" I asked.

"Vote for me, since your vote is the only one that matters anyway."

I took another bite of my food. That night in Paris, PJ had told me that he was still in love with me and he had apologized for breaking my heart, saying ending our relationship had been a big mistake on his part. Though I still loved him too, I had refused to take him back. We had been through too much in such a short period of time and I wanted us to have a chance to breathe on our own and be friends again before even thinking of rekindling what we had lost. We had left things with him vowing to never give up on trying to get me back. I had no idea just how persistent the man would be.

It had started out with the return trip to Canada following the RAW brand's stint in Washington. I had arrived in my hotel room that was literally covered with hundreds of beautiful peach roses. On the bed was a love letter in PJ's unmistakable handwriting. From then on, every day had come with a similar romantic surprise. It was always something to let me know that he was thinking of me. One night it was theatre tickets for me to go to a play I had been dying to see. The next day there was a gift bag of Hershey Kisses waiting for me at the production booth when I got to work. Another time he serenaded me in Afrikaans. No matter what sweet gesture he did, no day ended without a letter from him.

"Why are you doing this?" I looked right at him.

"You know why," his voice was quiet and deep but still soft. "I love you, Claudia and I want to try to make up for what I did. I want you back and I'm hoping making you remember why you fell in love with me in the first place will make you reconsider. When I took a good long look at you and thought back to what made me love you in the beginning, I realized that I couldn't live without you."

"You're sweet and I appreciate it but…"

"But it doesn't change things, at least not right now. I know."

"Right," I sighed. "I'm sorry."

He nodded, undefeated and unphased.

"I understand."

He was so nice and understanding and obviously trying very hard. No man had ever taken the time to woo me like that. Besides the occassional apology flowers and birthday gift, Mike never ever took the time to go out of his way to surprise me or say or do something just to make me feel special. PJ was one of a kind but I had promised myself that I would stick to my guns. We just didn't belong together, at least not right now but knowing how genuine he was being, I couldn't help but feel a little bit guilty.

"But we are friends, right? I mean, I told you what I have going on today. It's pretty uneventful and I'm sure you have better things to do than wash a car and wander around a hard ware store but if you want to hang out, you're more than welcome to. I would enjoy the company."

He smiled at me and shrugged.

"Sounds like a plan."

I finished eating breakfast and we made casual small talk as he helped me load the dishwasher. Afterwards, I showered and dressed, pulling on jean shorts and a simple tee shirt with flip flops. The October weather was still warm and perfect for the errands I had planned for the day. I pulled my hair back and with minimal makeup, I followed PJ to a nearby car wash. We laughed as we parked side by side and began the adventure. I tried not to pay too much attention as PJ kneeled down and filled our buckets with warm soapy water. I tried not to focus too much on his tanned arm muscles and how good his butt looked in those black basketball shorts.

"Need some help?" I croaked, deperately trying to pull myself out of my daydreaming trance.

"Sure," he grinned, tossing me a rag.

"Thanks."

Together we washed our respective cars and as I stood there, I couldn't help but think back at the last time we had been to a car wash together. I had just moved with him to Tampa and my first weekend there, we were busy taking care of a million and one errands. PJ's car had collected a fair amount of dust sitting in his garage during the past two road trips so we decided to get it cleaned up on the way to meeting David Otunga and Jennifer Hudson for dinner at a nearby restaurant…

…

"_Sweetie, are you sure we have time?" I asked._

"_It won't take long, love," he promised, pulling into the parking lot. "We'll just do the automatic wash."_

_I watched as PJ put in a few quarters into the designated slot and slowly pulled forward. The soap and pre-rinse automaticaly dispensed as we sat quietly while the large brushes swept over the car._

"_I hate these things," I sighed._

"_What's wrong, Claudia?"_

"_I don't know. Call me weird but these things always make me nervous. I feel so claustrophobic. Like what would happen if the machinery went hay wire and the water wouldn't stop and we got trapped in here?"_

_PJ took one look at me and laughed out loud._

"_Babe…"_

"_Make fun if you want to, I'm serious. It could happen. And it wouldn't be funny then. We'd be stuck…maybe forever," I said nervously._

"_Stuck anywhere alone with you forever doesn't seem like a bad idea," he said softly._

"_You're a hopeless romantic, even in the face of impending doom," I joked._

"_Don't get me wrong…it would suck if we got stuck in here. I mean, forever is a really long time. We'd probably get pretty hungry and thirsty and bored. I don't know what we would do to pass the time away," he said as his hand that was resting on my knee began slowly making its way up my thigh._

_My breath caught in my throat._

"_Yeah," I squirmed in the seat as his fingers began kneading my quivering flesh._

"_Actually, I can think of one thing we could do…"_

_He leaned over and let those soft and sexy lips of his attack my neck. I moaned out loud. There was something so wildly erotic about the whole scene…the automatic wash, his accent breathing in my ear, and the fact that his fingers were working magic underneath my dress._

"_If we absolutely have to," I teased, groaning. "I'm willing to take one for the team."_

_Reaching over, in one motion, PJ hooked his hands in the bands of my panties and pulled them down my smooth legs. Tossing them in the back seat he reclined the driver's seat before pulling me on top of him. I shivered as his hands massaged the roundness of my bottom. I was so turned on and could feel his arousal through the constricting material of his pants._

"_Always and forever," he whispered. "I want you, Claudia Mizanin. I want to live with you and love with you and make love to you. You mean so much to me. I know I tell you all the time now I just want to show it to you. Can I show you?"_

_I could barely speak as he began unzipping his slacks and pulled me in for a full mouth kiss. My body was more than willing and ready to accept all of him but I still gasped at the initial pang of pleasure as I felt him pushing his way inside me. I leaned all the way back, even lying on the horn making it beep repeatedly but we didn't care. PJ always had this way of making me feel sexy and comfortable and uninhibited. And most importantly loved. I didn't care about the world outsde of that car. All I cared about was him, us…_

"You okay, Claudia?"

"What?" I snapped out of it.

The memory was so real, so vivid that I had goosebumps.

"Nothing, it's just that you've been washing that same spot now for like five minutes," PJ chuckled.

"I have?" I frowned.

He nodded.

"I think it's clean."

I cleared my throat and tried to concentrate on the task at hand. Grabbing the pressure rinser, I adjusted the temperature. Just then, another car pulled away and the driver, a young guy in his 20's rolled down the window.

"You're that Justin Gabriel guy from NXT and the Nexus, aren't you?" he recognized PJ.

"Guilty as charged," PJ acknowledged. "How's it going, man?"

"Good. Just wanted to say you guys are doing a hell of a job on RAW. The Nexus definitely makes it more interesting. The brand needed some real heels."

"Thanks."

"And just to think, I thought you were done when you didn't win NXT. Just goes to show you, you don't have to win everything all the time. You ended up with something better and that's pretty cool. It's like you know you're great and you're working hard but you spend all your time trying to convince other people to see that and sometimes they just don't get it, judging you maybe on one mistake you made in the ring the week before or something. Just the same though, my girl did vote for you every week on the website poll."

"Tell her I appreciate that."

The guy waved and drove off and PJ and I just looked at each other, struck by the irony of the short story the fan had just shared with us and how it parallelled our own situation.

"You almost done?" I asked.

"Yeah but I almost forgot. Here."

He reached into his pocket and handed me my letter for the day. Then giving me a small smile and a wink, PJ sprayed the hose at me, teasing, before turning around and rinsing off his own car. I just stood there, lost in thought holding the letter in my hand. It seemed like PJ Lloyd had everybody's vote but mine.


	59. Bragging Rights

The piping hot shower felt good against my exhausted body. Changing into sleep shorts and a tee shirt, I put on my glasses and climbed into bed. The city was Minneapolis and the pay per view event was Bragging Rights. It was the first large event I hadn't worked in a while and I was not complaining. Of course I missed it a little when I wasn't there and there were certain pangs of worried thoughts like, 'is this gonna go wrong', etc. but based on the busy schedule we'd had the last month, truthfully I was thankful for the small break. Even on my off time I was busy making preparations for the next night's RAW. I smiled when there was a knock at my door.

"Open up, baby girl. This pizza is hot."

I was going to spend the evening with one of my favorite people…Fred Rosser. He was a new friend but we had grown so close in such a short amount of time. He had sprung for pizza and we were going to hang out in my hotel room and watch the pay per view.

"Mmmm, pepperoni, spicy Italian sausage and black olives, my total faves. You remembered," I greedily dug in.

"As long as they kept that mess on your half of the pie," Fred frowned as he picked up a slice with pineapple, ham, and mushrooms on it.

"Tonight is gonna be great. Can't believe they're letting Smackdown go over but whatever."

"This is the first pay per view they've had since I been here that you weren't working."

"I know. It'll be alright. I could sure use the break. I'm excited to just sit back and watch."

"Should be a good show," Fred said between mouthfuls. "It'll be interesting with Mike as the RAW captain."

"Yeah…"

"How has that been going between you two, by the way?"

I shrugged.

"It is what it is. Honestly, most of the time we just try to stay out of the other person's way. It just works better that way. Working with him has been a true testament to my professionalism, I tell you. When it comes to work, I give him the same attention and assistance that I give any other wrestler. He and all the whores he slept with in the company. But after that, I just let it go."

"At least you'll have your divorce soon."

"Don't hold your breath," I rolled my eyes. "Mike held true on his threat to the tie up the divorce proceedings. Who knows how long it will take now but that's the kind of person he is and I've come to accept that. I'm kind of indifferent to it now."

Fred shook his head.

"You're a good woman, a better person than me."

The event began and Fred and I settled into our seats watching our friends and colleagues perform, occassionally commenting on the action. A knock at the door surprised me as I was not expecting any extra company. I stood and walked over to it, answering it to see a hotel conceirge.

"Ms. Mizanin?"

"Hi," I said confused. "Can I help you?"

"This is for you, ma'am."

He handed me a small arrangement of edible fruit in a handwoven traditional African basket. I thanked and tipped the guy, returning to my bed.

"Chocolate covered strawberries?" Fred's eyes lit up as he excitedly reached over. "That's my joint, those things are the shit!"

"Don't eat them all," I mumbled as I pulled out the card that contained a handwritten note on beautiful stationary.

_Dearest Claudia, I wanted to surprise my sweet with sweets. Pretty corny, huh? But I hope you like the gift and I just wanted to give you a little something to let you know I'm thinking about you. Hope you catch the pay per view tonight. Will miss seeing you around but happy that you get to enjoy a much deserved night off. It was nice having lunch with you today. I love it when we just hang out and talk. Heath said something funny and you started laughing…gosh you have a great laugh. You just looked so beautiful in that moment and it was just nice to be there. I like those moments like that. Anyway, take care and I hope to see you tomorrow. Have a great night. I love you.- PJ_

"Damn these things are good as hell," Fred licked his fingers. "Where'd they come from?"

"I'm not sure. It was a gift."

"You holding out on a secret admirer, baby girl?"

"It's no secret," I admitted softly. "It's PJ."

"What?"

"We, um…we saw each other in Paris that night after you and Heath left me. We talked and he wanted to get back together."

"I knew that was coming. What happened?"

"It's just not a good idea so I turned him down. There are no hard feelings and we talked things out and agreed to be friends, which is great. Anyway, he hasn't been giving up. Most every day I get a present from him and every single day, I get a letter."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah," I held it up.

"Damn."

"It's really sweet."

"Sickeningly but does it change anything? I mean, are y'all gonna get back together or what?"

"Probably not. I just really don't see that for us in the near future."

"Have you been straight up with him about that?"

"Of course, Fred."

"But you continue to accept his gifts…"

I didn't like my friend's tone.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It's really none of my business, that just seems kind of foul to me."

"Actually it is none of your business," I became defensive, "but what are you trying to get at?"

"Look, I don't want you to get pissed off at me. You know I love you to death, girl, but in my time at FCW and especially NXT, PJ and I became real cool. We're boys, he's one of my closest friends and I just feel bad for him."

"Why?"

"Because he is in love with you and more than anything he wants a second chance. You say one thing but your actions say another. He buys you stuff and you take it. You hang out with him all the time."

"We're friends."

"True but you can't tell me you don't see the hope in his eyes. You know he wants it to turn into something more. Obviously it's not going to and that's fine but whether you mean it or not, you're kind of leading him on, Claudia."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"Fred…"

"I'm glad you two can be friendly again but PJ wants you bad. You don't see a future in it and he does. How is that good for him?"

"I've been honest. What more do you want me to do? Quit hanging out? Stop being his friend altogether?"

"No. That's not what I'm saying at all."

"Then what exactly are you saying?" I folded my arms. "Because I really don't follow."

Fred shrugged.

"His heart is fragile."

"And like mine wasn't? Like it isn't?"

"It is what it is. I don't know. Maybe that's what drew you to each other, the same thing that's keeping you a part."

"Fred…"

"There are things you just don't know."

"We've established that already," I raised my voice a little.

"I can't get into it with you. It's not my place. Just know that PJ loves you. Even though his actions may have been a bit misguided, he hated hurting you. The whole time you were apart, it affected him. It hurt him, it worried him."

"That was his choice," my voice started to soften.

"Yeah it was but sometimes people do what they have to do to protect themselves. Bottom line, that dude is still crazy about you. I know you feel the same way. You're pissed off that he moved you all the way across the country and then broke up with you without even really telling you why. You're scared and confused now that he's back. All that is understandable but beneath it all I know you're still in love with him. I know you never stopped loving him or wanting to be with him. I get your reasons for not taking him back right now but in the end, you two are meant to be, babe. When are you finally gonna realize that and stop fighting it?"

I looked down.

"It's not that simple…"

"Life never is. But in the meantime, you have a decision to make. Work it out or walk away. That's what's only fair to both of you. Stringing him along, making him think there is a chance when there really isn't…that's just cruel. It's unfair and it's not you. That man is willing to do whatever it takes to get you back. If that's never gonna happen, you need to back off. Don't lead him on to spare his feelings or to even subconsciously boost your own ego and get back at him for hurting you."

I glanced back at the telvision set. The irony was surreal.

"You think I'm doing this for bragging rights?"

"Not maliciously or on purpose. You were hurt and you were lost. You're still finding your way but did you ever stop to think that you weren't the only one?"

"Fred…"

"I'm not coming down on you or judging you, Claudia. You're a great person and a great friend and I feel like you and me are close enough where I can tell you what's on my mind, what I'm feeling. I don't want you to be mad or sad but please just think about what I said."

I nodded and tried to get myself together as I was still processing everything Fred had just said.

"Yeah…sure."

"Time for Team RAW versus Team Smackdown. You ready?" he changed the subject and got back to the television. "We know who wins but this is still gonna be a good one."

I tried to pay attention but it was hard. Fred had given me a lot to think about. Maybe he was right. I had never meant to do any harm to PJ but just because it wasn't intentional didn't make it not happen. I didn't want to hurt him. I wanted him in my life but perhaps that was a case of wanting to have my cake and eat it too. Maybe it wasn't fair to him, maybe as painful as it was, it was a case of all or nothing. One thing was crystal clear…I had decisions to make. I knew what I wanted to do, I knew what I needed to do.I just didn't know what I was going to do.


	60. Faded Pictures

It rained the night of Wednesday, October 27th. It looked like a torrential downpour, weather unfortunately not that uncommon for Tampa, Florida. Sitting alone in my apartment, I poured myself a glass of wine and snuggled underneath a blanket on the sofa. In my other hand was a small photo album that I had only recently put together. Neatly organzized and arranged were a series of photos of PJ and me. Picture books were sort of my thing. Photographs capture a moment in time, a still reminder of a memory. In high school and college, I was always the one rouding up everyone for pictures, then I would take the time to make a little album of remembrance. I was the same way in my relationship with Mike.

From our first pic together as boyfriend and girlfriend at a state track meet in Columbus when we were just a couple of innocent teenagers to a photograph of us huggng backstage at an NXT event just prior to that fateful trip to the UK that ended our marriage forever, I had managed to make dozens of books that showcased our relationship over the years. In the short time PJ and I had lived and loved together, we had managed to take a lot of pictures. I smiled sadly as I thumbed through the pages…the two of us posing at the airport with Heath in the background giving us bunny ears, kissing at the beach during sunset, having dinner in Orlando with a couple of his FCW buddies…I sat the glass of wine down before even taking a sip. My eyes closed as I ran my fingertips over the images of two people obviously very happy, very much in love.

I sighed as the rain continued to beat down on the roof. Here I was in my new apartment spending yet another night alone before heading out for a road trip. It wasn't supposed to be that way, I thought over and over again as I stared at the art on my wall. I was supposed to be in L.A. with Mike celebrating a happy five years of marriage together eagerly anticipating many more. I was supposed to be lying in bed in PJ's arms listening to the lull of the rain as we looked into each other's eyes inside the coziness and warmth of his condo. I was supposed to be somewhere, anywhere else than in a tiny apartment all alone. Suddenly I was again feeling like a stranger in a strange land and I didn't like that one bit.

I thought about everything that had happened to me the last year. I was a different person and all those events both fortunate and unfortunate had changed my life and the woman I once was. As expected that morning, another letter from PJ had arrived in my mailbox. I had read the words over and over again but the words I couldn't get out of my head had come from another man. Fred was a dear friend, someone I loved and respected and though I knew he never meant me any harm, his words had touched a nerve and had at least given me something to think about. Whether or not it was his place to say something, whether or not I liked it, I knew I had to do something about the situation at hand.

I had work to do but found it difficult to concentrate. Playing music in the background only annoyed me and there was nothing on the television that interested me. I needed to talk but I didn't pick up the phone and dial up Liz or Sam or my mother. Instead, I stood and put on a grey hoodie over my matching fitted sweat pants and white tank. I slid my sock clad feet into sneakers and pulled my hair up. Grabbing the photo album and my car keys, I made one more stop to retrieve the small box I kept underneath my bed. Without giving anything further thought, I dashed outside through the pouring rain and hopped into my car, making the short drive to my destination. My mind raced right along with my heart as I pulled into the driveway. Getting out, I knocked on the door, waiting and wandering about what was going to happen next.

"Claudia," PJ opened the door barefoot, wearing dark jeans and a black wife beater tank. "It's pouring outside and you're soaking wet. What are you doing here?"

I didn't speak at first, instead I just stood there frozen in thought, a look of pure bewilderment mixed with fear clouding my face. PJ gently pulled me inside to safety and dryness before closing the front door.

"There are 27 letters in here," I found my voice and shoved the box that contained them into his unsuspecting arms. "These are all from you, the ones you've been writing me for every day for nearly the last month. I read each one, sometimes a hundred times over it felt like and I kept them. I put them in this box and kept it under my bed because I wasn't sure what to do with them. In fact, I wasn't even sure how I felt about them…"

PJ examined the box.

"How do you feel about them?" he asked quietly.

"I think that is single handedly the nicest gesture anyone has ever done for me. I am appreciative and grateful and I think you are an absoultey amazing guy but I came here tonight to tell you that this…the letters, the presents have to stop."

"Claudia…"

"I feel like I'm leading you on and that's not right. I hang out with you and I accept all the things you give me and that probably gives you false hope, it puts the wrong idea in your head and I don't want to do that. I was wrong and I guess I've been wrong this whole time. I just don't know what to do. I want you in my life always but not like this, PJ and I'm sorry. So I came here tonight to tell you that if you can't handle us being just friends, then maybe we shouldn't see each other at all."

I barely took a breath to get all that out. The words tumbled out of my mouth just like the water poured from the skies above, both lacking purpose and control.

"Is that what you want?" he asked after a few minutes.

"To stop seeing you? No, of course not but we can't keep doing this. I don't know what else to do. I love you, you know that but as nice as you are and as good as you've been to me, I won't, I can't sit here and pretend like you've done nothing wrong because you did. You really hurt me. I fell in love with you and I trusted you. It took so much, so damned much for me to let my guard down and feel again. And we both knew how risky and complicated the situation would be with Mike still in the picture and I offered you a way out, PJ. I told you I would have understood if you wanted to wait or have second thoughts and I would have but you told me, no you promised me that you could handle it. You made a commitment to me when you knew how damaged my heart was and for whatver reason that was, you broke that promise."

He looked right at me, even as the basketball game blared in the background.

"You know how much I love you, Claudia. I felt that way for you then and I feel that way for you now. My actions and the way I handled myself were wrong. I can't and won't make excuses for that but you know, you have to know there was a reason why I did what I did."

"I'm sure there was and it's irrelevant now. We all have emotions and fears and a past. I have been through so much but as close as we were, I felt like there wasn't anything I couldn't tell you or share with you. The fact that you didn't feel the same spoke volumes to me. You became distant and then you finally dumped me without explanation. Well, I can't handle things like that. I can't be in a relationship with you if you can't be honest and communicate with me. And I definitely can't be with a man and have to wonder every day if this is the day he's gonna change his mind or get cold feet. It's not fair and I won't deal with it. I will always care about you and probably wonder what could have been for us. We had a beautiful thing while it lasted but nothing lasts forever, right? I would love to be able to see you and talk to you all the time but maybe that's not healthy for you, for us because you're still wanting something that is long over. I don't know what else to do or say except to say good bye."

My voice quivered but I remained strong. It was all out in the open and there was nothing else to say. That was our closure and it had to be done, a decision had to be made. I handed the photo album to him and turned on my heels to flee. I opened the door, the spray of the rain pushing back against my face.

"You told me once that change is an ironic thing," he started in a voice barely above a whisper.

"What?" I stopped and turned.

"In 1999, my whole life changed just as abruptly as yours did this year, if not more. I turned 18 years old. It was supposed to be a great year…milestone birthday, graduating high school, and I was finally going to be able to wrestle legally in my country. I was so excited. My father was the promoter for ASW and he competed in almost every other promotion in South Africa. You know how politics are in wrestling. For whatever reasons, my dad wasn't allowed in certain circles so he advised me not to participate in certain shows. I didn't listen to him. All I wanted was to wrestle, as much as I could, wherever I could. There was a lot of tension between us that year, I remember. Anyway, I didn't see him that day. It was a Monday morning to be exact, June 21, 1999. He was gone by the time I got up. Later that day, my father died."

His voice was soft, the tone it often took the few times he had spoken about his father. A sad looked washed over his face, a far away look took over his eyes.

"PJ…"

"My whole world literally collapsed that day. I lost my best friend, my hero, my mentor. A piece of me died with him. It hurt, Claudia and I never thought I would get over that pain. I couldn't deal with anything which is why I told you before that I took off to Europe to regroup. I was so devastated, I didn't even want to wrestle anymore."

I swallowed hard.

"I…I remember you told me that. You never told me what happened, how he died."

"My father was involved with a married woman. That Monday, the woman's husband told her not to contact Dad anymore but um, she…she did anyway. She ended up calling him but he wasn't home. He got her message later that day and he went over to her house. The police said he had a four pound hammer with him. I don't know what led up to that…what she said, what he said, what was going through his head…but whatever happened, he ended up there. There was an argument and the man, the husband, locked himself in his study. They say my dad was banging on the door with the hammer. The man grabbed a gun for protection, he opened the door and he says it just went off. Anyway, my father was hit in the head and he died."

I was stunned, at a literal loss for words. I never knew what happened to Paul Lloyd Sr. I had assumed disease or car accident, not a shooting, especially a shooting committed by his girlfriend's husband. PJ didn't talk about his father much but I knew he was still deeply affected by the loss.

"Oh my God," I said softly, stepping back into the house, shivering from the cold of the rain.

PJ walked back over by the TV and sat on the couch. I followed him wordlessly as he leaned over, his elbows resting on his knees.

"I was shocked, angry…hurt. Every emotion that could be felt, you name it and I felt it. Claudia, that situation should have never happened. My father died for nothing. I promised myself, I swore I would never get involved with a married woman. Then you came along and I forgot all about that. From the first time I ever laid eyes on you, I fell in love with you. I knew I wanted you and that you would be a special person in my life. I respected your situation even though I knew Mike treated you badly. I never wanted to intefere. When you two broke up and I knew it was over and you and I became closer…something inside was making me weary but I ignored all that because nothing else mattered but you. I told myself it was different because you were separated and getting a divorce. Mike is a jerk and I was prepared to take his heat but when he attacked me…I don't know. All I could do was think about my dad. It really messed me up. I couldn't stop thinking about so many things. It freaked me out, I freaked out. I know I should have shared that with you but I didn't…I couldn't. It just became too much and I broke things off."

"PJ…"

He finally looked up and I saw tears, real tears in his eyes. Eventually they spilled over and he lowered his head in his hands and cried softly to himself. Instinctively I put my arms around him, my own tears falling as well. I didn't know what to do or say but suddenly everything from PJ's odd behavior during that time to Fred's hints made all the sense in the world. Looking over on the coffee table I saw a picture of what had to PJ as a young boy smiling with his dad. The picture was old and faded but the love they felt for each other was just as fresh as it was the day that picture was taken so many years ago. I felt nauseated. I couldn't speak or even think. All I could do was cry with him.


	61. Second Chances

I arrived in Hartford, Connecticut for Fan Appreciation Day in a daze. I was still reeling from what had happened just a few days before in Tampa. It was so fuzzy and surreal that it all seemed like a dream but I was well aware that it was very real. For months it had eaten away at me, the secret PJ had been harboring. I secretly resented him for holding back and putting me through hell. I had convinced myself that nothing he said would be good enough to excuse his inconsiderate behavior but in light of the new facts, now I wasn't so sure.

He had sat on his couch and quietly sobbed like a baby after telling me the details about his father's death. I had cried too, sitting beside him holding on for dear life. We stayed in that position for hours. I knew it had taken a lot out of him to confess that to me, the emotional toll was draining and visible. When I had asked him what I could do for him he had shaken his head and replied "nothing" in a quiet voice. There was nothing else to say and soon nothing else for me to do but leave so I did but that night, that conversation weighed heavily on my mind and on my heart.

When I got to the production booth at the XL Center, I was surprised to find out that I wasn't working Gorilla. As part of the event, the company was giving out a series of prizes to lucky fans that included everything from signed DVDs to front row tickets to an upcoming Smackdown show. Between matches, Howard Finkel would identify the winner by their seat number. I would then make the trek across the building to make sure the fan received their prize. In between gigs, I made my home near the production booth. I hadn't seen PJ since that night and I was nervous about it, so nervous that I had purposely changed my flight so that we wouldn't be stuck together for a few nerve racking hours on a plane.

"I see somebody's getting their Jane Fonda on for the day."

I looked around to see who was teasing me and of course it was Fred. I smiled at him.

"Of course all the winners have to be in the 100 and 200 sections. Those steps are no joke. I won't have to hit the gym now for a week."

He put a muscular arm around me and placed a kiss on my forehead.

"I haven't seen you in a while, not since we hung out Sunday night."

"I've been around."

He looked away.

"I was just hoping that you weren't mad at me."

"Mad?"

"Yeah, you know, for overstepping my bounds with the whole PJ thing."

"Fred…"

"I wasn't trying to be up in your business, baby girl. I was just trying to help."

"I know and you did. You gave me a lot to think about."

"I know you aren't using PJ and I don't think you're a bad person. You have to know that."

"I know, sweetie but what you said forced me to take a good long look at myself and this situation."

"And?"

"I decided to talk to PJ about it."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Is that a good thing? How did it go?"

"I went over there Wednesday night and apologized, told him I was wrong to accept all his gifts and letters because that was leading him on."

"What did he say?"

I felt like I was going to cry again just thinking about it.

"He…he told me."

"Told you what?"

"Everything. About his dad and about how he died. God, now I see why he freaked out about the whole Mike thing in Nashville. I finally found out why he broke up with me."

Fred took a deep breath.

"I'm glad that's all out in the open now."

"Me too."

"Look, I knew…"

"I know you did."

"I couldn't tell you. I wanted to so many times because it would have cleared up so much but it wasn't my place."

"I get that and I'm glad you didn't. It should have come from PJ and I'm happy it did."

"So where does that leave you two? Where do you go from here?"

I shrugged.

"Your guess is as good as mine, babe."

"Claudia, that man loves you more than anything."

"I know he does," I said quietly.

"And you're crazy in love with him, too."

I blew out a breath. It was no use in denying it anymore.

"I know."

"So what's the problem then?"

"He…I…"

I couldn't get the words out.

"Mike hurt you, PJ hurt you, it's been a hard year and you're scared to death."

"Well, yeah in a nutshell."

"Claudia, I know. Baby, it's been rough. I've been there right with you."

"I know you have."

"Life isn't a bed of roses. Sometimes bad things happen to really good people but that's just the way it is. Life is a test and you have to be strong, you have to keep going. People are going to hurt you sometimes. The world can be a cold place."

"You can say that again."

"But every now and then you find that little piece of sanctuary from the cold, something warm and sweet that takes you in and protects you. Life isn't fair and there will always be bad times but you can't forget about the good times. You have to take risks. When you gamble there's always a chance that you'll lose but when you do win, that's a pretty sweet victory."

I got what he was trying to say to me.

"What if he changes his mind again? What if it doesn't work out?"

"What if the sky fell tomorrow? What if I walked outside and got hit by a bus? Claudia, the world is full of what ifs but you can't live your life that way, in fear."

"But…"

"You two love each other and you're miserable apart. Can you just admit that?"

"Yes," I finally conceded.

"Then why are you running away from being happy? You might be scared but everything you need to know about how that man feels about you is right there in his eyes."

I thought for a moment. Those eyes, those beautiful hazel eyes flecked with green. I thought about that day in the arena when I first met all the NXT Season 1 Rookies. That was the first time I looked into those eyes. They were so charming, so sweet, so full of life and love. My happiest times were waking up every morning looking into those eyes. I missed that. I missed him.

"Fred," I began to laugh uncontrollably.

He looked at me like I was crazy. My laughter was loud and hearty, making my whole body shake.

"Baby girl, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"I love PJ," I said out loud.

"Oookkkaaayyyy."

"I love PJ," I repeated, still laughing as if I was saying it for the first time ever. "I am in love with PJ Lloyd. I always have been. I never stopped."

I checked the clock. I had already given out the last prize and Nexus had received their beatdown from a triumphantly returning Triple H. Some of the wrestlers were staying behind to sign autographs and take pictures with fans but Nexus members were not allowed to do so. Even though it killed them because they appreciated the fans too, they were not supposed to break character while at the arenas.

"What are you doing?"

"Fred, do you know if he's still here?"

He nodded.

"Yeah, we're riding together. He probably is in the shower…"

That was all I needed to know. I yanked off my headset and handed it to Fred along with my clipboard. I took off walking and it turned into a quick jog as I made my way to the locker room area. It was supposed to be for the guys only but I didn't care. I didn't even knock. Instead I burst though the doors, running face to face with a stunned Drew "McIntyre" Galloway who pulled his towel a little closer to his waist. I'm sure there were even a few naked butts in full view but I had only one thing on my mind.

"Claud, if you wanted to see me in the buff, all you had to do was ask, babe," Heath grinned at me in just his underwear.

My eyes scanned the room and then I spotted him. He was standing by an open locker, a white towel wrapped around him, his dark hair was still damp from the shower he had just finished. I knew it was a cold shower, that was his ritual to unwind after matches. I loved the fact that I knew that about him. At that moment I loved so many things about him and when I finally made my way to him, my heart was practically bursting. His back was to me and he had earpieces in listening to his Ipod. I grabbed him from behind by the shoulder blade, the sweet but masculine scent of his body wash filled my nose. He turned around, surprised and pulled the earpiece off. He studied me waiting for me to say something but I didn't. Instead I stroked the side of his face and pulled him down towards me. He was in a true state of shock for a few seconds but finally he kissed back. He kissed me passionately. We kissed and kissed until our lips were sore. I threw my arms around his neck as he lifted me off the ground. We kept kissing and kissing and when we finally pulled away, breathless and staring at each other, we were greeted with a roar of applause that included claps, hoots and cheers. We looked up and saw every male Smackdown and RAW Superstar who had worked the show that day surrounding us, many in just their towels and underwear cheering us on. In the background I saw Mike, who quickly looked away and left but that didn't matter to me. Nothing mattered except PJ and my love for him.

"What are you doing, Claudia?" he whispered.

"I love you," I grinned. "I have always loved you. I'm still scared and I know we both made mistakes and we'll probably make some more but that's okay. As long as we do it together. I don't want to be apart anymore, not another second. I want us to have a second chance at love and get to have that happily ever after finish for this storybook romance we started."

"I'm so sorry I hurt you," he said.

"I know you are. I forgive you."

"I should have told you about my dad, it's just so hard to talk about sometimes. You're not the only one that's afraid. I lost someone I loved very much, someone who I was close to and that makes me scared to get close to people again. I took a long time to try to process my loss but I think about it, I deal with it every day still. I have regrets. I wish I had told my father that I loved him more. I wish I had shown more respect and a lot less rebellion that last year. I just have a lot of guilt about some things. I regret how I treated you towards the end of our relationship and I don't want to do that anymore. I just want to be with you and enjoy my time with you and let you know every single day just how important you are to me."

"You always make me feel important. You treat me like a princess, PJ. I respect how you feel about me and your dad and everything that has happened. I am and will always be here for you. I just want to put all the bad stuff behind us and start over."

He stared intently at me, holding me close.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Are you?"

He nodded.

"I am so in love with you, Claudia. I just want a second chance to do this right."

I giggled as I kissed him again and he held me. I buried my face in the smoothness of his chance. Every ounce of uncertainty went right out the window. I wasn't afraid anymore. All I felt was happiness and love. I was back where I belonged.


	62. A Smile With A Future In It

I rolled over and couldn't help but groan out loud as I felt the pain move around in my lower abdomen. I was absolutely miserable and it had come at the worst possible time.

"You okay, Claudia?"

I felt the warm body next to me stir and instantaneously I felt better. It was as if the physical pain had left my body altogether. The muscular and protective arm draped across my middle and pulled me closer and suddenly everything was right with the world…at least my world. It had been less than one week since PJ Lloyd and I had reunited in front of a crowded locker room of our peers. After months of drama, love, passion, and heartbreak, our two kindred spirits had found their way back to one another.

The few days that followed had been pure bliss. After the show in Hartford, PJ and I had hopped into a rental car and drove to the Boston house show, just the two of us. It gave us a chance to talk in private and air out our remaining problems and feelings. It felt good to get everything out in the open finally. We talked like two rational adults and by the time we arrived at our hotel, we were both in a much better place. Ever since, we had spent nearly every waking moment together. That Monday found us in Long Island and the next day, Tuesday, duty called for the Nexus to invade Smackdown which sent PJ to Bridgeport, Connecticut. Wednesday was a busy travel day for everyone as the WWE was embarking on yet another overseas tour. The first leg of the tour would see us back in France as well as Wales and England. It would be a busy few days but my life was finally back on track and I had never been happier.

"Why does this always happen to me?" I complained. "Every time we go overseas I end up getting sick or something awful happens. Go figure."

He chuckled as he moved a stray piece of hair from my face.

"My poor baby. What can I do to make it better?" he asked.

I looked into those amazing eyes of his.

"You're here," I stated simply. "You already make it better."

"Wait right here," he said, getting up.

He was wearing black swim trunks and nothing else.

"Babe, where are you going?" I called out as he disappeared around the corner.

I heard him rummaging through a bag before he returned. He plugged something into the wall and then spooned behind me.

"Here," he said, pressing something into me that I later recognized as a heating pad. "The warmth should make you feel better."

I let out a sigh of contentment as I nestled further into the familiarity of his strong embrace.

"That helps. Thank you."

He kissed the top of my head.

"Anything I can do. I hate seeing you in pain, Claudia."

"This is so embarrassing…"

"What?"

My face turned a darker shade of crimson and I was glad that he was behind me.

"We're here in Wales, supposed to be having an awesome time, we're enjoying some r&r on a boat and Mother Nature calls and calls early at that."

My period had started just the night before and the timing absolutely sucked. After our first two shows in France, we had gone to Wales. In addition to the matches, there was lots of PR and media to do. Our schedule was chaotic and busy but before the Wales show, Stu Bennett aka Wade Barrett, had managed to score a nice surprise for all of us. He had rented a house boat before the show and the Nexus members both past and present, had taken to the water for a few hours of fun before work. PJ and I had joined them but I had been in such agony that the first few hours had sent me straight to one of the bedrooms below deck. Instead of having fun with his friends, my boyfriend had been right by my side, lying with me and holding me the whole time.

"Things happen. It will be okay."

"I feel like I'm ruining your good time."

"You are my good time," he said in a low voice. "I just hope you get to feeling better. Until you do, I'll be here, right by your side."

What an incredible guy!

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Are you disappointed?"

"Of course not. I already told you…"

"No, not about today. I mean, about…well, you know. We've been back together for nearly a week now and we've been spending a lot of time together, spending most nights together and we haven't been intimate yet. Does that bother you?"

Except for the Tuesday he did Smackdown, we had shared a bed together every single night. Our nights consisted of long talks, lots of laughter and even more cuddling but that was the extent of it. We hadn't had sex. Our attraction for each other burned brighter than ever but there was unspoken trepidation. We wanted to go slow and we were careful not to rush into anything.

"Look at me," he gently guided my face so that we were staring into each other's eyes. "We are intimate, love. Lying close together, being there for each other, sharing our innermost fears, hopes, thoughts and dreams…this is what brings us closer. The sex is just the icing on the cake. Do I want to do it, do I want you? Of course I do, more than you know but that can wait. I'm not in a rush. We have the rest of our lives to make love to each other."

His words melted me.

"God, I feel like I dreamt you right into reality," I sighed. "You always know just what to say, just what to do."

He smiled and held me even closer, pressing the heating pad closer to me in order to help alleviate my cramps. We stayed there for another hour or so until I felt well enough to join the others on deck. By the time PJ and I arrived hand in hand, the party was already in full swing. The guys were hooting and hollering, joking around and play fighting, just having a great time.

"My God, look who it is, fellas. The dead have arisen," David Otunga joked.

"Leave those two crazy kids alone," Tyrone teased. "They are in love."

PJ and I playfully rolled our eyes. We could take some harmless ribbing from our friends. We were just happy to be back together, free of all the stress that had hampered us for months,

"Still feeling dicky, there, kid?" Stu asked me.

I smiled. It was bad enough that I had a South African boyfriend and was still trying to master some of the Afrikaans language but hanging out with Stu meant getting used to British slang terms.

"I'm a lot better, now. Thanks."

"Very well. No honking on the boat," he kidded me with a wink.

PJ squeezed my hand.

"That means no puking," he whispered in my ear.

"I kind of got that, babe," I patted his arm.

"Man, this has been a blast," Heath looked over the horizon. "I'm excited for the shows and all, I just wish they weren't back to back. It would have been nice to take this baby out tonight, maybe invite some ladies to join us, have a couple of brews."

Unfortunately there was no time for drinks as the guys all had to work that evening.

"Too bad the weather isn't warmer either," David mentioned. "Would have been nice to go swimming."

"It isn't too bad," PJ pondered.

"Are you kidding, dude?"

"What? The sun is out, the water can't be that bad. You guys need to quit being sissies and just live a little."

"Live a little?" Fred grinned. "Okay, PJ, why don't you put your money where your mouth is?"

"What did you have in mind?"

"I've got two hundred bucks on me that says you won't 450 splash into that water right now."

I recognized the sparkle in PJ's eye. He was a daredevil. He lived for crazy moments like that. I knew what he was going to do before he even opened up his mouth."

"You're on," he excitedly rubbed his hands together.

"Oh no," I groaned.

"Babe, do you mind?" PJ looked at me.

I just didn't want him to get hurt…or freeze to death in the process.

"You boys and your silly bets. Geez, baby, just be careful…please."

He gave me a quick peck on the lips as Fred fired up the video camera. I watched from a distance, my stomach now hurting from sheer anxiety. Heath walked over and draped an arm around me.

"You alright?"

"I think so," I gave a nervous laugh.

"You look happy. PJ looks happy. I'm glad y'all are working it out."

"Me too. It's been less than a week, let's just pray he doesn't die in the next five minutes. That would really suck."

Heath laughed.

"Is this one of those Titanic moments? I jump, you jump? Because that's a long way down and that water is freezing. We love the dude and all but we'll leave the jumping in the ocean after him to you."

"And I would in a heartbeat if he needed me," I replied truthfully.

"This is good stuff, you know? This is the way life is supposed to be. We're in Wales having an awesome time on a boat and everything is exactly how it should be. I'm living my dream and I'm doing it with real friends."

"I hear that," I leaned back in his chest.

"You've been through a lot this year. I feel bad because bad stuff is not supposed to happen to good people. I feel bad because you're my friend and I couldn't protect you."

"You're a sweetheart but that's just the way things go sometime. Live and learn, right? Listen, I just want to say thanks to you, Heath, you and all the guys."

"Why? What did we do?"

"What didn't you do? You guys did everything for me. You protected me, you listened, you spent time with me…I am so grateful. These new friendships mean everything to me and I am so blessed that I got to meet all of you. You came into my life at a time when I was pretty down, when I was feeling really low like I didn't belong anywhere. You guys made me feel like I belonged. You gave me a home and that's pretty cool. I'll never forget that. You're all like brothers to me…the really goofy, crazy, wild, slightly annoying brothers that I never had but, um…I'm pretty lucky. I love you guys a lot."

He kissed my cheek.

"We love you, too, girl. I'm really glad things worked out for you. PJ is my boy. He's a good dude. You two really love each other. You belong together."

"We do, don't we?" I happily murmured as I watched my man climb onto the top rail of the boat.

I cringed as he slowly gained his balance then stood. He pointed to the air and my heart skipped a beat. It was a gesture he often did even in the ring before he hit his signature move. It was a sign of remembrance and respect to his late father.

"Come on, PJ!" the guys egged him on.

He went airborne and in perfect form, hit a gorgeous 450 splash right into the ocean. I leaned overboard to make sure he had survived the impact and after a few seconds, he bobbed to the surface, fists pumping in the air, grin on his face like the true adrenaline junkie that he was.

"Babe, did you see that?" he yelled up at me. "That was so kiff!"

I could only laugh.

"Now there's only one minor problem," I called down. "How are you gonna get back in the boat?"

He hadn't thought that part over and everyone laughed as he swam after us trying to figure out a way to get back up. After a few agonzing minutes, he eventually swam to some nearby rocks and climbed on top of them. I winced with pain with his every step as if it were my feet coming into contact with the rough and jagged edges. Finally he was able to get back to us.

"Did you get that on film?" he eagerly asked Fred.

"Hell yeah, man. I got the video and your loot. That was awesome," they bumped fists.

My boyfriend walked over to me, teeth chattering, flesh covered in goose pimples and shaking.

"I don't know whether to kiss you or strangle you," I put my hands on my hips.

"How about the kiss first?" he walked over and let his lips softly connect with mine.

I pulled away and wrapped two large towels around his body, trying to warm him up before he went into hypothermic shock.

"You're insane," I giggled.

"I'm also charming."

"Sometimes," I raised an eyebrow.

"I'm also very much in love."

"You damn well better be."

He looked into my eyes.

"I see a lifetime of happiness with you," he said in a tone I knew that he meant.

"I see a lifetime prescription of anti anxiety meds, crazy adventures that include wild animals and leaps at death defying heights…and yeah, I see a lifetime of happiness with you, too."

"I love you, Claudia Mizanin," he pulled me close.

I closed my eyes, loving the overwhelming and long overdue sense of peace that had taken over my life.

"I love you, too, PJ Lloyd."


	63. Closure

Sitting at the private table in the restaurant in our hotel, three couples raised their glasses of wine. We were celebrating yet another successful and sold out RAW broadcast overseas. The show had just ended in Manchester, England and exhausted but thrilled, PJ and I had returned to our room for a quiet night alone. I received a surprising phone call and was shocked but happy to know that two of my closest friends were in town. Unexpectedly, Liz Cena and Samantha Orton had arrived to join their husbands for the rest of the European tour. Exhuasted from their long flight, the women had checked into their respective rooms and after calling me, PJ and I had decided to join Randy and Sam as well as John and Liz for a late night dinner. We made small talk and enjoyed a delicious meal, a great ending to another great day.

"You okay, love?" PJ whispered in my ear as he lightly stroked my arm.

Just the feel of his touch gave me butterflies all over. I looked into his eyes and sank deeper into the crook of his shoulder.

"I'm fine. Just tired. It has been a long day."

He looked into my eyes and leaned in close.

"How about when we get upstairs I draw you a nice, hot bath?"

I smiled. That sounded heavenly.

"Only if you join me."

"What are you two whispering about?" Liz demanded between sips.

PJ and I both blushed.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I teased.

She took another sip and shrugged.

"Actually I would, especially if it's dirty."

"Babe…" John pleaded.

"What?"

"Leave them alone."

"I'm not doing anything wrong, I'm just making sure everything is good. You know, we've seen months of Claud and PJ going back and forth all googly eyed and glued together at the hip but yet they said they were just friends. Rumor has it, you two are an official item once again so excuse me for trying to clarify."

I couldn't help but grin. Between my schedule and being so wrapped up in PJ, I had neglected to call my friends and deliver the good news. Looking at PJ, we took a breath and I nodded to let him respond.

"After much heart to heart discussion, Claudia and I have talked it over and decided to remain friends."

"Goddammitt!" Liz slammed her glass down. "Are you kidding? That blows. After everything you two have been through and everything you've put your friends through, after all of that hanging out, you two are just friends!"

A wicked grin crossed PJ's face.

"I said we're friends, not 'just friends'," he explained, kissing my hand. "Claudia and I are in love, back together, and happier and stronger than ever but the core of our relationship will always be friendship."

Everyone giggled as an exasperated Liz, threw a piece of bread from her plate at him.

"You are an ass, an adorable ass but an ass still the same. God, you actually had me going there for a second. So not funny!"

"Liz, we all love you but you're an easy mark sometimes," I giggled. "Sorry babe but you walked right into that one."

She pretended to be hurt but quickly recovered.

"All joking aside, is it true? Is it official?"

PJ and I looked at each other. I squeezed his hand.

"It's official," we said softly in unison.

"That is so wonderful," Sam put her hand over her heart. "I mean that. I am so happy for you two."

"It's about time," Liz reiterated.

"How do you think we feel?" I joked. "But seriously guys, this last year has been an incredible, an emotional, a painful, and wonderful learning experience all in one. It taught me a lot and changed my life. If I had to go through all that in order to get here, then it was totally worth it, both the good and the bad."

"That's what happens, sometime," Randy spoke looking at his wife. "Life is funny like that. You grow up and things change and you find yourself and sometimes, if you're lucky enough, you find love in the process."

In that aspect his life had parallelled my own. Sitting at that table surrounded by my friends and boyfriend, I felt incredibly understood and accepted in a way I had never been before. It was a nice feeling.

"Claudia, can I talk to you?"

I looked up and everyone stared wide eyed, in shock. We hadn't heard the footsteps and hadn't noticed that we had been joined by someone else. I froze. It was Mike.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

Wearing a dark shirt and jeans, he looked calm and quiet, a large brown envelope underneath his arm.

"Please. It won't take long."

The five others looked at me. Our actions had been limited to small instances backstage for work purposes only ever since that last day I had gone back to our home in Los Angeles and yelled at him after the Nashville incident with PJ. Scooting my chair back, I slowly stood and tried not to let it show that my knees were shaking. PJ stood when I stood. He glanced over to Mike, then back to me.

"Are you going to be okay?" he inquired.

I nodded, appreciative of his concern.

"I'm fine."

John and Randy shot Mike warning looks.

"Claudia…" John started.

"It's alright, guys. Really. We'll just be outside in the hall. I'll be right back."

Mike led the way and I followed, stopping in the empty corridor outside the restaurant entrance. It was eerily quiet.

"Thank you," he looked right at me.

I folded my arms.

"What do you want? What's this about?"

He took a deep breath.

"I owe you an apology."

"No you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"Is this really necessary right now?"

"You know me, Claud. You probably know me a lot better than most people. It's been a lot of years, a lot of good times and bad times. Through it all, whether I was right or wrong, no matter what I was going through, you always stuck by me. No matter what happens, where we go, we'll always have those memories. Even now it's kind of hard for me to look back and see my life as Mike without Claudia. But I've learned to accept that you're gone now and just appreciate the time we did have together. You are a wonderful person. I mean that. And I love you, Claudia. I love you and I respect you. My biggest regret was not showing you that all that time. I had a beautiful thing and I took it for granted. I did horrible, horrible things and I have no excuse for it, for any of it. I'm not perfect and I made a lot of mistakes. Those mistakes cost me everything. I'm not saying some miraculous change has made me into an angel but I hope I can take some things away from this and learn and try to be a better man, a better person."

I had never seen him so genuine, heard him quite so sincere.

"Why now?" I asked, confused. "Where is all this coming from, Mike?"

"I love my life. I have a good life but my mistakes, my failures and this relationship with you, losing it, has really humbled me. I've had a lot of time to think. Even after you left and we had our arguments and run ins, I didn't always handle it the right way. I lashed out at you because I didn't know what else to do. I was hurt and ashamed of myself for all the bad things I did. I was angry but you have to know, I want you to know that I wasn't angry at you, I didn't hate you…I was angry at myself, I hated myself for what I did to you, what I did to us. For years it was like I held you prisoner in our marriage. Because of me, you didn't get the happiness you deserve. I know more than anything you want your freedom and today I'm gonna give it to you. I owe you that much. Here."

He handed me the envelope that I examined carefully.

"What is this?"

"The final divorce decree. I spoke to my lawyer and dropped my petition to stop the proceedings. I was wrong to do that to you so I wanted to apologize and hand deliver these to you instead of having them mailed. It's official now. We're divorced."

I stood stunned for a second. It was weird. I had been so angry at Mike for so long and I had prayed to be finally rid of him. Now it was true. Legally we were done, all ties cut. I had gotten my wish but the first feeling that came to me was not happiness or relief, it was sadness.

"So…" I tried to find my voice. "It…it's really over?"

He shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Yeah."

"Wow."

He ran his fingers through his short hair.

"I know. That's what I said. Weird, huh?"

"Weird," I repeated.

"I saw what happened last week in the locker room in Hartford with you and PJ."

"About that…"

"It's okay. I know you two are back together."

"We are."

He bit his lip. He looked hurt for a second.

"Are you happy?" he asked.

"Very."

"Is he good to you?

I nodded.

"And good for me."

"Then that's all that matters, right? One man's loss is another man's gain. You deserve to be happy, Claudia. I'm not gonna lie…it still hurts me to see you with another man, it's still strange but it's the product of my own doing and I'm learning to live with that. PJ and I will never be BFFs but I respect your relationship and I give you my word that I'll never do anything to intefere with that again."

Again I was at a loss for words. The moment was unexpected.

"Everything alright here?"

The doors to the restaurant opened up and PJ emerged. He looked concerned and that was only heightened when he saw the look on my face.

"Yes, babe, come here," I reached out for him.

"You look upset."

"I'm okay. Um, Mike…he was just bringing me the divorce papers. We are…we're divorced."

It was hard getting the words out.

"You are?" PJ looked just as surprised.

"We are."

And then the relief and sense of freedom set in. I'd had some beautiful years with Mike and ones that weren't so good. But regardless it had been our time. Now it was over. After so much drama, anger, and heartache, it was really finally over and thank God it had ended as peacefully as possible.

"PJ?" Mike said.

PJ looked right into Mike's eyes man to man.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. When I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong and it took me a long time to realize that and admit it to myself. Nashvillle…it never should have happened. I was unprofessional and just an all around jackass because I was jealous and pissed off. You didn't deserve that and nothing like it will ever happen again. I hope you can accept my apology," he extended his hand and after a few agonizing seconds, without words, PJ shook it. "I guess I'll see you guys around."

Mike headed off. I watched him walk away for what I knew would be the final time. This time it was different. Our lives had forever changed. Though we'd see each other all the time, this was for sure good bye.

"Wait!" I called out.

He stopped and turned. Walking the few steps to him, I stopped and looked in his eyes. It wasn't supposed to end like this. Biting my lip and fighting back tears, I wrapped my arms around his neck for the last time. He enveloped my back and for a few seconds we hugged, hanging onto each other for dear life before finally releasing. In holding on, that was the only true way we would ever be able to let go. He nodded and walked off, leaving PJ and me alone.

"You okay?" PJ put his hands on my shoulders.

I exhaled.

"Yeah…I am."

"How do you feel?"

I turned to look at him, seeing the rest of my future in his eyes. I smiled and stroked his cheek.

"Complete."

And that was the truth. That was the best word to sum it all up. Complete. I could move on now, alone and with PJ. That chapter, those chapters in the book that was my life could finally be closed. I had closure and with that came peace.


	64. Ever After

The WWE had enjoyed yet another successful and sold out whirlwind overseas tour. After nearly two weeks abroad, we had finally landed on American soil and were preparing to do an old school live episode of RAW, a tribute to the golden days of the WWF. I had a lot to think about on that long plane ride home. Professionally, everything had gone off without a hitch. The Superstars had been so excited and the fans abroad had been so receptive. Every single show had been sold out and every place we turned, there was some interview that had to be done or appearance that had to be made. It was just another testament to how truly global the WWE had become. It was a busy and chaotic time for me but that was what it was all about, the name of the game. I was my happiest when I was swamped with making travel arrangements, working under the pressure in the Gorilla, running back and forth between Catering and Wardrobe, and solving crisis after crisis in the production booth.

Personally, I was experiencing one of the happiest times in my life as well. PJ and I were back together. The relationship was going great. We had gotten back to our friendship roots. Laughing with him and sharing my most personal hopes, fears, and dreams felt like the most natural thing in the world. I was truly on cloud nine. An end of an era so to speak had come when my divorce had been finalized from Mike. It was like exhaling, letting go of so much but in the process it had set me free. I was now free to move on, free to love PJ completely, free to start over, free to be me. In addition to the busy professional schedule, we managed to squeeze in as much fun as possible while overseas. PJ and I got to do all the wonderful things that tourists do and making it that much more special was that my girls, Liz and Sam had flown over for the tour. We got to hang out as friends and also just as three normal couples. It had turned out to be one of the greatest trips I had ever taken with the WWE.

The first RAW back in the States took place in Hershey, Pennsylvania. I was tasked to run Gorilla that night and for me it was super exciting gettting to be around so many wrestling legends and royalty. The energy in the building all the way from backstage to the thousands of excited fans that filled the arena was absolutely unreal. Every night brought something new and crazy but standing there, I just felt like for some reason that would be a night to remember. As I ushered my boyfriend to his spot behind the Titantron just seconds before the Nexus was due to go out, we took a quick moment, made eye contact and just enjoyed what was going on around us. It was a brief time but it was our time and it was special…we made sure that it counted. Looking into his eyes as he stood there all geared up in his ring attire and that tag team championship strapped securely around his chiseled waist filled me with a pride and a love I had never felt before. He was mine and I was his and that was how it was supposed to be.

After the three hour jam packed show, Vince McMahon had dinner catered in as a chance for all the staff and talent to relax and unwind after all the extensive traveling. It was nice for everyone to eat good food and just sit around and talk. I had been one of the ones in charge of putting everything together but once the food came, one of the RAW PAs stepped in and offered me the rest of the night off. I was exhausted and reluctantly accepted but once I did, I was glad. I spent the remainder of the evening hanging out with the people who were friends and like my family. I blushed and smiled as Dusty Rhodes flirted endlessly with me and sat mesmerized for what seemed like forever as Cowboy Bob Orton shared stories of the "old days" and also cute anecdotes from the Viper's childhood. It was a good time but I was growing tired and when a gorgeous pair of hazel eyes linked with mine from across the room, in just one glance, I knew it was time for me to excuse myself and say my good nights. We climbed into our rental car and drove the short distance back to the hotel. We didn't have much stuff with us and PJ led the way with me trailing just steps behind. We were booked in a small but cozy suite inside the historic Hotel Hershey.

"God, I could fall asleep and stay that way for like the next week," I joked as I kicked my shoes off. "I think I'm gonna take a hot shower and crash."

Giving my boyfriend a quick kiss, I did just that, stepping into the spacious bathroom and disrobing before pinning my hair up and settling underneath the steaming hot water for some relaxation. I was singing badly an old Hootie and the Blowfish song when an unexpected pair of strong arms snaked around my bare and soaped up waist. I let out a little yelp and PJ just grinned at me and finished the last line of the lyric.

"Did I scare you, love?"

"A little," I said, cocking my head up at him. "Hootie, huh? That's like one of my favorite bands ever. I always used to say a man who could sing Hootie And The Blowfish to me is the man I would marry."

"If you think Time was good wait until you see what I can do with Let Her Cry," he teased.

"I'll keep that in mind but besides serenading me, what are you doing in here?"

"Thought you might like some company," he said.

I blushed before I returned his smile. There was a time when I used to feel embarrassed or even nervous when we were naked around each other but those feelings had quickly gone by the wayside. I was now a woman comfortable in her own skin.

"So how was tonight?" I asked as I lathered up.

"Tonight was great," he admitted. "I was in awe being around all those legends in the business. It was truly an honor, Claudia."

"The show was awesome tonight."

"Every show is awesome. I mean that. These last few weeks have put so much into perspective for me. Being back with you, living my dream, facing so many things I hadn't faced yet when it came to losing my dad…"

His voice trailed off.

"Honey, are you okay?"

He nodded.

"Never been better. I'm happy. Everything is working out. It's the way it is supposed to be."

"I'm glad," I looked up at him. "And I agree."

"We're good, right?" he asked.

"Of course we are. We're solid, babe."

"I just wanted you to know that right here standing in this shower in this moment looking in your eyes…I have never been more connected, more in love with another human being."

His gaze was serious and sincere and it gave me chills all over despite the piping hot water that poured all over my body. Nervously I licked my bottom lip.

"I love you, too," I said quietly.

"I could spend the rest of my life with you."

I giggled nervously.

"PJ, where is all this coming from?"

He shrugged.

"My heart. I just want to be honest with you, let you know how I'm feeling, how much you mean to me. I don't want anything to get in the way of us ever again."

"It won't, baby."

"Move back in with me," he stated simply.

"PJ…"

"What? I want you to. Look, I know I messed up last time but I apologized for that and it's all behind us now. I know this is what I want now. In fact, I've never been more sure of anything. What do you say?"

"I say no."

"Claudia…"

"Sweetie, we tried that before. I know it's all water under the bridge but that taught me a valuable lesson. I am crazy about you and I want to be together all the time too but I need my independence. That is good for me and it's good for us. I need to have my own place and my own space and know who I am outside of being someone's wife or girlfriend. It doesn't mean that I love you any less, it just means that I've learned to love myself a little bit more. Do you understand that?"

He stared into my eyes.

"Of course I do. Call me selfish but you're just so damned amazing and beautiful that I want you all to myself every minute of every day."

My face broke out into a wide grin.

"You know, we do work together, travel together and whenever we're in Florida, we're probably gonna be hanging out at each other's places all the time anyway. That's a whole lot of together time. You already have me around an awful lot, what's the point of even moving in together?"

He smirked at me with that knowing look of his.

"Practice," he answered.

"Practice for what?"

"The future…a beautiful, wonderful, exciting, happy future together."

"Amen for that one," I said as I leaned in and kissed his lips.

We finished our shower in peaceful silence before I turned the water off and tossed him a towel. He dried off first and as I turned to follow him, I stopped as my bare foot stepped on something. I looked down to see a Hershey Kiss and my eyes then followed the trail of them that led to the bed. On top of the bed, there was a single long stemmed red rose and the covers had been turned back. On one of the bedside tables was a bottle of champagne and an arrangement of chocolate covered strawberries.

"Have a seat," he patted the bed.

I was blown away.

"What is all this?"

PJ shrugged.

"I just wanted to do something nice for you, make you feel special."

"You always make me feel special," I told him as I took a seat beside him in the center of the bed.

He popped the cork and poured two glasses. We clinked them and I took a sip before he dipped the berry in more chocolate and fed it to me. It was delicious and really brought out the flavor of the bubbly. I left some remnants of chocolate on the corner of my lip and PJ kissed me softly before licking it off. I looked around and noticed that our room was illuminated in soft candlelight. The mood was perfect and my breath caught in my throat knowing what was to come. I knew that this was only the beginning for us. I knew we had a bright future ahead. I knew that this special night would end with him making love to me again and it would change both our lives forever.

"I love you, Claudia," he whispered.

I closed my eyes. I loved it when he called my name.

"I love you, too."

He kissed me again, softly as first, then with more passion and yearning. I kissed him back with every fiber of my being. Goosebumps covered my tender flesh as his fingertips gently touched my shoulders. We made eye contact and smiled before I felt his lips crash into my neck and then the exposed blades of my shoulder. I suppressed a yelp as his mouth came in contact with where my towel had been securely tucked. He looked up at me wordlessly, his hazel eyes begging for permission and my nod gave it to him. He unwrapped the towel exposing me, as he peeled it away from my body and discarded it onto the floor. Our lips pressed together again as he eased me down onto my back. His lips never left me, kissing, licking, teasing and pleasing every sqaure inch of my skin. I moaned out loud in pleasure as he took his time making me feel good, his tongue caressing the most sensitive parts of my body. He knew exactly what to do to drive me close to the edge and when I couldn't stand one more second of pleasure, he knew exactly how to drive me over that edge.

When he was done and my body was limp and weak from the immense plesure he had just bestowed upon me, he held me close and tight in his massive arms. He looked so soulfully, so deeply into my eyes that it brought me to tears. I gasped when I felt him inside me, my body slowly adjusting to his rhythm and to the waves of pleasure it brought me. We clung to each other our bodies entangled in the sheets and in each other as our eyes remained locked. We kissed throughout our lovemaking, only pausing to stare at each other or whisper in the other person's ear how good it felt or how much we loved each other. We had waited so long to share that level of intimacy again, to physically express our love but it had been well worth the wait. When it was over, when we were both breathless and spent, we lay there quietly in each other's arms.

"Are you okay, love?"

I nodded.

"That was amazing, PJ."

"It was."

He wrapped his arm around me just a little tighter.

"Do you…"

"What, babe?" he prodded. "You can tell me."

"Do you think it will always be like this?"

"I think that I love you and that you love me. I think that we've been through hell and back and learned so much and loved that much harder because of it. And most importantly, I think that we're meant to be. I think we're soul mates. There will always be rough roads and rocky patches but you are my best friend. We're a team, Claudia. We can do anything together. So if you're asking if it will always be like this, this incredible feeling, this beautiful moment…yeah, I do."

I closed my eyes. I was the luckiest woman in the world. I had been through so much on that long, lonely search for happiness, now that search was over. My life had come undone in so many ways and the undoing had been a terrifying experience but it had led me down another road, one that had taught me so much about life, about myself. More importantly, it had led me to a safe and happy place. Curling up in the arms of PJ Lloyd, the man I loved, the true love of my life was where I wanted and needed to be. Growing up wasn't the easiest thing in the world but I had finally found myself and that woman, Claudia Mizanin, wasn't so bad after all. And in the process, I had found my Prince Charming. Life was pretty damned good and I knew it could only get better. I was living a real life fairytale and something told me that PJ and I were going to get our happily ever after.

**THE END**

_**Author's Final Note:**_

_**64 chapters and five months later, this story has finally come to an end and typing those two words was pretty damned hard. This story has been one of my all time favorites to write. So much of my life mimicked the OC, Claudia's, which made her truly personal for me. So thank you all for reading and taking this amazing journey right along with me. Usually at the end of a fic, I give shout outs or name a few of the more consistent reveiwers but I won't do that this time because each review, each PM, each hit from every silent lurker meant more than you'll ever know. Thanks to everyone who read this and thanks to PJ Lloyd aka Justin Gabriel for being an incedible muse. I will miss updating this but as they say, all good things must come to an end. Your interest and response was humbling and amazing and I am beyond grateful. Until next time…**_

_**Mal**_


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